(Me) 2016 A.D.
I remember the days when I used to walk freely
I remember the days that I enjoyed living in my skin
I remember the days of clarity and intelligence
the days of passion I miss
I remember the days I didn't have sores and crawling worms
I remember the days I could dance, jump, run and sing
I remember the days I had no food restrictions and could eat anything
the days of breath I miss
I remember the days when I used to sleep soundly
I remember the days I could love without a care
I remember the days I would stay up late nights
the days of freedom I miss
Where is that woman now? What happened to her?
She is a barely recognizable shell of her former self
She has been replaced by a frail and sick old woman
who is longing for her death and time to finally come.
Days that are left behind cannot be pondered on for too long
as it is the hard days ahead are all that remain
Though it was just 2 years ago everything has changed
and there is no going back. She will never be the same.
Am I living the life of Job? Surely! Though for some reason it feels so. I am acutely aware of everything single thing Job describes in such a personal way.
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(Job) Book of Job 1900 to 1700 BC
Like a slave longing for the evening shadows,
or a hired laborer waiting to be paid,
3so I have been allotted months of futility,
and nights of misery have been assigned to me.
4When I lie down I think, ‘How long before I get up?’
The night drags on, and I toss and turn until dawn.
5My body is clothed with worms and scabs,
my skin is broken and festering.
6“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle,
and they come to an end without hope.
7Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath;
my eyes will never see happiness again.
8The eye that now sees me will see me no longer;
you will look for me, but I will be no more.
9As a cloud vanishes and is gone,
so one who goes down to the grave does not return.
Therefore I will not keep silent;
I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
12Am I the sea, or the monster of the deep,
that you put me under guard?
13When I think my bed will comfort me
and my couch will ease my complaint,
14even then you frighten me with dreams
and terrify me with visions,
15so that I prefer strangling and death,
rather than this body of mine.
16I despise my life; I would not live forever.
Let me alone; my days have no meaning.
16“And now my life ebbs away;
days of suffering grip me.
17Night pierces my bones;
my gnawing pains never rest.
he binds me like the neck of my garment.
19He throws me into the mud,
and I am reduced to dust and ashes.
Chapter 19
20“I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer;
I stand up, but you merely look at me.
21You turn on me ruthlessly;
with the might of your hand you attack me.
22You snatch me up and drive me before the wind;
you toss me about in the storm.
23I know you will bring me down to death,
to the place appointed for all the living.
24“Surely no one lays a hand on a broken man
when he cries for help in his distress.
25Have I not wept for those in trouble?
Has not my soul grieved for the poor?
26Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came darkness.
27The churning inside me never stops;
days of suffering confront me.
28I go about blackened, but not by the sun;
I stand up in the assembly and cry for help.
29I have become a brother of jackals,
a companion of owls.
30My skin grows black and peels;
my body burns with fever.
31My lyre is tuned to mourning,
and my pipe to the sound of wailing.
Lyme Symptoms
Bartonella Symptoms
Babesia Symptoms
Mycoplasma Symptoms
Morgellons Symptoms
AIDS Symptoms (lest anyone forget! another disease that was at one time unexplained, accused falsely, had no cure)
God is at work in me through this illness until my end. He is, in pain, teaching me patience (a fruit of the spirit). I am going to die soon, I can feel it. Though I am mocked, misjudged, misunderstood and disrespected with my illness by others. I feel it. I cannot explain it, but for the first time in my life I can actually FEEL death.
