Well not yet. I met a guy tonight. A skateboarder in the pouring rain on Venice Strand.
How totally random? Anyway, he owns a skateboard company and just happened to be flying to NYC in 4 hours. We ended up hanging out with him for the entire time before his flight and him taking us to this bar nearby. Vanessa wanted to get a drink..
There we learned more about him. Well, Vanessa did since she is studying Psych. LOL. His parents are separated, like mine. He just met his dad. He has lived and been all over the place, like me. He has many siblings, like me and he is cute and is 30 but looks 20, like me. She said she immediately felt attraction sparks between us and she noticed a change in us physiologically as well as physically. How odd that I did not notice that at all.
How cool right? It's awesome that as I am thinking about my ex trying to get my mind off him and his new gf, into the scene walks this skater. A perfect distraction for now if I don't say so myself. If I was back to my old tricks I would be in bed and in a relationship with this guy within the month, but I am not, that was BC and I am going in with eyes open, legs closed.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
A great Needs test - that def got it right with me.
This test was able to pinpoint me to a T! I mean, wow! I actually italicized and bolded the things that were the most true for me, the good and bad. This was an amazing exercise. Now if only the website can create the guy...LOL. just kidding!
Congratulations on completing the unique “Relationship Needs Assessment.” This assessment determines what you need in a relationship across nine key factors:
Interdependence
Intimacy
Self-Efficacy
Relationship Readiness
Communication
Conflict Resolution
Sexuality
Attitudes About Love
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be “relationship material” with you.
Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at this website community!
S, Your Assessment is below:
Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are moderately interdependent in a relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact, it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:
“Do you think couples can ever get to the point when they spend too much time together? – and if so, how do you know when that point is?”
“How much time away from a lover do you think you need in a given week? – and what kinds of things do you like to do for yourself during your free time?”
“What really makes a date or any time with a partner truly special for you?”
Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are very comfortable with being intimate and vulnerable with a partner. However, your desire for emotional closeness and security puts you at some risk for disclosing too much, too soon when a relationship is newly developing. People like you have big hearts and an impressive openness to your partner. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably feel very uncomfortable – and even guilty – if there were any secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you regard your lover as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is typically no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with this person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. You are willing to act on the belief that your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Therefore, you are probably not deterred in taking the risks associated with being vulnerable on all levels. Bottom line: you need someone who believes and acts on the belief that the intimacy of a relationship is sacred.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:
“Under what circumstances do you think it is okay for someone to discuss details of his/her relationship with family or friends?”
“What type of issues would you talk to your friends or family about before sharing with your partner?”
“Do you think couples should have access to each other’s bank accounts, email accounts, calendars and basically all personal information?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
It would bother me if I got attached to people very easily. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not truly committed to your partner, that you are selfish and self centered, that you are superficial in your relationships or that you have unrealistic expectations. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a healthy degree of individuality and independence or that you have a good understanding of your fears.
I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have a low self-esteem and self-image, that you are self centered, that you fear you will not live up to your partner’s expectations or that your partner will not live up to yours. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a have a good understanding of yourself and learned boundaries.
Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:
“To what extent do you need a job or hobbies that allow you to express your energy and creativity?”
“Do you like solving the challenges that work and home life throw at you? Why or Why not? “
“What are some of the best ways to turn around a ‘bad day’?”
Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:
“Tell me in what ways you are a happy and successful single”
“Are you truly happy with the way you have lived your life? Explain”
Are there any ways in which you feel your life is not balanced?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
My physical, mental or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are self critical, you are overly needy and attention-seeking or that you are a person who must always manage ongoing stressors. On the positive side, it could mean that you are always striving for personal growth and achievement or that you are realistic about your life’s circumstances.
Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:
“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”
“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”
“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
I sense when someone feels troubled before being told. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not in tune with a person’s body language, that you tend to be self absorbed or that you lack empathy. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not jump to conclusions or that you do not like to focus on negatives but instead seek out positives.
I always pay attention to people’s body language when talking to them. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not in tune with a person’s body language, that you tend to be self absorbed or that you lack empathy. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not jump to conclusions or that you do not like to focus on negatives but instead seek out positives.
Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:
“Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain”
“Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways?”
“In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
In conflict my reactions are based on how I think the other party perceives me. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are self absorbed or egotistical, that you have poor emotional intelligence or that you jump to conclusions. On the positive side, it could mean that you value individuality and independence or that you try not to posture for people.
Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:
“How important to you is preparation for sex? – and under what situations?”
“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”
“Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
I am actively experimenting with sexual activities that are new to me. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are rigid or prudish, that you jump to conclusions, that you are not open to new experiences or that you distrust your partner. On the positive side, it could mean that you know well your comfort level and limits, that you do not compromise on your values or that you do not give in to social pressures.
Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as "a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic.” This means that you do value Romantic Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Companionate Love. Thus, people in this scoring range typically believe that differences can be overcome and lasting love can be sustained if the couple does the hard of work of consistently showing mutual understanding and accommodation. In this sense, it is likely that you believe soul mates are made, not born. Bottom line: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:
“Do you believe that the best kind of love grows out of strong friendship?”
“In your opinion, how can a couple overcome differences on issues like religion, ethnicity, politics or social class?”
“When it comes to a romantic partner, how would define someone who is unusually well adjusted?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
A couple does not need a passionate sex life to be happy. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have emotional baggage from past relationships, that you have low self esteem or that you are unclear about your sexual needs. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a realistic view of current life events and circumstances, that you are not preoccupied with sex or that you appreciate other, more intimate levels of connection with a partner.
