2010 Me Profile - So Much Has Changed Since Lyme

This is just a excerpt from a profile I created a long time ago. Its interesting to look back and see all I was doing at the time and how different my life is now and my path has completely come to a stand-still with no game plan, no direction. Yet, I found the EXACT man I was looking for. =)

My Self Summary:
I have been offline cuz I am currently dating someone. We will see how it goes! I still want friends though. :D I have morals, love and respect for myself, other people and God. I consider myself interested in commerce as well as art. :P I'm interested in <> (male&female), NOT just lovers or boyfriends. I want to get to know people, not just sleep around. Guys AND girls. :P

I really know myself and what I want, so I am really good at getting what I want no matter how long it takes or how much work is involved to get there. I am a believer in God, really awesome, and I’m ftw. Win-win relationship dynamics, that is.

What I'm Doing With My Life:
Lately, I am working full time. I haven't really been on here as much, because I am also going to school full time (4.0 GPA), and trying to stay positive through life's little trials and lean on <> for all my understanding.

I am doing the very best I can in everything. I am experiencing all life has to offer. I am opening up to others. I am affecting people's lives little by little. I am God's little chocolate cake. I am currently looking for my 2nd calling/passion and I am having a great time learning about God's will for me, and my personal preferences. I am doing things I really enjoy!

I exercise by taking dance class 2 x a week, doing p90x, swimming, stretching, hiking PV, walking, weightlifting@24,& light yoga. I have fun by traveling around CA, snowboarding/skateboarding, beaching it lazily, jet-skiing, and love doin indoor stuff like mini golf, rollerskating, laser tag, movies, and definitely <> all night. Well in LA, that's only until about 1 am, and/or reading a good book.

I'm Really Good At: 
Hmm, what is my self-concept you ask? There are so many things I am good at. LOL. I do well at making people feel comfortable, telling me secrets, motivating others, learning things quickly, remembering names, singing, dancing, designing, playing musical instruments, creating structure in my life, writing, and reading minds (j/k, I am not interested in doing this, and never will be)

First Thing People Notice About Me;
My lips, voice, eyes and that I am a strong person. :) Later, they notice that I speak my mind, I have boundaries, confidence, and over time they notice I have a strong will and I'm extremely disciplined. If I am on the dance floor, they notice that I really don't care that they are even in the room. :P

Favorite Food, Books, Shows, Movies, Music:
MUSIC: Toby Mac, Capital Kings, Mandisa, Ra Ra Riot, BEATLES, Immortal Technique, Airborne Toxic Event, Shawn McDonald, The Sounds, theSTART, M.I.A., Na Leo, Spoon, Timbaland and all his beats, Pheonix, M-83, the yeah yeah yeahs, [[METRIC!!!]] Interpol, Copeland, She Wants Revenge, The Sounds, Paramore, Lesley Gore, Broken Social Scene, Modest Mouse, Alkaline Trio, VNV, The Stills, old 77 British punk bands, [[Mindless Self Indulgence]], Teegan and Sarah, 7 Seconds, Chingy, Caviar, the Weakerthans, Kaito, The Faint, <>, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Feist, Porcelain Black, CL, Boards of Canada, Plaid, Buckethead, Spacemen 3, Zappa, Jack Johnson, Janice Joplin, UK drum n bass, [[Pitchshifter]], Hive, Mum, Dirty Vegas, The Mars Volta, 6 Feet Under, Bjork, Radiohead, Portishead, The Cure, Ella Fitzgerald, <>, Frankie Valli & the 4 Seasons, WuTang Clan, LTJ Bukem, Tribe Called Quest, Shakira, Sleater-Kinney, La Ley, Telefon Tel Aviv, The Rachels, NIN, Nirvana, Manson, Missy Elliot, Ciara, Audioslave, Lincoln Park, Edith Piaf, Rodgers and Hammerstein, The Commodores, 4 Tops, Franki Valli 

FOOD: Italian, Thai, Japanese, and American.

