Ever wonder if your man is pulling away?

What on earth to do about it? He is in questioning mode and unsure. I am going to try this. You are probably wondering what to do when he pulls away if talking to him won't work. The best thing you can do is let him. Perhaps you are old enough to remember the song by 38 special called "Hold on Loosely". The lyrics are "hold and loosely and don't let go. If you cling to tightly, your gonna lose control". Nothing could be closer to the truth. Think of the boy running on the playground. He keeps running as long as you chase, but stop chasing, he looks over his shoulder, takes notice and stops running. http://www.squidoo.com/men-pulling-away Yours (or mine) may not stop running but also and this is important you are no longer chasing. What this tells him is that you are capable of being happy or carrying on with or without him and it takes some of the pressure off and makes him feel safer. The ability to give a man his space speaks volumes of your own confidence and confidence is a turn on. It also tells him perhaps he doesn't have the hold on you he thought he had. It offers up a challenge. Men do love a challenge. It's a way of turning the tables. Why should he hold all the power in the relationship? The power should be balanced and this action helps put it into a balance so to speak. It tells him he doesn't have the full dictatorship of the relationship. Another thing of giving him his space without chasing after him accomplishes is this. It shows you have self control. This is very very attractive to men and it's a quality that most look for when looking for a long term relationship. He wants to know you can hold you on and not fall apart. If you whine and plead with him to tell you what's wrong, it's a loss of self control. Not good. He may see you as a drama queen as opposed to the controlled woman he wants by his side for the long haul. Also when you give him his space when he pulls away, after some time, he may begin to crave the connection again. This is when he will move in your direction and be open and willing to talk about why he pulled away. Push him before he is ready and you won't get the truth.

So what do you do when he pulls away? Let him, and go on about your life in the meantime.

Try the following 1 Find something to do! Don't just sit around moping. You're an amazing person and you deserve to have fun. Throw a party, go see a movie, buy a new lip gloss, read my article about how to get over a crush...but seriously, do something to remind yourself how cute and fun you are. 2 Cry if you want to. It's ok. Seriously, he just basically told you to get away from him. You have every right to feel sad and confused, but just don't spend too much time focusing on the bad. Plus...it might not be so bad! Identify your feelings, but don't dwell on them. Is he crying over you? Maybe, but probably not. So don't waste too many of your tears. 3 Smile and be happy when you are around him (and even when you are not). You're never fully dressed without a smile. Even if you feel like you're going to cry, you have to look like you're having the time of your life. He'll expect you to be really upset, and it will make him feel completely shocked if you act like his request for 'space' didn't bother you at all. Your world is not shattered because he wants "space". For all he knows, you were feeling a little smothered in the relationship too. So, you just keep living your life, and if it's supposed to work out, it will. But if not, there's something better in store for you. So get excited for what the future holds!

Ready for a possible breakup but DO NOT let on!

Sign He is Losing Interest Men do lose interest. It's a fact. Men can get bored and when they do, they start wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. There are signs that a man is losing interest and if you are seeing these signs, take action now before he decides to mow the lawn of another. 1. His calls and texts are less frequent. If you notice a change in his calling or texting pattern, your boyfriend is losing interests. A man wants to stay in touch with the woman he loves and his patterns will not change. If you feel his calls are out of obligation this is another clue. 2. He starts making plans without you. Maybe a weekend trip with his buddies. If he usually wants to spend most of the weekend with you and now there are other things he wants to fit in, he is working you out of the priority seat slowly but surely this is one of the signs he has lost some interest and is expanding and moving into the differentiating phase of the relationship stages. 3. If when you address any issues or your feelings of him disappearing, he gets defensive or reacts negatively. If a man is thinking of leaving, he will not be comfortable more times than not by offering you reassurance. He will feel guilt which causes one to get defensive. If he defends his change of actions, your boyfriend is losing interest. 4. He says he needs some space. Watch out if you hear this one. The end is near more times than not. If a man says he needs space, he is feeling smothered. Smothered men do not thrive in a relationship ever. The harder you hold on to a man who says he needs space, the further you will push him away. 5. If your boyfriend starts to become distracted with work or some other project, he may be losing interest and this is only an excuse to postpone the inevitable. Men that suddenly become preoccupied with something else often use this as a way to prolong the break up. If your boyfriend is losing interest, the way you respond to this is critical to prevent a break up. If you push him, or put pressure on him, he will see you as needy and less attractive. You can stop a break up or you can insure it happens, it's all up to you and the steps you take or don't take. Don't be one of the many women who wonder why he disappeared.

