World of Warcraft - I'm Baaaack!

In other news.. I can move today

I enjoy talking to him right now

m1steranders0n1: depressed
me: oh
wanna talk or you wanna deal alone?
m1steranders0n1: i dont mind talking
1:35 AM me: is that a yes or a no
m1steranders0n1: what are you up to
no i wanna talk to you
me: :P
no you want to talk to me
m1steranders0n1: i do
me: or yes you want to talk to me :P
m1steranders0n1: lol
i miss you
1:36 AM me: awww
i hav ethought of you today too
m1steranders0n1: did you really
me: i said hey but you werent around at the time
m1steranders0n1: did you have a good bbq
me: yeah yeah sure
no
m1steranders0n1: :-( im sorry darling
me: dude..
m1steranders0n1: i would have been here
me: the bbq
m1steranders0n1: but i had a grad party
me: i totally fucked up :(
m1steranders0n1: what happend
me: long story
brb
wanna hear?
1:37 AM k brb
m1steranders0n1: yeah
i do
1:38 AM me: if your busy i can tell you tomorrow
m1steranders0n1: im not busy
unless you are
1:39 AM just tell me if youra busy if you are
me: ok im not busy
i want to talk to you
but if u have to go soon
m1steranders0n1: i want to talk to you too
me: then.. its cool :)
m1steranders0n1: no i dont have to go anywhere
me: ok brb
m1steranders0n1: im laying inb ed with my laptop
1:40 AM me: yeah i wanna get there too
m1steranders0n1: being lonely
me: one sec, let me get comfortable brb

