Why?!!!?

So today I went to get a restraining order against Chris. I went to the police station and they told me that the state goes after the perpetrator no matter what happened/ no matter what the victim wants or thinks. Some new domestic violence law to protect the large amount of women (apparently over 68%) who make reports then try to take the guy back or cancel the reports, they end up taking the guy back and he kills them. So now they don't let the victim do/say anything. The state goes after the guy.

This is NOT what I wanted. Damnit, I just wanted him to pay for my medical bills so I could find a fucking job and move on with my life. He refuses to give me the money upfront. He makes $65k per year and is actually negotiating the $250 bi-weekly verbal agreement we had (of which I would be returning 50% of the money to him anyway once working!). I am shocked that he is behaving this way. Now the order/court will have to determine the amount and that is determined by cost of treatment/length etc.

I am sure all he thinks is I want his money, and that I am a horrible crazy person, which couldn't be further from the truth. I love him. I loved him and do not want to do this. He continues to say he did not really hurt me, and that he wants nothing to do with me, instead of saying "yes, I will pay for this grave mistake I made and also leave you alone."

I cannot control what or how he thinks. I just know that I don't want to do this. I want to scream please just agree to the agreement so we can move on and don't have to take this route but I feel like he is forcing me to because he is completely in denial and only acting out in detachment/anger.

I am so sad and my body hurts all over. I hate this situation.