This is how he is supposed to be acting with you.

He calls for no particular reason other than to share stories about his day and ask about yours. 2 He makes plans to see you again. It is not enough for him to allude vaguely to the future, about something you might maybe do sometime together. If a guy wants you in his life, he will make specific plans to see you again. 3 He pays attention when you talk. His eyes are focused on you. He doesn't look around the room. He doesn't lose interest. You have the feeling as though he is hanging on your every word. 4 He introduces you to his friends. It's plain and simple: if a guy is excited about you, he will be excited to show you off to his friends. 5 He wants to meet your friends. And when he does, it is obvious that he wants to make a good impression. 6 He touches you in ways that have nothing to do with sex. He holds your hand, he kisses your forehead, he plays with your hair, he pulls you close. 7 He changes his Facebook status from "Single" to "In a relationship" without you having to ask about it. 8 He is there when you need something. Your car breaks down; he acts as your chauffeur for the week. A mouse occupies your house; he gets rid of it. You get sick; he brings you soup. 9 He does what he says he will do. Another obvious indicator: when he says he's going to do something, he does it. 10 When you hit bumps on your relationship road, he communicates easily, openly and without arguing. He doesn't get mad or withdrawn when you want to discuss your feelings or concerns about the relationship.

To call it or not to call it?

Abuse? I thought I knew when to flee an abusive man by now. I have dated one too many of them. But the confusing part is this particular person does not match any of the prerequisites I have read or actually have experience with for a "jerk", that I can see.

He is generally honest, does not degrade me or put me down, always asks and cares how I am feeling, we talk things out when we are in disagreements or he is silent (" not to say anything he might regret") and takes time then talks about it, is often humble, hears me out when I am angry and venting, stays silent when I talk, pushes me gently to be/do my best, often praises me in front of others, helps me whenever I need it, takes responsibility for his actions, keeps his word, is caring, respectful and loving with his family and mine, gives me space when I need it, believes in God and yet does not try to or believe strongly in the legalistic "church" meaning of taking the "man of the household" role.

They have now healed but see the bruise images then know why I contemplate my dilemma..I found these and became concerned. It has been some time since I have seen a bruise on my body which caused me to think - is the guy showing the beginnings of (more of the same) abusive guys I have dated? Is someone with the above profile still actively being abusive and just giving nice words? Generally kind words don't accompany abusers-during abuse. Generally the actions never match the words with them. I really do not know, he just does not seem to fit the profile.

I have to say that I ask this because this guy is the only guy who touches me at all. I am not dating anyone else, I am not having sex anymore and he does not ever push me to do anything I dont want to. Doubly, confusing is that there are no bruises in the usual places for females-arms, neck, wrists, upper torso or back. Only that one left upper leg. I have no real recollection of him grabbing me so hard that it would bruise in three places on that leg and he does not touch me in that way, and yet there it is. Plain to see. Only one person could be responsible. Him.

I also have to say that I grew up rough and tumble someone from TX might say (abused is what it is, lol) and I do not normally notice or later remember when I hit myself on things or notice when I hurt myself (e. bumping into things, or hitting myself against an object) so I thought it may be that..but I am keeping an eye out.. and building and refreshing my awareness while I do not speak with him.

Comments please.

a Law of Seduction

I'm baaaaaaaack! Writing once again after yet another breakup. Another one gone due to my demands of better treatment. I just read the Law of Seduction and I know now that he will not return and if he does it will not be "seduced" or wanting to change his bad habits. I am not going to blame myself for his departure as he probably in the end would not have been worth the keep (too rough hands, too many reminders of daddy) but sadly, in the future, once he is gone I will actually begin to use these techniques to keep a future man. Seeing them as the book does, only as victims who can help me get where I want to be. Christianity aside, in my vast experience with people, these are the ways people actually do think they fall in love and I recognize the techniques in even my now ending but beginning of this relationship. My roommate Roy called it.

