So here are some things I am learning about my career choices in my human development class this week and some "natural" matches to my natural skills and "natural" personality traits. ????
Apparently I am whats called a ENTJ. ENTJs represent between 2 and 5% of the U.S. population. Good luck for my finding the "others" here! LOL
More on that here >>
http://www.personalitypage.com/ENTJ.htmlTRADEMARK: -- "I'm really sorry you have to die." http://typelogic.com/entj.html
and A "Rational" Fieldmarshal http://www.advisorteam.org/the_four-temperaments/temp_rational_fieldmarshal.html
My Green Values
Autonomy
Competence
Creativity
Cool headed under pressure
Ethics
Fairness
Future orientation
Ideas
Intelligence
Focus
Rationality
Objectivity
Precise Language
Self Confidence
Truth
Wisdom
Vision
Blue Values
Authenticity
Being acknowledged
Honesty
Individuality
Love
Romance
Relationships
Public Contact
Self Understanding
Spirituality
Sincerity
Trustworthiness
Gold
Achievement
Loyalty
Morality
Recognition
Safety
Stability
Orange
I don't really relate to this category at all - these are like children in adult bodies to me. Their values do not match mine.
Skills
Green Skills
Analyzing
Consulting
Developing
Synthesizing
Debating
Researching
Writing
Blue Skills
Building Rapport
Communicating
Enlightening
Expressing Feelings
Inspiring
Interviewing
Motivating
Public Speaking
Recruiting
Training
Visualizing
Gold Skills
Coordinating
Delegating
Following through
Guarding
Managing
Planning
Orange Skills
I dont have many - I really dont relate to this group and see no need for their skills. Except maybe past skills of
Performing
Public Speaking
Leadership Styles
Green
Expects intelligence and competence
assumes only task relevancy
seeks ways to improve
visionary
analytical
constantly "in process" of change
expects people to follow through
Blue
Expects others to express views
Democratic unrestricted approach
expects people to develop their potential
Gold / Orange - I do not relate to
Self Esteem
Green
The need to be ingenious.
Motivated to improve
Language as communication tools one of many
Relationships are on intellectual level
Working as a source of pleasure
Detaches to determine the "whys" of things
Blue
The need to be authentic
Continuing search for the self
Seeking identity through contribution
Relating on a personal level
Seeing things through to the end
Tapping into universal harmony
Orange
The need to be skillful
Gold
The need to be responsible
Self Actualization
Green
strives for Mental Competence and Power
Blue
strives for Meaning and Purpose
Gold
Strives for Social Status
Orange
Strive for Freedom and Spontaneity
STRESSORS For GREENS
too many rules
people who get in the way executing strategy
disorganization of system
people who don't value knowledge and learning
lack of freedom
not knowing
off task distractions
unfairness
labels
unreasonable emotional outbursts
stupid people
no new horizons
schedules that make no sense
STRESSORS for BLUES
judgemental people
lack of communication
chaos
isolation
overly aggressive people
being yelled at
being lied to
bossy people
lack of support
lack of understanding
no hugs
not being able to express oneself
lack of romance
STRESSORS for GOLDS
lack of order
unreliable people
lack of leadership
loud people
waiting
change
inconsistency
cant get things done "right"
not belonging
STRESSORS for ORANGES
Boredom
Being on time
Deadlines
Lack of humor
Lack of sex
car problems
paperwork
lack of money
nagging
predictability
traffic
slow people
criticism
inflexibility
unbending rules
OUT OF SELF-ESTEEM behavior for GREENS
Indecisiveness
refusal to comply
extreme aloofness/withdrawal
Snobbish, put down remarks, and sarcasm
refusal to communicate / silent treatment
perfectionism due to perf anxiety
highly critical attitude toward self and others
OUT OF SELF-ESTEEM behavior for BlUE
attention getting misbehavior
lying to save face
Trancing out, day dreaming
passive resistance
crying and depression
yelling and screaming
OUT OF SELF-ESTEEM behavior for GOLD
Complaining / self pity
Anxiety / worry
Depression and fatigue
psychosomatic problems
Malicious judgment and self and others
Herd mentality
authoritarianism
OUT OF SELF-ESTEEM behavior for ORANGE
Rudeness and defiance
running away or dropping out
physical aggressiveness
use of stimulants
acting out boisterously
lying and cheating
breaking rules intentionally
WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT BE? QUIZ HERE
http://www.truecolorscareer.com/quiz.asp
http://www.truecolors.org/whousestruecolors.html
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
New Update coming soon!
I have so much to write about the last few weeks, trying to get it all situated in my head and then on to the paper since i have not written as it was happening!
More to come. Check back in 2 days!
More to come. Check back in 2 days!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Thoughts of my Abuelita
In homage to my Abuelita and going home next week I am going to make Yucca with Garlic sauce tonight and a full Latin dinner. I wonder what professor La Coe will say about next Monday?
I'm feeling lonely and sad today. God, why does Chris have to be such an ass sometimes? Never mind you have answered the question. Lord, please put someone in my life who can appreciate me for who I am and will not try to control me. Whats worse...my friggin family has not written me back. Ugh.. nothing pisses me off more than sharing with someone my personal things and then them acting like they don't even have time to write that they got the email. I will be telling them this!
Mail came to my apt for Tia and Sandra, two girls I have no intention of ever speaking to again but happen to live in my complex. I will give them their mail through Vaishnavi, another girl that is OUT of my life as well.
The "friends" just dwindle for me every couple months. I need to get used to being alone and walking with Jesus. :)
More to come... I am just not up to it right now.
I'm feeling lonely and sad today. God, why does Chris have to be such an ass sometimes? Never mind you have answered the question. Lord, please put someone in my life who can appreciate me for who I am and will not try to control me. Whats worse...my friggin family has not written me back. Ugh.. nothing pisses me off more than sharing with someone my personal things and then them acting like they don't even have time to write that they got the email. I will be telling them this!
Mail came to my apt for Tia and Sandra, two girls I have no intention of ever speaking to again but happen to live in my complex. I will give them their mail through Vaishnavi, another girl that is OUT of my life as well.
The "friends" just dwindle for me every couple months. I need to get used to being alone and walking with Jesus. :)
More to come... I am just not up to it right now.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Some stuff we wouldnt have heard about!
Morning Edition, April 5, 1999 ·
NPR's Alex Chadwick continues our N-P-R/National Geographic co-produced series "The Geographic Century." Seventy-years ago, archaeologists working in southern Iraq made a startling discovery: a domed room buried under thirty feet of sand and clay. Inside lay a hoard of treasure and the remains of 74 people -- all but six of them women, and all apparently ritually killed 5,000 years ago. of the National Geographic - NPR series, The Geographic Century.
Strange? What the heck were they doing and thinking over there? Do they hate women?
NPR's Alex Chadwick continues our N-P-R/National Geographic co-produced series "The Geographic Century." Seventy-years ago, archaeologists working in southern Iraq made a startling discovery: a domed room buried under thirty feet of sand and clay. Inside lay a hoard of treasure and the remains of 74 people -- all but six of them women, and all apparently ritually killed 5,000 years ago. of the National Geographic - NPR series, The Geographic Century.
Strange? What the heck were they doing and thinking over there? Do they hate women?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Everything I never wanted to know about my town!
It is in the Pacific Standard time zone. Elevation is 62 feet.
The estimated population, in 2003, was 66,337
Median household income
Local $70,173
National $41,994
Source: 2006 census, U.S. Census Bureau
Its near the south end of SM Bay. Local land baron introduced surfing to the California coast in 1907 by hiring Hawaiian-Irish athlete George Freeth to demonstrate the sport.
Crime: The number of violent crimes recorded by the FBI in 2003 was 195. The number of murders and homicides was 1. The violent crime rate was 2.9 per 1,000 people.
Filming location for:
· 1981 movie,
Well-known residents have included:
· Mary Lou Retton, gymnast, Olympic medallist
· Shannon Boxx, Olympic gold medallist (soccer)
Coffee: National and regional coffee companies with outlets here.
Support for libraries: Local government funding for the local library system, in fiscal years 2001-2002, was above the national average.
Gays & lesbians National index: 100
Local index: 91
R CA USA
Median household income 69,173 47,493 41,994
Householder under 25 45,647 24,742 22,679
Householder 25-34 68,081 44,424 41,414
Householder 35-44 81,679 54,365 50,654
Householder 45-54 77,562 61,312 56,300
Householder 55-64 67,969 55,742 47,447
Householder 65-74 37,264 37,000 31,368
Householder 75 and older 26,526 27,081 22,259
PER CAPITA INCOME BY RACE OR ETHNICITY ($)
Number Number Number
R CA USA
Per capita income 38,305 22,711 21,587
White 40,663 27,707 23,918
Black or African American 37,690 17,447 14,437
Native American 28,087 15,226 12,893
Asian 36,305 22,050 21,823
Native Hawaiian and Pacific islander 16,513 15,610 15,054
Some other race 21,523 10,579 10,813
Two or more races 22,879 14,573 13,405
Hispanic or Latino 21,848 11,674 12,111
County Single men per 100 single women
Los Angeles County, CA 91
EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENT
Number Number Number
Population 25 and older 47,851
Number Pct Pct Pct
High school graduates (includes equivalency)
6,651 13.9 20.1 28.6
Some college, or associate's degree
14,670 30.7 30.0 27.4
Bachelor's degree
14,621 30.6 17.1 15.5
Master's, professional or doctorate degree
8,342 17.4 9.5 8.9
SCHOOL ENROLLMENT
Number Number Number
Population 3 years and over enrolled in school 14,404
Number Pct Pct Pct
Preschool and kindergarten
1,766 12.3 10.9 11.9
Grades 1-12
7,502 52.1 63.9 65.3
College
5,136 35.7 25.2 22.8
MARITAL STATUS CA USA
Number Number Number
Male population 15 and older
26,549
Number Pct Pct Pct
Male, never married
10,182 38.4 33.8 30.3
Male, married with spouse
12,018 45.3 48.5 52.9
Male, married without spouse
974 3.7 7.6 5.7
Male, widowed
296 1.1 2.2 2.5
Male, divorced
3,079 11.6 7.9 8.6
Number Number Number
Female population 15 and older 26,717
Number Pct Pct Pct
Female, never married
7,983 29.9 26.5 24.1
Female, married with spouse
11,718 43.9 47.2 49.5
Female, married without spouse
1,064 4.0 6.4 5.1
Female, widowed
1,838 6.9 8.9 10.5
Female, divorced
4,114 15.4 11.0 10.8
The estimated population, in 2003, was 66,337
Median household income
Local $70,173
National $41,994
Source: 2006 census, U.S. Census Bureau
Its near the south end of SM Bay. Local land baron introduced surfing to the California coast in 1907 by hiring Hawaiian-Irish athlete George Freeth to demonstrate the sport.
