Life is hard enough without having to find someone difficult to share it with..

These times after a break up suck. I have been acting foolsihly with a boy.

He said just give him a break. A break. Ok. I will give u a break. The hes just not that into you book and get over a breakup book says "do not to or see him for 60 days", yet I play the video game with him, and he is in my kin. What do I do? it IS hurting me that things are not as they were..so I need to determine how I will play but not see/talk to him. It hurts me that he just doesnt seem to give me attention, but I am going to leave it be because really I cant force him and obviously he has given up all the shit he said he wanted to do with me.

Last night Vae metioned how he used to talk about me all the time in class.. now.. nothing. He doesnt even talk about me, or to me. You can bet hes talking to someone though, and its prob Becky, Miles or someone new. Vae mentioned maybe he is jealous. jealous. Yeah right? Jealous of what? He doesn't talk to me or hang out with me even in game... whats there to be jealous of if you dont even see someone or know what they are up to? As the book says, looks to me like he is acting very much like a guy thats "just not that into me".

If i were to ask my own advice, removed from the situation and these feelings, what would I tell myself? I'm gonna think about that later. In other news, my good ol Miles from NYC is coming on to LA from his national tour with his band Outernational and he is gonna be visting me and we are gonna hang out again. He said he has missed me. Yay! At least someone has...

Though I dont talk to Connie Jean anymore after our fiasco in San Diego, I cant help but listen to her version of Sweet Lorraine and her Santa Cruz surf song. Thinking that these songs are so much like my own life and view right now.

Sweet lorraine the fiery haired brown eyed schemer
Who came from a long line of drinkers and dreamers
Who knew that sunshine dont hold up to dark
Whose businesses failed, who slept in the park
Lorraine who spoke of paintings in Paris
And outlandish things to her family just to scare us
Whose heart went pokin where it shouldnt ought
Whose mother could only spit at the thought of
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

Her father father would tear out like a page of the bible
Then he'd burn down the house to announce his arrival
Her mother was working and never was home
Lorraine carved out a little life of her own
Lorraine started working, lorraine went to school
Her mother threw stones at her on the day that she moved
Now isnt that a very strange thing to do for someone who never really wanted you
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

Her daddy called her a slut and a whore
On the night before her wedding day
The very next morning at the church
Her daddy gave lorraine away
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

In the battle of time in the battle of will
Its only your hope and your heart that gets killed
And it gets harder and harder lorraine, to believe in magic
When what came before you is so very tragic
Lorraine, sweet lorraine
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

"Sometimes you fight so hard for a wave you just can't get, sometimes u stand right up and you dont know what you did"
"When you left to go halfway to Timbuktu, I spent my winter days.. surfing Santa Cruz.. "