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Verbal Communication. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection openly and directly – such as spontaneous compliments, daily “I love you’s,” occasional notes and gifts for you to find and recognition of your achievements.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“Is it important for you to hear ‘I love you’ every time you talk to your significant other?”
“Do people typically have to fish for compliments from you?”
“Do you like to exchange emails with your partner during the day… or talk for long periods on the phone when apart?”
Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Actions received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need Actions. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who feels that simple or grand acts of kindness are no substitutes for other expressions of affection – such as telling you how they feel, treating you like a partner, touching you lovingly, spending time with you or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“In what ways – if any – do you like for a partner to depend on you?”
“Have you offered to throw a party for someone? – if so, why did you take on that responsibility?”
“What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?”
About
This test was created by the world’s foremost team of academic psychologists who specialize in personality testing, to read more about our assessment check out our FAQ page.
Copyright 2008
Congratulations on completing the unique “Relationship Needs Assessment.” This assessment determines what you need in a relationship across nine key factors:
Interdependence
Intimacy
Self-Efficacy
Relationship Readiness
Communication
Conflict Resolution
Sexuality
Attitudes About Love
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be “relationship material” with you.
Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at this website community!
S, Your Assessment is below:
Interdependence
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are moderately interdependent in a relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact, it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:
“Do you think couples can ever get to the point when they spend too much time together? – and if so, how do you know when that point is?”
“How much time away from a lover do you think you need in a given week? – and what kinds of things do you like to do for yourself during your free time?”
“What really makes a date or any time with a partner truly special for you?”
Intimacy
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are very comfortable with being intimate and vulnerable with a partner. However, your desire for emotional closeness and security puts you at some risk for disclosing too much, too soon when a relationship is newly developing. People like you have big hearts and an impressive openness to your partner. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably feel very uncomfortable – and even guilty – if there were any secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you regard your lover as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is typically no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with this person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. You are willing to act on the belief that your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Therefore, you are probably not deterred in taking the risks associated with being vulnerable on all levels. Bottom line: you need someone who believes and acts on the belief that the intimacy of a relationship is sacred.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:
“Under what circumstances do you think it is okay for someone to discuss details of his/her relationship with family or friends?”
“What type of issues would you talk to your friends or family about before sharing with your partner?”
“Do you think couples should have access to each other’s bank accounts, email accounts, calendars and basically all personal information?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
It would bother me if I got attached to people very easily. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not truly committed to your partner, that you are selfish and self centered, that you are superficial in your relationships or that you have unrealistic expectations. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a healthy degree of individuality and independence or that you have a good understanding of your fears.
I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have a low self-esteem and self-image, that you are self centered, that you fear you will not live up to your partner’s expectations or that your partner will not live up to yours. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a have a good understanding of yourself and learned boundaries.
Self-efficacy
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:
“To what extent do you need a job or hobbies that allow you to express your energy and creativity?”
“Do you like solving the challenges that work and home life throw at you? Why or Why not? “
“What are some of the best ways to turn around a ‘bad day’?”
Relationship readiness
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:
“Tell me in what ways you are a happy and successful single”
“Are you truly happy with the way you have lived your life? Explain”
Are there any ways in which you feel your life is not balanced?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
My physical, mental or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are self critical, you are overly needy and attention-seeking or that you are a person who must always manage ongoing stressors. On the positive side, it could mean that you are always striving for personal growth and achievement or that you are realistic about your life’s circumstances.
Communication
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:
“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”
“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”
“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
I sense when someone feels troubled before being told. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not in tune with a person’s body language, that you tend to be self absorbed or that you lack empathy. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not jump to conclusions or that you do not like to focus on negatives but instead seek out positives.
I always pay attention to people’s body language when talking to them. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not in tune with a person’s body language, that you tend to be self absorbed or that you lack empathy. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not jump to conclusions or that you do not like to focus on negatives but instead seek out positives.
Conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:
“Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain”
“Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways?”
“In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
In conflict my reactions are based on how I think the other party perceives me. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are self absorbed or egotistical, that you have poor emotional intelligence or that you jump to conclusions. On the positive side, it could mean that you value individuality and independence or that you try not to posture for people.
Sexuality
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:
“How important to you is preparation for sex? – and under what situations?”
“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”
“Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Under-value
I am actively experimenting with sexual activities that are new to me. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are rigid or prudish, that you jump to conclusions, that you are not open to new experiences or that you distrust your partner. On the positive side, it could mean that you know well your comfort level and limits, that you do not compromise on your values or that you do not give in to social pressures.
Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as "a realist with a touch of hopeless romantic.” This means that you do value Romantic Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Companionate Love. Thus, people in this scoring range typically believe that differences can be overcome and lasting love can be sustained if the couple does the hard of work of consistently showing mutual understanding and accommodation. In this sense, it is likely that you believe soul mates are made, not born. Bottom line: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:
“Do you believe that the best kind of love grows out of strong friendship?”
“In your opinion, how can a couple overcome differences on issues like religion, ethnicity, politics or social class?”
“When it comes to a romantic partner, how would define someone who is unusually well adjusted?”