Crime: The number of violent crimes recorded by the FBI in 2003 was 195. The number of murders and homicides was 1. The violent crime rate was 2.9 per 1,000 people.
Filming location for:
· 1981 movie,
Well-known residents have included:
· Mary Lou Retton, gymnast, Olympic medallist
· Shannon Boxx, Olympic gold medallist (soccer)
Coffee: National and regional coffee companies with outlets here.
Support for libraries: Local government funding for the local library system, in fiscal years 2001-2002, was above the national average.
Gays & lesbians National index: 100
Local index: 91
R CA USA
Median household income 69,173 47,493 41,994
Householder under 25 45,647 24,742 22,679
Householder 25-34 68,081 44,424 41,414
Householder 35-44 81,679 54,365 50,654
Householder 45-54 77,562 61,312 56,300
Householder 55-64 67,969 55,742 47,447
Householder 65-74 37,264 37,000 31,368
Householder 75 and older 26,526 27,081 22,259
PER CAPITA INCOME BY RACE OR ETHNICITY ($)
Number Number Number
R CA USA
Per capita income 38,305 22,711 21,587
White 40,663 27,707 23,918
Black or African American 37,690 17,447 14,437
Native American 28,087 15,226 12,893
Asian 36,305 22,050 21,823
Native Hawaiian and Pacific islander 16,513 15,610 15,054
Some other race 21,523 10,579 10,813
Two or more races 22,879 14,573 13,405
Hispanic or Latino 21,848 11,674 12,111
County Single men per 100 single women
Los Angeles County, CA 91
EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENT
Number Number Number
Population 25 and older 47,851
Number Pct Pct Pct
High school graduates (includes equivalency)
6,651 13.9 20.1 28.6
Some college, or associate's degree
14,670 30.7 30.0 27.4
Bachelor's degree
14,621 30.6 17.1 15.5
Master's, professional or doctorate degree
8,342 17.4 9.5 8.9
SCHOOL ENROLLMENT
Number Number Number
Population 3 years and over enrolled in school 14,404
Number Pct Pct Pct
Preschool and kindergarten
1,766 12.3 10.9 11.9
Grades 1-12
7,502 52.1 63.9 65.3
College
5,136 35.7 25.2 22.8
MARITAL STATUS CA USA
Number Number Number
Male population 15 and older
26,549
Number Pct Pct Pct
Male, never married
10,182 38.4 33.8 30.3
Male, married with spouse
12,018 45.3 48.5 52.9
Male, married without spouse
974 3.7 7.6 5.7
Male, widowed
296 1.1 2.2 2.5
Male, divorced
3,079 11.6 7.9 8.6
Number Number Number
Female population 15 and older 26,717
Number Pct Pct Pct
Female, never married
7,983 29.9 26.5 24.1
Female, married with spouse
11,718 43.9 47.2 49.5
Female, married without spouse
1,064 4.0 6.4 5.1
Female, widowed
1,838 6.9 8.9 10.5
Female, divorced
4,114 15.4 11.0 10.8
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Why?
This person is not responsible for my happiness, I am. Just when I thought he was was not capable of being thoughtful, the smallest gift. A Hello Kitty ice pack for my bruises when trying surfing was given to me by him. How sweet.
Why can I not stop contacting this person compusively? They have moved on, why aren't I? At my request of should I "Get used to not seeing/hearing from this person" often, they said "yeah something like that" and 3 weeks before it was I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be with you because he didn't "feel" anymore the in - "love" or the sparks or whatever and felt like the grass was greener. Well, guess what? That "love" stuff aka infatuation stuff fades and over time it will fade with anyone who he is with. If that's why he was with me and would then always be active to find someone else, then its better it all showed itself now. Adult mutual "Love" is kept up and worked on with actions, emotional deposits, and with honesty, communication and true intimacy it can be. Sometimes its without sex, sometimes it encounters differences in wants, expectations and personality. Childlike, selfish infatuation isn't capable of understanding or working the sphere those things.
Still no baptism gift... I will wait and see what happens over time. Either way, its not what I feel I deserve.
I have been told to stop being stubborn. GO EFFING COLD TURKEY. I MUST LET GO OF HOPE.
Why can I not stop contacting this person compusively? They have moved on, why aren't I? At my request of should I "Get used to not seeing/hearing from this person" often, they said "yeah something like that" and 3 weeks before it was I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be with you because he didn't "feel" anymore the in - "love" or the sparks or whatever and felt like the grass was greener. Well, guess what? That "love" stuff aka infatuation stuff fades and over time it will fade with anyone who he is with. If that's why he was with me and would then always be active to find someone else, then its better it all showed itself now. Adult mutual "Love" is kept up and worked on with actions, emotional deposits, and with honesty, communication and true intimacy it can be. Sometimes its without sex, sometimes it encounters differences in wants, expectations and personality. Childlike, selfish infatuation isn't capable of understanding or working the sphere those things.
Still no baptism gift... I will wait and see what happens over time. Either way, its not what I feel I deserve.
I have been told to stop being stubborn. GO EFFING COLD TURKEY. I MUST LET GO OF HOPE.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Letters to God 3
8/26/08
Dear Jehovah,
Well praise to you! Please bless my family & friends - they need you but don't know it. Help them come to know you!
Tonight you seem to have answered my prayer on the how to proceed with Chris front. I asked Chris if I "should get used to not seeing him or spending time with him" and he said "yes, something like that". He may be confused and trying to hold on while letting go and yo-yo me but YOU def are not. The message is pretty clear from you! Steer clear til he knows what he really wants and acts in a loving manner that is consistent. He needs to walk his walk with you and I need to walk mine. Separately. Continue to be mostly out of contact.
He is moving away, he may not keep the faith, it seems he still doesn't know what he wants, is rarely thoughtful with giving or generosity of his time, expressive of his expectations or communicative and still is not purposeful or moving toward complete honesty and working at issues or even determining what they were also at this time everyone is telling me CUT OFF ALL CONTACT-GO COLD TURKEY. I now have the support in place. Thank you.
It cannot hurt to try again. Imagine the life I would be living now had I succeeded in cutting all contact in March and never spoken to him in June? I begin to try once more. Thank you Lord for showing me truths. Please KILL my compulsions to reach out to him at times and contact him. If you are trying to teach me patience and self control as Trav mentioned please let it be gently and give me the "out you promise to help me overcome".
Thank you again for your blessings and love. I hope to wake early tomorrow and get on a sleep schedule so I may dedicate to you, school and work. Please let my new friends be open to spending time with me in these precarious months and fill my life with self love, helping others, hunger for you and create healthy habits. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
Things I want for my new life
self healing
a great job I enjoy
new friends & closer bonds
an education
to enjoy my own company
find my passion
a relationship with God through which all the above things are possible.
ITEMS
iphone/ipod
digicam/vid
skateboard
backpack/roll bag
side table ikea
printer
costco foam board
TO DO
1) organize papers
2) search flights home
3) study!
4) eat healthy/workout/stretch
8/25/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you so much a day without pain! Thank you for a beautiful day and night and blessing me so much! Thank you for allowing me to spend time with Chris non abusively and to express my thoughts of his actions yesterday and him understand and validate my feeling. Your will be done with him Lord. Thank you for giving me food to eat, a Wii to work out on, and for trying to build my body and resistance. Please keep me strong Jehovah, until Chris knows what he wants, without a doubt. Thank you for letting me let go and hand my concerns over to you instead of spilling them onto him. Please keep me strong in building my faith in your and burying myself in your Word and making strong action for your will. I have many questions, please lead me to answers.
Please grant me wisdom w/ school and learning new things. Thank you for Corey, Karin, Liz, Andrea, Jayme and the girls being in my life. Please let me know if this is the right place for me Lord or you want me somewhere else. I am sure it will all be in your time.
Thank you for giving me the words to tell Steven on IM and not being carried away with anger when he began to insult you and me! Wow! What a change for me. Please help Chris stay strong in the faith and get closer to you. Show him to lean on you and bless him in his next steps. As he is moving away and changing his life let him not forget you and if it is your will for us to remain in contact please show that or not.
Please bless my family & friends - they need you but don't know it. Help them come to know you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - I am sorry for lying today, and using your name in vain. I sincerely apologize and will try harder tomorrow.
8/24/08
Praise be! Lord of stregnth and might of grace and mercy. Reading Isaiah I am seeing the need to submit to you. Thank you for your Word and law! I am getting baptized in 4 hours! Thank you for the opportunity to be like Jesus. Your 10 commandments are
1) Have no other gods before me. I am your God.
2) Do not bow down or worship others/idols or create idols.
3) Do not use the name of your Lord in vain.
4) You will honor your father and mother.
5) You will keep the Sabbath (7th day) holy and rest.
6) Do not look with lust or commit adultery.
7) Do not be angry without cause or commit murder.
8) Do not steal.
9) Do not lie or bear false witness against anyone.
10) Do not covet your neighbors anything.
Please keep me strong in the situation with Chris and bring to light his true intentions. Though after writing this I am thinking his true intention is to have his cake and eat it too with me as has been from the beginning. Only you know the truth and I know you have my best interests. Please light my way to you. Please envelop me in your fold and keep me on the path to you. Let me not be misled by or fall astray for or because of others. Please make me strong in the face of persecution and ridicule from my family and give me assistance in knowing what to say as I go out into the world with your message.
Chris is being rude to me. You do not treat me with such nonchalance and would never treat me this way, therefore I am sending him home Jehovah. I do not need to allow this anymore as I know you love me no matter what/who is in my life or not. Help me to forgive him later on, however I will not be a doormat to further treatment like this. Jesus said forgive, not be a fool.
