- he was there for me when I needed money or words of encouragement
- we used to have a lot of fun together when he was sober (Norah Jones, skating, trips, dates, dinners, renting movies etc.)
- I could be intimate with him after he was going to therapy (I never could really be with any other man)
- I tried trust with him
- I enjoyed sex with him
- I loved his penis and our toys
- he would say such sweet things sometimes
- his little pep talks
- the fact that he went to NA for 2 weeks and Dr. Adams for 2 months and read an abuse book
- he would share his things with me (like the juicer, vacuum, printer)
- he could be romantic when he wanted to
- · he looks at other women in front of me with those beautiful eyes :(
- · he would spend days without answering my calls or contacting me
- · he neglected me often
- · he would make fun of me in front of other people and say mean things like you are the reason people can't skateboard in public. or why don't we just tie her to a train or she is the reason I am ... (insert blame statement here)
- · he would expect things in return for the things he "gave"/never appreciated the words "thank you" or gratitude expressions where he didn't "get something"
- · he was selfish and would disappear on me
- · he had too many ass play fantasies and issues with sex
- · he emotionally cheated on me with Jenny (this should have been a flag)
- · he lied to me and is prone to lie when it suits him
- · I felt used by him by him sexually and otherwise a lot
- · he watched too much porn/masturbated all day long sometimes
- · I got a lot of yeast infections with him
- · he blamed me, Cavan, roommates and everyone else for his issues/problems at work/home
- · he said mean/horrible things that hurt my feelings and I would feel bad about myself
- · he would choose to go to sleep on me when I would try to talk to him about my feelings or spend time with him
- · I cried alone a lot being with him :(
- · he threw quarters at me
- he held me down against my will when my back was hurt and got on top of me so I could not leave his house
- he has grabbed me in a rough way and laughed about it when I was hurt and angry. (January)
- he has stopped me from leaving his house by taking my laptop and then lying to me about it. (January)
- He sometimes hits things, throws things when he is angry and yells instead of taking a step back or going for a walk or cooling off before communicating. (Jan – March 07)
- He has lied to me about flirting/talking to other women and has emotionally cheated on me w/ a coworker when we were having “space”. (Feb-March 07)
- He has looked at other women in front of me, disrespecting me as his gf. (March 07)
- he does not show alot of motivation in working hard for things himself or others.
- he is insecure about his talents, abilities and general self.
- He has coerced me into sex, forced sex on me when I did not want to have it. (Dec - January)
- He wants to have a child and perpetuate abuse cycles.
- He has talked down to me, or dismissed me in a negative and condescending way in front of my friends. (March)
- He has talked to me in a condescending way and ordered me to act in a way contrary to my will. (May)
- He was raised in a violent household that did not share feelings/thoughts practiced denial and did not communicate well.
- He inquires about my feelings of other men - acts in a mistrusting way toward me
- He has made many negative mentions (though saying he is "joking") about women and having a sexist attitude toward women as objects, and his views on women’s roles.
- Recently (the last time he will ever see me) he grabbed me and pushed me down onto the stairs and hurt my back AGAIN.
- · he smoked too much weed
- · he became completely cruel, and addicted and later.. completely evil to me.
- · he was manipulative
- us cuddling - I loved to cuddle with Bear-y Flavor!
- he used to give me 1 hour massages
- Roscoe (the "doggies")!
- just looking at him + his fucking beautiful body
- his bodies warmth in my bed, next to me
- showering with him
- slow dancing with him
- him making me dinner (actually he would do his for anyone)
- hugging him when he cried or was sad/when he is happy
- being able to cry, laugh and sing to/with him
- hearing his voice/his singing
- his sense of stability in relationship (the "no matter what" belief)
- his friends (except Brandon)
- his family :(
- going to hang with him at work
- I will miss never seeing Deland and his special places.
- I will miss never meeting his aunts/uncles or go to Maine with him.
