Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Signs he "moved on" ... and so should you ...

Sign He is Losing Interest
 Men do lose interest. It's a fact. Men can get bored and when they do, they start wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. There are signs that a man is losing interest and if you are seeing these signs, take action and start to move away from him, preferably now, before he decides to mow the lawn of another and you get hurt in the process. He likely already is. ;)
1. His calls and texts are less frequent. If you notice a change in his calling or texting pattern, your boy is losing interests. A man wants to stay in touch with the woman he cares about and his patterns will not change. If you feel his calls are out of obligation this is another clue.
2. He starts making plans without you. Maybe a weekend trip with his buddies. If he usually wants to spend most of the weekend with you and now there are other things he wants to fit in, he is working you out of the priority seat slowly but surely this is one of the signs he has lost some interest and is expanding and moving into the differentiating phase of the relationship stages.
3. If when you address any issues or your feelings of him disappearing, he gets defensive or reacts negatively. If a man is thinking of leaving, he will not be comfortable more times than not by offering you reassurance. He will feel guilt which causes one to get defensive. If he defends his change of actions, your boyfriend is losing interest.
4. He says he needs some space. Watch out if you hear this one. The end is near more times than not. If a man says he needs space, he is feeling smothered. Smothered men do not thrive in a relationship ever. The harder you hold on to a man who says he needs space, the further you will push him away.
5. If your boy starts to become "distracted" with work or some other project, he may be losing interest and this is only an excuse to postpone the inevitable. Men that suddenly become preoccupied with something else often use this as a way to prolong the break up. 



This is how he is supposed to be acting with you.
1He calls/texts for no particular reason other than to share stories about his day and ask about yours.
 2 He makes plans to see you again. It is not enough for him to allude vaguely to the future, about something you might maybe do sometime together. If a guy wants you in his life, he will make specific plans to see you again. 
3 He pays attention when you talk. His eyes are focused on you. He doesn't look around the room. He doesn't lose interest. You have the feeling as though he is hanging on your every word. 
4 He introduces you to his friends. It's plain and simple: if a guy is excited about you, he will be excited to show you off to his friends. 
5 He wants to meet your friends. And when he does, it is obvious that he wants to make a good impression. 
6 He touches you in ways that have nothing to do with sex. He holds your hand, he kisses your forehead, he plays with your hair, he pulls you close. 7 He changes his Facebook status from "Single" to "In a relationship" without you having to ask about it.
 8 He is there when you need something. Your car breaks down; he acts as your chauffeur for the week. A mouse occupies your house; he gets rid of it. You get sick; he brings you soup. 
9 He does what he says he will do. Another obvious indicator: when he says he's going to do something, he does it. 
10 When you hit bumps on your relationship road, he communicates easily, openly and without arguing. He doesn't get mad or withdrawn when you want to discuss your feelings or concerns about the relationship.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Proverbs Men Study - Man 1 - Can you spot him?

 "The violent, the ruthless, the rebel, the wicked, the angry man, the dark stranger, the hot-headed man, the cold shoulder man, the man of strife, "he who loves to quarrel"

These words may sound very daunting, powerful, scary, and alarmingly this type of description is exciting to some women. Women who wind up in unhappy relationships. Women who wind up sick from added stressors. Women who wind end up being abused or killed. Women who wind up lonely and with children who are essentially fatherless.

The world & media (movies/TV/magazine ads/social) seems to love and give attention to these male archetypes, and unknowingly men may even try to emulate these qualities thinking this is what it means to be "a man" and rule the household, but God says he DETESTS men with these qualities. He HATES them. He DESPISES them and their actions DISGUST him. He says He DOES NOT even hear their prayers. 

Learning this, I humbly asked myself and I wonder why would I or any woman want to CONTINUE to choose this type of man for her boy"friend"?  Or if we are already with one of these men, why we would CONTINUE to stay?  This is NOT the kind of man God wants for us, or that he even likes, protects, guards or listens to. You may believe you "deserve" him, but the God of the Universe DOES not agree!

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Proverbs 1:7 NIV

- Is your man "teachable"? Does he mostly behave/speak in a way that shows he values correction, improvement and actively makes CONSISTENT changes he needs to make for your relationship? 
- Does he have "fear of the Lord", or even know the Lord? 

Proverbs 2:6-9 NIV
“For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path.”

A man who would harm us at all is not to be trusted or close to. Gods Word issues a warning.

“Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. Do not accuse anyone for no reason— when they have done you no harm.”
Proverbs 3:29-30 NIV

- How many times have I been accused of cheating? Or doing something wrong by a ungodly boyfriend? Countless. How many times have I been physically hurt by my so called "loving" boyfriends, "for my own good?" Or I "deserved it that time" or was told it's "no big deal" "just a mistake." Not to mention emotionally hurt or mentally gas-lighted. Different men have different responses, but the character trait is EXACTLY the same. 

I accepted it because I thought it was normal. After all, I had lived that way my whole childhood. I accepted it because I did not value myself. I accepted it because I felt (in their dysfunction) they could "relate" to me/understand me. I accepted it because I was lonely and didn't believe anyone would truly ever want me. THEN I met God and I read the Bible I'm sharing now- which uncovered the lies I believed and changed my "truth" and improved MY LIFE.. 