Please bless my family & friends and help them come to know you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
8/23/08
Dear Jehovah,
Yo! My life, my love, my Lord. Praise be to you! You are most amazing! What a great day! Thank you for today! Today I was pain free and I appreciate the opportunities to eat and learn another valuable life lesson about not giving up. Please help me to become strong in you Jehovah. Please help me to become strong in my faith and know that I am serving the one True YOU. It is important to me that I do not break my commitment to you. I am being baptized tomorrow, I consider this an honor. "Be baptized, spread the good news and make disciples" Jesus said, and that is what I am trying to do. Please show me the way with the situation with Chris. Help me to let go if that is your will or to be patience if you deem so. Do not let me be tempted by him Lord. Let me be strong as a rock in your will and not to sin against you. Please give me te strength and wisdom and lead my path to you. Please let me know your will in regards to the music and worship and make a path clear for me to learn, be strong and have clean fun at the retreat.
Please bless my family & friends and help them come to know you! I pray for Chris to turn to you for guidance and wisdom instead of worldly things when he is tempted and I pray for us to strengthen our relationship if that is your desire for us. If not, I am prepared, as I said to let him go. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
THINGS FOR FOREST HOME
board shorts/shirts
1 piece w/ a shirt - no bikinis
sweatshirt
sleeping bag / pillow
flashlight
towel
pajamas
sunglasses
8/22/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for today! It was a beautiful day and I appreciate it being pain free! Thank you for providing food for me to eat and the opportunity to go on the retreat next week. Please help me to forgive and let go of control of others. PLease help me to continue strong in the faith. I want to get to know you Lord. Please allow me to get closer to others who put you first in deeds and words and are doing your will.
Please show me your will for me in my career & life path. Please comfort me. I am feeling sad tonight Jehovah and beating myself up and I am not sure why. I feel lonely and I am tempted to turn to Chris for comfort. Please bring him closer to me or keep him from me if that is your will. Please bless me tomorrow at first day of school and watch over my safety this month. I am trying to do my best in all things & feel useless for falling short. I know you said we all fall short and you love us anyway, but I feel I keep failing you and I am moving away instead of near. I have doubts. Oh that only you would remove them!
Please keep me strong in self control and against temptation. I lift up those in the church who also need your comfort and suffering tonight. Please help my family come to know you and keep them safe in these troublesome times. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of the son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - Jesus thank you for making me aware of my transgressions now and doing wrong. I am sorry for lying today, using Gods name in vain, and looking with lust. Please forgive me, I know I "was bought at a price".
Please help my family come to know you and keep me on your desired path for me, I am lost without you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
8/21/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise you! Thank you for blessing me today with the ocean, a friend to show me your Word, not feeling pain and some more confidence to go in the water! Wow! Thank you for giving me the strength to say no to Chris and his heart's understanding last night which could only have been your influence. Please give him patience Jehovah to be with me or let him fall away if that is to be. Thank you for watching over me and blessing me with your love and comfort in the Word. I would like to offer up Chris, that you help him hunger for your Word and that he find a good place to live for him and the puppy dogs. Remember how sad he was when he first came over Jehovah - talking gloom and doom? Help him please flee temptation and going toward sin. Please remove my temptations at this time and help me keep my eyes firmly focused "not on what is seen but what is unseen." To look to the Word for comfort and to fellowship w/ others who are walking in the spirit. Help me with discernment at this time so I do not put any other gods before you and to follow your path for me and see your will for my career. Please help my family come to know you and keep me on your desired path for me, I am lost without you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS I am sorry Jesus for lying today, looking with lust, not honoring my father, and feeling jealousy toward J & Cheyanne- please forgive me. I will also forgive others.
8/20/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for this day. How awesome are your ways! Thank you for giving me some insight on temptation through the ladies advice today. I must turn away from it, practice self control and see Chris as a new follower and not stumble or try to cause him to stumble.
Dear Lord of power please give me the strength to speak to Chris lovingly but firmly today about us not having sex and turning him away from relationship at this time. Please give me a clear message of your will for me with the music direction. Uncanny how we did 2 songs tonight at minichurch that I LOVE TO SING to you and that Ash had asked me earlier to sing louder so everyone could hear me if we sang them...Thank you for that. Thank you for watching over me today in the ocean Jesus. I prayed for confidence and I felt it rising up in me. I learned a valuable lesson today and I think I will try again tomorrow to really push myself out there. I love you Lord! Thank you for not giving me to pain today and stopping me from temptation to call Chris earlier in the day. I want to pray for Marco, Liz's friend tonight, please help see him through his difficult time. I would like to pray for Asha and Joey that they receive your blessings for them w/ the VISA and Joey getting a job doing what will carry out your will. Please help Joey with his depression Lord, he needs you. I would like to pray for Chris that you show him your love and allow him to get closer to you and learn your ways /lessons for him. Build him to his walk with you so we may be able to possibly be together someday, if that is your will for us. I pray for my family and friends to come to see the promise of salvation you offer through Jesus.
Please help me to be strong in my walk/path to you and getting close to those who put YOU first and form lasting bonds with your true believers. Thank you for today's advice and messages! I feel blessed and so lucky you are in my life. I am so happy!
I would like to pray for Claudia, that she fall away from her temptation with the tempting/txting abrastallion guy and walk away from it. Let her search for you Lord and men have to come through you to even get to her. I want to put you 1st and know without a doubt that you are my God, that you are the one true God so I will put no other God's before you! Show me the way, please keep giving me signs. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - I am sorry for lying, stealing into the sandwich line at school, and behaving proudly as well as having lustful thoughts.
8/18/08
Dear Jehovah,
What up J! I praise you this day and all days! You have put such wonderful things in this heart today! Thank you so much for your blessings today with my interview, no pain, reaching out for info on your Word (getting answers) and for allowing me to hang out and have clean fun as opposed to sinful fun.
I can even share my fun with you also! Jehovah, thank you so much for Jayme's invitation to tonight's bible class, it felt so good, so reassuring to know that I truly am calling you by the name that praises, reveals, and worships you. I feel so undeserving. Thank you Jesus! I hallow the Fathers name and give whole friggin hearted thanks for today. Please help me to grow in you and keep my eyes planted on you and furthering your kingdom. Pleas give me confidence in reaching out to godly others and to be able to withstand. Please put those in my life who put you first and allow me to get close to them. Please give me the confidence once more to write for you, create for you, and speak out in your name! I think I want to go to mission Jehovah, help me to somehow get out where you want me. Please help keep me strong as a rock with temptation and fighting it. I want you to use me and give me the "attractive force" that will entice others to know you! I pray for Stan to come to know you Lord and to return to you. I pray for my family and friends to come to see the promise of salvation you offer through Jesus. I pray for humility, love and wisdom to right as I go through this week. Your will be done! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - I am sorry Jesus for swearing today, using God's name in vain, looking with lust at Travis, and not being truthful. You are the name by which I am saved and I will try harder tomorrow. =(
PPS - If me writing music again for you is your will, please put me in contact with musicians and a music studio I can work in/to record by the end of next month. If not, I am prepared to do what you will while I am here. Like Stacie Frenes said, I will "just use what you gave me"?. You alone are the power and the force to really move me.
(then I wrote 2 songs after this prayer)
8/17/08
Dear Jehovah,
Hi! Praise you today for a wonderful day and full understanding of today's sermon! WoW!! I fell today Jehovah and do not think I am strong enough to resist my feelings for Chris. Please take me in Lord and help me "fix my eyes" as you say, only on you!
You are the only one of importance in my life to please + love and share my everything with. Please let your will be done with me Lord and continue prodding my stubborn imperfect self along the path. Thank you for blessing me Lord! I pray for those in my church who are suffering. I pray the girls will take me in and accept me as you do so I may fellowship with other strong believers. I feel alone Lord, open you Word to me tonight and let me run to you for comfort. Please help me to be strong this week in not contacting Chris and keeping my focus on you and work and your goals/glory. As always please let my family and friends come to know you Lord so they too may partake of the blessings. All these things I pray in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
8/16/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise to you today! Thank you so much for a beautiful day and no pain thus far. Lord, it seems Chris has again walked away and left (again) for good. If this is your will, please do not let him ever come back until he is 100% sure of his love and will not take it away at sign of problems, boredom, comfort or for whatever reasons he keeps vacillating and being lukewarm. I am no longer going to allow him to play me like a yo-yo. You respect me and care for me therefore so should he. I will not allow this treatment. Please let your will be done with this and all things in my life. If it is not your will, PLEASE MAKE ME STRONG in keeping out of contact with this confused sinning person. I am doing the best I can. I would like to pray that those i am evangelizing with will be able to lean on you and do so without fear. Renew my confidence Jehovah as I reach out to fellowship with the church and your worshipers.If this is not the church for me, please lead me where you want me.
I want to do your will and only your will. Prepare me for persecution, make me strong in faith in you and not turn away out of fear. I would like to pray for my family and friends to come to know you and try to do your will also. I myself need to be stronger in fighting temptations and letting go of worldly things. Move me closer to you, my rock, and give me wings to serve and handle upcoming trials. Please help me let go of resentments and mistrust and to find my true job and passion and do/give with all my heart, mind and soul for you. All these things I ask in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
PS Please forgive me for being envious, using your name in vain, thinking lustful thoughts and lying yesterday. I am sorry Jesus. =(
8/15/08
Dear Jehovah,
Lord I come to you humbly tonight to ask for forgiveness and comfort. I am feeling sad and confused and unsure of myself. I feel tempted to push away my pain with old methods that do not work for me, or you. I no longer have Chris or anyone to turn to you but you and I guess that is the way it should be. I need you God. I need you in my life. I want to do your will and I feel lost. I am sure of one thing and that is I need to stay on my path to you. Please open up your Word to me tonight and do not let me be misled. Deliver me from sadness in your time. Let your will be done even if that means pain at this time. I want to be loved Jehovah, I want to be cherished, hold me and keep me close tonight please.
Thank you for todays message and thank you for your grace & mercy. I am going to read once more of Jesus's struggle and Jobs trials and see if I cannot find the comfort there. All these things I pray in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
PS - I will write more. These are selfish prayers all about myself.
8/13/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for another day without pain and to try to be kind. I am coming to you in desperation Jehovah. Help Chris and I to walk away from this negativity. Please help him to see what it is you want him to see and to walk away from us or to be patient.