-------------------
7:36 PM me: did you care about our favorite lyrics or were you just caring about sharing yours?
7:37 PM m1steranders0n: what? what do you mean
7:38 PM me: i mean when we were talking about our favorite lyrics were you actually concerned with mine and knowing more about me or were you mostly interested in yours and about you?
7:39 PM m1steranders0n: i wanted to know yours i didnt even know what my favorite lyrics were until the later in the convo
me: ok i was just thinking about it awhile and wanted to give you a chance to state your side of it
7:41 PM m1steranders0n: ok..so you thought i didnt care about yours? or what
me: yeah
m1steranders0n: what made you think that
7:42 PM me: well, when i had gotten ready to share mine with you after you showed me yours..
i felt like when you said in 45 secs
it maybe wasnt as important for you and then when you said that you were checking it out and made no comment i thought maybe you did not care
m1steranders0n: no that was just cause i hadnt heard that song in awhile and my favorite part is the end
and i dont like to skip parts
i did comment about it though
7:43 PM me: those were my own thoughts you know? but i wanted to ask you so i was clear on the communication with us / you
m1steranders0n: ok well im glad you asked if it was bothering you
me: im glad i asked too
:)
7:44 PM have you drank alot this week?
m1steranders0n: only on sat
i got pretty drunk
7:45 PM me: so "on Saturday you got pretty drunk"? LOL.. only is a minimizing word did you know that?
so is "just a little"
and "a little bit"
"not really" is also a minimizing statement
i just learned this
lol
7:46 PM m1steranders0n: well im just saying its not like im getting drunk every day or something lol
me: lol..i never said you are.. do you feel you are?
m1steranders0n: no lol but i felt like maybe you thought i was based on the question
me: lol "just" is a minimizing statement
this is funny
7:47 PM lol
no i dont think you
are
7:48 PM your thoughts come from you..and are minimized by you :) my thoughts come from me and are minimized by me
its social conditioning and fascinating
m1steranders0n: my thoughts are also affected by how i interpret external forces
7:49 PM me: yes
m1steranders0n: and im only explaining myself im not trying to minimize anything lol
i got drunk a lot 2 weeks ago cause it was my birthday and graduation week
me: right! i read that convo again like earlier today
m1steranders0n: haha you did
me: yep
m1steranders0n: what made you wanna read it again?
7:50 PM me: i wanted to make sure i wasnt jumping to conclusions before i asked you about your behavior and statement that day
m1steranders0n: well im sorry that you felt that way i didnt realize it came across like that
7:51 PM me: i want to feel like i have a friend I can share things with and i wanted to make sure that perception is correct that I have about you and us
its cool! im glad we talked about it
and i am also glad i let you know where i stand and i got your point of view also
7:52 PM m1steranders0n: me too, im glad you are so honest and open with me
me: i feel closer now
:)
m1steranders0n: :-) /hug
me: /hug
did you talk to that girl ever? were you able to be honest with her?
m1steranders0n: i havent been able to yet
7:53 PM only her sister
me: and how about the other girl? the one coming?
m1steranders0n: i asked her sister if she sees natalie to tell her that i would like to talk to her and she told me she doesnt see her that often lately but she will try
7:54 PM and that other girl apparnetly went to PA instead and still wants to see me but i told her about natalie
and she still wants to meet me but only after im "over her"
7:55 PM me: do you think its a safe assumption if a guy tells a girl about another girl.. that he is still interested in the prior girl/relationship? and she should prob wait until he is actually ready to be with her?
m1steranders0n: i went on a free dating site and i have a date this week with a cool girl so well see how that goes....also ironically enough i met a girl on there who lives in omaha nebraska (same place natalie lives lol) and she comes here to Texas 2-3 times a month she said
im confused by yoru question
*you
*your
7:56 PM me: read it again
as an advice columnist
2 girls 1 guy and one like him
but he was in another relationship
likes*
7:57 PM is it safe to assume that he is not ready to begin anything with the new girl til he over the previous
from the girls point..
m1steranders0n: im not sure but i guess to be safe that would be a yes
7:58 PM me: and that she should wait until he has or is over the previous relationship?
not wait as in wait for him but wait in the sense that she should move on with her aspiration?
7:59 PM m1steranders0n: so 2 girls 1 guy, 1 of the girls the guy is not over and the other girl likes the guy?
8:00 PM me: yeah
8:01 PM m1steranders0n: and you're asking if it's safe to assume that she would be making a mistake by waiting for him to be over her?
8:02 PM me: yes
by wait you mean like actually waiting around for him to be over the other person?
8:03 PM m1steranders0n: i wouldnt encourage it
me: because i think she should not wait and just kind of move on til he is ready but without looking back also..
m1steranders0n: when would you actually know if he's over her or not
me: lol "wouldnt encourage it", dont sugar coat give me the skinny :)
exactly
so if she meets him
8:04 PM and he isnt over her
then she should move on to find someone who will actually just be interested in being with her
or getting to know her.. but not in a rushed way. in a more relaxed way right?
m1steranders0n: yeah
8:05 PM me: because really she has no way of knowing if/when ever that guy is going to be over the other chick
m1steranders0n: indeed
me: and if she is still attracted to him anyway, then its prob because she needs him to not be fully hers
she needs the distance.. the unavailibilty
8:06 PM now im speaking subconciously...
and subconciously if he is only interested in her and getting to know her it might be scary for her
m1steranders0n: its possible