For the Lord detests the perverse but takes the upright into his confidence.”
Proverbs 3:29-30, 32 NIV

- Who are the "perverse"? The men listed above as described by their traits. Google says they are (of a person or their actions) showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable, often in spite of the consequences.
synonyms: contrary, difficult, unreasonable, uncooperative, unhelpful, obstructive, disobliging, recalcitrant, stubborn, obstinate, obdurate, mulish, pigheaded, bullheaded. 

- This also happens to be a great description of the actions (not the sweet make-up words) characteristic of an abusive man. The one who will NOT listen as you have told him repeatedly to stop saying that to you/about you. The one who will NOT listen as you pleaded with him more than once to get help and he makes one call in front of you and then "forgets". The one who will NOT listen as you tell him repeated not to hurt you again and to stop disrespecting you and he does it, again. "Sorry" and then again. "Sorry, you know I love you so much. I promise never again" And then AGAIN.. And again. And Again. Feel me?

- Let's take a look at some more of his qualities in God's Word. Intense WARNINGS God has given us AGAINST being with these type of men. He lovingly repeats it over and over differently each verse until we "get it" and I will do the same here. 

“Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”
Proverbs 4:5-6 NIV

"Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot rest until they do evil; they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.”
Proverbs 4:5-6, 14-17 NIV

“From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things, but the unfaithful have an appetite for violence. Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin."

"Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."

"Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.”
Proverbs 13:2-3, 10, 18 NIV

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

"The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit."

"The Lord detests the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue righteousness."

"Better a little with the fear of the Lord than great wealth with turmoil."

"Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a large fattened calf with hatred."

"A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."

"The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but gracious words are pure in his sight."

"The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil."

"The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous."

"Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor.”
Proverbs 15:1, 4, 9, 16-18, 26, 28-29, 33 NIV

- There are two opposite qualities here being pointed out as God the Father and Holy Spirit does/do for us ladies ALL through the book of Proverbs. 

- Notice the evil/wicked man is one who often speaks rashly, without thought to consequences or feelings of another, the evil mans prayers are not heard, he is one who is most often NOT humble or quiet in a peaceful sense, he often stirs up conflicts (fights/arguments), and he often IS NOT gentle or soothing. He shifts blame. He lies. He commands, instead of asks. He assumes, instead of inquire. He is thoughtless to your needs, focused on his.

I loved this because this is a clear description of what he "looks like" in a persons' daily/weekly/monthly actions and behaviors. I never had that kind of wisdom on men - except my wrong "daddy compass" to go by!  It also and this is important-- is a very CLEAR picture of what we type of man that we DON'T want to have in our lives; especially to MARRY. 

He also gives us a clear look into the qualities we should look for while in our mate search. I will go into that post another time. 

The God of the universe has sound wisdom and advice in this love area and read for yourself and believe HE wants more for you!  He basically says "YOU DESERVE BETTER. I don't like this type of man."

His type of love he wants for you is described here.
https://www.openbible.info/topics/gods_love_for_us

It is described as being patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing, hopeful, and enduring. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, prideful, rude, selfish, or angry. True love never fails. 

The description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God. You cannot do that in a loveless relationship with a "wicked man" who has not had his heart truly "changed" by God. 

For the record, I have never met any person who PERFECTLY fulfills this biblical definition of love, but thanks to the Book of Proverbs and Gods gift of wisdom, I can now enjoy love like I have NEVER known before!! 

The Bible says that this unconditional love is more important than everything else (a partial list includes oratory ability, prophecy, knowledge, faith, philanthropy and hope). All of these things, which are "good" things, will pass away. 

Only love is eternal, since God is love & Jesus will be the basis of eternal life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He said, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND." (Matthew 22:37)10

He then added that the second most important law was "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Jesus said that the entire law was dependent upon these two commandments.

If you are not a Christian, I hope you at least desire to RECEIVE and express love as defined in the Bible. 

This kind of love is possible through relying on the power of God, reading this book of Proverbs to recognize the good man, and through faith in Jesus Christ. 

May the Lord direct our bruised and brokenness into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ who will lead us to a man after God's heart and be gentle with ours.








Saturday, February 18, 2012

777 taking it easy and other nonsense


Just checked my profile, that taking it easy guy was so weird. I thought that he wanted to be friends and then I never heard from him again. Must have been after the link to my music and that page.. how unfortunate, we had what I would consider stellar conversation compared to most I've met there. I thought he was pretty ok...and he disappeared. Btter now than if I had met him in person. LOL, you are.. the disappearing act.. or something like that it was ..oh no no its the.. you are.. the Vapor Trail. LOL

Just started class tonight. My History professor, if I can add the class, is going to be an interesting experience I can tell already. He is a character for sure.