Whatever is your will Jehovah that is what I want. He has asked I leave him alone until Sunday, please make me strong in doing this. I do not want to hurt anymore! I don't want him to hurt either.
Give him patience and understanding please. Show him your will for him. I know you have the best for us in store and that your will whether we fight it or not will prevail. I do not trust him & I do not think he knows for himself what he truly wants. I know what I want and I trust myself in your care.
Please give me strength tonight to go over my step 4/5 and to let go and let you take over. Let your will be done in this and all things in my life. Am I still fighting you? Please let me see it if I am. Please show me my next steps on your path. Let me show love to those who are in my life and to see think with forgiveness only, but not in weakness allowing sin. All these things I pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
8/11/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise you today Lord! I will prob pray more later on but I just need to talk to you right now. I am feeling fearful and unsure of my way. Thank you for blessing me today with a place to live and food to eat. I will eat today and try to care for myself.
I am confused Lord and need your guidance and mercy. I still feel guilty for my transgression yesterday. Please help me to forgive myself and not let myself do that again. Please show me your will for me with my career ad path. I am starting to feel azy and distracted. I am just not sure what to do! I know you want what is best for me, and I do not want to go against that, as I do NOT know best. I want to leave it all in your capable hands Father. Please remove this from me. Please help me to let go and let you take it over from here.
Put it in Chris's heart to persevere and be honest with me about his intentions and to stay strong in your will for him. Please show me what is going on with him Jehovah as I am again confused by him. Please let me leave him and be strong in walking away from this relationship or be patient at working at it if that is your will. Please bring me closer to work you want me to do and show me your path for me. I will walk blindly today and let you lead as you will. I give it to you. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
8/10/08
Dear Jehovah,
Lord Almighty! Hello! Thank you so much for blessing me this last week with seeing my sister and us living through the 5 car accident we witnessed and were 2 cars behind! That could have been us!
Thank you for caring for me by not giving me more pain than I could bear and thank you for delivering me from my own sadness. Lord, I would like to pray for forgiveness in giving into temptation with sex before marriage. Please give me strength to be strong and firm against this sin. I did not feel good doing that to you and do not want my guilt to push me into doing more wrong. Please help me be strong in my situation with Chris. Please give me wisdom in this change of heart he has had and show me your will for me as you did previously.
I am not sure why he is so eager to come back to me, however, I want to put you first and be yours, not his. I want only your will and mercy as I know will never and have never let me down. Please guide me and keep me from evil thoughts and actions.
I pray for Chris in his temptations of the path blocking his way to you. He seems to be becoming the man I prayed for, but I am completely prepared to let him go should that be your will. Please help him continue on his path to you.
Please bless Vaish with your mercy and and love and let your will be done in regards to her possible kid situation. I ask for your blessings and wisdom in the way that I am going, and I pray I am doing your will. Please bless my family & friends and help them to come to know you. Please allow me to trust & fellowship with those who put you first and to get close to them. Give me the courage to reach out and the hope for intimacy with your followers.
Again I ask for your mercy and forgiveness what happened with Chris and to make me A ROCK in now allowing that behavior and if he is turned away because of it, to let me let him go once and for all and never look back. Please help me to trust him and to let go of my previous habits and behaviors. Put more people in my sight this week to help and a job to come out of my desire to be like Christ.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
Dear Jehovah,
Well praise to you! Please bless my family & friends - they need you but don't know it. Help them come to know you!
Tonight you seem to have answered my prayer on the how to proceed with Chris front. I asked Chris if I "should get used to not seeing him or spending time with him" and he said "yes, something like that". He may be confused and trying to hold on while letting go and yo-yo me but YOU def are not. The message is pretty clear from you! Steer clear til he knows what he really wants and acts in a loving manner that is consistent. He needs to walk his walk with you and I need to walk mine. Separately. Continue to be mostly out of contact.
He is moving away, he may not keep the faith, it seems he still doesn't know what he wants, is rarely thoughtful with giving or generosity of his time, expressive of his expectations or communicative and still is not purposeful or moving toward complete honesty and working at issues or even determining what they were also at this time everyone is telling me CUT OFF ALL CONTACT-GO COLD TURKEY. I now have the support in place. Thank you.
It cannot hurt to try again. Imagine the life I would be living now had I succeeded in cutting all contact in March and never spoken to him in June? I begin to try once more. Thank you Lord for showing me truths. Please KILL my compulsions to reach out to him at times and contact him. If you are trying to teach me patience and self control as Trav mentioned please let it be gently and give me the "out you promise to help me overcome".
Thank you again for your blessings and love. I hope to wake early tomorrow and get on a sleep schedule so I may dedicate to you, school and work. Please let my new friends be open to spending time with me in these precarious months and fill my life with self love, helping others, hunger for you and create healthy habits. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
Things I want for my new life
self healing
a great job I enjoy
new friends & closer bonds
an education
to enjoy my own company
find my passion
a relationship with God through which all the above things are possible.
ITEMS
iphone/ipod
digicam/vid
skateboard
backpack/roll bag
side table ikea
printer
costco foam board
TO DO
1) organize papers
2) search flights home
3) study!
4) eat healthy/workout/stretch
8/25/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you so much a day without pain! Thank you for a beautiful day and night and blessing me so much! Thank you for allowing me to spend time with Chris non abusively and to express my thoughts of his actions yesterday and him understand and validate my feeling. Your will be done with him Lord. Thank you for giving me food to eat, a Wii to work out on, and for trying to build my body and resistance. Please keep me strong Jehovah, until Chris knows what he wants, without a doubt. Thank you for letting me let go and hand my concerns over to you instead of spilling them onto him. Please keep me strong in building my faith in your and burying myself in your Word and making strong action for your will. I have many questions, please lead me to answers.
Please grant me wisdom w/ school and learning new things. Thank you for Corey, Karin, Liz, Andrea, Jayme and the girls being in my life. Please let me know if this is the right place for me Lord or you want me somewhere else. I am sure it will all be in your time.
Thank you for giving me the words to tell Steven on IM and not being carried away with anger when he began to insult you and me! Wow! What a change for me. Please help Chris stay strong in the faith and get closer to you. Show him to lean on you and bless him in his next steps. As he is moving away and changing his life let him not forget you and if it is your will for us to remain in contact please show that or not.
Please bless my family & friends - they need you but don't know it. Help them come to know you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - I am sorry for lying today, and using your name in vain. I sincerely apologize and will try harder tomorrow.
8/24/08
Praise be! Lord of stregnth and might of grace and mercy. Reading Isaiah I am seeing the need to submit to you. Thank you for your Word and law! I am getting baptized in 4 hours! Thank you for the opportunity to be like Jesus. Your 10 commandments are
1) Have no other gods before me. I am your God.
2) Do not bow down or worship others/idols or create idols.
3) Do not use the name of your Lord in vain.
4) You will honor your father and mother.
5) You will keep the Sabbath (7th day) holy and rest.
6) Do not look with lust or commit adultery.
7) Do not be angry without cause or commit murder.
8) Do not steal.
9) Do not lie or bear false witness against anyone.
10) Do not covet your neighbors anything.
Please keep me strong in the situation with Chris and bring to light his true intentions. Though after writing this I am thinking his true intention is to have his cake and eat it too with me as has been from the beginning. Only you know the truth and I know you have my best interests. Please light my way to you. Please envelop me in your fold and keep me on the path to you. Let me not be misled by or fall astray for or because of others. Please make me strong in the face of persecution and ridicule from my family and give me assistance in knowing what to say as I go out into the world with your message.
Chris is being rude to me. You do not treat me with such nonchalance and would never treat me this way, therefore I am sending him home Jehovah. I do not need to allow this anymore as I know you love me no matter what/who is in my life or not. Help me to forgive him later on, however I will not be a doormat to further treatment like this. Jesus said forgive, not be a fool.
Please bless my family & friends and help them come to know you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
8/23/08
Dear Jehovah,
Yo! My life, my love, my Lord. Praise be to you! You are most amazing! What a great day! Thank you for today! Today I was pain free and I appreciate the opportunities to eat and learn another valuable life lesson about not giving up. Please help me to become strong in you Jehovah. Please help me to become strong in my faith and know that I am serving the one True YOU. It is important to me that I do not break my commitment to you. I am being baptized tomorrow, I consider this an honor. "Be baptized, spread the good news and make disciples" Jesus said, and that is what I am trying to do. Please show me the way with the situation with Chris. Help me to let go if that is your will or to be patience if you deem so. Do not let me be tempted by him Lord. Let me be strong as a rock in your will and not to sin against you. Please give me te strength and wisdom and lead my path to you. Please let me know your will in regards to the music and worship and make a path clear for me to learn, be strong and have clean fun at the retreat.
Please bless my family & friends and help them come to know you! I pray for Chris to turn to you for guidance and wisdom instead of worldly things when he is tempted and I pray for us to strengthen our relationship if that is your desire for us. If not, I am prepared, as I said to let him go. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
THINGS FOR FOREST HOME
board shorts/shirts
1 piece w/ a shirt - no bikinis
sweatshirt
sleeping bag / pillow
flashlight
towel
pajamas
sunglasses
8/22/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for today! It was a beautiful day and I appreciate it being pain free! Thank you for providing food for me to eat and the opportunity to go on the retreat next week. Please help me to forgive and let go of control of others. PLease help me to continue strong in the faith. I want to get to know you Lord. Please allow me to get closer to others who put you first in deeds and words and are doing your will.
Please show me your will for me in my career & life path. Please comfort me. I am feeling sad tonight Jehovah and beating myself up and I am not sure why. I feel lonely and I am tempted to turn to Chris for comfort. Please bring him closer to me or keep him from me if that is your will. Please bless me tomorrow at first day of school and watch over my safety this month. I am trying to do my best in all things & feel useless for falling short. I know you said we all fall short and you love us anyway, but I feel I keep failing you and I am moving away instead of near. I have doubts. Oh that only you would remove them!
Please keep me strong in self control and against temptation. I lift up those in the church who also need your comfort and suffering tonight. Please help my family come to know you and keep them safe in these troublesome times. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of the son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - Jesus thank you for making me aware of my transgressions now and doing wrong. I am sorry for lying today, using Gods name in vain, and looking with lust. Please forgive me, I know I "was bought at a price".