me: because then she would actually have to "show up" "be herself" "be present"
8:07 PM hmm
m1steranders0n: but she was pretty adament in coming to see me when she didnt know i was still thinking about nat so i dont think that applies to her
me: no i dont think it does apply to her at all
do you think its the same with a guy who does drugs.. who has a relationship with drugs?
he is never actually "there" so she doesnt have to be either
8:08 PM since his relationship with drugs is higher on the priority list of to dos
m1steranders0n: i could see it relate to anything i guess
me: she gets a double whammy of neglect and yet longing for acceptance but not really wanting acceptance!
8:09 PM m1steranders0n: like honestly i couldnt be with a hardcore religious girl who valued her church more than her relationship with me in the same way that i wouldnt with a girl who was seeing another guy or hardcore into drugs
me: this could be He also im just saying she cuz we were talking about Nat and the other chick
yeah
because you would want them to be present in your own relationship
8:10 PM m1steranders0n: yeah
me: right? you would want them to be working on the relationship with you not doing all the work yourself
having an imaginary relationship lol
am i correct?
8:11 PM but if secretly or subconciously you were used to or thought of relationships as one person being present and the other not.. and you were afraid of committing .. wouldnt you choose to be with someone who influences thoes feelings in your own relationship?
8:12 PM you would! i think thats what some people do!
its a natural progression.. not a healthy one
but natural
m1steranders0n: i suppose so if thats what you subconsioucly want
me: yeah, wow..
8:13 PM i think that is why i am not choosing to be with addicts anymore
because i want the other person to be present all the time - not there sometimes when they are sober
8:14 PM m1steranders0n: slmnymph (10:12:20 PM): i think that is why i am not choosing to be with addicts anymore or "not choosing to give up being with addicts anymore"
me: and as i get closer to being comfortable with making and keeping commitments.. i am expecting the same and want the same!
m1steranders0n: which is what you meant?
8:15 PM me: i meant ... because i now want someone who is always present i have no desire to be in a relationship with someone who cannot be
when before.. i did not
i was afraid
i was unsure
m1steranders0n: oh ok
me: that is prob also why guys who are "taken" are not attractive to me
8:16 PM as i get closer to committing to myself
I become more wary of those who will not commit to me and desire them less
8:17 PM m1steranders0n: yeah
me: its baby steps
m1steranders0n: well it seems like you are on the right path
8:18 PM me: i think so
8:20 PM wow
M1sterAnders0n: wow what
me: i am just like having an epiphany
what are you doin right now?
M1sterAnders0n: watching v for vendetta with my dad
have you seen it
me: i love it!
M1sterAnders0n: me too
m1steranders0n1: my gmail (which i just made today) is *********
8:27 PM i liked stranger than fiction too
8:28 PM m1steranders0n1: i liked the last act but i wasnt really into it near the beginning
i thought the love story was kind of contrived
but i did like it overall
8:29 PM me: yeah i thought so too
8:31 PM how long have we been talking for?
since WoW to AIM?
8:32 PM m1steranders0n1: im not sure....its hard to say
does it say when we added each other on mypsace or anything
me: hmm
i think so let me chk
8:34 PM sept 3 2006 - holy fuck! lol
dude that is a long time we have been talking
lol
m1steranders0n1: lol wow and that was probably a while after we met cause we wer playing for a while before we added each other i think
like maybe a month or two im not sure
me: it was prob July or August actually
yeah we were playing for a long time together before that
8:35 PM hmmm maybe August ish?
prob like a month before we added one another?
ooh my bad July 16 2006
that was the first comment
so prob like a month before that
aww its our anniversary being friends?! LOL
8:36 PM m1steranders0n1: haahah :-P
me: you know friends dont celebrate anniversaries
they should
its a nice gesture :)
m1steranders0n1: agreed :-)
me: who knows maybe in another country they do?
m1steranders0n1: im sure some culture somewhere does
me: actually holy shit it was May
8:37 PM looks like May 9, 2006
is the earliest comment
saying lets do it! wher eis my server?!
lol
m1steranders0n1: hahaha
8:38 PM me: i remember servers were totally messed up and wait times were LONG!
m1steranders0n1: yeah that sucked i remember
me: i wanna read, will you be on later?
M1sterAnders0n: probably
me: k, maybe i will catch up with you in a bit!
M1sterAnders0n: ok!

Wow! So that's what it's like!

To go home from work and be refreshed to go back, motivated and muscled. I would never fault Chris again for doing that. Surfing at lunch is Amazing!


In other news, I have resolved Chris will not be changing his email pswd, he is entitled to do whatever it is he is doing and I should not be checking his email at all. I have spoken to Sandra who has confirmed this. If it is not stopped now, what about my next relationship? I have to learn self control in this. Perhaps this is God teaching me self-control.

I am starting work! I am excited scared and all those first feelings one has when not sure of something. My back is hurting but my neck feels a little better today! I am able to move a bit more. I am going to make it a point to be as healthy as I can in these coming months. I am gonna call Dr. Adams next week when I start.


Our Crosses
We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it may be preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot. Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain.... Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; But God's always ready, to answer your call.... He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips, can calm every fear... Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light... The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, to give you His grace, and send you His love... Try prayer.