Bloggie! Missed you

I am so sorry I haven't written in you in quite a while! Much has been happening in the life of me. I'll talk about the last 6 months in bullets in order of importance. :D

GOD
I have actually gotten closer to God since my baptism. I was experiencing a bad pushing away after what happened with Daniel (I had sex with Dan) but then I came back instead when I realized that my guilt was keeping me from my own forgiveness and giving the enemy root to get me away from God permanently.

God has been so good to me! I truly am the luckiest girl ever I swear. Every day I am giving thanks and praying with Him and talking to Him. I just want to be with Him already!!

Praise report - My ex Chris and I almost got back together (yes, THAT ex, for like 2 weeks) but since I had promised God I would get married first, this time around I had refused (and stayed strong through prayer) to have sex with him. So he eventually petered himself out as I knew he would from the beginning but was giving him the benefit of the doubt. He has such a lack of self control (with sex, drugs, binge eating and more) which I no longer find appealing and I did not jump all the way in because I knew if we were to ever get married his lack of self control would have him cheating or worse things. He knew it too and so he also wanted to break it off. I pretended for his sake to be sad, just as he pretended for my sake that he was going to be sad, but right before he had walked into my room as we were eating Taco Bell, I had already just prayed to God to take him away if he wasn't gonna be the one, and right after my prayer he broke it off! :) I knew then it was never meant to be with him. He just uses me. He was nice enough to buy me a really badly needed gift of sneakers though before we never saw each other again. Which I am grateful for.

SCHOOL
As you know I last broke it off with Dan after he yelled at me, and we went our separate ways online and off. I then started college shortly after and just threw myself into my grades and studying focusing on nothing else and getting over the breakup.

Now I am a very happy 4.0 GPA student and in my second semester finishing up- sans 15 lbs. I am doing amazingly well and each of my professors have been awesome. I am called a "great student" by all 7. I love going to school and it shows in my study habits and participation in classes as well as my use of what I learn. So far I have attacked the IGETC (for 4 year transfer) with a vengeance, though I am not sure if I am going in a business major direction or science yet.

I feel really good about my schooling and gaining the knowledge I am getting from this experience. My last 6 months have been a whirlwind of knowledge and studies.

MONEY
I am still not working full time. I am starting somewhat part time with a company called Cutco doing demonstrations. Learning things for my future in business and hopefully eventually make enough somewhere to start my homeless shelter/school place which would technically be a business as well. They like me there but I really need to gain the experience I need to have a business. I am volunteering for the holidays with the homeless and women's shelters to gain more insight and lose the various remnants of selfishness I possess..

IDEALS
I see my future for 2010 and though I may be broke, it looks amazing. I am single by choice, have lots of hope and love for myself and desire to grow my relationship with God in the future. I seem to have formed real great relationships with others and genuinely love myself AND other people. I feel that as long as I am keeping my eyes and focus where they belong, nothing really deters me from the path.

RELATIONSHIPS/LOVE
I recently talked to many of my exes, not just Chris. I came to the realization that although there were many bad times, more with Brandon and Chris than the others, I all were because they were just really bad matches.

My ex Chad and I have been talking a bit (he is coming to CA in a couple months) and I remember him being a Christian and me not believing in God at the time, however, he has reminded me of our time together and remembering how I felt about him and the dynamic we had of being free and in love and completely focused. see about our beginning relationship here then click next

I realized that though it probably will never be with Chad again, by giving me that relationship and me meeting him and experiencing that at the wrong time, by the grace of God I will someday find someone similar at the right time, who will have all those things Chad and I had AND MORE! What a happy joyful woman I will be!!

Chad's qualities and strong faith in God in a man who is Christ centered and talented and artistic and nature loving!?! A man I can sing with and worship with, write music with and knows bible teachings as well as have my own space, opinions and a life apart from. A man who has self respect and respect for women and practices honesty, self control and has wisdom in most things. What a blessing he will be!? Praise the Lord for showing me through Chad that it is possible in my future as well as it was in my past.