Please help my family come to know you and keep me on your desired path for me, I am lost without you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
8/21/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise you! Thank you for blessing me today with the ocean, a friend to show me your Word, not feeling pain and some more confidence to go in the water! Wow! Thank you for giving me the strength to say no to Chris and his heart's understanding last night which could only have been your influence. Please give him patience Jehovah to be with me or let him fall away if that is to be. Thank you for watching over me and blessing me with your love and comfort in the Word. I would like to offer up Chris, that you help him hunger for your Word and that he find a good place to live for him and the puppy dogs. Remember how sad he was when he first came over Jehovah - talking gloom and doom? Help him please flee temptation and going toward sin. Please remove my temptations at this time and help me keep my eyes firmly focused "not on what is seen but what is unseen." To look to the Word for comfort and to fellowship w/ others who are walking in the spirit. Help me with discernment at this time so I do not put any other gods before you and to follow your path for me and see your will for my career. Please help my family come to know you and keep me on your desired path for me, I am lost without you! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS I am sorry Jesus for lying today, looking with lust, not honoring my father, and feeling jealousy toward J & Cheyanne- please forgive me. I will also forgive others.
8/20/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for this day. How awesome are your ways! Thank you for giving me some insight on temptation through the ladies advice today. I must turn away from it, practice self control and see Chris as a new follower and not stumble or try to cause him to stumble.
Dear Lord of power please give me the strength to speak to Chris lovingly but firmly today about us not having sex and turning him away from relationship at this time. Please give me a clear message of your will for me with the music direction. Uncanny how we did 2 songs tonight at minichurch that I LOVE TO SING to you and that Ash had asked me earlier to sing louder so everyone could hear me if we sang them...Thank you for that. Thank you for watching over me today in the ocean Jesus. I prayed for confidence and I felt it rising up in me. I learned a valuable lesson today and I think I will try again tomorrow to really push myself out there. I love you Lord! Thank you for not giving me to pain today and stopping me from temptation to call Chris earlier in the day. I want to pray for Marco, Liz's friend tonight, please help see him through his difficult time. I would like to pray for Asha and Joey that they receive your blessings for them w/ the VISA and Joey getting a job doing what will carry out your will. Please help Joey with his depression Lord, he needs you. I would like to pray for Chris that you show him your love and allow him to get closer to you and learn your ways /lessons for him. Build him to his walk with you so we may be able to possibly be together someday, if that is your will for us. I pray for my family and friends to come to see the promise of salvation you offer through Jesus.
Please help me to be strong in my walk/path to you and getting close to those who put YOU first and form lasting bonds with your true believers. Thank you for today's advice and messages! I feel blessed and so lucky you are in my life. I am so happy!
I would like to pray for Claudia, that she fall away from her temptation with the tempting/txting abrastallion guy and walk away from it. Let her search for you Lord and men have to come through you to even get to her. I want to put you 1st and know without a doubt that you are my God, that you are the one true God so I will put no other God's before you! Show me the way, please keep giving me signs. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - I am sorry for lying, stealing into the sandwich line at school, and behaving proudly as well as having lustful thoughts.
8/18/08
Dear Jehovah,
What up J! I praise you this day and all days! You have put such wonderful things in this heart today! Thank you so much for your blessings today with my interview, no pain, reaching out for info on your Word (getting answers) and for allowing me to hang out and have clean fun as opposed to sinful fun.
I can even share my fun with you also! Jehovah, thank you so much for Jayme's invitation to tonight's bible class, it felt so good, so reassuring to know that I truly am calling you by the name that praises, reveals, and worships you. I feel so undeserving. Thank you Jesus! I hallow the Fathers name and give whole friggin hearted thanks for today. Please help me to grow in you and keep my eyes planted on you and furthering your kingdom. Pleas give me confidence in reaching out to godly others and to be able to withstand. Please put those in my life who put you first and allow me to get close to them. Please give me the confidence once more to write for you, create for you, and speak out in your name! I think I want to go to mission Jehovah, help me to somehow get out where you want me. Please help keep me strong as a rock with temptation and fighting it. I want you to use me and give me the "attractive force" that will entice others to know you! I pray for Stan to come to know you Lord and to return to you. I pray for my family and friends to come to see the promise of salvation you offer through Jesus. I pray for humility, love and wisdom to right as I go through this week. Your will be done! All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. - Amen
PS - I am sorry Jesus for swearing today, using God's name in vain, looking with lust at Travis, and not being truthful. You are the name by which I am saved and I will try harder tomorrow. =(
PPS - If me writing music again for you is your will, please put me in contact with musicians and a music studio I can work in/to record by the end of next month. If not, I am prepared to do what you will while I am here. Like Stacie Frenes said, I will "just use what you gave me"?. You alone are the power and the force to really move me.
(then I wrote 2 songs after this prayer)
8/17/08
Dear Jehovah,
Hi! Praise you today for a wonderful day and full understanding of today's sermon! WoW!! I fell today Jehovah and do not think I am strong enough to resist my feelings for Chris. Please take me in Lord and help me "fix my eyes" as you say, only on you!
You are the only one of importance in my life to please + love and share my everything with. Please let your will be done with me Lord and continue prodding my stubborn imperfect self along the path. Thank you for blessing me Lord! I pray for those in my church who are suffering. I pray the girls will take me in and accept me as you do so I may fellowship with other strong believers. I feel alone Lord, open you Word to me tonight and let me run to you for comfort. Please help me to be strong this week in not contacting Chris and keeping my focus on you and work and your goals/glory. As always please let my family and friends come to know you Lord so they too may partake of the blessings. All these things I pray in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
8/16/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise to you today! Thank you so much for a beautiful day and no pain thus far. Lord, it seems Chris has again walked away and left (again) for good. If this is your will, please do not let him ever come back until he is 100% sure of his love and will not take it away at sign of problems, boredom, comfort or for whatever reasons he keeps vacillating and being lukewarm. I am no longer going to allow him to play me like a yo-yo. You respect me and care for me therefore so should he. I will not allow this treatment. Please let your will be done with this and all things in my life. If it is not your will, PLEASE MAKE ME STRONG in keeping out of contact with this confused sinning person. I am doing the best I can. I would like to pray that those i am evangelizing with will be able to lean on you and do so without fear. Renew my confidence Jehovah as I reach out to fellowship with the church and your worshipers.If this is not the church for me, please lead me where you want me.
I want to do your will and only your will. Prepare me for persecution, make me strong in faith in you and not turn away out of fear. I would like to pray for my family and friends to come to know you and try to do your will also. I myself need to be stronger in fighting temptations and letting go of worldly things. Move me closer to you, my rock, and give me wings to serve and handle upcoming trials. Please help me let go of resentments and mistrust and to find my true job and passion and do/give with all my heart, mind and soul for you. All these things I ask in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
PS Please forgive me for being envious, using your name in vain, thinking lustful thoughts and lying yesterday. I am sorry Jesus. =(
8/15/08
Dear Jehovah,
Lord I come to you humbly tonight to ask for forgiveness and comfort. I am feeling sad and confused and unsure of myself. I feel tempted to push away my pain with old methods that do not work for me, or you. I no longer have Chris or anyone to turn to you but you and I guess that is the way it should be. I need you God. I need you in my life. I want to do your will and I feel lost. I am sure of one thing and that is I need to stay on my path to you. Please open up your Word to me tonight and do not let me be misled. Deliver me from sadness in your time. Let your will be done even if that means pain at this time. I want to be loved Jehovah, I want to be cherished, hold me and keep me close tonight please.
Thank you for todays message and thank you for your grace & mercy. I am going to read once more of Jesus's struggle and Jobs trials and see if I cannot find the comfort there. All these things I pray in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
PS - I will write more. These are selfish prayers all about myself.
8/13/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for another day without pain and to try to be kind. I am coming to you in desperation Jehovah. Help Chris and I to walk away from this negativity. Please help him to see what it is you want him to see and to walk away from us or to be patient.
Whatever is your will Jehovah that is what I want. He has asked I leave him alone until Sunday, please make me strong in doing this. I do not want to hurt anymore! I don't want him to hurt either.
Give him patience and understanding please. Show him your will for him. I know you have the best for us in store and that your will whether we fight it or not will prevail. I do not trust him & I do not think he knows for himself what he truly wants. I know what I want and I trust myself in your care.
Please give me strength tonight to go over my step 4/5 and to let go and let you take over. Let your will be done in this and all things in my life. Am I still fighting you? Please let me see it if I am. Please show me my next steps on your path. Let me show love to those who are in my life and to see think with forgiveness only, but not in weakness allowing sin. All these things I pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
8/11/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise you today Lord! I will prob pray more later on but I just need to talk to you right now. I am feeling fearful and unsure of my way. Thank you for blessing me today with a place to live and food to eat. I will eat today and try to care for myself.
I am confused Lord and need your guidance and mercy. I still feel guilty for my transgression yesterday. Please help me to forgive myself and not let myself do that again. Please show me your will for me with my career ad path. I am starting to feel azy and distracted. I am just not sure what to do! I know you want what is best for me, and I do not want to go against that, as I do NOT know best. I want to leave it all in your capable hands Father. Please remove this from me. Please help me to let go and let you take it over from here.
Put it in Chris's heart to persevere and be honest with me about his intentions and to stay strong in your will for him. Please show me what is going on with him Jehovah as I am again confused by him. Please let me leave him and be strong in walking away from this relationship or be patient at working at it if that is your will. Please bring me closer to work you want me to do and show me your path for me. I will walk blindly today and let you lead as you will. I give it to you. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
8/10/08
Dear Jehovah,
Lord Almighty! Hello! Thank you so much for blessing me this last week with seeing my sister and us living through the 5 car accident we witnessed and were 2 cars behind! That could have been us!
Thank you for caring for me by not giving me more pain than I could bear and thank you for delivering me from my own sadness. Lord, I would like to pray for forgiveness in giving into temptation with sex before marriage. Please give me strength to be strong and firm against this sin. I did not feel good doing that to you and do not want my guilt to push me into doing more wrong. Please help me be strong in my situation with Chris. Please give me wisdom in this change of heart he has had and show me your will for me as you did previously.