Food for Thought! This website wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
A couple does not need a passionate sex life to be happy. - Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have emotional baggage from past relationships, that you have low self esteem or that you are unclear about your sexual needs. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a realistic view of current life events and circumstances, that you are not preoccupied with sex or that you appreciate other, more intimate levels of connection with a partner.
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Verbal Communication. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection openly and directly – such as spontaneous compliments, daily “I love you’s,” occasional notes and gifts for you to find and recognition of your achievements.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“Is it important for you to hear ‘I love you’ every time you talk to your significant other?”
“Do people typically have to fish for compliments from you?”
“Do you like to exchange emails with your partner during the day… or talk for long periods on the phone when apart?”
Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Actions received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need Actions. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who feels that simple or grand acts of kindness are no substitutes for other expressions of affection – such as telling you how they feel, treating you like a partner, touching you lovingly, spending time with you or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift.
Next, This website presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“In what ways – if any – do you like for a partner to depend on you?”
“Have you offered to throw a party for someone? – if so, why did you take on that responsibility?”
“What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?”
About
This test was created by the world’s foremost team of academic psychologists who specialize in personality testing, to read more about our assessment check out our FAQ page.
Copyright 2008
Yesterday
Praise the Lord as always he has had my best interests in mind, just when I am giving up he doesn't. I went to the hospital (a different one) yesterday. Dave took me. He is sweet to do that for Jesus. Why does he have a servants heart? I don't know but I am lucky to have him as a friend. Jayme met us there and was so sweet too. They both waited patiently while I got seen 3 times in the same sitting.
So the way it looks now is I have a job offer. Yay! I couldn't feel more blessed and I have no idea of the outcome of the accident report situation, but I am letting go and trusting in God and this is how he is repaying me for doing so prior.
He has given me less pain, fixed my only pair of glasses for free, given me a good job that will allow me to go to school and that I can maybe even love and give my varied skills to (not just any as I was hunting for), that will pay for all my expenses and taught me humility, patience and self-control and offered friends & family guidance through the whole thing! Plus, he has put it in John and Vanessa's heart to carpool with me to school on Saturdays and Tuesdays as I will not have a car. I am going to take some preliminary trips to Culver City in the next couple days to make sure I can do this transportation trip on a daily basis. Praise the Lord, without Him I would be suicidal and so lost!
So the way it looks now is I have a job offer. Yay! I couldn't feel more blessed and I have no idea of the outcome of the accident report situation, but I am letting go and trusting in God and this is how he is repaying me for doing so prior.
He has given me less pain, fixed my only pair of glasses for free, given me a good job that will allow me to go to school and that I can maybe even love and give my varied skills to (not just any as I was hunting for), that will pay for all my expenses and taught me humility, patience and self-control and offered friends & family guidance through the whole thing! Plus, he has put it in John and Vanessa's heart to carpool with me to school on Saturdays and Tuesdays as I will not have a car. I am going to take some preliminary trips to Culver City in the next couple days to make sure I can do this transportation trip on a daily basis. Praise the Lord, without Him I would be suicidal and so lost!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Gov't banking - look into your history for the reality of this
It could happen. I don't want it to, but it could happen. Heck, these days it seems likely...actually after reading the news, lol it is happening. The banks will be bought out by the government. This is not just occurring here, around the world the governments are getting involved with the banking systems, and therefore, the currency. The sh*t* is about to hit the fan.
Please open these links in new Explorer browser windows.
Babylon-falls-first/
If this were to occur it would be good to know the following.
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-the-Woods
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Living-Hell
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Nuclear-Attack
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Chemical-or-Biological-Attack
Wanna know if your ready? Take the test here!
The What Would You Do in a Global Economic Crisis? Test
Please open these links in new Explorer browser windows.
Babylon-falls-first/
If this were to occur it would be good to know the following.
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-the-Woods
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Living-Hell
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Nuclear-Attack
http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Chemical-or-Biological-Attack
Wanna know if your ready? Take the test here!
The What Would You Do in a Global Economic Crisis? Test
Monday, September 29, 2008
Non-Holy Crap
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
This is unbelievable and unfortunately true.
This is a teaser video - the WHOLE video (please dont be A.D.D and watch it) is at the above link.
This is unbelievable and unfortunately true.
This is a teaser video - the WHOLE video (please dont be A.D.D and watch it) is at the above link.
My Interesting Job?
Well, I went for an interview this am and will possibly be getting a job as an SP. This is a famous medical term for a position called a "Standardized Patient". This position makes it possible for me to pay for and attend school regularly. It is flexible and allows me to work in a structured albeit videotaped environment and is quite satisfying knowing that the kids that are going out there to heal have had some initial testing and practice before hand!
It also happens to be located in a swell nearby town called El Segundo which is really close to my house and doesn't require me to drive if I were to lose my license.
Some more on my possible new job.
Human Guinea Pig
SP in action
Try it on for size in less than 12 seconds (though note: these "patient cases" train for months first at paid salaries)
It also happens to be located in a swell nearby town called El Segundo which is really close to my house and doesn't require me to drive if I were to lose my license.
Some more on my possible new job.
