WSo here comes the month of November to financially bite me in the ASS! I've been cursing ALOT lately. I need to tone down! I lost my client so I'm upset. Bye bye passive income.
My SO is an ongoing issue that I am worried about. I see him trying hard now (for the last 2-3 months) with counseling and working hard for us. I still am unsure if I should marry him, though. I'm going in with eyes wide open. I have none of that "we're so in love we can't think" type of foolishness that tears so many apart a year (or 3) later. I know this man and though we're not in the "crazy" in love phase, I loooove this man. I'm seeing our potential money issues and future arguments topics upfront and center. We've been together for 5 years on nov 12.
Knowing and learning that I will need to work at this relationship even when he won't want to, knowing that I will need to stay with him even when/if I'm no longer attracted or feeling "loved" by him or feeling mad at him for something stupid he did, again. Even if he is no longer attracted to me or if he even dislikes who I become. Because that is what actual commitment is. It’s regardless of the mate. What will I do?!
Recognizing too that I will NEVER be a victim again and that I can always, ALWAYS leave a situation that I don't feel comfortable in. Recognizing that God IS my safety, no matter where I am or what/who I choose. Even if my SO leaves the faith, stops studying the bible, loses his connection with the Father ... turns to worldly angry / violent / lying / cheating ways --that I AM STILL required to continue to obey and love the Father while remaining in safety away from SO's or their sin choices and separated from him should he choose to go his own way.
As of 2015 his good and bad qualities have been listed and noted. Hopefully when I read this in 2025 the same good will be there.
The good:
Things about SO I absolutely love.
He completely values my input and listens to me when I speak.
He is always very positive and hopeful about the future.
He is able to conquer any negative mind talk/thinking hurdles. Amazing!
I admire his perseverance to be optimistic.
He is a smiler with me.
We have the same sense of humor. We dont make fun of people or put them down for laughs.
He is a hopeful person.
He is very helpful to me at times
He thinks I am really great at many many things and tells me so.
He tries his best to make me happy.
He is caring and has supported me in really hard times.
He supports my love of music and my creativity- not w/ money, but is always verbally encouraging.
He wants "a loving family and house of love" as I do.
He is not a womanizer.
He loves God and wants to serve Him, too.
He knows the importance of team and cooperation.
He helps me when I am sick or in need (mostly) as best he can
He also helps others in need
He is great w kids, likes them and they like him.
He understands my sexual hang ups and loves me anyway.
We have fun together.
He is kind genuinely / kind hearted.
He is physically sexy.
He is mostly honest/values honesty.
His intentions are usually honest and good.
He believes in Christ and following the Word/Bible as much as I do.
He supports me wanting to be healthy/working out & mostly encourages me.
He cleans for me & works even when he doesn't want to.
He is slowly learning how to say No to things and people.
He is willing to give up his pride w/ money and just let me handle it for now til he is ready/learns how to manage it.
I wanted him to put the effort and desire he has/he uses for his video games, comics, Pokemon & buying toys into our financial building work, our marriage relationship, planning with me and building a focused us - so I can believe there even is a future for us. --- and HE IS definitely doing that right now.
The bad:
Things about SO that annoy me/make me fearful of our future:
I want him to be silent about his "plans" and just DO THEM.
He can be wishy washy with his "plans" aka over promise & under deliver.
He seems to be inconsistent in his career choices.
I want him to make a choice already so I can support him and help us.
He often talks BS to ppl or makes himself seem more than he is or more than he has.
He does not have good spatial awareness sometimes. Bumps into me and such saying it's an accident. I dont believe in accidents anymore.
He is clumsy. THIS IS A violence TRIGGER FOR ME.
He seems financially unreliable and not ready to take care of himself or anyone - I want him to be someone I can really rely on as I age and it looks like he won't be.
He seems lazy about relationship "work" & special holidays to me are not special to him and vice versa.
I want him to want to work for us so I can feel good about working for us too.
He is absolutely terrible/disgusting right now with handling or saving our money. He is a rich boy spendthrift & unwise about money. He can't keep a $100 balance for more than a couple weeks...