I am not sure why he is so eager to come back to me, however, I want to put you first and be yours, not his. I want only your will and mercy as I know will never and have never let me down. Please guide me and keep me from evil thoughts and actions.
I pray for Chris in his temptations of the path blocking his way to you. He seems to be becoming the man I prayed for, but I am completely prepared to let him go should that be your will. Please help him continue on his path to you.
Please bless Vaish with your mercy and and love and let your will be done in regards to her possible kid situation. I ask for your blessings and wisdom in the way that I am going, and I pray I am doing your will. Please bless my family & friends and help them to come to know you. Please allow me to trust & fellowship with those who put you first and to get close to them. Give me the courage to reach out and the hope for intimacy with your followers.
Again I ask for your mercy and forgiveness what happened with Chris and to make me A ROCK in now allowing that behavior and if he is turned away because of it, to let me let him go once and for all and never look back. Please help me to trust him and to let go of my previous habits and behaviors. Put more people in my sight this week to help and a job to come out of my desire to be like Christ.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks in the name of your son, Jesus Christ - Amen
Saturday, August 16, 2008
...it was not real love - it was 2 addicts
it was this...
http://www.tc.umn.edu/%7Eparkx032/RLT-WEB.html
http://www.tc.umn.edu/%7Eparkx032/CY-HOAX.html
Excerpt:
III. Love & Marriage: Fantasy & Facts.
In the American way of love, marriages are contracted 'for love'. But often the kind of 'love' that leads to the altar is romantic infatuation. After the honeymoon is over, grim reality submerges the fantasy. The bubble of romance, which seemed so exquisitely beautiful for a moment, vanishes with a silent pop, leaving only a small wet mark.
In other cultures, marriages are created for more practical reasons. If there is to be any affection, let it come along later.
But perhaps romantic love and marriage are incompatible. Projected fantasies seldom survive years of living together. Romantic love can be an enjoyable and harmless emotional game —as long as we don't attempt to construct our lives around it.
VI. Good-bye to Illusions, Hello to Reality.
The difficulty we might have in making ourselves 'fall in love' is not our emotional deficiency but our intellectual honesty. If we eventually become convinced that romantic love is an illusion—a web of projected fantasies and artificial feelings—
what do we do next?
We can abandon these cultural delusions and begin to establish
our relationships based on real information about each other and genuine commitment toward each other. Reality-based relationships might not have the same emotional high,but, in the long run, they are much better for us. Instead of projecting our pre-existing fantasies on others,we can get to know them as they really are
—and as the persons they are becoming.
The wild, extravagant feeling of being head-over-heels in love is certainly an enjoyable delusion while that emotional 'high' lasts,but should we attempt to build relationships on fantasy feelings?
IV. How Did We Learn the Romantic Response?
Almost from the moment of birth, we have been surrounded by the romantic ythology.
Every element of the popular culture assumes that romance is real: television, movies, novels, poetry, soap operas, advertising, popular music of every kind, newspapers, magazine, & dating services. We grew up in a milieu of romantic love. Everywhere we turn, even tho we seldom notice it, someone is making positive references to 'falling in love'.
The reason for the uniformity of our romantic beliefs and experiences is not genetic similarity, control by the gods, or a common 'human nature' —but a common cultural tradition going back to the Middle Ages. As diverse as we are, most of us pursue the same dream of romantic love. Without the help of any organized conspiracy,
hundreds of accidental elements of popular culture have shown us how to 'fall in love'.
These ever-present purveyors of the romantic mythology have shaped our deepest emotional-psychological structure: We have been programmed to respond when someone pushes the love button.
Ugh right? How gross?! Thank god its over, to make way for the real deal or maybe.. not ever! Praise the Lord. :) I am inspired to get out there and find my passion... however long it takes. My time, my love, my sacrifices, my energy will be given to something that actually gives back!
http://www.tc.umn.edu/%7Eparkx032/RLT-WEB.html
http://www.tc.umn.edu/%7Eparkx032/CY-HOAX.html
Excerpt:
III. Love & Marriage: Fantasy & Facts.
In the American way of love, marriages are contracted 'for love'. But often the kind of 'love' that leads to the altar is romantic infatuation. After the honeymoon is over, grim reality submerges the fantasy. The bubble of romance, which seemed so exquisitely beautiful for a moment, vanishes with a silent pop, leaving only a small wet mark.
In other cultures, marriages are created for more practical reasons. If there is to be any affection, let it come along later.
But perhaps romantic love and marriage are incompatible. Projected fantasies seldom survive years of living together. Romantic love can be an enjoyable and harmless emotional game —as long as we don't attempt to construct our lives around it.
VI. Good-bye to Illusions, Hello to Reality.
The difficulty we might have in making ourselves 'fall in love' is not our emotional deficiency but our intellectual honesty. If we eventually become convinced that romantic love is an illusion—a web of projected fantasies and artificial feelings—
what do we do next?
We can abandon these cultural delusions and begin to establish
our relationships based on real information about each other and genuine commitment toward each other. Reality-based relationships might not have the same emotional high,but, in the long run, they are much better for us. Instead of projecting our pre-existing fantasies on others,we can get to know them as they really are
—and as the persons they are becoming.
The wild, extravagant feeling of being head-over-heels in love is certainly an enjoyable delusion while that emotional 'high' lasts,but should we attempt to build relationships on fantasy feelings?
IV. How Did We Learn the Romantic Response?
Almost from the moment of birth, we have been surrounded by the romantic ythology.
Every element of the popular culture assumes that romance is real: television, movies, novels, poetry, soap operas, advertising, popular music of every kind, newspapers, magazine, & dating services. We grew up in a milieu of romantic love. Everywhere we turn, even tho we seldom notice it, someone is making positive references to 'falling in love'.
The reason for the uniformity of our romantic beliefs and experiences is not genetic similarity, control by the gods, or a common 'human nature' —but a common cultural tradition going back to the Middle Ages. As diverse as we are, most of us pursue the same dream of romantic love. Without the help of any organized conspiracy,
hundreds of accidental elements of popular culture have shown us how to 'fall in love'.
These ever-present purveyors of the romantic mythology have shaped our deepest emotional-psychological structure: We have been programmed to respond when someone pushes the love button.
Ugh right? How gross?! Thank god its over, to make way for the real deal or maybe.. not ever! Praise the Lord. :) I am inspired to get out there and find my passion... however long it takes. My time, my love, my sacrifices, my energy will be given to something that actually gives back!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Thank God I don't have kids!
After watching the Nanny and TLC sixtuplets show I have realized it is a very good thing Chris has fallen out of love with me and we are no longer together! I am still trying to fill the void of what I didn't get in my childhood and meet my own needs, imagine having to meet 3 or 4 other humans?
Imagine having kids in that relationship? Trying to raise responsible, honest, boundaries, non-violent, loving, trusting adults? We might have never even been able to come an agreement on the way to raise them or ever even discipline them.
I mean if we couldn't conquer these boundary, communication and trust issues there is is no way we could have ever dealt with marriage and children issues!
Imagine having kids in that relationship? Trying to raise responsible, honest, boundaries, non-violent, loving, trusting adults? We might have never even been able to come an agreement on the way to raise them or ever even discipline them.
I mean if we couldn't conquer these boundary, communication and trust issues there is is no way we could have ever dealt with marriage and children issues!
Letters to God 2
8/3/08
Dear Jehovah,
Praise to you for this wonderful day! I am in so much pain but I am going to praise you and give thanks. Thank you so much for letting me have my day with Corey and showing me your Word (the lessons of the fruits and flesh vs spirit hearts). Thank you for giving me the courage to reach out instead of isolating and feeling alone. Please continue to give me strength as my pain grows and thank you for my lesson with the earthquake. Thank you for reminding me of Chris's weaknesses today and our spiritual incompatibility. Please continue to help me be strong in letting go of him and our past, so I may find the path instead to you and only you. Thank you for bringing my sister to me and giving me food to eat! Please put those in my life who put you first and foremost so I may trust, fellowship, and feel close to your good fruit & have the opportunity to learn by their examples and modicum. I want to get closer to you and find your will for me in my career. Whatever is your will please continue to push me in that direction as you have with Chris. I have approx 30 days to find a job before I cannot live here, please bless me with something you would like for me to start with.
Please help my family and friends come to know you Jesus. I pray for Chris in his work situation to remember to trust in you and to keep himself from being misled. Thank you for granting him a conscience. I pray you make him strong as a rock for you and only you God, that he learns to trust in you and therefore learns to trust in himself.
Give him integrity and honesty as he forges through this & show him your will for him. Thank you for making him my brother in Christ and please strengthen our relationship over time. I pray for Asha and Joey Lord that they conquer their emotional and career hurdles and Corey that she may succeed at her new job in your will. I pray for Alicia to be strengthened with dealing with her finances Lord, and thank you for giving me the info to search and advise her. Thank you for the wisdom of Corey's mom and dad yesterday in the advice of you giving to me little by little, preparing me slowly so I may get to enjoy at the right time/handle the larger things you have in store for me that I cannot see. I love you and praise you and thank you for your undeserved love and mercy. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.
7/30/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you so much for this day! Praise you for allowing me another breath and a feeling of calm. I am thankful for being able to buy food and eat. Thank you so much for feeding me and blessing me! I would like to pray for strength Jehovah to persevere on the path to Christ. I would like to ask for humility and forgiveness with those who I have lingering resentments toward. I would like to prepare to ask you to remove these shortcomings of mine and replace them with awareness and correct blameless behaviors.(in your time)
Please come soon Jesus so you may restore this system of things and rid us of "the god of this age". Open my ears so I may hear, open my eyes so I may see your will for me in my career and life path to serve you.
Please help my family and friends come to know you and your love for them and to follow your way, Jesus. Please bless the homeless and women who are stuck with violence and the "proud scoffers" in their midst and see no way out. Please help those who are on mission and allow their light (and mine here) to shine so others will turn to you by their examples. Thank you for returning Karin home safely! Please help me to not be misled by the false prophets and light your way clearly for me so I may be the fertile ground and not cracks, thorns or eaten by the birds.
Thank you kindly for one more day without pain and one more day to try to serve. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.
PS Thanks for making me strong against the temptation/desire to masturbate and to smoke today!