Human Guinea Pig
SP in action
Try it on for size in less than 12 seconds (though note: these "patient cases" train for months first at paid salaries)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The Battle ship and the Cruise Ship
We’ve grown complacent, Satan’s favorite tactic. So this cruise ship/battleship analogy so speaks to that as it pertains to the kind of bosy we are a part of developing. When you go on a cruise, you look for the boat with all the stuff, that is going to cater to YOUR every want and desire. You’re going to stuff yourself silly at the midnight buffet. Look for all the activities (pool, swimming, dancing, eating, tennis, etc) you can handle at every port and give a cursory thought to the personal responsibilities you have in case of emergency. Other than that you’re going to sit back and ingest and be served throughout the entire voyage. Then when it’s over you’re going to get off the boat without much thought to the ship and the staff ever again. Maybe throw a couple dollars in tips to the crew and feel good about yourself. Maybe next time you’ll maybe jump on a newer, bigger, better, for a bit a more exciting ship in padded, comfortable luxury. If there’s a war going on, do you really want to be in a war zone on a cruise ship?
Contrast that to the battleship. It’s all gray, and maybe has a TV and a weight room if you’re lucky. In WWII, the last major use of battleships, those too were unheard luxuries. The food was not that great, and if you were at sea for any length of time, all fresh food was gone and you were stuck eating out of cans, literally. Your bunk gave you about 6 inches between your nose and the bunk about with a small locker for all of your belongings and a shared bathroom that you were responsible to clean yourself. Not to mention necessary painting, scrubbing and cleaning that everyone participated in all the time. You weren’t served or catered to. You served and catered. You didn’t have snorkeling and jet skis to look forward to. If you were lucky you got 1 can of beer and a couple hours of baseball on the beach before it was back to work loading and fitting out the ship for the next journey. When you went in to battle you were singled out by the enemy because you were on the biggest ship with the biggest guns. Constantly under threat of attack, manning the guns almost constantly, putting your life on the line. If you come on board brand new, it’s not easy, but you know you’re part of something bigger than you, with long term purpose. The old ones train and teach you to become a part of the crew and fulfill your role to its fullest. And you know the sailors on those ships fight valiantly for each other and for the bigger cause. They willingly sail into the war zone. This is what Paul talks about. When you leave the cruise ship you feel no ownership, no connection. When you serve as a part of the crew of a battleship you’re a part of that crew for life! It’s no fleeting fling to the Bahamas…their life is wrapped up in fighting and maybe dying for that ship and the cause it represents. They willingly give up the comforts and trappings of the cushy cruise ship to fight and battle for something that literally changes the world.
That’s the kind of people I want to be surrounded with. …however, just as with any ship, whether you choose to believe in God or not, heaven and hell or not, do His will or not, we have 100% free will to do what we want given by a freedom loving God. Even a fool knows there will definitely be an end and both these boats will eventually dock to their final destinations regardless of what we choose to believe and do with our time here on Earth. I want to man the battleship we're on and do the right thing.
Contrast that to the battleship. It’s all gray, and maybe has a TV and a weight room if you’re lucky. In WWII, the last major use of battleships, those too were unheard luxuries. The food was not that great, and if you were at sea for any length of time, all fresh food was gone and you were stuck eating out of cans, literally. Your bunk gave you about 6 inches between your nose and the bunk about with a small locker for all of your belongings and a shared bathroom that you were responsible to clean yourself. Not to mention necessary painting, scrubbing and cleaning that everyone participated in all the time. You weren’t served or catered to. You served and catered. You didn’t have snorkeling and jet skis to look forward to. If you were lucky you got 1 can of beer and a couple hours of baseball on the beach before it was back to work loading and fitting out the ship for the next journey. When you went in to battle you were singled out by the enemy because you were on the biggest ship with the biggest guns. Constantly under threat of attack, manning the guns almost constantly, putting your life on the line. If you come on board brand new, it’s not easy, but you know you’re part of something bigger than you, with long term purpose. The old ones train and teach you to become a part of the crew and fulfill your role to its fullest. And you know the sailors on those ships fight valiantly for each other and for the bigger cause. They willingly sail into the war zone. This is what Paul talks about. When you leave the cruise ship you feel no ownership, no connection. When you serve as a part of the crew of a battleship you’re a part of that crew for life! It’s no fleeting fling to the Bahamas…their life is wrapped up in fighting and maybe dying for that ship and the cause it represents. They willingly give up the comforts and trappings of the cushy cruise ship to fight and battle for something that literally changes the world.
That’s the kind of people I want to be surrounded with. …however, just as with any ship, whether you choose to believe in God or not, heaven and hell or not, do His will or not, we have 100% free will to do what we want given by a freedom loving God. Even a fool knows there will definitely be an end and both these boats will eventually dock to their final destinations regardless of what we choose to believe and do with our time here on Earth. I want to man the battleship we're on and do the right thing.
Surface Tension and Microgravity
This is a great video! Check it!
Surface tension of water in microgravity 3
Surface tension of water in microgravity 3
Andrea's Interesting Job
I don't even have to write about this one because we have all had one. My friend Andrea works as a Science Teacher. She is a very strong Christian who has a respect for science and love for teaching and recently became a Science Teacher. It is not very common for Christians to go into seemingly atheist based science however she has and I applaud her. Her stories of class are great. I think that could be an interesting job also!
Science Teacher retainment
Science Teacher retainment
Dave's Interesting Job
As you know I am interested in finding my calling. My good friend Dave's job is also very interesting. He is studying to become a firefighter. He ha already worked as an EMT and Paramedic and is in the testing phase for being a firefighter.
This is some of what he does here in LA.
Firefighters
This is some of what he does here in LA.
