So instead of dancing my ass off last night I stayed in, leveled and then went to a late dinner on motorcycle with one of Che's friends. Weird though, even though I invited Che and his gf, Che actually wasn't there and the guy showed up alone. When he had asked me to get dinner, I was like "me? why? where?" LOL. Ah breakups...
Background on this is that last Saturday was Che's birthday soiree in Downtown LA. I went with Carlos after we spent the early night running around looking to dance before that was Sig's party in Newport Beach and then after was supposed to be after hours with Freddy and friends in the Marina.
Anyway, Che's thing was kinda last minute but he is a good friend of mine so I drove 60 miles to get over there before 1. Carlos and I were dressed to dance, not show off LA style, so Carlos couldnt get into the bar. So I went in and said happy birthday to Che and met his 2 guy friends who showed up and his on again off again gf Rose. As I was there and I was very underdressed, I tried to leave quickly but had mention dancing and there bein a afterparty to which his friend Venci wanted to go to. I told him I had to leave but would text him the address and left the party. I then invited him and a bunch of friends to the afterparty also and moved on to Hollywood where Carlos, Sig, and like 20 of their other people had danced the night away til 9am.
At some point yesterday, I texted Venci and co again to let them know about Technique (my Tues dance spot) and instead Venci said Che didn't wanna come that he just left the gym, was starving and do I wanna grab a bite with him too? I probably should have eaten something and said no, but instead I was hungry and wanted to ride a motorcycle and said yes. He came to pick me up and I immediately was ready to go. I called Darcy to let her know I was on the way and could she drive me back and he offered to decline our dinner plans so I could go with her.
It was an insane ride and my body has let me know it the day after. I am so sore. The helmet was waaay to big and there were so many bumps! Anyway, at some point during dinner we were having fun and I told him he is the oldest guy I ever had dinner with and we talked about age. Not wanting to make the same mistake as Dan and knowing he wouldnt talk to me again, I told him my age, and mentally said "peace out nigga." He told me I looked 22 and could not believe it, then he said I am the oldest girl he has ever had dinner with also.
In retrospect though, it was great to ride on the motorcycle!
6pm.
Tonight, if I can, I dance my ass off. Word.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
30
I take it back. I was wrong. There are in fact 30 year olds out there who are not balding, not beer bellied and still have all their teeth. The male privilege attitude remains to be seen.
That guy tonight was definitely hot. At 30, he is officially the oldest guy I have ever gone to dinner with, ever.lol.
He also kept my hands from freezing with his motorcycle glove, smooth move buddy.
That guy tonight was definitely hot. At 30, he is officially the oldest guy I have ever gone to dinner with, ever.lol.
He also kept my hands from freezing with his motorcycle glove, smooth move buddy.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Letter to my Anger
What am I most angry about? Am I really angry at him? No. I am angry that I feel I cannot be loved. I am angry that I feel I will not have lasting love or find a relationship where the person will respect me and know that I deserve to be treated with respect. I am angry that I feel I have made so many mistakes with men over and over.. and just keep on making them. I am angry that I allowed someone in AGAIN after being hurt and and they hurt me too. These are all MY FEELINGS though.. and if I am mature about it, I can recognize that I am responsible for them.
Was I expecting more than what is realistic for that person and that situation? He has disappeared. I am getting the flight response of a 20 year old, not a mature adult. I was not really the victim, I broke it off with him because I wanted something more, something better, and because it has not immediately materialized and he just is acting as if nothing happened, I am upset. I wanted him to at least want to be with me, hell even pretend to want to, and he has not met that expectation so I am angry with him.
http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/b-anger.htm
Tonight imma try a CHUG-OF happiness: Choice, Harmony, Understanding, Goals & expectations, Optimism, and Focus.
Was I expecting more than what is realistic for that person and that situation? He has disappeared. I am getting the flight response of a 20 year old, not a mature adult. I was not really the victim, I broke it off with him because I wanted something more, something better, and because it has not immediately materialized and he just is acting as if nothing happened, I am upset. I wanted him to at least want to be with me, hell even pretend to want to, and he has not met that expectation so I am angry with him.
http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/b-anger.htm
Tonight imma try a CHUG-OF happiness: Choice, Harmony, Understanding, Goals & expectations, Optimism, and Focus.
