Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Father, A Father, A Mother and A Child



I HAVE BEEN INTO MUSIC SINCE I WAS A WEE LITTLE BABY. MY FATHER IS A MUSICIAN AND PRODUCER. HE WAS BORN NOVEMBER 18TH, IN CUBA AT THE TIME OF CASTRO'S MANIACAL RISE TO REIGN. HE EMIGRATED WITH HIS FAMILY TO THE UNITED STATES FOR A BETTER LIFE. GRANDFATHER AND GRANDMOTHER WOULD WORK VERY HARD THEIR ENTIRE LIVES TO HAVE THIS "BETTER LIFE" THEY CONCEIVED OF IN COMING HERE. AT 70, THEY ARE STILL WORKING.


DURING HIS YOUTH MY FATHER INHERITED MANY THINGS FROM HIS FATHER, MY GRANDFATHER. AMONG THESE WERE A CUTTING WIT, AN APPETITE FOR WOMEN AND THE GIFT OF MUSIC. OF ALL THESE THINGS ONLY THE GIFT OF MUSIC WOULD BE THE MOST PROMISING IN A LIFE. FOR IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HE WOULD ALSO PASS ON TO ME, HIS FIRST DAUGHTER. THAT GIFT WOULD TRULY BE THE BEST AND THE WORST THING HE EVER GAVE ME.
HIS ONE AND ONLY CONCERN ABOVE ALL ELSE WAS TO SEEK HIS OWN GRATIFICATION. MY FATHER WAS 17 WHEN HE MET MY MOTHER. SHE 20.
MY MOTHER WAS BORN ON SEPTEMBER 30TH, AND HAS BEEN THE "MOTHER" SO LONG I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO WITH HER LIFE BESIDES BE MARRIED. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I'VE EVER SEEN HER. SO I CAN ONLY SAY SHE WAS VERY YOUNG, VERY BEAUTIFUL AND INSECURE. A VULNERABILITY THAT I WOULD TRY TO RID MYSELF OF FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I REMEMBER HOW CARING SHE WAS, AND THAT SHE LOVED MUSIC.

SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO DANCE, BUT, WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER SHE WAS NOT ABLE TO BECAUSE OF A DEBILITATING PROBLEM WITH A CLUB FOOT FROM BIRTH. SHE HAD SPENT A LARGE PART OF HER LIFE IN A WHEEL-CHAIR WATCHING OTHER CHILDREN PLAY, DANCE AND RUN.
SHE ALSO HAD A DEEP SENSE OF VENGEANCE TOWARDS OTHERS. SHE GREW UP WITH A HARD WORKING FATHER WHO DRANK, A DEVOTED MOTHER WITH CO-DEPENDENCE, AND HER RELIGIOUS GRANDMOTHER IN A IRISH/FRENCH FAMILY. HER HOME LIFE WAS ABUSIVE AND STABLE AS WELL AS DEMANDING WITH 3 SISTERS AND ONE BROTHER WHO DIED SHORTLY AFTER BIRTHING. MOTHER HAD BEEN IN LOVE WITH CHRIST MOST OF HER LIFE. HOWEVER, SHE HAD GOTTEN HER CASTS OFF AND HAD BEEN REJUVENATED JUST BEFORE SHE MET MY FATHER. SHE MET MY FATHER AT A DISCO (THOSE WERE THE TIMES) AND THEY FELL IN LOVE SHORTLY AFTER. THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS BEFORE THE MISTAKE HAPPENED (ME). SINCE THE AGE OF 1, BORN FIERY IN MARCH, I HAVE BEEN YELLING. I HAVE LOVED MUSIC BASICALLY SINCE THE DAY I HEARD IT, WHICH COINCIDENTALLY WAS A COUPLE DAYS AFTER BEING BORN DAD HAVING PUT "HEADPHONES" ON ME. I WAS A VERY LOUD LITTLE GIRL, BUT INTELLIGENT AND I LEARNED TWO LANGUAGES FAIRLY QUICKLY.
I HAD MANY MAKE BELIEVE FRIENDS AND WAS QUITE ADORED. I WOULD BE IN A MAKE-BELIEVE WORLD LONG AFTER PUBERTY. MY MOTHER IMMERSED ME IN THE BEATLES, DISCO AND DOO WOP. I THEN STARTED PRETENDING I WAS DIANA ROSS, BARBARA STRIESAND, DONNA SUMMER OR WHOEVER WAS THE "IT" SINGER OF THE MOMENT AND "PERFORMING" FOR FAMILY MEMBERS. LIVING WITH MY GRANDPARENTS WAS ROUGH FOR MOM, AS THEY HAD HOPED I WOULD BE A BOY AND CARRY ON THE FAMILY MUSIC TRADITION. THEY DRESSED ME AS A BOY.

FOR THEM AND ME, THE WORSE WAS YET TO COME. IT WAS LESS THAN A YEAR AFTER I WAS BORN THAT MY FATHERS EYES FOR OTHER WOMEN STARTED TO GLOW BRIGHTLY OR SO MY MOTHER FELT. MY MOTHER STARTED SEEING OTHERS AND THEY SPENT LESS AND LESS TIME TOGETHER. I STARTED WITH A CONVICTION THAT I NEEDED ATTENTION. BUT MY PARENTS WERE GENERALLY TOO BUSY ARGUING OR SPENDING TIME "APART". ONE DAY, BATTA BING, BATTA BANG, BATTA BOOM! SHE HAD MET SOMEONE.

