So this is what some confidence looks like...

It is being able to say how you feel regardless of whether you will be accepted or whether you will anger someone or not! Without fear of reprisal. It is accepting yourself and your own feelings over others definitions of your feelings, which can never be correct. It is never being in denial of how you feel and trusting yourself while being respectful of the other person.

I am doing it now, and I have to say for a little girl who couldn't say the words "No" or "I feel" growing up for fear of being beaten up or abandoned, it feels fucking amazing!! Moreover, being around non-abusive people, there is actually an deserved apology, and it that is sincere! There is no blame, there is no withdrawal/silent treatment or turning it around and making it my responsibility for them to treat me well.

It is, "Yes, I see. I was wrong. I care. I will stop." Is there more of this to come for me, Jesus? See examples below..

"Dear Friend,
I wanted to express my dissatisfaction and hurt at your comment last night. You said "Fuck Off" and I did not appreciate that at all. Part of my recovery is to not associate myself with people who do not have qualities I admire or respect. Those qualities I want in a friend are:

• people who are not abusive
• people who have a healthy respect for women
• people who are honest
• people who are positive in their actions and words
• people who are not addicted
  

Another part of recovery is finally having the ability to choose your friends and your allowance of treatment by them where there was once no choice at all. I would rather have no friends than ones who are even mildly abusive or controlling. Saying what you said to me is/was disrespectful, demeaning and unacceptable. Do not ever speak to me that way again!

I asked you to apologize to me and it was "sorry", insincere and sarcastic. Whether you feel this was justified or not, or "this is the way you are" as you said last night, is not my concern.

If you are too proud to apologize to someone sincerely or witness any of your own bad behavior and take honest responsibility for it, and make a change then I do not want you as an acquaintance either.

I will never speak badly of you, or talk about you behind your back about this, or come over and be disrespectful to you in anyway. You may choose to to talk Another Friend about this, that is your choice. I have no need to involve other people in my business with you. I plan on continuing a friendship with them. Thank you for taking the time to read this email."
Response:
"S,
First I'd like to say that I really appreciate your friendship to me. It has been a welcoming change in my life. We have a lot of things in common.

As for the comment yesterday, I am sincerely sorry if you were hurt or disappointed by it. I have to say that I do have foul mouth sometimes and it's not to hurt you at all that I say those words. I said "I am like that" because I do say some foul things around you guys without it being mean to you all. I will stop around you though. I do not want in any way to hurt your feelings. I value our friendship too much for that."

THEN ANOTHER SITUATION>>
Aquaintance,
A couple things about yesterday's interaction bothered me and I want to tell you what they were so they do not occur between us again.

1)You came into my room without asking me if it was ok to enter. I realize this is your *o*(e, but I pay %^( for the safety of having my own space within it as well as being respected while in it.

2) You came in and then mentioned I was "shedding" as we were testing out the vacuum cleaner. I did not appreciate that, and it was uncalled for and unacceptable. Though I do live here and you know some surface things about me, you do not know me or live in my body to ever determine anything about me in any way other than to state that "it is your opinion that I am shedding" not define my state of body or room absolutely, nor refer to me as one would refer about a dog.

I do not care what you meant by it or did not mean by it and do not want to have a conversation on it. I am stating please do not behave this way or speak to me like that again. Thank you."
Response:
"S,
I in no way meant to offend you and am truly sorry if I did. I consider us friends and did not mean to insult you or invade your space. I was curious to see if my work on the vacuum paid off. I only mentioned shedding because you had mentioned having lots of hair on the ground the other day when we were working on the vacuum.

Anyway, I'm truly sorry and hope you will accept my apology. I feel terrible and I hope you aren't mad at me."
The best thing about these 2 incidences is they were both the first and I made it known I will not tolerate disrespect if they are to continue to be around me. I am great. I am supportive of them, I do nice things for them and I treat them well. If they are going to make a bad choice against me/us, I let them be responsible for their actions. If they choose to act in this way again, fuck them, they are cut off. There is no second chance, because there is no longer allowance or attraction for abuse in any form of that in my life. I thank God for giving me the strength and I thank Jesus for showing me the way through his attitude and behavior.

Speaking of which, God had some serious fucking boundaries. He is very clear on things. There is no wishy washy-ness with Him and that is consistent and can be relied on. He is always there for me. He says it all the time. He will not tolerate pride or immorality. He backs up everything he says with action. That is stability. No enmeshment with him. He's never confused. He could tell the prophets that he loved who they were, but he still had something against them and then tell them what it was, not loving them any less but still feel angry. He let them be responsible for changing, responsible for their choices by suffering consequences. It is so beautiful.

I always would get so mad that people wouldn't treat me well, or wouldn't do the things I wanted them to do, trying to control them, even to the point of doing it for them! How on earth will anyone want to learn anything without actually reaping what they sow? I took away their need to be responsible because I felt I was responsible for them! They had no need to stop their ways, because someone else was paying the price!

I think its like this with God. If a parent constantly bails their kid out of trouble, or lets them get away with shit, and the kid gets caught up time and again in trouble, it is both parents fault AS WELL AS the kid. If the parents actually made the kid deal with their own bad choices and suffer the consequenses they bring, the kid would learn what is good choice and what is a bad choice. The kid would grow to maturity being responsible. The kid would learn that you reap what you sow.

Angry is a feeling, NOT an action. Abusive parents don't teach their kids responsibility, they teach them to be afraid of reprisal. They teach them to lie, to not say how they really feel, and to be dependent on someone else's response. They foster secrecy and deceit. Abuse is an action a choice to "let go" of anger with. A bad choice. Abuse is evil because it is wickedness. It is disrespect, it is invasion. It is proud and God is against proud hearts and minds because they court wrath and he wants us to be saved, not running toward death out of foolishness or haughtiness.

Gotta go get the nail out of my tire. I am going to jack it myself, take the tire off and patch it up. Look at me all handy man-womanish! I hope the Dr. can help me with my neck and back today. I feel like I got hit by a truck and I only have $75 of Chris's money to me left for treatment. =(