God's firework

Hi! Happy Independance Day to all! I guess I am writing today because it is an Independence Day of a different kind for me. I am choosing my own way to spend this independence holiday. Just 2 years ago after or on this holiday I/we became sick with this illness. July 4th-7th through each Morgellons filled passing year this week has often been difficult for me emotionally since that crazy day when my life changed in 2014. Over the last month I have been treating my Babesia with my meds from LLMD, and using silver and certain herbs. The protocol meds timing, diet, and my desire to improve has really given me a discipline that others now seem to admire. New moon and full moon are not generally easy times for me and yesterday I had another bout of Lyme paralysis and my fiancee had to feed me for the first time, not in the sexy way. How humbling a moment, but those are the kind of days I am so grateful for his sense of humor and God (through Proverbs) leading me to choose a kind, sacrificial, sweet man like him. Today when I woke up and was able to breathe (I have Babesia and some days I cannot) I took a deep breath and decided I will use what faculties are available to me to the most of my ability because with Lyme and 8 coinfections, I really do not know what tomorrow will look like, I cannot take moments for granted, and I keenly am aware more than ever that I can try to think my self to invincibility but my bodies' truth says I am not promised tomorrow! I am so grateful for so many things so I will just write with gratitude here. Today, I am grateful for Mel, Peter and thier site as well as the first information shared which got me to this point. The lasting loving friendships I have made online that have continued even when they left or they went off the protocol. I am extremely grateful for my LLMD who diagnosed me with Morgellons coinfection without me saying anything, and when I was even trying to hide it (doesn't think I'm "delusional" at all), listens to me about the diet connection to my symptom diary and is working with me on a 3 pronged protocol to rid me of my Morgellons, but also my many other co-infections 1 by 1 for as long as my body can handle herxes and grateful my that Medicaid will help me pay for some meds, however temporary. That Dr. is also willing to think outside the box for when I cant afford something or where herbs can step in and help. I am so grateful and love that I still have my fiancee and he chooses to still love me and care for me and to try to help me on my way back to health and keeps me grounded in love and reminding me of God's promises when I forget. I love that we are provided for by God with food, (for the protocol diet) and clothing to wear, if nothing else. I love that God is thus far protecting my liver, kidneys, my gut and heart from these little monsters who want to take over those areas. I am grateful for my Facebook friends who pray for me and also share knowledge and information with one another in such a loving and non-condescending way. I am grateful that we have a place to lay our heads and I have a bath here that I can detox in, however temporary. I am grateful that I have free access to use the FIR sauna and get free essential oils massages. I am grateful that I have inspired others to eat as I do as well as some have decided to join me on this diet journey to health. I am grateful that my mind is still intact and though I cannot write or text some days, I can still speak and use my mind cohesively and my voice. Today I danced and I sang songs of praise. My singing voice has been taken away by this condition, but my legs still work TODAY! So.... I danced as I have not danced in quite some time. Really just letting it all go and crying with joy and gratitude that I can still move for today. It was wonderful just praising God and dancing using my legs. His Word says "make noise of joy unto the Lord and sing songs of praise". I have taken it literally today and did so and was able, unlike so many bed ridden days I was able to dance for more than 1 hour as well as eve take a walk outside in the sunny New York/'nice weather we're having" for my vitamin D today. It's a day of food, drinking, freedom, play, celebrating for most Americans, and I've never even lit a firework, but I guesss there is a first time for everything. I will eat my own protocol food proudly. It is a day for no fear in the battle and ours really has already been won. Thank you Jesus! I see today that I am God's firework (if I will choose to be) and I plan to fly far up there, be bright and as big as I can (even from a bed) for His glory. Praying for all those still suffering today-not out there celebrating the holiday, may you find comfort, strength and faith to go on in this unknown journey.

Et Tu, Chocolate?! Et Tu, Lily?!

First,  I want to heartily scream in the beginning of this post to set the mood of how I am feeling! 

Today I got news that my ELISA and Western Blot were "CDC negative" (most people with clinical obvious Lyme symptoms/Lyme are) but my Dr. says this actually does not mean you don't have Lyme. You do have Lyme. However, Lyme is one bacteria. No insect carries just one infection it carries multiple infections. You also have a host of other co-infections. It's like a fight between you and 5 other guys. Guys you also can't see. (Morgs of which we already secretly know) You have Bartonella, Babesia, Erlichia and likely fungal and viral others we don't yet know about. 

