Thinking of a healthy safe pick me up to engage in that won't cost me a lot of money today.
Oh and my back is hurting and I am having trouble sitting, ONCE more. This is additionally frustrating because I don't understand how this all keeps happening and for what purpose yet? It seems once I begin to get better something happens (physically) that will push me back to square one with my body. Why can I not heal and get strong?
Writing helps me release feelings and frustrations, thats why I do it. One might see it as complaining however to me it is beneficial and I really don't care what another one sees it as. At least I am able to let my frustrated feelings out at all. Some people aren't, then they go on shooting sprees and wonder what they are so mad about.
I have another interview at 2pm. Part of me is quite upset today but I am going to do the best I can. I stretched today and it hurt so much. I prayed and was at a loss for words.
I am being tested. This is the time when you do not feel God's presence and you must make the choice to serve regardless. To love regardless. To do His will regardless. This is hard for me right now but I know He will never give me more than I can handle.
Here is my feelings check in for today.
How am I feeling?
sad
afraid
rejected
confused
unmotivated
nurturing
bruised
vulnerable
Why? What caused this feeling?
Sad- I feel sad becasue I still dont know what I want to do. I dont know what I am doing? Am I going backward or forward? I feel sad because I am in pain and jobless once more. WHAT DO I WANT TO DO WITH MYSELF?
Afraid- I feel afraid because I don't want to make a mistake. I dont want to keep making the same dangerous choices.
Rejected- I feel rejected because I am opening myself up and putting myself out there and I'm not finiding a job as quickly as I need to. I keep getting "No" and I am taking it personal.
Confused- As I said above. I just dont know what I'm doing right now. My plan is not working the way I wanted and I dont know how to get on track.
Unmotivated- I feel like I want to give up! Where the hell did this come from? I dont know why I am feeling this but I know its not really an option in the sense of striving. Letting go of the outcome expectation is ok right now tho.
Nurturing- I just want to care for myself right now. I want to nurse myself and be good to myself. Do healthy things and get through this with self-love. I need self-nurturing and outer supportive people.
Bruised- my body hurts. Neck, back, now arm!? Ugh. I feel weak. I feel broken, AGAIN.
Vulnerable- I need to be careful with Chris and others I let in at this time.
Not push people away but careful and very cautious. I am in a sensitive place right now, I don't need ANY abuse or controllers.
With that I am going to post silly pictures..