The ATF needs to be added, but I am ok on oil so far. There I was, after class, tired, popping my hood and getting under the car in a gas station alley in my little skirt and heels... is this going to be what its like to "maintain" my car? Should I get some rags, a xtra change of clothes, a rubber mallet, hammer, screwdriver, jump cables, wrench, pliers and a flashlight to have n the trunk "just in case"?

I have gotten one step closer to setting up the DOS program for this office, and getting it the hell out of the processes that it is SLOOOOOOWING down. Why the hell are they even using something as old as DOS I will never know. Anyway, I am working with their programming team to set up auto calculate for the various tariffs and zones, yay! Go go project management automator me.

I also almost set myself and my condo on fire last night. That was a def NON-highlight. We need a new microwave and stove. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. AT ALL. well, THIS WEEK. :P

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Bible and I have the same mate in mind

A Repost  4-8-2009

Learning About the Proverbs Man 

I was totally shocked when I read the Bible last night after like 10 years. The man I want now, the qualities I want, and now find attractive is actually stated in the Bible. It's crazy!

The men I used to choose were also in there! Here are some examples from the book of Proverbs:
  • Harsh discipline is for him who forsakes the way; and he who hates correction will die.
  • He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, be he who is impulsive exalts foolishness and folly.
  • A false witness shall not go unpunished and he who speaks lies shall perish.
  • Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, who ever spreads slander is a fool.
  • Like a madman who throws arrows, firebrands and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor and then says "I was just joking" (yeah, thats actually in the Bible, lol)
  • A proud and haughty man - "Scoffer" is his name - he acts only with arrogant pride.
  • He who loves pleasure will be a poor man, he who loves wine and oil will not be rich.
  • Do not mix with winebibbers, or gluttonous eaters of meat; for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags.
  • Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company; for their hearts plot violence, and their lips talk about making trouble.
  • He who loves transgression seeks strife, he who exalts his gate seeks destruction.
  • Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.
  • Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?"
Those have been the qualities of the men I chose. "Lovers of themselves" They are sinners and wicked in God's eyes because they walk away from repentance and do not choose God's way - choosing the ways of sin "they seek death". He describes exactly his feelings about all these things/these types of men, in verse after verse, chapter after chapter.

Here are the male types however, that I have been seeking newly in my heart. The Bible actually describes them just as clearly so I may know the difference. He will be someone who will be/have:
  • "by humility and fear of the Lord" (in actions, not words)
  • "he who has a generous eye"
  • "he who is in wisdom and understanding"
  • "he who excels in his work"
  • "he who does not mistreat his father or chase away his mother"
  • "he who does not utter a false witness"
  • "he who owns discretion and is slow to anger, slow to wrath"
  • What is desired in a man is kindness, and a poor man is better than a liar. (in actions, not words)
  • "he who keeps the commandments" (in actions, not words)
  • Wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.
  • He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and who rules his spirit that he who can take a city.
There it is. In black and white and laid out pretty damn clearly since, oh I don't know, a really long time. Totally blew my mind when I read it.

2 But I had almost stopped believing; I had almost lost my faith
3 because I was jealous of proud people. I saw wicked people doing well.
4
They are not suffering; they are healthy and strong.
5 They don’t have troubles like the rest of us; they don’t have problems like other people.
6 They wear pride like a necklace and put on violence as their clothing.
7 They are looking for profits and do not control their selfish desires.
8 They make fun of others and speak evil; proudly they speak of hurting others.
9 They brag to the sky. They say that they own the earth.
10
So their people turn to them and give them whatever they want.
11 They say, “How can God know?
12 These people are wicked, always at ease, and getting richer.
13
So why have I kept my heart pure? Why have I kept my hands from doing wrong?
14
I have suffered all day long; I have been punished every morning.
15 God, if I had decided to talk like this, I would have let your people down.Psalms 73:2-15

1 Don’t be upset because of evil people. Don’t be jealous of those who do wrong,
2 because like the grass, they will soon dry up. Like green plants, they will soon die away.
3 Trust the Lord and do good. Live in the land and feed on truth.Psalms 37:1-3

Because the imperfection of the earthly justice system and the assumption that the principles instituted by God is slow to react, men think they can continue with their ways unhampered. Influencing as many as they can. But the answer to the assumed passiveness of the Creator is explained also!

He has been very kind and patient, waiting for you to change, but you think nothing of his kindness. Perhaps you do not understand that God is kind to you so you will change your hearts and lives. Romans 2:4

Eventually, people will receive the appropriate wages for the decisions and actions they made. This could be the reason why we are advised to embrace “wisdom” .

20 Wisdom is like a woman shouting in the street; she raises her voice in the city squares.
21 She cries out in the noisy street and shouts at the city gates:
23 If only you had listened when I corrected you, I would have told you what’s in my heart; I would have told you what I am thinking.
24 I called, but you refused to listen; I held out my hand, but you paid no attention.
25 You did not follow my advice and did not listen when I corrected you.
31 So you will get what you deserve; you will get what you planned for others.
32 Fools will die because they refuse to listen; they will be destroyed because they do not care.
33 But those who listen to me will live in safety and be at peace, without fear of injury.” Proverbs 1:20-25, 31-33

I'm going to have another great day.