777 taking it easy and other nonsense

Just checked my profile, that taking it easy guy was so weird. I thought that he wanted to be friends and then I never heard from him again. Must have been after the link to my music and that page.. how unfortunate, we had what I would consider stellar conversation compared to most I've met there. I thought he was pretty ok...and he disappeared. Btter now than if I had met him in person. LOL, you are.. the disappearing act.. or something like that it was ..oh no no its the.. you are.. the Vapor Trail. LOL

Just started class tonight. My History professor, if I can add the class, is going to be an interesting experience I can tell already. He is a character for sure.

The ATF needs to be added, but I am ok on oil so far. There I was, after class, tired, popping my hood and getting under the car in a gas station alley in my little skirt and heels... is this going to be what its like to "maintain" my car? Should I get some rags, a xtra change of clothes, a rubber mallet, hammer, screwdriver, jump cables, wrench, pliers and a flashlight to have n the trunk "just in case"?

I have gotten one step closer to setting up the DOS program for this office, and getting it the hell out of the processes that it is SLOOOOOOWING down. Why the hell are they even using something as old as DOS I will never know. Anyway, I am working with their programming team to set up auto calculate for the various tariffs and zones, yay! Go go project management automator me.

I also almost set myself and my condo on fire last night. That was a def NON-highlight. We need a new microwave and stove. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. I am not to be around electric appliances, I repeat, I am not to be around electric appliances. AT ALL. well, THIS WEEK. :P

5 steps to making dreams a reality - (a repost)

How to Turn Your Dream Into a Plan In Five Simple Steps


I’m sure you have plenty of dreams for your life. They might bubble away at the back of your mind. They might loom in your thoughts all day. They might even keep you awake at night.

Dreams can be powerful, encouraging and even a bit scary. A dream alone, though, isn’t going to get you far. What you need is a plan. And if that sounds too boring, think of it this way: if you want to actually have that dream, a plan is the map that gets you there.

Here are five steps for turning that vague dream into a concrete plan:


Step #1: Write Down Your Dream
How many of your dreams have you actually written down?

Perhaps the idea of committing your dreams to writing is a little frightening. Don’t resist doing it. The act of putting something into words on paper (or in a computer document) suggests that you’re committing to it – and this can be very powerful in helping you eventually achieve that dream.

Even better, when you write something down, you’re forced to think it through. That vague dream of “have lots of money” has to become something firmer – perhaps “make $100,000/year” or “have $200,000 in the bank”.

Step #2: Brainstorm Some Possibilities

Whatever your dream, there’s more than one way to reach it. For instance, if you want to make lots of money, you could:

Change careers to something more lucrative Work harder in your current job to get a promotion Go back to college and study for a degree Start up your own business as an entrepreneur Save up money and put it into a high-interest account Marry someone rich Buy a winning lottery ticket

There are lots of possibilities (and I hope you can see that some of those ones are a bit more realistic than others!) When you’re brainstorming, include all the ideas that come to mind – even ones which seem silly or impractical. You might find that a “stupid” idea leads you on to a really good one.

Step #3: Pick One Clear Goal
Once you’ve figured out some possibilities, come up with one clear goal. You might decide, for instance, that your goal is to change to a particular career which will give you a $80,000/year paycheck.


Look for a goal which is perhaps challenging, but achievable. There’s no point in picking a goal which you’re convinced you can’t really manage – that’s just going to put you back in the world of dreams, where you constantly think about a better future without taking any action towards getting there.

Step #4: Give Yourself a Deadline
It’s much easier to hit your goals when you’re working towards a deadline.

Again, you want to be realistic here – but don’t be afraid to challenge yourself a little. If you’ve got a really big goal, you might want to look two – five years ahead. With smaller goals, you can probably achieve them within a year.