- He and I are never going to Hawaii
- He will never see me surfing or learning to surf
- He will never see me perform onstage
- he never wanted to deal about our problems with actual work
- him looking at other girls when we are out together
- he stopped listening to me and caring about my needs
- he stopped doing things to show he cared
- he signed up for sex/play dating sites and tried to meet women and transvestites while I was still thinking we were "together" telling them that he wanted to do sexual things to them
- he rarely said "I understand" or "I'm sorry", with true sincerity
- I had a lot of bruises in my year 1/2 being with him (I hate bruises)/he tried to grab me alot..
- I think he was a sex addict
- the things he did to his sister when he was younger that he told me about
- his dishonesty
- his stealing money from work (what the fuck made him do that?) I should have left him 3/13 when he told me that
- his $500 monthly weed addiction - I KNOW he is a drug addict
- his lack of responsibility in paying bills or anything on time
- his complete disrespect of me
- him forgetting things that I told him were important to me
- him doing things he knew I didn’t like or want for us
- our arguing
- his lack of motivation
- his hairy bed and constant messy room
- his attempts to bring others into our sex life
- his giving "gifts" expecting a payoff
- his biting and hurtful sarcasm
- him being violent with me
- we rarely danced or went to karaoke
- his selfishness/narcissism
- His passive-aggressiveness
- not hearing about Cavan
- I Thought respected and loved me
- I Thought could be "the one"
- I was completely faithful to and in love with
- i Wanted to have kids with and marry
- I Thought was going to change for himself and us
- I Depended on
- I was completely conned/fooled by
- I cannot believe is now trying to harm me more than he has
- fucked my sense of trust in men which was already shaky at best
- who fucked around online with other women
- fucked me when I felt vulnerable and sad
- fucked himself and his morals by stealing money from his company.. (this is against my belief in God)
- who planned a date with a coworker (Jenny) and lied to me about their relationship after I had asked him to please not talk to her that it made me uncomfortable.
- who talked badly about me behind my back to his friends and coworkers.
- diminished my sense of love for him when I told him I was hurting due to what he did to me (pushing me) and that I just wanted him to be nicer and get help and pay for this and instead asked
"Dumpers' Remose is from relationship expert Greg Berendt:
"He just broke up with you. So really, he's not that great a guy! There are two conditions that afflict many refugees of recent breakups. First is what we call Revisionist Romance Disorder. RRD, like an acute case of 20/20 Blindsight, creates an inability to see the past as it actually happened. Additionally, those who suffer from Revisionist Romance Disorder cannot control the need to rewrite their relationship to match the feelings they want to have about it. With RRD, an incessant cheater becomes "a really good guy" who was just scared of getting too close. The drunk that forgot your birthday becomes "the one that got away." The abusive guy who beat you up or put you down becomes the one who "just couldn't express himself" and was sadly afflicted by the world.
It's an easily identifiable disease, but like all afflictions, the first step to overcoming it is to admit you have a problem. And your problem is that if you truly want to move on, you need to stop rewriting the past and see your relationship for what it was: the good and the bad, the ups and downs, the baffling, the maddening, and the ridiculous.
To do this, you need to put aside all feelings of embarrassment or shame over how the relationship unfolded -- or ended. It's okay to have been disappointed by the fact that he forgot your birthday, or never put forth any effort with your family, or seemed to care more about his work than you. If he's a cheater it's okay to hate him for it--it's a totally natural reaction to being betrayed. As much as it sucks, you need to force yourself to remember your very worst times together, his most irritating habits, and the hard truth that not only can he live without you but he'd rather. He has chosen to. Ouch! Yes, indeed but doesn't that make it easier to be without him? When you rewrite the past and make your romance seem so perfect (example: He cared so much about my friends that he had sex with one of them; it wasn't that weird that he always called me by his ex-girlfriend's name), your loss starts to seem unbearable. And it's definitely not. Believe us. The demise of your relationship is the result of it not being a fit, a match, meant to be and certainly not the love of a lifetime. You need to stop pretending that it is or was. Remember, it's called a break-up because it's broken and who wants to be in a broken relationship? NOT YOU!"
No, NOT ME, that is why though he has done what he has done and refuses to help me get better, I am moving on with my injured back alone and ready to make my life over without him in it. I actually hope he is dating already and moving on unlike most breakup wishes. I deserve someone who wants me all the time, is a good person consistently, not just between the hours of 11-5am.