Firefighters
Coreys' Interesting Job
My good friend Corey is a foley artist for Hollywood. What is a foley artist you ask? I wondered too, and did not even know this type of job existed. She is working on some of the hottest shows/movies out right now and this is what she does! It's very interesting and I am proud for her finding her passion. I am lucky to have her as a friend and feel blessed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foley_artist
The Art of Foley
Famous Foley Artists
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foley_artist
The Art of Foley
Famous Foley Artists
Tonight, tonight what a wonderful night..
I have been thinking about my next steps with this thing going on and I have basically created a supplemental report to combat their words against mine and let the insurance make the choice, and the truth set me free.
I am going to give up only when the situation has come to an end and there is no way that I have exhausted all possibilities just yet. Whatever happens with "R" happens. I am not gonna push anything.
I got a 97 on my 1st Exam! Woot! It feels good to be in school and have a place where my perfectionism works for me and can be safely expressed. I am learning a lot in this class! I am learning about working in groups with others, dealing with diff types of personalities, learning when to let go of planning and when to voice my opinions and plan etc. It is awesome.
Everyone around me thinks I am so awesome. I need to keep a cool head about that nonsense because its not about my glory its about His. My cost to get to school today wasn't awesome, however. I am going to hopefully carpool with Vanessa or Julie until I get a job and wheels of my own OR... we'll see. I once again interviewed on Friday in Culver City for Sizzler US. I don't know what their deal is but I am the only candidate to meet with the CEO so that's a good sign? The bus was not a good sign and I got sick from taking the bus. Guess who now has the flu and a neckache? Mhmm. Me! =)
In the meantime I am picking up the pace with the schedule and studying 3 chapters at a time, whoa! I didn't expect that from the class but apparently "this is college." I will continue to do my best. :) Next week also happens to be another off-site event in PV.
I am finding I really enjoy the labs where we look into a microscope! Gosh, its like another little world in there! Like WOW but better! I absolutely love that. I asked my professor if there was a job where I could just look at rocks or little life forms and sea materials through the microscope all day and she said "lab geologist" or "lab biologist" so I might look into that one. Perhaps my love for science will fuel my acceptance of Math for 4-6 years? Diatoms are by far my favorite to be viewed thus far. Second would be my little manganese nodules... water itself is really an amazing thing.... mmm. There is not one thing that lives or exists on/in the ocean that does not affect us, from the spreading M.O.R to the smallest of clays to the actual graded deposits and PH or heating and huge underwater volcanic activity! Absolutely fascinating. Every single ocean molecule and non-molecule has a purpose! You are amazing, God!
Check out the amazing water properties here!
Properties of Water
In other news, I wrote two tracks in my music engineering class and they are due this week. Without Cubase SL to work from from home also I feel I am missing something. However, I am doing my best and will hopefully be able to ride the bus though with my schools current high rate of rape/issues this will absolutely be more dangerous than it was for me to drive there. I have to take that chance, cuz I can't just miss classes. I start on the radio show in 2 weeks! Forget TV on the Radio its S on the Radio! LOL... Wrte more later,
love, me
I am going to give up only when the situation has come to an end and there is no way that I have exhausted all possibilities just yet. Whatever happens with "R" happens. I am not gonna push anything.
I got a 97 on my 1st Exam! Woot! It feels good to be in school and have a place where my perfectionism works for me and can be safely expressed. I am learning a lot in this class! I am learning about working in groups with others, dealing with diff types of personalities, learning when to let go of planning and when to voice my opinions and plan etc. It is awesome.
Everyone around me thinks I am so awesome. I need to keep a cool head about that nonsense because its not about my glory its about His. My cost to get to school today wasn't awesome, however. I am going to hopefully carpool with Vanessa or Julie until I get a job and wheels of my own OR... we'll see. I once again interviewed on Friday in Culver City for Sizzler US. I don't know what their deal is but I am the only candidate to meet with the CEO so that's a good sign? The bus was not a good sign and I got sick from taking the bus. Guess who now has the flu and a neckache? Mhmm. Me! =)
In the meantime I am picking up the pace with the schedule and studying 3 chapters at a time, whoa! I didn't expect that from the class but apparently "this is college." I will continue to do my best. :) Next week also happens to be another off-site event in PV.
I am finding I really enjoy the labs where we look into a microscope! Gosh, its like another little world in there! Like WOW but better! I absolutely love that. I asked my professor if there was a job where I could just look at rocks or little life forms and sea materials through the microscope all day and she said "lab geologist" or "lab biologist" so I might look into that one. Perhaps my love for science will fuel my acceptance of Math for 4-6 years? Diatoms are by far my favorite to be viewed thus far. Second would be my little manganese nodules... water itself is really an amazing thing.... mmm. There is not one thing that lives or exists on/in the ocean that does not affect us, from the spreading M.O.R to the smallest of clays to the actual graded deposits and PH or heating and huge underwater volcanic activity! Absolutely fascinating. Every single ocean molecule and non-molecule has a purpose! You are amazing, God!
Check out the amazing water properties here!
Properties of Water
In other news, I wrote two tracks in my music engineering class and they are due this week. Without Cubase SL to work from from home also I feel I am missing something. However, I am doing my best and will hopefully be able to ride the bus though with my schools current high rate of rape/issues this will absolutely be more dangerous than it was for me to drive there. I have to take that chance, cuz I can't just miss classes. I start on the radio show in 2 weeks! Forget TV on the Radio its S on the Radio! LOL... Wrte more later,
love, me
Friday, September 26, 2008
Reflecting
This week I am reflecting on my mistakes within my last relationship and looking at my actions, beliefs and behaviors.