MOVIES: City of God, Knocked Up, A Life Aquatic, Juno, This is England, Penelope, Into the Woods, 21, Narnia, Electric Dreams, Sweet Charity!, What a way to go, It's All Gone, Pete Tong, An Inconvenient Truth, Southern Belles, Just Friends, X-Men 3, Belle du Jour, V for Vendetta, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Happiness, Waiting, Grizzly Man, Final Fantasy 7, Serenity, The Little Mermaid, AntZ, Idiocracy, American Pop, Batman, Young Poisoner's Handbook, Secret of Nimh, City of Lost Children, A Nightmare Before Christmas, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas American Beauty, Basquiat, Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, American Psycho, Hitchcock, Anything Pixar, Me and You and Everyone We Know, Igby Goes Down, Alice in Wonderland, Trainspotting, Party Monster, 1991 The Year Punk Broke, Mulholland Drive, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Ferris Buller's Day Off, Romeo and Juliet, Better Living Through Circuitry, What to do in case of fire, Amelie, House of Fools, Mr. n Mrs. Smith, all Star Wars!, Dude wheres my car?, Howls Moving Castle, Wedding Crashers, Definitely Maybe, Bill and Teds ,Half Baked, Gangs of New York, Battle Royale, Fist of the Northstar, Akira, Ghost in the Shell, East is East, Lemony Snickets/Events, Lagaan, Richard Linklater films, Moulin Rouge, Chicago, Metropolis (1920 version)Minority Report, The Great Rock and Roll Swindle, any Monty Python, and Lord of the Rings, Shaun of the Dead, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Star Wars 1-6, Matrix 1-3, The Animatrix, 1408, Silent Hill, Resident evil 1, House of 1000 Corpses, Silence of the Lambs, Identity, A Scanner Darkly, I Am Legend.

TV/PODCASTS: CSPAN, Wonder Showzen, Comedy Central, History Channel, National Geographic (that's pretty much it for TV, I think its silly and kinda a time waster) / Ask A Ninja, Meditation and Yoga, Learning French

6 things I Could Never Do Without:
God & the Word,
water,
food,
the will to live,
family & friends,
sound and vision.

Shhhhh, I know, :P

I Spend Alot of Time Thinking About:
the world I live in and what is going on in it, computers and technological advances, the meaning of the Bible, money, and applying the new things I am learning every day.

On A Typical Friday I am: 
on Younow, at church, in my jacuzzi, surfing the web or learning/teaching myself something online, working, maybe out with friends, participating in a ministry, playing guitar/keys or songwriting, out dancing/singing, at a meeting, working out, playing [[World of Warcraft]] or Second Life or The Sims, or just reading/studying for my class on SATURDAY at 7 am.

The Most Private Thing I Am Willing to Admit: 
is I am online right now and on a Myers-Briggs personality test, I match 2% of the population being a ENTJ AND a Rational Field marshal type! If you don't know what this is, look it up, if you don't care, we probably already don't match. :P j/k

You Should Message Me/Get To Know Me If:
I am here just looking to meet people who are honest, have morals, self esteem, have concern for other people and mostly God.

The behaviors I am looking for are someone who does not make fun of people because it is not fun to them. Someone who is the type to give homeless people change or volunteer to feed them with me. A guy who stays in with their gf if she's sick, and who has the ability to listen to others openly without trying to change someone's mind to his way of thinking, is honest about everything (even the "bad" stuff) and who respects the words "No" and "I don't agree" in various contexts.

The person I would get along with has a genuine smile, is hard working, grateful and thankful for the things they receive/own and for the people they have in their lives. They care about the things they have put effort into. They do not find it fun to sit on a couch/bar stool for 6-8 hours and watch other people do what they could be doing themselves (if only they were sober or had the balls to try).

The person I would like to be friends with is someone who takes what life gives them, good, bad or otherwise, in stride, and exhibits sincere compassion maybe even utilizes prayer? The person I will be friends with does not subscribe to patriarchy or posture male privilege.

I want a man to be friends with and get to know. Someone who is a aware of themselves and their feelings. Into their health (a little) and the<>, traveling, and is at least open to trying new things they have not done before or are not the best at! 

The person I want to be friends with when faced with a real problem, headache or "issue" doesn't storm out, blame anyone else, throw things or threaten people. He uses his voice to calmly state his feelings on every issue and actively listens when spoken to.  He has the ability to say how he feels without resorting to the silent treatment, sarcasm, making fun of someone or yelling at people. He communicates his thoughts/feelings in a really cool and positive way!

