I had fun with you last night. I am glad I chose to go with you. I need to focus on you somehow even while you are gone. In focusing on you I'm choosing to list all the ways you are loving to me and the things that made me fall madly in love with you. I think this will eventually also make me see how foolish im being.
You were ALWAYS so patient with me and any shortcomings I have had or come across.
You NEVER made fun of me like my asshole dad and you ALWAYS encourage me.
I noticed that the first time we ever studied together and it was like a giant breath of fresh air that I had been held back from my whole life. Always being teased by others and feeling "less than". You not making fun of me eventually showed me that I am worthy to you in your eyes, I am great no matter what I do and that I don't deserve for ppl to make fun of me or to tease me for things I make a mistake in or don't know.
Even when I would feel bad or put myself down you never joined in to take extra jabs even as a joke and still don't. God I fucking love that about you!
Whenever we went out you NEVER looked at other women or even consider other women. You didn't flirt with my "friends" who were all flirting with you and you never left my side in parties.
You always tell me how amazing, smart, beautiful, sweet, and fun I am and made me see how you rly do want only me.
You are humble, extremely generous and kind walking miles just to bring me something stupid that I asked for!
I might feel alone when I'm not with you or when you are working but when we are together I def do not feel alone.
You always choose honesty over lying.
You willingly give up things you want so that I can feel comfortable and happy. Be it food, time, games, people or items.
You always have a smile on your face and a positive outlook even when things are looking super bleak! Ive never met anyone who is as positive and optimistic as you, and it's scary sometimes.
You always took opportunities to feed the homeless, help at shelters, give away clothing and do drives, as well as just sit and talk to people/strangers in the streets with me (like I do sometimes).
You make other men just by the nature of who you are, want to be better men and to change.
I love how I can just sit with you for hours and talk about God and we would go through Bible verses and just be having the most fun with the Creator in our lives, seeing His omnipotence in everything.
You share everything with me and we have no secrets in our relationship.
When we watched Amelie and I got sad about never having love and Ryan not liking me you held me and assured me that someday someone will love me not for my looks, or my age but for my beautiful heart which is the most beautiful thing to love about me.
When I had fever and flu you took care of me and all my news, even tho u had things to do. You chose me!
When I was freaking out about bugs and having a panic attack saying I was going to kill my roommate you calmed me down gently like you do and stayed with me all night and stroked my head til I fell to sleep in my car.
Even tho u were mad at me about something else you put it aside and still treated me gently & kindly. God, that is so sexy!
Whenever someone else has tried to insult me or make fun of me, you defend me.
You are there through all my little freak outs and phobias and you calmly love me through it and don't pressure me to change or else.
You NEVER ever threaten me or anyone.
You hate drinking and doing drugs and you shun those things that the world sees as "attractive".
You don't watch porn or ever been nor want to go to a strip club.
You are a great drummer, and I love the instrumental and music you make. It inspires me to write songs.
You are extremely athletic and strong and have actively toned down your strength for me at times when I felt scared and was triggered by it.
You don't raise your voice and almost always speak calmly on things even when you are mad.
Youve always let me know it's ok to come close to you, mad or not.
You are there for me in my illness as well as in my great riches (and in poverty), you make my special food for me, helped me clean, get my meds sometimes, and prep my meals & pills.
You NEVER treated me as a contagious leper & always shown me times of love and acceptance.
I'm gonna try to keep this list going... Cuz rly these are just some of the things that make you totally amazing to me . .make me love you and make you unlike anyone I've ever met. Too bad you’re gone and things changed.
Whenever someone else has tried to insult me or make fun of me, you defend me.
You are there through all my little freak outs and phobias and you calmly love me through it and don't pressure me to change or else.
You NEVER ever threaten me or anyone.
You hate drinking and doing drugs and you shun those things that the world sees as "attractive".
You don't watch porn or ever been nor want to go to a strip club.
You are a great drummer, and I love the instrumental and music you make. It inspires me to write songs.
You are extremely athletic and strong and have actively toned down your strength for me at times when I felt scared and was triggered by it.
You don't raise your voice and almost always speak calmly on things even when you are mad.
Youve always let me know it's ok to come close to you, mad or not.
You are there for me in my illness as well as in my great riches (and in poverty), you make my special food for me, helped me clean, get my meds sometimes, and prep my meals & pills.
You NEVER treated me as a contagious leper & always shown me times of love and acceptance.
I'm gonna try to keep this list going... Cuz rly these are just some of the things that make you totally amazing to me . .make me love you and make you unlike anyone I've ever met. Too bad you’re gone and things changed.