I think it is important to feel all the unresolved feelings, say all the unresolved things that needed to be said (not actually to Chris, of course) and witness your own faults in why something unfolds the way it does.
Good times. With that my self care for this week...
What is my final decisions on Chris that I still need to stick to for my own safety and mental clarity?
• We are over and he is entitled to move on (not me get angry, tease him, or speak to him at all, either). He does not want to be in a relationship like the one we had and neither do I. I don’t really want to be with someone who could not be attentive, faithful to me or nice consistently, often didn’t want to see me/spend time and that I argued with. I deserve God’s man for me, end of story.
• I need to keep no contact with him.
• I need to time with me, learning about myself & doing God’s will.
• I need to realize I am NOT READY for a relationship WITH ANYONE.
• I need to use firm boundaries and be consistent in my behavior, actions & words.
• I need to see actions back up words. I need to build trust in myself over the next 6 months, even for a solid friendship with someone.
What can i or could I have controlled with Chris? Nothing. I CANNOT control Chris. I cannot control him, his thoughts, words or his actions, or his reasons at all.
• I can control the amount of time I choose to spend on him, how I will handle the situation.
• I can control my own thoughts, actions, words.
THINGS I CAN DO FOR MY SELF CARE
• Study for class
• I can recognize what I feel and feel the temp feelings I have and nurture myself through it
• I can go out with friends/self
• I can volunteer / work / be creative with my time
• I can eat well and exercise to fight any depression or emotional stagnation
• I can pray to/talk to God and Jesus for strength when I am feeling lonely / sad
• Take care of myself and my own issues
• Attend my meetings
• Stay away from unhealthy others and situations-GO COLD TURKEY
When I want to call him/IM him/email him I will instead:
• A family member
• Someone from church
• Another random guy in my phone
I think it is important to feel all the unresolved feelings, say all the unresolved things that needed to be said (not actually to Chris, of course) and witness your own faults in why something unfolds the way it does.
Good times. With that my self care for this week...
What is my final decisions on Chris that I still need to stick to for my own safety and mental clarity?
• We are over and he is entitled to move on (not me get angry, tease him, or speak to him at all, either). He does not want to be in a relationship like the one we had and neither do I. I don’t really want to be with someone who could not be attentive, faithful to me or nice consistently, often didn’t want to see me/spend time and that I argued with. I deserve God’s man for me, end of story.
• I need to keep no contact with him.
• I need to time with me, learning about myself & doing God’s will.
• I need to realize I am NOT READY for a relationship WITH ANYONE.
• I need to use firm boundaries and be consistent in my behavior, actions & words.
• I need to see actions back up words. I need to build trust in myself over the next 6 months, even for a solid friendship with someone.
What can i or could I have controlled with Chris? Nothing. I CANNOT control Chris. I cannot control him, his thoughts, words or his actions, or his reasons at all.
• I can control the amount of time I choose to spend on him, how I will handle the situation.
• I can control my own thoughts, actions, words.
THINGS I CAN DO FOR MY SELF CARE
• Study for class
• I can recognize what I feel and feel the temp feelings I have and nurture myself through it
• I can go out with friends/self
• I can volunteer / work / be creative with my time
• I can eat well and exercise to fight any depression or emotional stagnation
• I can pray to/talk to God and Jesus for strength when I am feeling lonely / sad
• Take care of myself and my own issues
• Attend my meetings
• Stay away from unhealthy others and situations-GO COLD TURKEY
When I want to call him/IM him/email him I will instead:
• A family member
• Someone from church
• Another random guy in my phone
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Relationship Secrets and Mr. Right
Looking back today, I was speaking of Chris last night and mentioning how that it is finally over with him. The saga has ended. That no one would be hearing about him anymore and how I am not ever talking to him again.
Nonetheless, this post is about Relationships, real ones.
The 10 Secrets
1) Power of Thought. Loving thoughts create loving experiences.
2) Power of Giving. The more love we give, the more we receive.
3) Power of Respect. You cannot love anyone unless you respect them first. To love is to give of yourself freely and unconditionally.
4) Power of Friendship. To find true love, find a true friend. Love doesnt consist of gazing into each others eyes but of looking outward toward the future in the same direction.
5) Power of Letting Go. If you love something, set it free, if it comes back its yours, if it doesn't it never was yours. If we want to learn to love we must forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances.
6) Power of Communication. To love someone is to communicate to them with truth.
7) Power of Commitment. Commitment is a true test of love. If you want to have a loving relationship you must be committed to it, 100%. When you are committed, quitting is not an option. It distinguishes the fragile from the strong relationship.
8) Power of Passion. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest in the other, and excitement.
9) Power of Touch. Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding. Touch changes the physical emotional state and make us receptive.
10) Power of Trust. Trust is ESSENTIAL in all loving relationships. One of the ways you can tell someone is right for you is ask yourself "Do I trust them completely without reserve?" If the answer is no, think carefully and wisely before making a commitment.
Mr. Right
"Romance" is deadly because it is deceitful. The US version of "love" is the idea that love is an irresistible force like gravity. This is faulty because instead of having the freedom to choose and make right and responsible decisions with our lives, this view pushes less human and more animal in heat responding only to sex drives. Animals cant control those urges, humans however, can. This view leaves us victims of circumstance, which we are not.