Day 5
Day 5.. I played last night with Oll, Vae and Mal and had such a freakin good time. They are the reason I even play now. I did well by not talkin about Dragg at all.
Sucks that I had to leave the kin, but I explained to them why. I already have 5 invitations to other kins on my server...so now I just need to choose which I will go with and how I want my end game play to be. I'm almost 36, I got my horse yesterday and gave Mal some gold to get his.
I gave this girl Isilin his info and told her to contact him and be my break up online buddy. Part of moving on means not having a online "house" with the person who doesn't care about you or who broke your heart. I started out writing a letter to him for notification of moving his stuff.. the below is what i ended up with. As you can see, I am still in anger mode.
Which do I send? lol... I guess it will depend on how I am feeling at the time tonight.. :D
D,
I don't know why u are acting this way, maybe its cuz ur 20 and you fucking used me for sex, maybe its because you aren't mature enough to fucking be nice to me or to have long ago fessed up that you didn't want to be with me, or maybe you really are as you said just "an asshole and make girls cry", but its obvious to me now that everything you said was a lie, including this house and game so its time to get your things from the chest.
Dragg,
Since you are no longer talking to me and want no more contact w/ me, out of or in this game.. (guess you need time to sort yourself out and not talking to me again is the best way you have figured to do that) I thought it right to give you a couple days to get your little fishy things from the chest in the house.
Dragg,
Since it's obvious you are an asshole who used me. I'm movin on...you need to get your shit out of the "house" chest this week.
D,
Time to move. Get your stuff. Dick.
Sucks that I had to leave the kin, but I explained to them why. I already have 5 invitations to other kins on my server...so now I just need to choose which I will go with and how I want my end game play to be. I'm almost 36, I got my horse yesterday and gave Mal some gold to get his.
I gave this girl Isilin his info and told her to contact him and be my break up online buddy. Part of moving on means not having a online "house" with the person who doesn't care about you or who broke your heart. I started out writing a letter to him for notification of moving his stuff.. the below is what i ended up with. As you can see, I am still in anger mode.
Which do I send? lol... I guess it will depend on how I am feeling at the time tonight.. :D
D,
I don't know why u are acting this way, maybe its cuz ur 20 and you fucking used me for sex, maybe its because you aren't mature enough to fucking be nice to me or to have long ago fessed up that you didn't want to be with me, or maybe you really are as you said just "an asshole and make girls cry", but its obvious to me now that everything you said was a lie, including this house and game so its time to get your things from the chest.
Dragg,
Since you are no longer talking to me and want no more contact w/ me, out of or in this game.. (guess you need time to sort yourself out and not talking to me again is the best way you have figured to do that) I thought it right to give you a couple days to get your little fishy things from the chest in the house.
Dragg,
Since it's obvious you are an asshole who used me. I'm movin on...you need to get your shit out of the "house" chest this week.
D,
Time to move. Get your stuff. Dick.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Day 4
Day 4
I have done well so far on no texting and no calling. I have been tempted but overall been able to be strong. Grrr. Today I am on step 3 of my grief&loss coping. Anger. I am feeling fucking angry. How used I feel. How could this person just not have given a fuck about me? How could they not miss me or think about me and to want to call to see how I am? How could I have made such a grave mistake in character judgement? AGAIN! Wtf? I mean how could he not have just told me long ago hey, I dont really want to be with you!? Why the fuck pretend?
Damnit, why cant I find a genuinely nice fucking guy? One that stays fuckin nice..not just nice until he gets what he wants. How dare he be fine with never calling me again? I am memorable! I am a wonderful girl! And when I met this one, I said all this too. .I knew it was too good to be true...I knew it! Thats what pisses me off the most, is I fuckin knew it. Been there, done that, and I went back anyway. GRRRRRR. He fuckin lied to me.