Mom's new boyfriend, BORN JULY 19th, was a "jock", who grew up in CA. He MOVED WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS TEENS FOR A BETTER JOB TO NJ, RAISED IN A violent household with a absent alcoholic father, controlling mother, and a little brother he constantly competed with. Already partying ILLEGALLY in nightclubs, smoking weed and drinking HEAVILY, he met my mom (introduced by mutual friends of my real father).
He joined the military at age 19 to make something better for himself and asked mom to come with.
SOON, MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED AND I WAS THRUST INTO THE HANDS OF THE MILITARY, (AND MY NEW STEPFATHER). SHE MARRIED THAT FREAK! HE WAS CONTROLLING, ADDICTED AND HAD QUITE A CHIP ON THE SHOULDER. I HATED HIM. (I GUESS I SHOULD INTERJECT HERE AND SAY THIS IS TURNING INTO QUITE A LITTLE "NOVEL") HE WENT INTO THE ARMY AND MY MOTHER AND I WITH HIM. SO OFF WE WENT TO EUROPE WHERE I SPENT MY YOUNG LIFE IN CITY AFTER CITY, BASE AFTER BASE IN FRANKFURT, BARCELONA, PARIS, AMSTERDAM, ETC. I WAS A TRIED AND TRUE ARMY BRAT, SEEMING LUCKY ON THE OUTSIDE, TO OUTSIDERS, BUT ON THE INSIDE WAS A CHILD IN TURMOIL. IN A WORLD OF CONFUSION, GUILT AND PAIN.



In the military my Stepdad learned to shoot guns, smoke cigarettes, withstand gases, torture and have the will of the platoon – will over his own fears and his own mind. Duty, Honor, Country. This was something that though he did not master and would lead to problems in his own family, he tried to teach to us.
A commanding, RIGID father, he ordered US around like soldierS. We were his little brood, his little army. Him being the General and not letting us forget for a second that we were only and ever would be privates.
THE MILITARY EFFORT in our home WAS GROWING STRONG AND DECIDED TO LET OUT THAT STRENGTH ON AN UNSUSPECTING MOTHER AND DAUGHTER, ADDICTIONS GREW, ANGER AND RESENTMENT PEAKED AND THEN THE M-80'S LET LOOSE AND BROKEN NOSES, “ACCIDENTS”, AND MANY BRUISES FOLLOWED DAILY.. LET'S JUST SAY WE WERE STRUCK AND UNAWARE OF THE DANGEROUS YEARS THAT LAY AHEAD OF US.
More tomorrow...


A test

I was going through my old computer and found my life story as well as some poems that I used to write which became songs long ago.

I am interested in putting these out into cyber space together in some form so I am going to be doing that for the next couple days instead of blogging for my current life.

It will begin with the story of my birth and it will be in no particular order.. with that..the story of moi.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Songs I am loving

today. (open in a new window to listen while reading this entry) Listen to Gravity by Shawn McDonald:

I am making CD's for loved ones today in the hope that they will be able to understand my love for them through the music. I will send them to them and not follow up. There will be a simple note and request. It will be up to them to drink as they say.

Pour out your water that I might take a sip
Your love consumes me
Every drip
It is like Honey
On my lips
Pour out your water That I might take a sip

Your words
are a lamp unto my feet
when I walk down these
Dark and Lonely streets
You are all I need

Pour out your mercy and clear this busy mind
your love is like Eden
a slice of apple pie
It is like sugar on my tongue
So pour out your mercy clear my busy mind

Listen to Pour Out by Shawn McDonald: http://free.napster.com/player/tracks/16468711

----------------------------------------------
I am nothing without You
Only a fly upon the wall
Listening in, hoping to find something about You
That will keep me from this fall

And sometimes I catch a glimpse
And my heart begins to beat
Day by day awaken me
You put the wind beneath my feet

I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free

I am nothing without You
Only the dirt beneath Your nails
My heart is bruised and it's broken
And my soul is very frail

Please give me a reason
I need to name this man
And no longer this broken treason
Only on You I will stand

I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free x2

Please mend these broken wings
And take the scales from my eyes
Without You I am nothing
I will not survive x2

I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free x2

Listen to I Am Nothing by Shawn McDonald: http://free.napster.com/player/tracks/16468707

Day 45

60 day notebook entry.