My future friend is not trying to make their next sexual conquest here or anywhere else, nor has he something to prove to others or riding some roller coaster life of extreme and low self esteem-(ie. too much coffee/food, soda, lying, xtreme work, xtreme sports to the xtreme, women, sex, drugs, alcohol, depression, etc). You know the type. :P

I am looking for someone to hang out with that is confident and assertive. Someone who genuinely wants to get to know another person, not just try to have sex (of course he WILL hopefully think about it :P)(Gosh, that's a lot of commas, I'm over them, are you?)

This is the moment where you can say to yourself, "Hey, couldn't I just find someone else than this girl who wants all this from me that I am not?" For those of you narcissists out there who think that though you are nothing like the above desired description, but that I will fall for you anyway, you are wasting my and your/our time and I really don't care for your arrogance and pomp; so please don't IM me or email me. Thanks. :)

you are female: If you are honest. If you can show affection. If you really love yourself. If you don't subscribe to patriarchy. Message me if you care enough to call/text people back, you keep your word or are thoughtful and hold your commitments as bond. If you are loyal. If you are "real". If you are sober. If you try to affect change in the world and in yourself before pointing the finger at someone else.

Also, the option choice of 50 miles, 100, or 1000 miles away is all just too far for dating..I personally am not the LDR type. I live in CA, 50 miles is like a 3 hr drive w/ traffic (which there almost always is). Msg me if you are actually within 10-30 miles or we can just happily be e-pals!

Good luck to you all in life and love! Love takes time, trust, reliance, commitment, and empathic feeling work to keep strong - friendships are exactly the same, but why don't you start there and save your heart til it's ready? "true love is friendship on fire" baby.. 

My Music/My Past Life - My First Lyric Video - Conqueror

This is a lyric video I made for song I wrote called Conqueror. It is also my theme song for some parts of this channel since becoming ill with Morgellons, Lyme and its many other Co-infections.

This song was inspired by an early time in my illness when I was VERY fearful of what I would see coming from my skin. I was fearful of what would happen to me, my body, my life and what my future was going to look like not being able to care for myself.

However, I really think the lyrics reflect so many other situations where we can find ourselves in where we feel overpowered, fearful or insignificant and yet, we will STILL choose to fight and fight to win - to conquer.

This title was also inspired by the verse in the Bible (I believe it is Romans 8:35?)  that says:
"35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  36  As it is written:  “For Your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I mean wow, for me to hear (and believe) that we are "more than" conquerors while going through a very hard time in my life - it was just such a eye-opener and offers so much peace and hope.

What did I have to be afraid of other than God the Creator? No one and NOTHING. So in the middle of freaking out, I started singing these lyrics in my car and the song was born.

I used Movie Maker for my first time and I hope to get better over time. Please comment and like if you enjoy any of my efforts. If you like this song you can download it here

Thank you!

Today's Verse of the Day - 1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:12-20

-Today's Verse of the Day -

 “I have the right to do anything,” you say-but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”-but I will not be mastered by anything. You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with Him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:12-20‬ ‭NIV‬‬&http://bible.com/111/1co.6.12-20.niv

Very important verse today. It makes me think of my situation and it also saddens me how many who call themselves Christians seem to take their way of living for Christ so lightly. We are the temple of His HOLY SPIRIT. Everything we do, speak, hear or watch with our senses should glorify Him. We no longer belong to ourselves to do whatever we want. What does this mean? Paraphrasing Paul lol, if you are single and looking for a relationship, HE IS your bf/gf. If you are married, HE IS both of your duty to serve Him, together, simultaneous to serving (yes men, being a servant to your wife) your spouse.

We are "saved by grace, not by works" but many misunderstand grace. Grace doesn't mean we can live whichever way you want or you can justify what we do and think/say "god agrees". Jesus said "if you love me, then DO as I say" if you love me, keep my commandments." He said "be holy like God the father is Holy." Paul also says we "are a new creation in Christ, we put away our old ways and live a life that is pleasing to God."

Paul specifically reminded us that grace doesn't mean that we aren't beholden to the Lord anymore or his early desires. I'm baffled when people say "Oh no, the Old Testament? No, we don't need to care/follow/those anymore." Um, what? Yes we do, we at the very least still TRY to because "God is not a man, that He should change His mind" "He is the same yesterday, today and forever." He deserves our best. So TRY being the operative word here, because EVEN IF we do as perfectly as we can, which is IMPOSSIBLE. His Word says we still can't be saved, unless we have accepted the grace. HE chooses, not us. He reads the hearts and intentions/minds. Not us.

