Day 45

60 day notebook entry.

1) 60 days without talking to him is going to be hard because _________.

• I am still remembering him.
• I want to see him today.
• I want to know what he is doing.
  

60 days is not going to be THAT hard because:

• I have God
• I am still focusing on myself and my changes
  
• I know he has not changed.
  
• I was already able to not call him/speak to him for 43 days, I can continue
• He is not calling me
  
• I can remember how he cheated, lied to and abused me.
• I keep thinking of the saying "eventually he will stop answering or meet someone else."
  

2) Why should I be the one that has to_______________?

• really work on living life alone at such a late time in my life?
  
• decide to go back to school at this time?
  

3) The time I think of him the most is_________________.

• In times of rest, the shower, or listening to certain music, holidays.
  

4) Today, instead of calling him/seeing him I will _____________.

• remember why I left him
• remember he does not want to hear from me
• remember that he continues to do drugs/lie
  
• pray and meditate -read my bible
• watch a movie (Lars and the real girl)
  
• play keyboards
  
• cook a great meal
  
• go to a meeting
  
• apply for work
• walk on t'mill
  
• plan my trip to DR
  
• do something really fun on the beach!
  

5) Even when I am feeling my weakest at least I've got _____________.

• God to pray to/to cry myself to sleep to/to wake up in thanks to
• the book of Job to remind me IT COULD BE WORSE! :)
  
• my love for myself and intolerance of abuse
  
• my will to change and take ownership of my life
  
• Shawn McDonald songs to remind me of where I have been and where I'm goin
  
• Karin
  
• my strength
• my self esteem
• my sense of humor
• Meetings
• daily blessings
  

LIFE PURPOSE EXERCISES- 40 Days
Day 29 - What is holding me back from accepting God's call to serve Him?
Well, I feel I do not know how he wants me to serve him or what my S.H.A.P.E is yet or how to go about doing it/and where?

EATING/EXERCISE TO PREPARE FOR EVER LASTING LIFE- 30 days
Day 19 - skipped meal 1 - varied fruits and veggies (yesterday had peppers/squash and day before whole mushrooms, whoa wha bitches!?) new uptake on iron/calcium 18mg. 5/15 found out I was anemic. Still on low salt, low sugar (under 20 grams) going on Day 11!

Stretched in the morning, walked in the afternoon, washed the car manually, will work out on t'mill tonight, pray/meditate, eat a healthy dinner and rest early tonight.

Focus areas Day 19 - Abs, Inner thighs, Shoulders.

60 days

This is my 60 day notebook section. Today is Day 1.

1) 60 days without talking to him is going to be hard because _________.

• I remember us - the early us.
• What if he calls? (nah, he won't call)
  
• I don't have the # deleted yet or have changed the ringer to the self esteem ringer.
• I am afraid of being alone sometimes.
• I used to talk to him about everything (but he didn't really care, now did he?)
  

2) Why should I be the one that has to_______________?

• Remember us and miss what we had.
• Go through this pain alone.
• Get over him and feel his pain to me every day.
• Wish that he would have been different.
• Ask why/what/where in regards to him
• care at all, when he clearly didn't care about me or us
  

3) The time I think of him the most is_________________.

• When I am driving, or in the shower.
• When I am sleeping or listening to music.
  

4) Today, instead of calling him/seeing him I will _____________.

• completely rearrange my furniture to look nothing like when he was coming over.
  
• see Darcy and Karin
• ice and remind myself he is the one who did this to me and therfore does not deserve my good thoughts.
  
• rest and read my bible
• call Karin, Nancy, Meridith, or someone, anyone! else
  
• go to church and my CoDA meeting tonight (express myself!)
  
• cook a nice meal for myself
• set up interviews for this week/find a great doctor
  
• prepare and write down how I forsee my new life and look.
• call Dr. Matso
• sleep

5) Even when I am feeling my weakest at least I've got _____________.

• God to pray to/to cry myself to sleep to/to wake up in thanks to
  
• Meetings
• Family
• Karin and friends
• my strength
• my will
• my love of myself
• my self esteem
• my will to change
• my sense of humor
• my legs at least
  
• pillows, though no bedsheets
• a second chance at a new life
  

6) This is retarded because____________.

• because wtf? do I have to write this down
• because it actually is helping
• because its by two people who already have love and are married ><
• because this book is awesome