If you are a Christian woman you can marry and should marry a Christian man. However, as it says in the Bible not just a Christian man but a GODLY man. 2 Corinthians 6:14. "do not be yoked together with unbelievers" wise words, why?
Godly means pious, devout and conformed to God's law.
Of the man of your interest ask yourself, DOES HE OBEY GOD CONSISTENTLY? DOES HE LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE OR ANYONE?
Its easy to be fooled by appearances. A man who isn't godly will try to impress by being religious, this is not the same.
Godly character like any, can only be recognized over time. In this time remember Proverbs 4:23 "above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"
We are to be submission to our husbands, our husbands to us and Christ and both to God. Eph 5:22, 1 peter 3:1
So we are expected to submit to our husbands, this does not mean be his slave or act mindlessly. Also, we do NOT have to be in submission to boyfriends or fiancees - as we are not married! And "submission" is not control. See previous article on submission here >>
http://thoughtsofmydelicatemind.blogspot.com/2008/05/what-it-actually-will-look-like.html
The Proverbs Wicked Men
http://thoughtsofmydelicatemind.blogspot.com/2008/04/bible-and-i-have-same-mate-in-mind.html
Character Traits Scale
http://thoughtsofmydelicatemind.blogspot.com/2008/07/tonight-was-rough-character-traits.html
10 Questions to ask yourself of the man you "love"
1) Is he a man you can submit to? If you marry an idiot, a drunkard, a reveler, a cheap miser, a fornicator, a cheater, a liar, etc, you are to be in submission to that kind of man! Choose very wisely. Don't marry for potential, marry because what you want is already there and you have already seen it in his actions.
2) Does he have a heart inclined towards God? A man whose heart is inclined toward God is AWARE OF what hurts God. A man inclined towards God LISTENS to the Word of God and OBEYS IT. A man whose heart is inclined towards God will be at church, participating, and treating other women with RESPECT AND DIGNITY before, during and AFTER they leave church.
3) Is he accountable to someone? Proverbs 27:!7 "as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another"
A man you can submit to will have other men praying for him, speaking to him, helping him, encouraging him, and rebuking him in his life. What kind of men are in your mans' life? Godly men? Or worldly men?
4) Is he a man who is gentle, humble, and teachable? Matt 11:29, John 6:38. Jesus was teachable, listening to God. A mans primary responsibility is love to his wife, and if he is gentle and humble then usually he will be teachable. If he is teachable, when there are disagreements, (and there will be) he will listen to you, learn and not be afraid to admit he is wrong and make any changes.
5) Is he a man of prayer? To marry a man who is not listening to God is to put your life in danger and spinning out of control. Listen to the man you are interested in: how does he pray? Just at meal times? Does it sound like he knows God? Or is it fox hole prayers? (Back in WW1 & WW2, the soldiers would dig a hole and hide there with their guns and ammo. They would pray their heads off that they would be safe from harms way. When the danger passed, and they were able to escape from these "foxholes", they didn't need God anymore or pray or speak to Him.)
6) Is he a trustworthy leader? Eph 5:23-34 If you are to be in submission and the man is to lead, what kind of leader are you getting? A good leader means he must be a good servant. Matt 20:25-28 "whoever wants to become great must serve and whoever is first, must first be your slave as Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many" Does your man serve you as Christ serves the church, reveres the church, and raises the church?
7) Is he serving somewhere? If not, how will he learn to lead as Jesus did? Through service God teaches a man to be more giving, loving, compassionate and unselfish. This teaches submission to Christ.
8) Is he a wise man or a wise guy? please eliminate all the dumb guys, hot heads, goof balls, wise-crackers, and fools. These are the wicked men of Proverbs. Instead, 24:3, Prov 13:20. Want to know if you are with one of the above?
a) Does he make consistent bad moves and bone-head mistakes?
b) Does he learn from them and stop or repeat them or blame others instead?
c) What motivates his choices?
d) Is he in debt and continues to purchase things? etc?
e) Does he offend people?
Wisdom is a character trait recognized over time, you make the wise choice.
9) Does he know where he is going and how to get there? To be a good leader one must have VISION and be able to make decisions with thought and action. Prov 21:5 "plans of the diligent lead to profit" You are trusting this man with your family's future, where does he want to go? Or does he not know?
10) Does he consider you a godly woman? Godly men will be attracted to godly women. Work on your own relationship with God first. You get involved and serve. Trust God with your future.
Praise the Lord, the man I was with did not possess these qualities and thankfully the Lord has led me away from him, and him away from me to another. Another blessing in disguise (like Brandon was), I see that now. I feel blessed.
Nonetheless, this post is about Relationships, real ones.
The 10 Secrets
1) Power of Thought. Loving thoughts create loving experiences.
2) Power of Giving. The more love we give, the more we receive.
3) Power of Respect. You cannot love anyone unless you respect them first. To love is to give of yourself freely and unconditionally.
4) Power of Friendship. To find true love, find a true friend. Love doesnt consist of gazing into each others eyes but of looking outward toward the future in the same direction.
5) Power of Letting Go. If you love something, set it free, if it comes back its yours, if it doesn't it never was yours. If we want to learn to love we must forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances.
6) Power of Communication. To love someone is to communicate to them with truth.
7) Power of Commitment. Commitment is a true test of love. If you want to have a loving relationship you must be committed to it, 100%. When you are committed, quitting is not an option. It distinguishes the fragile from the strong relationship.