I want him to be able to financially afford & emotionally be ready/get married so I can feel safe. I can take the risk I am so scared to take because he keeps scaring me when I think I’m ready to take it.
He stops being romantic and working at the relationship at times.
I want him to cook for me and be more romantic and I feel loved when he does acts of service for me. Gives me long massages, sweet cards, does little kind things for me w/out me asking him. My love language is acts of service/quality time.
He does not seem to express his emotions, does not know how to say No to others sometimes, except to me :(
He was/is into physical/violent things like fighting, UCF, MMA, & violent animes. This is a violence/ past is always going to be TRIGGER FOR ME.
The good:
Things about SO I absolutely love.
He completely values my input and listens to me when I speak.
He is always very positive and hopeful about the future.
He is able to conquer any negative mind talk/thinking hurdles. Amazing!
I admire his perseverance to be optimistic.
He is a smiler with me.
We have the same sense of humor. We dont make fun of people or put them down for laughs.
He is a hopeful person.
He is very helpful to me at times
He thinks I am really great at many many things and tells me so.
He tries his best to make me happy.
He is caring and has supported me in really hard times.
He supports my love of music and my creativity- not w/ money, but is always verbally encouraging.
He wants "a loving family and house of love" as I do.
He is not a womanizer.
He loves God and wants to serve Him, too.
He knows the importance of team and cooperation.
He helps me when I am sick or in need (mostly) as best he can
He also helps others in need
He is great w kids, likes them and they like him.
He understands my sexual hang ups and loves me anyway.
We have fun together.
He is kind genuinely / kind hearted.
He is physically sexy.
He is mostly honest/values honesty.
His intentions are usually honest and good.
He believes in Christ and following the Word/Bible as much as I do.
He supports me wanting to be healthy/working out & mostly encourages me.
He cleans for me & works even when he doesn't want to.
He is slowly learning how to say No to things and people.
He is willing to give up his pride w/ money and just let me handle it for now til he is ready/learns how to manage it.
I wanted him to put the effort and desire he has/he uses for his video games, comics, Pokemon & buying toys into our financial building work, our marriage relationship, planning with me and building a focused us - so I can believe there even is a future for us. --- and HE IS definitely doing that right now.
The bad:
Things about SO that annoy me/make me fearful of our future:
I want him to be silent about his "plans" and just DO THEM.
He can be wishy washy with his "plans" aka over promise & under deliver.
He seems to be inconsistent in his career choices.
I want him to make a choice already so I can support him and help us.
He often talks BS to ppl or makes himself seem more than he is or more than he has.
He does not have good spatial awareness sometimes. Bumps into me and such saying it's an accident. I dont believe in accidents anymore.
He is clumsy. THIS IS A violence TRIGGER FOR ME.
He seems financially unreliable and not ready to take care of himself or anyone - I want him to be someone I can really rely on as I age and it looks like he won't be.
He seems lazy about relationship "work" & special holidays to me are not special to him and vice versa.
I want him to want to work for us so I can feel good about working for us too.
He is absolutely terrible/disgusting right now with handling or saving our money. He is a rich boy spendthrift & unwise about money. He can't keep a $100 balance for more than a couple weeks...
I want him to be able to financially afford & emotionally be ready/get married so I can feel safe. I can take the risk I am so scared to take because he keeps scaring me when I think I’m ready to take it.
He stops being romantic and working at the relationship at times.
I want him to cook for me and be more romantic and I feel loved when he does acts of service for me. Gives me long massages, sweet cards, does little kind things for me w/out me asking him. My love language is acts of service/quality time.
He does not seem to express his emotions, does not know how to say No to others sometimes, except to me :(
He was/is into physical/violent things like fighting, UCF, MMA, & violent animes. This is a violence/ past is always going to be TRIGGER FOR ME.
I need Because who is extremely gentle.
The ugly:
WHY AM I SCARED TO TAKE THE MARRIAGE RISK? All the above/below reasons.
The ugly:
WHY AM I SCARED TO TAKE THE MARRIAGE RISK? All the above/below reasons.
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