The Parking Space

This is a throwback oldie but goodie lesson.

The Parking Space
5/7/2013
So I was looking for parking the other day at school. I’m sometimes lazy and try like many others I am sure, to find the closest space to my classroom since my campus is huge. I also simultaneously have been looking for work that is high paying and that I will love and that is fun!

I am in between two job offers both of which I wanted very much.. and I had been going over and over them in my head. I was thinking that maybe I would choose one and then not like it; analytical thoughts.

I decide to drop it and leave it in God’s hands and not think about it. I drive to school thinking about my exam, getting an A on it and singing Marina and the Diamonds Electra Heart album. Normally there is a circling around romantically before I find a parking space and then I will either have to walk the long way to class but I always look for the space closest.

So I am driving down the street a second time and there is a parking space right across from my class!

I try to fit my car in and notice it is a little small, but I keep thinking I will try to fit anyway because it is so much closer. After a bit of maneuvering to try to fit the car in there.. I realize at some point I am just not going to fit into this space. I cannot park here. Damn it!

Then I drove down a little further and on the same side of the street, though now two, three more blocks from my class, is a parking space that was fit for a queen and my car fits in easily. I fit right in, no maneuvering into the parking space, no parallel parking skills to show off, no spending any more time trying to get it in there. I literally could just drive my car in.

Here I came to a realization immediately. I want to work for company (XYZ)! I felt it was like this parking space situation that was teaching me something. I fit there. I may not be at my goal, I may not love what I do yet, but this is a place where I fit in. If I go where I do not fit in there will be problems and experience has shown me that. I have had jobs where I did not fit and did not feel comfortable being who I am because I am unique and those environments were stuffy or fake or .. or.. something else.

I realized in that moment of parking which position to take. I am going to try to be myself at work, again. For so many years I have put on a suit and played the person that I created in that “power” suit. That person was not happy. I don't have to try to be something I am not.

Like that parking space, no matter how far it looks from your goal, sometimes things just fit and you realize when there is no struggle that that is exactly where you need to be at that time and not compromise who you really are.

A trip to 7-11 and a lesson in Gods timing

The Lord actually told me the other day he is not going to heal me, yet. 

:( I was bummed by this truth, but He gave me peace about it.

So I was going to the 7-11 for sunflower seeds and food on a binge cuz I had no energy to cook as I'm sick and feeling very weak that day .. 

While I was there a woman was asking for change outside. I walked in and bought what I needed and left. 

And normally I give it, but that night I didn't. I had said to her "why did you not ask me BEFORE I went in I could have gotten you something in there?!"

"I am sorry I have none." Then walked to my car to leave. 

While I was driving home The Lord said "turn around go back" So I said "No. Come on lord why?  I want to go home and eat right now." He said "Do you think she does not want to eat?  He said "please give the woman your change" "You do not know who is my sheep or can judge whom I care for" "You cannot read the hearts" 

So I said "ok. I will do whatever you want Lord."

Instead of comfortably going home I turned the car around and drove all the way back to the store.  The woman was gone. 

I said "Lord why the heck would you have me come here! She's not even here!  Now the woman is gone?! It's too late! I missed my chance.." 

He said "my child you are learning a lesson here. 

Do you see?"

It's not about "your timing." It's about "MY timing."

"Please do not question MY love or MY timing. I love you. I told you my ways are higher than your ways. My understanding higher than your understanding. Do not lean on your own understanding. You see how you want to be healed? 

"How MUCH you want to be healed!? 

It will not be on your time, my sweet child. My timing is perfect." "I know the plans I have for you." "I said I WILL HEAL YOU. I told you that I would. But it will be on my time. I am working on you and through you." "It is not your time, yet"

Then through this conversation I really came to a peace about it. The Lord is talking to me. He is WITH me. I realized he is not going to heal me on my time. Aka right freaking away! Regardless of how often I ask it is just not his time for me!  And what I came to see was look at how much he has done thus far (with this terrible illness) in my character, in my relationship with Him, within my fiancée, my friendships and even showing me His love for me and HOW He loves me. How he IS a God of love, not punishment. 

I'm focused on what he can and is not doing for me and on my time rather than all He is doing in me on His time. 

Alternately, I was not giving that woman change on His time while focused on my own desires. I see now how I'm often so worried about healing on my own time - it was flawed! She was gone. "Timing is everything" he had said.  The time to give is/was "when I had it" right there; as it says in the Word! 

Yes, God you ARE amazing! Praising Him today. The Lords timing IS perfect just like His will. Thankful today again too, for Jesus's as ransom, his sacrifice who has taken away my sins and saved me from the wrath of a just God. 

In my rudimentary way of understanding he showed me all that in that experience that night. Gently talking me through it - crystal clear. 

To me, God is just amazing! Has he ever spoken to you?