Again though before I go into ranting and raving, I need to remember that I am good enough and need to keep the focus on people who DO want to call me and do want to be around me. I had an awesome time dancing this weekend and playing LOTRO with Vae yesterday.
My cousin texted me this morning saying "wake up my pookiewookie hunny bunny bear." LOL. Then idk part of me almost cried and the other part of me thought angrily, gosh, how young they start, these little bastards..my cousin is only 14. 14 and already he is "aware". But because its my cousin and not Dan, I am not gonna take it out on him. I texted back thanks and good morning. Aww. What does he know? He just loves me and I'm far away. I am gonna get his little ass to play LOTRO with me since we never got to play WoW together cuz he wasnt doin good in school and they wouldn't let him. I'm close to 35 yay, so I can totally help him level too. The music he is listenin to lately scares me, but maybe I can influence him in other ways by teachin him about music and showing him the many different styles.
Sig and Vince sent me /hugs and /kisses and I feel missed. :D It doesn't take much to make me smile. No more cookies from my boss's office nwo that I am workin out. I think next week is like my 2nd to last week here. Boo.. I have to start lookin for work. I really really want to get a job dancing. I went dancing with Carlos on Saturday and it felt SOOOO GOOOOD. I mean now my body is so sore.. but damn man! I want that to be my job. Go in, dance, have fun, go home, safely and alone. :D
Algebra math starts in exactly 5 days. Whoa.. Miles will be here on the 22-26th and I will have classes awww. Suxorz but I am sure it will be great nonetheless. Miles has me "twittering". What the hell is that, you ask? Good question.. lol. Write more later..
I have done well so far on no texting and no calling. I have been tempted but overall been able to be strong. Grrr. Today I am on step 3 of my grief&loss coping. Anger. I am feeling fucking angry. How used I feel. How could this person just not have given a fuck about me? How could they not miss me or think about me and to want to call to see how I am? How could I have made such a grave mistake in character judgement? AGAIN! Wtf? I mean how could he not have just told me long ago hey, I dont really want to be with you!? Why the fuck pretend?
Damnit, why cant I find a genuinely nice fucking guy? One that stays fuckin nice..not just nice until he gets what he wants. How dare he be fine with never calling me again? I am memorable! I am a wonderful girl! And when I met this one, I said all this too. .I knew it was too good to be true...I knew it! Thats what pisses me off the most, is I fuckin knew it. Been there, done that, and I went back anyway. GRRRRRR. He fuckin lied to me.
Again though before I go into ranting and raving, I need to remember that I am good enough and need to keep the focus on people who DO want to call me and do want to be around me. I had an awesome time dancing this weekend and playing LOTRO with Vae yesterday.
My cousin texted me this morning saying "wake up my pookiewookie hunny bunny bear." LOL. Then idk part of me almost cried and the other part of me thought angrily, gosh, how young they start, these little bastards..my cousin is only 14. 14 and already he is "aware". But because its my cousin and not Dan, I am not gonna take it out on him. I texted back thanks and good morning. Aww. What does he know? He just loves me and I'm far away. I am gonna get his little ass to play LOTRO with me since we never got to play WoW together cuz he wasnt doin good in school and they wouldn't let him. I'm close to 35 yay, so I can totally help him level too. The music he is listenin to lately scares me, but maybe I can influence him in other ways by teachin him about music and showing him the many different styles.
Sig and Vince sent me /hugs and /kisses and I feel missed. :D It doesn't take much to make me smile. No more cookies from my boss's office nwo that I am workin out. I think next week is like my 2nd to last week here. Boo.. I have to start lookin for work. I really really want to get a job dancing. I went dancing with Carlos on Saturday and it felt SOOOO GOOOOD. I mean now my body is so sore.. but damn man! I want that to be my job. Go in, dance, have fun, go home, safely and alone. :D
Algebra math starts in exactly 5 days. Whoa.. Miles will be here on the 22-26th and I will have classes awww. Suxorz but I am sure it will be great nonetheless. Miles has me "twittering". What the hell is that, you ask? Good question.. lol. Write more later..
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