He urged me to not spend anymore money on Lyme tests though. He said you are extremely sick, can't work & all your money needs JUST GO TOWARD getting this treated; ASAP.  Find a LLMD as soon as you can. He said I'm not going to sugar coat it. You need to see this as a long road. You are looking at about 3 YEARS of abx long term treatment. Your liver panel looks good as of now, the thyroid and rheumatoid factor are looking good too, but the Babesia has made my red blood cells fattened. He said "one shouldn't have those high numbers at your age and not being on any kind of medication. You have 4 of the 5 bands and 2 just slightly under 60, 2 way over 80."

He said "you have the most amazing good cholesterol numbers I have ever seen in a patient (I attribute this to an avocado a day since getting sick) and beautiful nerve testing results. Your twitching, muscle and bone pain, numbness and tingling limb problems aren't your "actual" nerves - it's the Lyme and coinfections that you are fighting; which mess with the immune system, organs and move around into nerves and muscles, brain tissues etc. Overtime if you don't get treatment, Lyme will damage and kill the nerves. 

Now for the thing I want to scream about! I have had this for the last year and have had to forgo eating sweets OF ANY KIND, including fruit! Ive been subsisting on almonds and avocado snacks. However, I thought when I found the cinnamon Quest bar and the Lily's Stevia sweetened chocolate that my sad days were over. Then I researched into the ingredients today and saw that it would be foolish to keep eating these! Once again I can add these things to the EXPONENTIALLY GROWING list of foods I CANNOT have.

Let's start with the Quest Bar shall we? Often after only ingesting 1-2 Cinnamon Quest bars or Double Chunk Chocolate (the ones I thought were safer - as the other flavors have sucralose which I can't even go near) I will have pimpling, red rashes, increased all over itching and constipation. 

Today I found out that the sugar alcohol; Erythritol used in these bars is DERIVED FROM GMO CORN - as it is I can't have corn at all since it is GMO, but I have been ingesting a worse form - indigestible. GMO corn. derivative! I was thinking it was safe because it wasn't sucralose or sugar, but its neither sugar nor alcohol, its a corn derived chemical of sorts. 

Why care right? An excerpt from this link below was enough for me to put 2 + 2 together. I am having issues with toxicity, bacteria, and yeasts so WHY ON EARTH would I put a sugar alcohol that is mainly INDIGESTIBLE (aka stays in my already damaged gut/intestines) as food to FEED the very bacteria I am striving so hard TO KILL!? 

"The body’s inability to effectively break down sugar alcohols causes them to arrive for the most part intact when they reach the intestines. At that point, a process called “passive diffusion” takes place whereby the sugar alcohol that was consumed draws water into the bowels. This results in only partial breakdown. The unmetabolized portion begins to rot, creating the perfect environment for undesirable bacteria and pathogens to feed, thrive, and grow.

An imbalanced intestinal environment where pathogens and other undesirable microbes have a favorable place to exist is exactly the set of conditions that eventually compromise the gut lining, damage the critical enterocytes that line the gut wall, and promote the development of autoimmune disease symptoms."

This insanity led me to look at the ingredients of the Lily's bar, another favorite since I quit sugar...Lilys bar, the 1 chocolate bar in the world I thought was safe and could eat. Lily's bars, the only chocolate that did not contain sugar, sucralose or 3+ grams of anything. Lily''s which I thought was sweetened solely by Stevia, but really IS NOT. 

Lily's Dark Chocolate Original--> Ingredients: Unsweetened chocolate, inulin, dextrin (from non-GMO corn), erythritol, cocoa butter, milkfat, soy lecithin, natural flavors, stevia extract, natural vanilla. SHUDDER! Insert my sad, frustrated SCREAM right here. I'm not even gonna go into what "natural flavors" actually is either, lets just say there isnt anything natural about it. 

Erythritol was first up there after unsweetened chocolate and the Stevia was last. Ingredients are listed on labels in the order of QUANTITY. Ugh. The taste is erythritol, not the stevia. Now if it had said erythritol (from non-GMO corn) as it does the emulsifier agent dextrin, that would be one thing, but IT DOESN'T. Which means they ARE in fact using Erythritol from GMO corn sugar. Erythritol is derived from corn sugar which is most often from genetically modified (GMO) corn. It is important to understand that all sugar alcohols are highly refined in order to get them into the state in which they are able to be consumed or added to foods. 

So it isn't even close to being natural. Therefore, goodbye my beloved chocolate, et tu Lily's chocolate! Joining the unhealthy chocolates instead of standing strong for the little guy! 

Ce la vie, I now have to quit these 2 things as well. It will be so hard for me to find substitutes, but I must! I simply cannot begin to shoot myself in the foot in this long hard fight against these microbes trying to kill me.