She screams, punches him and slaps him and gets him riled up and "play fights" with him (they are both around 30) so that he can inflict pain on her she says "ow" and "stop" and "you hurt me" and "I'm a girl" then gets mad at him accusing him of hurting her badly afterward - this is exactly just like an abuse recreation. She says laughing "now everything hurts" hahaha
She then says "he's tougher, than she thought he was" he says "What? Are you saying I'm weak/that was weak?" Introducing "tougher" actions actually inviting him to rougher treatment (subconciously)
They continue because she actually pushes him as they fight and when he asks "well, do you give up/want it to stop"? She says "No". I believe she doesn't even realize she is subconsciously doing this. He at the end says "This is fun." She says "I'm hurting and I feel dead". "Pain just shows that you are alive." "Pain is only temporary..."
I don't know her, but based on her actions and my own history and knowledge I assume positively that she has been abused & raped at least once in her life because of how little she respects her own body and physical boundaries with him. And her specific relationship style of physical interaction. They are having increased incidences of these "play fights" attached to sexual feelings.. Boy, have I been there.
She is literally setting herself up for future abuse by him and this behavior is desensitizing him (I know his personal history, he's actually already desensitized and he used to abuse my someone I know, as a kid.)
He is now showing her how to push on bones put pressure, and both say that they don't know if it's causing her pain til he sees her reaction.
She doesn’t know this but is showing her with her dual "reactions" of laughing and crying that she is "ok" with being abused & manhandled at all. He and she have no boundaries. He is behaving improperly. He says "I see you now with bruises all over and then I feel like shit afterward."
He is feeding into his own already-been-there-done that insecurities & later when actually angry he will revert to his habit of shutting off and isolating. She will then get to feel her familiar & deep seated feelings of being "abandoned/rejected" and "no one caring." I’ve seen the pattern more often than I care to admit.
She used to be me. Before self care. Before knowledge of abuse. Before building boundaries. Before self esteem. I don’t judge her or him. They don’t know.
This relationship (1-2 months in) is perfectly dysfunctional but it will have much pain before its end.
I just talked to her and she says that there is nothing to it like what I'm thinking and that she has no desire to be in an abusive relationship and he is not abusive at all.
She said it happens because she instigates and both are competitive and that she has let her past go and is a go getter who is looking to move forward and not going to stay anywhere she can be hurt.
You can only lead a horse to water, you can’t make them drink. So I left it at that and really only time will tell for them. I don’t see it working out for them. She says she isn't being hurt and if she believes that then so be it. I accept her and I will not judge her OR him or bring it up again from this point forward.