With the example of changing career, you might decide that three years is a realistic timeframe. It’s often helpful to tie your deadline to a particular event – perhaps your 40th birthday or Christmas 2014.

Step #5: Write Down the Steps to Get You There

And now we’re onto the plan itself. This is where you really get into the nitty-gritty and start turning that dream into something real. With big goals, it’s often helpful to work backwards. So:

What are the job requirements of that new career? How can you achieve them (e.g. take night classes)? Are there any pre-requisites for that (e.g. you need some money to pay for the classes)? How can you do that?

You should be able to get to a clear step which lets you move forwards from where you are, such as “save $20/week for six months”.

If you have any steps which you don’t know how to complete, try breaking them down further. Figure out exactly what you need to do to achieve your dream – and you’ve got a plan which really can change your life.

So – what’s your dream? And what’s the first step on your plan? Let me know in the comments.

1. Do the following activities to calm/comfort myself: MEDITATE, TAKE PILLS TO SLEEP, WRITE IN BLOG.

2. Remind myself of my reasons for living: I CANNOT ACTUALLY AFFORD TO KILL MYSELF. IM AN ADULT AND I STILL HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AND WORK A JOB, PAY BILLS AND LIVE A LIFE I HATE. I STILL HAVE TO DO THINGS I DONT WANT TO DO.
3. Call a friend or family member: NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS
Name: Phone:
4. Call a backup person if person above is not available: NONE
Name: Phone:
5. 5. Call a care provider (psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist): THE THOUGHT DISGUSTS ME
Name: Phone:
6. 6. Call my local crisis line:
Phone:
7. 7. Go somewhere I am safe: I AM NOT SAFE INSIDE MY HEAD
8. 8. Go to the Emergency Room at the nearest hospital. TOO EXPENSIVE!!!FUCK OFF!

If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, start at Step 1. Go through each step until you are safe. Remember: Suicidal thoughts can be very strong. It may seem they will last forever. With support and time, these thoughts will usually pass. When they pass,
you can put energy into sorting out problems that have contributed to you feeling so badly. The hopelessness you may feel now will not last forever. It is important to reach out for help and support. You can get through this difficult time. Since it can be hard
to focus and think clearly when you feel suicidal, please copy this and put in places where you can easily use it, such as your purse, wallet or by the phone.

10. If I feel that I can’t get to the hospital safely, I will call 911 and request transportation to the hospital. They will send someone to transport me safely.
I PROBABLY WONT DO THIS.


Ways To Help Yourself When You're Feeling Suicidal

WAYS TO HELP YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL?  -- WHAT A JOKE!

Tell someone who can help. Tell your therapist, a friend, a family member, or someone else who can help.

Distance yourself from any means of suicide. If you are thinking of taking an overdose, get rid of any pills or give your medications to someone who can dispense them to you one dose at a time. Temporarily remove any dangerous objects or weapons from your home. I KNOW IT IS "WRONG" BUT I PRACTICED STABBING MYSELF THIS MORNING, AND IT DID NOT FEEL TOO BAD.

Avoid alcohol or any other drugs not prescribed for you.

Don't try to do things you're likely to fail at or find difficult until you're feeling better. Know what your limits are and don't try to go beyond them until you feel better. Set realistic goals for yourself and work at them slowly, a step at a time.

Make a written schedule for yourself every day and stick to it no matter what. Set priorities for the things that need to be done first. Cross things out on your schedule as you accomplish them. A written schedule gives you a sense of predictability and control. Crossing out tasks as you complete them gives a feeling of accomplishment. And while you're at it, don't forget to schedule enjoyable activities, like some of the following: ..WHEN YOU ARE SUICIDAL NOTHING IS "ENJOYABLE" FUCK TARDS

•listening to music or playing a musical instrument
•meditating
•doing relaxation exercises
•doing needlework
•reading a book or magazine
•taking a warm bath
•sewing
•writing
•shopping
•playing games
•watching a movie or TV
•gardening
•playing with your pet
•enjoying a hobby
•taking a drive or a walk
•Attend to your physical health.
•Eat a well-balanced diet. Don't skip meals.
•Get as much sleep as you need, and exercise regularly.
•Talk to other people.