8) Power of Passion. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest in the other, and excitement.
9) Power of Touch. Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding. Touch changes the physical emotional state and make us receptive.
10) Power of Trust. Trust is ESSENTIAL in all loving relationships. One of the ways you can tell someone is right for you is ask yourself "Do I trust them completely without reserve?" If the answer is no, think carefully and wisely before making a commitment.
Mr. Right
"Romance" is deadly because it is deceitful. The US version of "love" is the idea that love is an irresistible force like gravity. This is faulty because instead of having the freedom to choose and make right and responsible decisions with our lives, this view pushes less human and more animal in heat responding only to sex drives. Animals cant control those urges, humans however, can. This view leaves us victims of circumstance, which we are not.
If you are a Christian woman you can marry and should marry a Christian man. However, as it says in the Bible not just a Christian man but a GODLY man. 2 Corinthians 6:14. "do not be yoked together with unbelievers" wise words, why?
Godly means pious, devout and conformed to God's law.
Of the man of your interest ask yourself, DOES HE OBEY GOD CONSISTENTLY? DOES HE LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE OR ANYONE?
Its easy to be fooled by appearances. A man who isn't godly will try to impress by being religious, this is not the same.
Godly character like any, can only be recognized over time. In this time remember Proverbs 4:23 "above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"
We are to be submission to our husbands, our husbands to us and Christ and both to God. Eph 5:22, 1 peter 3:1
So we are expected to submit to our husbands, this does not mean be his slave or act mindlessly. Also, we do NOT have to be in submission to boyfriends or fiancees - as we are not married! And "submission" is not control. See previous article on submission here >>
http://thoughtsofmydelicatemind.blogspot.com/2008/05/what-it-actually-will-look-like.html
The Proverbs Wicked Men
http://thoughtsofmydelicatemind.blogspot.com/2008/04/bible-and-i-have-same-mate-in-mind.html
Character Traits Scale
http://thoughtsofmydelicatemind.blogspot.com/2008/07/tonight-was-rough-character-traits.html
10 Questions to ask yourself of the man you "love"
1) Is he a man you can submit to? If you marry an idiot, a drunkard, a reveler, a cheap miser, a fornicator, a cheater, a liar, etc, you are to be in submission to that kind of man! Choose very wisely. Don't marry for potential, marry because what you want is already there and you have already seen it in his actions.
2) Does he have a heart inclined towards God? A man whose heart is inclined toward God is AWARE OF what hurts God. A man inclined towards God LISTENS to the Word of God and OBEYS IT. A man whose heart is inclined towards God will be at church, participating, and treating other women with RESPECT AND DIGNITY before, during and AFTER they leave church.
3) Is he accountable to someone? Proverbs 27:!7 "as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another"
A man you can submit to will have other men praying for him, speaking to him, helping him, encouraging him, and rebuking him in his life. What kind of men are in your mans' life? Godly men? Or worldly men?
4) Is he a man who is gentle, humble, and teachable? Matt 11:29, John 6:38. Jesus was teachable, listening to God. A mans primary responsibility is love to his wife, and if he is gentle and humble then usually he will be teachable. If he is teachable, when there are disagreements, (and there will be) he will listen to you, learn and not be afraid to admit he is wrong and make any changes.
5) Is he a man of prayer? To marry a man who is not listening to God is to put your life in danger and spinning out of control. Listen to the man you are interested in: how does he pray? Just at meal times? Does it sound like he knows God? Or is it fox hole prayers? (Back in WW1 & WW2, the soldiers would dig a hole and hide there with their guns and ammo. They would pray their heads off that they would be safe from harms way. When the danger passed, and they were able to escape from these "foxholes", they didn't need God anymore or pray or speak to Him.)
6) Is he a trustworthy leader? Eph 5:23-34 If you are to be in submission and the man is to lead, what kind of leader are you getting? A good leader means he must be a good servant. Matt 20:25-28 "whoever wants to become great must serve and whoever is first, must first be your slave as Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many" Does your man serve you as Christ serves the church, reveres the church, and raises the church?
7) Is he serving somewhere? If not, how will he learn to lead as Jesus did? Through service God teaches a man to be more giving, loving, compassionate and unselfish. This teaches submission to Christ.
8) Is he a wise man or a wise guy? please eliminate all the dumb guys, hot heads, goof balls, wise-crackers, and fools. These are the wicked men of Proverbs. Instead, 24:3, Prov 13:20. Want to know if you are with one of the above?
a) Does he make consistent bad moves and bone-head mistakes?
b) Does he learn from them and stop or repeat them or blame others instead?
c) What motivates his choices?
d) Is he in debt and continues to purchase things? etc?
e) Does he offend people?
Wisdom is a character trait recognized over time, you make the wise choice.
9) Does he know where he is going and how to get there? To be a good leader one must have VISION and be able to make decisions with thought and action. Prov 21:5 "plans of the diligent lead to profit" You are trusting this man with your family's future, where does he want to go? Or does he not know?
10) Does he consider you a godly woman? Godly men will be attracted to godly women. Work on your own relationship with God first. You get involved and serve. Trust God with your future.
Praise the Lord, the man I was with did not possess these qualities and thankfully the Lord has led me away from him, and him away from me to another. Another blessing in disguise (like Brandon was), I see that now. I feel blessed.
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