The difference between the Old Testament and New is that Jesus came to take our sins so by accepting His sacrifice and surrendering to Him; ALL of our sins of the past are covered by his blood, and any sin present or future that we do is covered under the blood if we do it out of ignorance, but if we sin willfully God's Holy Spirit will deal with us so we can repent and turn.
If we don't repent and turn away after being convicted by Him, then we are in total rebellion of God and the Spirit and that's when we fall in danger of falling away from the faith, having "itchy ears", and heeding instead to the self, evil spirits, and ultimately the devil. Following instead "doctrines of demons."

It is ONLY because of Jesus that we may still FAIL at these attempts and YET still have grace and find rest and some peace. Jesus said "I came NOT TO ABOLISH the law..."& But people and sadly many Christians, conveniently miss that part. He "came to fulfill it" not do away with it, which means it still stands; he is the fulfillment of the acceptance of the fact that we will still sin, but those sins (for the believers) are now ATONED for by a gracious God. Jesus is the fulfillment of that law but not because it isn't important to God anymore. What was important to Him then is what's important to Him NOW!

 It seems to me so easy to understand; but so is seeing a red light, watching a movie, or reading a book cover is easy for a person with healthy vision and hearing, but probably almost near impossible for someone who has blindfolded themselves or allows themselves to be blindfolded and has loud music playing in their ears.

What is the law? Books discussing uneven scales, murder, sexual perversions with family members/rape, serving other gods, lying under oath, accepting and taking blood of others/animals, injustices, taking bribes, greed, impurity, seeking fortunes, divination, dark arts, idol worship, sorcery etc.

The New Testament speaks of these same characteristics not being saved, but in different wordings. That law hasn't changed because of Jesus coming! He is our ransom! Without Jesus' fulfillment, we were (those who do not believe still are) objects of wrath and sin which leads only to judgement and death everlasting away from God. We needed the fulfillment because we were (and ARE - take a look around at the world) doing those sinful things!

Even unknowingly we still sin! "All"& (not some) of us are accountable Jesus said and "will have to give an account" at the judgement. Not just "unbelievers" or the evildoers.&The only difference for us (follwers of Christ and DOERS of the Word) and others is that glorious GRACE!! &We accepted it, we believed, (some of us didn't even know why but it just made sense to us). We choose sheepdom; were convicted and then tried to turn from sins (and still do, I hope!).
The apostles kept the law. We are to keep the commandments of God still, we fail everyday. Sometimes without knowing and sometimes out of stubbornness we just don't want to obey God and we tend to justify ourselves somehow.

We are no longer under the rituals of the law of shedding the blood of animals because Jesus became are ultimate sacrifice and HE SHED blood, but the commandments of God still stand, not only the 10 commandments, but many others that teach us specifically how to treat others.&Many of these laws/things today are mocked in the media and many people in the world considers as "foolishness, legalistic, judgmental, & pure evil."

But I am reminded of why some are blindfolded and cannot hear. Who is "the ruler of the air"? Who is the "prince of this world"? In who’s "hands does it say in God's Word that the whole world is lying in"? Satan's.

Christ was hated, made to suffer for our sins, then was put to death horrifically and He rose from the dead! He "overcame even death." I'd say as His "sheep to that shepherd" we are in great company. This is an intense topic which some Christians go as far as calling us who believe in attempting at living a holy life, "legalistic". To many today, “legalism” is attempting to be living a life as children of light and in respect of of a just and merciful God, and not living one of darkness; this lifestyle is considered to be so bad. It’s sad but this mindset makes me feel like many Christians want comfortable Christianity, "give me lots of “blessing,’ but don't talk about sin!"

We need to talk about sin. Sin is the reason this world is in such a mess. Everything without God's spirit is mans’ spirit and ultimately Satan's. We find ourselves sad, hurt, confused and in pain because we don't talk about sin anymore and its consequences enough. Just &take a look at the world around us. Even atheistic unbelievers can see that something is going horribly wrong morally in the world.

As Christians I am called simply to speak of Jesus, to love and to pray earnestly for those who walk in darkness so that the light of Jesus may/will be revealed to them in His mercy. I hope that I am / can ever be an example that love, peace, wisdom, comfort awaits those who find the ONLY light inside me. Jesus.