Whether you talk about your feelings or about any other topic, it's likely to be helpful.

Remember that this is not a permanent condition. THIS IS TRUE. NOTHING IS PERMANENT. FRIENDS, DESIRES, RELATIONSHIPS...LIFE. NOTHING IS PERMANENT.

How to make Female friends?

Making friends as adults can be hard, since you may feel like everyone is too busy or people already have their sets of pals. When I moved to New York after college, I felt the exact same way. I'd walk by groups of female friends at restaurants and really wish I could join them. I felt really lonely.

Just Ask 'Em.
But then I realized: People really want to hang out. Even if they're busy, almost everyone LOVES being invited to dinners, movies, parties, whatever. (Don't you? We all do!) So they'll probably be very happy that you asked. If there is a girl you like, even if you feel nervous, just ask her to hang out. Say that you're going to see Rachel Getting Married on Sunday and ask if she wants to come along. (Picking an actual event and day is much easier than saying "we should hang out sometime" and then having it never happen.) Chances are that she will say yes--or, if she's busy, she'll suggest something later on. (Brunches are always a fun, casual activity to suggest, too. Who doesn't love pancakes?) But seriously, just do it! You'll be so glad later.

A tip for Daynya: If you feel weird about "hitting on" your yoga classmates, instead of asking them for a movie or dinner, ask them if they want to try yoga with you at a different studio, or if they want to join you for a walk in a park to stretch your legs, or if they want to go shopping for yoga gear. That way, it will seem like less of a departure from what you already do together. (Not that it would matter either way, but it might make you feel more comfortable.)

Choose Recurring Activities (Think: Project Runway).
Seeing people for a recurring activity is a great way to establish a real friendship (versus going on "dinner dates," where you just catch up on your lives, you know?) I've found that the BEST way to make new friends is to set up an event where you see them every week. The easiest way? TV! You can invite a few people over for Project Runway every week, or Top Chef, or whatever show you like. I've been watching Project Runway with the same people for the last three seasons and now we're fast friends (we barely knew each other at the beginning). By watching a TV show together, you see each other regularly, will have something entertaining to do together and will get to know each other better and better. Plus, you can chat more during reality shows (versus dramas) and place bets on who will win.

Take a Class (Especially Knitting).
Say you don't really meet any women day to day. Then sign up for a recurring class or a group. It may sound cheesy, but I've done this before and it really works: You can sign up for a series of cooking classes, a runner's group, a volunteering club or a swing dancing course. Knitting classes can be especially great since they're usually mostly women and have a very communal vibe. Classes are everywhere! Lots of them aren't too expensive. Then you will a) have something in common with these women, b) be in a fun group atmosphere, c) see them regularly for as long as the classes continue and d) be around people who are getting out there and probably want to make friends, too.

And, please, give us your thoughts and ideas, too, my dears! How have you made female friends in the past? Do you wish you had more? Let us know what you think! xo

P.S. I would love to be friends with you all.

I will let ya know if the below works!

FUCKING HATE SURPRISE BIRTHDAYS!!

do not invite me! people do not throw these things for me, so why the fuck would i go to celebrate all these other peoples surprise birthdays~!? everyone and their mother has someone throwing them a surprise birthday every other month. eff you.

furthermore, when will i ever meet one person who wants to be friends with me that will want to throw ME a surprise birthday? that is my goal for this year.

After yet another birthday mostly alone, I'm changing friends, and changing my life for the better (more social), this is one area that seriously needs improvement on my part.

exactly what kind of friends have i made for myself? i want selfless, kind and super thoughtful friends, that is my goal. to have them, I must be one. i will find them!

Im grossed out by my own stuff

so frustrated about the music that i am trying to make. poor bf has no idea what this process or is or how it is supposed to sound and thinks that this SHIT sounds good.

it is so frustrating to me that I am even in this position in my life where i have to beg someone to record me. who knew who knew?!

Praise God at least for the opportunity that i still have a place to record but if it going to sound this bad, i dont have to effing listen to it.