7/29/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for blessing me today with another breath of life! I truly was afraid during this earthquake and forgot to pray to you and seek you first! Please do not ever let me do that again! I need to remove this fear/cowardice I have of perishing and being persecuted in your name. I know you are my Savior Jesus, how can I let go in those moments of utter fear? Faith. Please help me strengthen my faith and get closer to you Jesus. Please open your Word to me so I may understand and continue repenting. Thank you for removing my desire to smoke and masturbate yesterday. I am feeling stressed and those are my comforts which hurt myself.
Please continue to help me to be strong as only you can. I want to care for this temple while I have it. Thank you for this gift. Please continue to bless my family and friends come to know you Jesus and your promise for them Lord. Please bless those on the mission field and those spreading your Word. I look forward to joining those ranks soon. Let me see the "fruits" of this congregation Lord so I may not be misled by false doctrine or prophets coming in "your name". You say I will know them by their fruits and they should show fruits of the spirit, but how if they are human?
Please take this fear and replace it with meek assertion and godly conviction. Help me to forgive those who trespass against me as you forgive me. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/28/08
Dear Jehovah,
Hi! Thank you for blessing me with no pain on this gorgeous day! Thank you for Sundays msg and hearing my mothers wisdom on your time. Thank you for giving me another day of breath and Chris and Ray being able to fix my computer so I may look for work. Please bless them both in their pursuits and let them come to know your love and blessings.
Please continue to help me be strong in this departure from Chris and remind me of our spiritual incompatibility when I am feeling weak and in love. Please let me forgive and care for him as a brother in Christ only and slowly let go of our past. Give me the strength to move on Lord and see only you and your will for me.
Envelop me Jesus as I begin work and school and encounter struggles to seek the kingdom first! Please bless my family and friends & loved ones to come to know you Jesus and your desire for them, Lord. Help me to be a vessel of your will and find my career path & what you divinely deem for me. Please let me help more others Lord and bring them to your fold.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/26/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for this wonderful day and the witnessing of beauty in humans and sharing good music in the company of women and some support. Please put those in my life who put you first and bless me with their friendship and companionship. Give me the strength and comfort I need to get through this time of learning Chris and I are not meant to be. I will need your strength, honesty and kindness toward him tomorrow, to be kind but not close or with anger/judgment.
I would like to ask that you please bless my family and friends & loved ones to come to know you. Only you have the power and the glory to bring these changes in my life and others. Please bless those being persecuted and doing your will in dangerous places, I look forward to joining them. Thank you again for showing me your will with Chris and granting/planting it in his heart to be honest with me. Thank you for loving and saving me! Please help Nancy to to come to know your love and comfort. Please give her self-love. You are the warmth that one can feel in the coldest of times.
Please grants me the fruits of the spirit Jesus and help me to become more like you. Continue to light my path toward your will for me in my life and career. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/25/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for this beautiful blessed day. Though I am feeling sad Chris did not call me and seems to have again abandoned me, I put it all in your loving hands. You are my rock. You are my love. I am thankful for all these experiences and teachings. I know you love me and have better for me in store. Give me patience Jehovah and please above all strength. Show me your will for me and put those in my life who put you first in all things. Help me to get over Chris Jehovah.
Help me to let go of all the pain and forgive with love and letting go. You have answered my prayers in leading Chris to you for better changes in his life. Thank you. However, you seem to refuse to give him to me for me to love at this time. I will work on letting him go and giving the outcome to you. Please put at homeless person in my sight today to feed. Please light my way as I feel I am in darkness. Please bless my family and friends and help them to come to know you. Enfold me and put me in your arms so I may stay on and walk your path only. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/24/08 10:55p
Feeling Excercise
What does let go and let God mean in this situation with Chris?
It means I cannot control Chris only he can! I cannot stop him from behaving this way. He knows how I feel and he still continues. He told me the other day he would hurt me, probably. He has told me that he fears he will continue to be this way. Letting go and letting God means stop getting in His way. Let things progress they way they should and don't question or fight it. Chris and I are not meant to be together or friends. I do not trust him anymore. We cannot fix what was broken. I need to let him go and know that though I may not see it, God wants better for me than this. He will eventually bring someone into my life who will not treat me this way. I need to give in and be subservient. I need to trust God as he is more trustworthy than Chris or anyone can ever be.
I need to know that God knows what is in my best interest and sees the bumps and accelerations in the road ahead that I dont. I need to give this pain to Him. Pray, get closer, continue working on my own life and building my relationship with Him.
What does this situation remind me of my childhood and is this true for me today?
The situation with Chris reminds me of being abandoned and feeling not good enough for my parents to love me, choose me or treat me well. Not being good enough for dad to call, write, or IM. Is this true for me today?
No. This is not true. I am good enough. I am a great person. CHris does not need to be at my beck and call and let me know everything he does and when. I can never be abandoned by God so I dont need to put all this emphasis and care on one person. It is his loss, not mine. Perhaps he is doing something very important to his future, only God knows. (he was playing pool with Ray and later picking up another girl)
I am angry that he says he will call and does not. This reminds me of my dad letting me down. I would wait by the phone or door for him to come or call and then nothing. Leading me to feel like I was unimportant, unwanted. Then he would act as if nothing happened or it was not a big deal that he let me down and that his actions "should not" hurt. I didn't bring it up to dad for fear of confrontation or further abandonment. Now as an adult, I do not need to do this anymore or accept this behavior.
7/21/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for blessing me today w/ another breath on earth! Thank you for the wonderful weather and Sunday sermon about giving YOU the glory. I want your will Father in my situation with Chris and my life path! Please show it to me. Help me be come strong in my faith in you only. Help me to keep humble and remain in love and be loving and trusting. If my love and eyes are on you, whom then shall I fear? No one for you are the Most High! I am blessed by you and want to cast off this flesh and sin! Thank you Jesus for showing me the way today. Please bless my family and friends and help them to come to know you. Lead the way for my life, please Lord! All these things I ... wait Jehovah!
There are some others I would like to pray for. I would like to pray for our world leaders that they realize their wrongs and to repent (even just one) and i would like to give thanks for answering Alicia's prayer and giving Fathey the spirit to go on. I would like to pray for Chris today Lord that you give him the encouragement he needs for his work and help him stay true to you. Help him see the reason you have him working there or not and grant him the patience to do what he needs to do. Help him to remember to give you glory in his actions and to be loving and strong in his faith in you. I would like to pray for Paige in her therapy and in being honest with me. I would like to pray for Anne's leg to be healed. I would like to pray for those unseen who need you today and your comfort and love.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/16/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you blessing me with today and with no pain and love from Chris. Keep me strong in my direction to you Lord. I do not want to stray. Allow me to be deaf to lied and have open eyes for fruits and works only. Please bless my family and friends in their trials and help them to know you Jesus! Please grant me the wisdom when reading your Word to understand and act justly. Please bless me with finding your career path for me and knowing the next way to go. Give me strength to hold onto you and to let go of trivial things and people (such as my issues with Chris) I pray for those who are spreading your news to be safe and for the hearts to melt of those in opposition they face. Please show me the way to becoming involved in these missions somehow and to communicate with others.
I pray for and beg for your will for me with Chris and my life path to be shown in a way I can clearly see and I will not question you. I will follow. Give me strength and faith to continue on your path as I am confused as to which way to go.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/15/08
Thank you for keeping me safe & alive today and one more day to breathe. Thank you for caring for me and blessing me with a place to live, someone to talk to (Alicia) and the will to move forward. Thank you for opening your Word to me and for allowing me to learn from my mistakes! Please keep me close Jesus as I am approaching the end time.
Please guide my steps Jesus so I may walk inly to you in your direction. When my focus is not on you, I get lost and I am taken by evil. Please continue to bless me and put those in my life who who put you first and foremost in theirs. Help me to become more like you Lord so that I may inherit eternal life. Please bless my family and friends in their trying times. Please keep me from those "whose feet run to deception" and take from me "those who want to shed innocent blood". Help me to be strong and give me wisdom in determining right from wrong. Please put it in Paige's heart to be honest with me about her intentions with Chris.
Please help me to let go of my mistrust of Chris. I pray for them both to come know you Lord and follow your honest and just path. Please help Alicia gain the strength she needs for her situation. Please bless my mini-church women with the love they need, the wisdom to determine what is right and the faith in you to put you first in all things. Please bless my family in the death of my grandmother, comfort them in their grief, they need you. Let them be filled with your joy instead and be comforted. Thank you for loving me, for answering my prayers (Chris hasn't smoked in days and is trying to be kinder!) and giving me the strength to go on for one more day.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
Letters to God May/June
Dear Jehovah,
Praise to you for this wonderful day! I am in so much pain but I am going to praise you and give thanks. Thank you so much for letting me have my day with Corey and showing me your Word (the lessons of the fruits and flesh vs spirit hearts). Thank you for giving me the courage to reach out instead of isolating and feeling alone. Please continue to give me strength as my pain grows and thank you for my lesson with the earthquake. Thank you for reminding me of Chris's weaknesses today and our spiritual incompatibility. Please continue to help me be strong in letting go of him and our past, so I may find the path instead to you and only you. Thank you for bringing my sister to me and giving me food to eat! Please put those in my life who put you first and foremost so I may trust, fellowship, and feel close to your good fruit & have the opportunity to learn by their examples and modicum. I want to get closer to you and find your will for me in my career. Whatever is your will please continue to push me in that direction as you have with Chris. I have approx 30 days to find a job before I cannot live here, please bless me with something you would like for me to start with.
Please help my family and friends come to know you Jesus. I pray for Chris in his work situation to remember to trust in you and to keep himself from being misled. Thank you for granting him a conscience. I pray you make him strong as a rock for you and only you God, that he learns to trust in you and therefore learns to trust in himself.
Give him integrity and honesty as he forges through this & show him your will for him. Thank you for making him my brother in Christ and please strengthen our relationship over time. I pray for Asha and Joey Lord that they conquer their emotional and career hurdles and Corey that she may succeed at her new job in your will. I pray for Alicia to be strengthened with dealing with her finances Lord, and thank you for giving me the info to search and advise her. Thank you for the wisdom of Corey's mom and dad yesterday in the advice of you giving to me little by little, preparing me slowly so I may get to enjoy at the right time/handle the larger things you have in store for me that I cannot see. I love you and praise you and thank you for your undeserved love and mercy. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.
