I am very scared and I don't know what I am going to do. I have handed this whole thing over to Karin who is better capable of taking care FOR me than I am against Chris's manipulations and words, false promises and blame tactics. The amount of time I spend thinking about how Chris never loved me/what a fool I was/how I miss him so much, is directly relational to the amount of time I NEED TO spend focusing on myself and how the hell I am going to get myself out of this mess. He blames me for everything. He is acting like he actually has completely forgotten all he learned in his therapy. He still doesn't even think he hurt me. How could I miss THAT?
Whenever I read the book I realize he must not have read it very much or done any of the actual exercises, all one has to do is look at his current behavior. He may have gone to therapy and gotten "released" but he is obviously not cured, or I would not be in pain, would not be wearing a brace and would have had no damage to my back. I think he manipulated the Doctor as he has done to me.
I never realized just how evil and manipulative he was. I thought of him so differently. He never had any intention of helping me and he showed that as soon as I decided not to talk to him anymore. He wanted to help me, ONLY IF he thought he was going to get something he wanted. Just goes to show everything associated with Brandon, is BAD for me. I met him through Brandon and whoever the bible reading, seemingly caring person is I met on the phone in November of 06, is dead for whatever reason, by whatever means.
I went to the interview with good intentions and tried to have a happy outlook. I feel good about it and hope that I will be able to begin working sooner than later at least to cover current costs. With that my "Why should I have to be the one who has to_____________'s:"
"Why should I have to be the one who has to_____________?
- contemplate why it didnt work out
- put all the time and work into us that I have and was going to continue to like an ass
- has to let go and get over him because he didn't love me and was a total jerk to me
- has to pretend I am ok with all this?
- has to feel pain every morning and remember that the person I chose to love did this to me
- keep feeling this way/be reminded of his complete lack of respect for me and blame of me
- ask/beg for money to get better when he is the one who hurt me and should WANT to pay for that, should actually be SORRY and show compassion and remorse.
- negotiate with him for myself (my own care) when I don't have my own interests in mind, only appealing to his.
- be sad about this breakup while he is fine and probably dating/getting to know someone else
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