"The violent, the ruthless, the rebel, the wicked, the angry man, the dark stranger, the hot-headed man, the cold shoulder man, the man of strife, "he who loves to quarrel"
These words may sound very daunting, powerful, scary, and alarmingly this type of description is exciting to some women. Women who wind up in unhappy relationships. Women who wind up sick from added stressors. Women who wind end up being abused or killed. Women who wind up lonely and with children who are essentially fatherless.
The world & media (movies/TV/magazine ads/social) seems to love and give attention to these male archetypes, and unknowingly men may even try to emulate these qualities thinking this is what it means to be "a man" and rule the household, but God says he DETESTS men with these qualities. He HATES them. He DESPISES them and their actions DISGUST him. He says He DOES NOT even hear their prayers.
Learning this, I humbly asked myself and I wonder why would I or any woman want to CONTINUE to choose this type of man for her boy"friend"? Or if we are already with one of these men, why we would CONTINUE to stay? This is NOT the kind of man God wants for us, or that he even likes, protects, guards or listens to. You may believe you "deserve" him, but the God of the Universe DOES not agree!
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Proverbs 1:7 NIV
- Is your man "teachable"? Does he mostly behave/speak in a way that shows he values correction, improvement and actively makes CONSISTENT changes he needs to make for your relationship?
- Does he have "fear of the Lord", or even know the Lord?
Proverbs 2:6-9 NIV
“For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path.”
A man who would harm us at all is not to be trusted or close to. Gods Word issues a warning.
“Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. Do not accuse anyone for no reason— when they have done you no harm.”
Proverbs 3:29-30 NIV
- How many times have I been accused of cheating? Or doing something wrong by a ungodly boyfriend? Countless. How many times have I been physically hurt by my so called "loving" boyfriends, "for my own good?" Or I "deserved it that time" or was told it's "no big deal" "just a mistake." Not to mention emotionally hurt or mentally gas-lighted. Different men have different responses, but the character trait is EXACTLY the same.
I accepted it because I thought it was normal. After all, I had lived that way my whole childhood. I accepted it because I did not value myself. I accepted it because I felt (in their dysfunction) they could "relate" to me/understand me. I accepted it because I was lonely and didn't believe anyone would truly ever want me. THEN I met God and I read the Bible I'm sharing now- which uncovered the lies I believed and changed my "truth" and improved MY LIFE..
For the Lord detests the perverse but takes the upright into his confidence.”
Proverbs 3:29-30, 32 NIV
- Who are the "perverse"? The men listed above as described by their traits. Google says they are (of a person or their actions) showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable, often in spite of the consequences.
synonyms: contrary, difficult, unreasonable, uncooperative, unhelpful, obstructive, disobliging, recalcitrant, stubborn, obstinate, obdurate, mulish, pigheaded, bullheaded.
- This also happens to be a great description of the actions (not the sweet make-up words) characteristic of an abusive man. The one who will NOT listen as you have told him repeatedly to stop saying that to you/about you. The one who will NOT listen as you pleaded with him more than once to get help and he makes one call in front of you and then "forgets". The one who will NOT listen as you tell him repeated not to hurt you again and to stop disrespecting you and he does it, again. "Sorry" and then again. "Sorry, you know I love you so much. I promise never again" And then AGAIN.. And again. And Again. Feel me?
- Let's take a look at some more of his qualities in God's Word. Intense WARNINGS God has given us AGAINST being with these type of men. He lovingly repeats it over and over differently each verse until we "get it" and I will do the same here.
“Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”
Proverbs 4:5-6 NIV
"Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot rest until they do evil; they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.”
Proverbs 4:5-6, 14-17 NIV
“From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things, but the unfaithful have an appetite for violence. Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin."
"Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."
"Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.”
Proverbs 13:2-3, 10, 18 NIV
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
"The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit."
"The Lord detests the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue righteousness."
"Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil."
"Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a large fattened calf with hatred."
"A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
"The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but gracious words are pure in his sight."
"The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil."
"The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous."
"Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor.”
Proverbs 15:1, 4, 9, 16-18, 26, 28-29, 33 NIV
- There are two opposite qualities here being pointed out as God the Father and Holy Spirit does/do for us ladies ALL through the book of Proverbs.
- Notice the evil/wicked man is one who often speaks rashly, without thought to consequences or feelings of another, the evil mans prayers are not heard, he is one who is most often NOT humble or quiet in a peaceful sense, he often stirs up conflicts (fights/arguments), and he often IS NOT gentle or soothing. He shifts blame. He lies. He commands, instead of asks. He assumes, instead of inquire. He is thoughtless to your needs, focused on his.
I loved this because this is a clear description of what he "looks like" in a persons' daily/weekly/monthly actions and behaviors. I never had that kind of wisdom on men - except my wrong "daddy compass" to go by! It also and this is important-- is a very CLEAR picture of what we type of man that we DON'T want to have in our lives; especially to MARRY.
He also gives us a clear look into the qualities we should look for while in our mate search. I will go into that post another time.
The God of the universe has sound wisdom and advice in this love area and read for yourself and believe HE wants more for you! He basically says "YOU DESERVE BETTER. I don't like this type of man."
His type of love he wants for you is described here.
https://www.openbible.info/topics/gods_love_for_us
It is described as being patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing, hopeful, and enduring. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, prideful, rude, selfish, or angry. True love never fails.
The description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God. You cannot do that in a loveless relationship with a "wicked man" who has not had his heart truly "changed" by God.
For the record, I have never met any person who PERFECTLY fulfills this biblical definition of love, but thanks to the Book of Proverbs and Gods gift of wisdom, I can now enjoy love like I have NEVER known before!!
The Bible says that this unconditional love is more important than everything else (a partial list includes oratory ability, prophecy, knowledge, faith, philanthropy and hope). All of these things, which are "good" things, will pass away.
Only love is eternal, since God is love & Jesus will be the basis of eternal life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He said, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND." (Matthew 22:37)10
He then added that the second most important law was "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Jesus said that the entire law was dependent upon these two commandments.
If you are not a Christian, I hope you at least desire to RECEIVE and express love as defined in the Bible.
This kind of love is possible through relying on the power of God, reading this book of Proverbs to recognize the good man, and through faith in Jesus Christ.
May the Lord direct our bruised and brokenness into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ who will lead us to a man after God's heart and be gentle with ours.
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