Sprint Text Message Scam (615)528-4440..

Sprint Scam do not call (615)528-4440..

This is a scam. When the text came in instead of calling the # I called Sprint.. then I had Sprint call the number on conference..Sprint confirmed and said they do not send such text messages to clients-that this is scam. Do not call.. this is a scam!! Love you!


Read more: http://www.myspace.com/Sharivenus/blog?bID=539534119#ixzz10xHkQHef

Phony niggaz are outlined in chalk

The fire has been kindled/rekindled. I am ready to blaze. I am ready to go and already know my way through the maze. I am gonna make it happen! I want to write again! Yay! :D

This time, I want to do it on my own with minimal writing help. A great mixer though for sure. :D

Its gonna be glorious!

Tonight W/ Evolve

Lord Lord I would like to humbly pray that you fill me with your love and happiness. I am feeling sad and lacking though I know this is a machination of the evil one to bring me down. I ask that you give me a heart of forgiveness and love me as only you can do and have time and again. Lord deliver me from this sadness and please gently restore me to my equilibrium. I am going to dance tonight and hopefully as always give you the glory in every movement every thought and every action. I will be wordless. I will be silent and in reverence to you instead of spewing words of anger, dissatisfaction of or contempt.

I know you have my best dreams and future in your hands and I gracefully give up my attempt at control to you. You are so good God! I only want to be in your arms. I only want to bring you joy. If there is some lesson to be learned I ask it speedily. I only want to please you. Have I made you smile today? I would like to ask that you please please bring those to me in my life who love you and put you first. Please allow me to meet someone wonderful with whom I can speak of you and your greatness endlessly and work as a soldier for your will. Hand in hand arm in arm in pure love.

Lord remove this jealousy from my heart right now as it is not useful, not kind and a waste of time and my precious moments. Give me a song to sing a lifting of my heart and caress me gently as only you can and do. I am raw, Lord. I am open. I am vulnerable. I need you. I need only you. Come to me Lord I await you.

In your holy name I pray and give thanks…

I give thanks for having my ability to walk today and upright with no pain and new strength. I give thanks for legs to dance with and a voice to sing. I give thanks for such great intelligence that all things are possible and those that are not can be learned. I give thanks for my wonderful home and family. I give thanks for you being in my life and guiding my every step though at times I am completely foolish and unaware. I give thanks for having music in my life which may bring me a joy I have been missing and a song in my heart to sing and write FOR YOUR GLORY.

I give thanks for being able to complete everything I start and having the money to come and go as I please. As I help others Lord , keep me humble and with your path as the only one in my sights. I will choose against the new and shiny things at every which turn…

Today Update

Boy crushes finally forgotten > Mike C, Chris and Justin. All Leo's. I am done with them. :D

Working on playing guitar, making beats and still re-learning German. I am feeling really good about my test score for Exam 2(MidTerm) I got a A. :D

Rock on! I am in focus, on point, and back on track baby. Tonight I will be spending my time in prayer, practicing guitar and finishing up my Ch 8 for Accounting reading and Ch 6 for Algebra.

Good night. Great night actually. Write soon. I still need to update my prayers I been writing for the last 2 months on here. Its so amazing to see the many answers I get from God. Amen!! He is sooo good!

Friens, we dont need no stinkin friens :P

So I am feeling a little introspective today. I think people in CA are fucking flakes and they are all making me sick to my stomach today. :) I miss my sister.

In other news, wow, what a great day to study up on my Acctng and play guitar for practice tomorrows class. I think I might watch Howl's Moving Castle again later on or get something else I want to see or share some music with Seann and maybe even write some.

I am going to get the set for the YYY's and Metric as well as Paramore. I want to be inspired when I do zee muzeek again. I will secretly spit in the face of those who did not care I was alive.. spit with my happiness and love!! :)

Quotes from Today to live by

Never hold on to those who no longer want and deserve to be held on to.
AND
When life or love kicks your ass, just remember... you're still breathing.
AND
"there are two things in life that you can never get back: 1. your life. and 2. my trust"