1) 60 days without talking to him is going to be hard because _________.
  • I am still remembering him.
  • I want to see him today.
  • I want to know what he is doing.
60 days is not going to be THAT hard because:
  • I have God
  • I am still focusing on myself and my changes
  • I know he has not changed.
  • I was already able to not call him/speak to him for 43 days, I can continue
  • He is not calling me
  • I can remember how he cheated, lied to and abused me.
  • I keep thinking of the saying "eventually he will stop answering or meet someone else."
2) Why should I be the one that has to_______________?
  • really work on living life alone at such a late time in my life?
  • decide to go back to school at this time?
3) The time I think of him the most is_________________.
  • In times of rest, the shower, or listening to certain music, holidays.
4) Today, instead of calling him/seeing him I will _____________.
  • remember why I left him
  • remember he does not want to hear from me
  • remember that he continues to do drugs/lie
  • pray and meditate -read my bible
  • watch a movie (Lars and the real girl)
  • play keyboards
  • cook a great meal
  • go to a meeting
  • apply for work
  • walk on t'mill
  • plan my trip to DR
  • do something really fun on the beach!
5) Even when I am feeling my weakest at least I've got _____________.
  • God to pray to/to cry myself to sleep to/to wake up in thanks to
  • the book of Job to remind me IT COULD BE WORSE! :)
  • my love for myself and intolerance of abuse
  • my will to change and take ownership of my life
  • Shawn McDonald songs to remind me of where I have been and where I'm goin
  • Karin
  • my strength
  • my self esteem
  • my sense of humor
  • Meetings
  • daily blessings

LIFE PURPOSE EXERCISES- 40 Days
Day 29 - What is holding me back from accepting God's call to serve Him?
Well, I feel I do not know how he wants me to serve him or what my S.H.A.P.E is yet or how to go about doing it/and where?

EATING/EXERCISE TO PREPARE FOR EVER LASTING LIFE- 30 days
Day 19 - skipped meal 1 - varied fruits and veggies (yesterday had peppers/squash and day before whole mushrooms, whoa wha bitches!?) new uptake on iron/calcium 18mg. 5/15 found out I was anemic. Still on low salt, low sugar (under 20 grams) going on Day 11!

Stretched in the morning, walked in the afternoon, washed the car manually, will work out on t'mill tonight, pray/meditate, eat a healthy dinner and rest early tonight.

Focus areas Day 19 - Abs, Inner thighs, Shoulders.

Linux should have been my first priority

Why oh why did I not make Linux my first priority in that relationship with Chris? Had I, I could be getting a job doing that work now!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

With eyes to the sky

I look at my life as it will be in the future.

I will be a servant of God. I will have a home that will not be shattered. I will have love that is true and just and good. It will be proven worth. I will have my bachelors degree. I will be ministering to all who will hear. I will use my experiences, music, technology and my love of women for furthering Jesus's promise of salvation. I will be a pillar of strength and service for my community. I will have a husband of worth, not in the eyes of society, but in the eyes of God. I will have work that I enjoy. I will be healthy and caring of my given temple. I will be a devout and honest wife and friend. I will cherish those in my life as jewels and precious metal. My soul will live forever.

Thank God, for God.

So today I have lost my two "friends". I do not believe they were true "friends" to begin with and I believe I am probably going to be better off in the long term. However, this situation has opened my eyes to something that I would not have believed about myself that I need to change.

lost Sandra to the below:
1) I have made commitments and not stuck to them.
2) I have had people wait for me to show up.

and Tia to:
well, she just changed her attitude about me after I had told her I wanted her to respect me, not curse at me, and I would not accept less and she just began contacting me a lot less. LOL.

The wheat from the chaff. They will separate themselves, all the unwanted undesirables. I do need to however change these aspects of commitment. If I cannot commit to humans, how will I commit to Jesus?

I have determined that I do not want friends who are not capable of saying how they feel until they have had enough and then just blow up and end a friendship, or friends who are unforgiving or not looking for resolutions but just to condemn and judge. The above went on and yet they said nothing to me of a grievance, until yesterday when they said they did not want to speak to me again.

Thirdly, what I realized is I do not really care if I lose worldly friends, as the only thing that matters to me is to do God's will. I think I am changing. I am becoming hungry and it is not for food. I am becoming a sheep. My friends who feel the same and that believe in God, also appreciate this and me.

I am sad to have lost Sandra because I did feel a kindred-ship to her. However, I cannot make her be friends with me, or change her attitude about me. What kind of unforgiving friend and uncommunicative friend would I have had in her anyway? If that is how she reacted to this situation what of another mistake or misunderstanding as we all have and make, being human?

I can only learn from this experience and make sure not to repeat it in the future with another. I can keep my eyes to my true friend who will NEVER LEAVE ME, and that is God and pray for the type of friends He desires for me. I can continue to get to know Jesus and become more like him so that I may live forever with friends galore, while this world and it's proud oversexed ways die off. I will make friends of the homeless, I will make friends of the fatherless and the widows and I will minister to ridicule.

Thus far, God has not put it in Chris's heart to help me. Perhaps there is a lesson to learn here? I know Chris is not concerned with me only himself and this is the way he has been much of the time.

What am I to take from this experience? What is it that I am to learn today from the current situation I am in? Where is my opportunity for growth and maturity?

With that things I am thankful for today: =)
  • Book of Job
  • food to eat
  • Getting to know about Jesus late Friday and Saturday night
  • Karin and her wisdom
  • having a roof over my head
  • inspiration
  • my failures to learn from
  • learning from the relationship with Chris
  • my mothers knowledge
  • my strength