I AM GOD’S CAKE.

11/10/08 I AM GOD’S CAKE.
Why? Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'Why did God have to do this to me?' or "Why is God doing this?" Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter was telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, 'Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.'

'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers.
'Yuck' says her daughter.
'How about a couple raw eggs?' 'Gross, Mom!'
'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?'
'Mom, those are all yucky and taste horrible!'

To which the mother replies: 'Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!'

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad or difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chooses your heart.

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So today I am working hard and really doing the best I can. I have brought my breakfast and think I will go to the sandwich shop on Sepulveda across from Dinah’s today for lunch. I will be working out tonight and studying. That is the extent of my day. In other news this weekend I really rode the skateboard hard on the Strand in Manhattan Beach on Saturday and then in Redondo Beach with some kids from the neighborhood. They taught me some things and I had A LOT of fun. I fell of course, but once I fell, I realized that all my fear of falling was replaced by a “so what? I fell. now I can try this other thing where I drag the board, run, throw it down and jump on the skateboard and ride DH” which I did and it was great!

Tomorrow I return the rental car and take the bus to work for the next… well for however long I am working here until I can afford to get a car. This weekend I took my exam for Oceanography and I think I did really well. Last night I got a little depressed. I find when I spend too much time online I see all these pictures of other people’s profiles and lives and they have many “friends” this makes me feel jealous. I do not know why. Somehow it looks like they are having more fun or have closer relationships than I do. I am beginning to think that I will never be like those people and so I should not really be comparing myself to their lives.

I felt this way looking at the entries from the people at my church and often looking at my little sisters profile page. Um, I am not in those pictures... no one leaves comments on my page etc.. so what the fuck is the point of having one, right? These are the things I am contemplating today. Also on my mind is leaving. What is going on here? I feel like God is closing all the doors here in CA, beginning with that car being taken away from me or maybe just giving me a really hard time to get through to build some kind of character trait I still do not have. I AM GOD’S CAKE.

I may be moving out of my place in January, staying in Culver City until I move back to NY, and I don’t yet have a car (not even to live in when I get kicked out) and school ends on December 6th.

What do I do in this situation? How do I stay strong? How do I get through? I am excommunicating from the team, the body of the church, and it is going somewhat unnoticed.  I do not know why I just don’t trust in Him. So many times he has proven to me he has the best for me as well as with others (remember when Chris was sad about moving and look at him now, screwing his roommate! obviously he is not miserable at his new place) and I probably wont be either. It’s just the waiting, the unknown, the lack of control. That is what freaks me out I think. That is what gets me. Not knowing what the future brings.. or what is in store. This is a lesson I do need to learn and maybe that is what He is trying to show me. I need to let go. I need to really let go and give this to Him.

More on this later, me