lies

DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO ME, IF YOU ARE GOING TO LIE.

liar - n : a person who has lied or who lies
repeatedly [syn: prevaricator]
      [ant: square shooter]

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)

Liar \Li"ar\ (l[imac]"[~e]r), n. [OE. liere. See Lie to falsify.]
A person who knowingly utters falsehood; one who lies.

Satan is the "father of the lie". The Bible states him to be
"the father of the lie"...no one needs to hear him speak, the
scriptures speak volumes regarding honesty...

Gen.3:1-5; Satan told Eve she would not surely die.
Gen.3:19; Death is opposite of life.
John 8:44; Satan's lie has caused the death of every one of
the offspring of Adam.

John 8:44;You are from your father the Devil, and you wish to do the desires of your father. He one was a manslayer when he began, and he did not stand fast in the truth, because the truth is not in him. When he speaks the lie, he speaks according to his own disposition, because he is a liar and the father of [the lie].

Proverbs 6:16-19; 16) There are things that God does hate; yes, seven are things detestable to his soul: lofty eyes, a false tongue, hands that are shedding innocent blood, a heart fabricating hurtful schemes, feet that are in a hurry to run to badness, a false witness that launches forth lies, and anyone sending forth contentions among brothers.

Proverbs 14:5; A faithful witness is one that will not lie, but a false witness launches forth mere lies.

Revelation 21:27; But anything not sacred and anyone that carries on a disgusting thing and a lie will in no way enter into it (the kingdom of God); only those written in the Lamb's scroll of life [will].

Colossians 2:8; Look out: perhaps there may be someone who will carry you off
as his prey through the philosophy and empty deception according to the elementary
things of the world and not according to Christ;

-Parents subject to compulsive lying become suspicious and distrustful of their
children,and the children conversely become more unruly and more dishonest. 
Once the cycle of lying and distrust is in full swing, it is difficult to find
a single way in which the cycle may be stopped.-

Why Are You Lying?

Recognizing that there are "special needs", however, only allows the parent to seek more help. There are still some fundamental reasons why children lie compulsively.

1. Fear. Fear is a common motivator for lying. Consider the child who lies because she fears that her mother would "blow up" at her, or that dad would take privileges away, or that the teacher would send her (or her friend) to the principal's office. Such fear may be rational or irrational, but the effect of lying is similar - a temporary shelter from punishment.

What do we do about fear motivated lies? Consider two important implications. First, children who lie out of fear usually know that they have done something that is wrong. This provides an important clue for parents responding to the lying child. Consider that the child's problem is not in knowing what is wrong, but in resisting its temptation. Claiming "I've told you more than a hundred times..." does not help children deal with the heart of the error or disobedience. It merely alienates them. Parents have to get beyond the lie, and address the behavior that "necessitated" the lie in the first place.

Second, parents may need to accept that their children lie because they are afraid of their parents' temperament. It is not surprising that constantly angry, shouting, rigid or restrictive parents often encounter compulsively lying children. Allowing room for negotiation, compromise, listening before accusing, and keeping your volume down usually helps in paving the way for a more honest child communication.

2. Habit. Lying can also become a habit formed through constant practice. It is possible that a child can "lie by reflex", and when confronted insist that it is the truth. Habitual lying is often strengthened by hostile confrontation. One of the most effective ways of dealing with habitual lying is to give the child an opportunity to retract the lie without fear of consequences.

3. Modelling. Lying is a commonplace behaviour, and children are subject to lies all the time. The problem is that children learn to lie through experiencing or watching others lie. The dilemma is that it is impossible to shield children from lies. One parent who limited her child's friends to those who did not lie reduced the number of approved companions to just one, and that under close supervision!

One potent source of modelling, however, is from within the home. There is an old proverb that says, "What parents do in moderation, children do in excess." "Moderate" lying is thought of by many parents as harmless (such as a "white" lie, or a "harmless excuse") or mistakes (such as an unkept promise), or even purposeful and calculated distortions of the truth ("I had to lie because..."). Children, however, do not and cannot appreciate the nuances of a lie. Lying is lying. Since it is difficult for parents to control the lies that children will encounter outside the home, it is more useful to start eliminating lies from within the home. Make telling the truth a priority both in instruction and by example.

4. Overprediction. Children also lie because they overpredict a reaction. One child said, "I know mom would say 'no', so I lied." In reality, mom would merely have asked more questions and given her permission! One of the most productive ways of addressing overprediction is to provide a child with clear boundaries, and yet emphasize that these boundaries are negotiable. Making up the rules as you go along, and far too many "don'ts" and restrictions can promote lying behaviour.

Compulsive lying is a common disorder often caused by low self-esteem and a need for
attention. Often, the liar does not realize how often he or she is lying because it becomes
second nature or habit (indeed, it is often referred to as habitual lying).  

Compulsive lying alienates friends and loved ones and often brings
about the opposite of what the liar wants: instead of getting the attention
they often crave, they end up pushing people away and losing trust.
With therapy, many people can overcome their compulsion to lie and salvage
their trust in interpersonal relationships before it is too late.

A COMPULSIVE LIAR -
http://compulsiveliarsclub.blogspot.com/2006/11/definition.html
"This is my first step toward healing myself and those I have harmed with my
lies. I am admitting that I have a serious problem; I am a compulsive
liar.

This blog will chronicle my journey toward understanding
my compulsion, healing, and restoring my life. My hope is that this
will help others who suffer from the life-destroying effects of lies."