7/30/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you so much for this day! Praise you for allowing me another breath and a feeling of calm. I am thankful for being able to buy food and eat. Thank you so much for feeding me and blessing me! I would like to pray for strength Jehovah to persevere on the path to Christ. I would like to ask for humility and forgiveness with those who I have lingering resentments toward. I would like to prepare to ask you to remove these shortcomings of mine and replace them with awareness and correct blameless behaviors.(in your time)
Please come soon Jesus so you may restore this system of things and rid us of "the god of this age". Open my ears so I may hear, open my eyes so I may see your will for me in my career and life path to serve you.
Please help my family and friends come to know you and your love for them and to follow your way, Jesus. Please bless the homeless and women who are stuck with violence and the "proud scoffers" in their midst and see no way out. Please help those who are on mission and allow their light (and mine here) to shine so others will turn to you by their examples. Thank you for returning Karin home safely! Please help me to not be misled by the false prophets and light your way clearly for me so I may be the fertile ground and not cracks, thorns or eaten by the birds.
Thank you kindly for one more day without pain and one more day to try to serve. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.
PS Thanks for making me strong against the temptation/desire to masturbate and to smoke today!
7/29/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for blessing me today with another breath of life! I truly was afraid during this earthquake and forgot to pray to you and seek you first! Please do not ever let me do that again! I need to remove this fear/cowardice I have of perishing and being persecuted in your name. I know you are my Savior Jesus, how can I let go in those moments of utter fear? Faith. Please help me strengthen my faith and get closer to you Jesus. Please open your Word to me so I may understand and continue repenting. Thank you for removing my desire to smoke and masturbate yesterday. I am feeling stressed and those are my comforts which hurt myself.
Please continue to help me to be strong as only you can. I want to care for this temple while I have it. Thank you for this gift. Please continue to bless my family and friends come to know you Jesus and your promise for them Lord. Please bless those on the mission field and those spreading your Word. I look forward to joining those ranks soon. Let me see the "fruits" of this congregation Lord so I may not be misled by false doctrine or prophets coming in "your name". You say I will know them by their fruits and they should show fruits of the spirit, but how if they are human?
Please take this fear and replace it with meek assertion and godly conviction. Help me to forgive those who trespass against me as you forgive me. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/28/08
Dear Jehovah,
Hi! Thank you for blessing me with no pain on this gorgeous day! Thank you for Sundays msg and hearing my mothers wisdom on your time. Thank you for giving me another day of breath and Chris and Ray being able to fix my computer so I may look for work. Please bless them both in their pursuits and let them come to know your love and blessings.
Please continue to help me be strong in this departure from Chris and remind me of our spiritual incompatibility when I am feeling weak and in love. Please let me forgive and care for him as a brother in Christ only and slowly let go of our past. Give me the strength to move on Lord and see only you and your will for me.
Envelop me Jesus as I begin work and school and encounter struggles to seek the kingdom first! Please bless my family and friends & loved ones to come to know you Jesus and your desire for them, Lord. Help me to be a vessel of your will and find my career path & what you divinely deem for me. Please let me help more others Lord and bring them to your fold.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/26/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for this wonderful day and the witnessing of beauty in humans and sharing good music in the company of women and some support. Please put those in my life who put you first and bless me with their friendship and companionship. Give me the strength and comfort I need to get through this time of learning Chris and I are not meant to be. I will need your strength, honesty and kindness toward him tomorrow, to be kind but not close or with anger/judgment.
I would like to ask that you please bless my family and friends & loved ones to come to know you. Only you have the power and the glory to bring these changes in my life and others. Please bless those being persecuted and doing your will in dangerous places, I look forward to joining them. Thank you again for showing me your will with Chris and granting/planting it in his heart to be honest with me. Thank you for loving and saving me! Please help Nancy to to come to know your love and comfort. Please give her self-love. You are the warmth that one can feel in the coldest of times.
Please grants me the fruits of the spirit Jesus and help me to become more like you. Continue to light my path toward your will for me in my life and career. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/25/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for this beautiful blessed day. Though I am feeling sad Chris did not call me and seems to have again abandoned me, I put it all in your loving hands. You are my rock. You are my love. I am thankful for all these experiences and teachings. I know you love me and have better for me in store. Give me patience Jehovah and please above all strength. Show me your will for me and put those in my life who put you first in all things. Help me to get over Chris Jehovah.
Help me to let go of all the pain and forgive with love and letting go. You have answered my prayers in leading Chris to you for better changes in his life. Thank you. However, you seem to refuse to give him to me for me to love at this time. I will work on letting him go and giving the outcome to you. Please put at homeless person in my sight today to feed. Please light my way as I feel I am in darkness. Please bless my family and friends and help them to come to know you. Enfold me and put me in your arms so I may stay on and walk your path only. All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/24/08 10:55p
Feeling Excercise
What does let go and let God mean in this situation with Chris?
It means I cannot control Chris only he can! I cannot stop him from behaving this way. He knows how I feel and he still continues. He told me the other day he would hurt me, probably. He has told me that he fears he will continue to be this way. Letting go and letting God means stop getting in His way. Let things progress they way they should and don't question or fight it. Chris and I are not meant to be together or friends. I do not trust him anymore. We cannot fix what was broken. I need to let him go and know that though I may not see it, God wants better for me than this. He will eventually bring someone into my life who will not treat me this way. I need to give in and be subservient. I need to trust God as he is more trustworthy than Chris or anyone can ever be.
I need to know that God knows what is in my best interest and sees the bumps and accelerations in the road ahead that I dont. I need to give this pain to Him. Pray, get closer, continue working on my own life and building my relationship with Him.
What does this situation remind me of my childhood and is this true for me today?
The situation with Chris reminds me of being abandoned and feeling not good enough for my parents to love me, choose me or treat me well. Not being good enough for dad to call, write, or IM. Is this true for me today?
No. This is not true. I am good enough. I am a great person. CHris does not need to be at my beck and call and let me know everything he does and when. I can never be abandoned by God so I dont need to put all this emphasis and care on one person. It is his loss, not mine. Perhaps he is doing something very important to his future, only God knows. (he was playing pool with Ray and later picking up another girl)
I am angry that he says he will call and does not. This reminds me of my dad letting me down. I would wait by the phone or door for him to come or call and then nothing. Leading me to feel like I was unimportant, unwanted. Then he would act as if nothing happened or it was not a big deal that he let me down and that his actions "should not" hurt. I didn't bring it up to dad for fear of confrontation or further abandonment. Now as an adult, I do not need to do this anymore or accept this behavior.
7/21/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you for blessing me today w/ another breath on earth! Thank you for the wonderful weather and Sunday sermon about giving YOU the glory. I want your will Father in my situation with Chris and my life path! Please show it to me. Help me be come strong in my faith in you only. Help me to keep humble and remain in love and be loving and trusting. If my love and eyes are on you, whom then shall I fear? No one for you are the Most High! I am blessed by you and want to cast off this flesh and sin! Thank you Jesus for showing me the way today. Please bless my family and friends and help them to come to know you. Lead the way for my life, please Lord! All these things I ... wait Jehovah!
There are some others I would like to pray for. I would like to pray for our world leaders that they realize their wrongs and to repent (even just one) and i would like to give thanks for answering Alicia's prayer and giving Fathey the spirit to go on. I would like to pray for Chris today Lord that you give him the encouragement he needs for his work and help him stay true to you. Help him see the reason you have him working there or not and grant him the patience to do what he needs to do. Help him to remember to give you glory in his actions and to be loving and strong in his faith in you. I would like to pray for Paige in her therapy and in being honest with me. I would like to pray for Anne's leg to be healed. I would like to pray for those unseen who need you today and your comfort and love.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/16/08
Dear Jehovah,
Thank you blessing me with today and with no pain and love from Chris. Keep me strong in my direction to you Lord. I do not want to stray. Allow me to be deaf to lied and have open eyes for fruits and works only. Please bless my family and friends in their trials and help them to know you Jesus! Please grant me the wisdom when reading your Word to understand and act justly. Please bless me with finding your career path for me and knowing the next way to go. Give me strength to hold onto you and to let go of trivial things and people (such as my issues with Chris) I pray for those who are spreading your news to be safe and for the hearts to melt of those in opposition they face. Please show me the way to becoming involved in these missions somehow and to communicate with others.
I pray for and beg for your will for me with Chris and my life path to be shown in a way I can clearly see and I will not question you. I will follow. Give me strength and faith to continue on your path as I am confused as to which way to go.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
7/15/08
Thank you for keeping me safe & alive today and one more day to breathe. Thank you for caring for me and blessing me with a place to live, someone to talk to (Alicia) and the will to move forward. Thank you for opening your Word to me and for allowing me to learn from my mistakes! Please keep me close Jesus as I am approaching the end time.
Please guide my steps Jesus so I may walk inly to you in your direction. When my focus is not on you, I get lost and I am taken by evil. Please continue to bless me and put those in my life who who put you first and foremost in theirs. Help me to become more like you Lord so that I may inherit eternal life. Please bless my family and friends in their trying times. Please keep me from those "whose feet run to deception" and take from me "those who want to shed innocent blood". Help me to be strong and give me wisdom in determining right from wrong. Please put it in Paige's heart to be honest with me about her intentions with Chris.
Please help me to let go of my mistrust of Chris. I pray for them both to come know you Lord and follow your honest and just path. Please help Alicia gain the strength she needs for her situation. Please bless my mini-church women with the love they need, the wisdom to determine what is right and the faith in you to put you first in all things. Please bless my family in the death of my grandmother, comfort them in their grief, they need you. Let them be filled with your joy instead and be comforted. Thank you for loving me, for answering my prayers (Chris hasn't smoked in days and is trying to be kinder!) and giving me the strength to go on for one more day.
All these things I ask, pray and give thanks, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.
Letters to God May/June
Drop Weapons
Drop Weapons: Several soldiers who have returned from combat zones talk with the American News Project about what they say is the widespread practice of using "drop weapons" to cover up the killing of innocent civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan. We feature five veterans and current members of Iraq Veterans Against the War, plus retired Lieutenant Colonel Gary Solis, a Vietnam War veteran and legal scholar who taught "Law of War" at West Point.
http://newsproject.org/player.swf
Will this method be used by them against us?
http://newsproject.org/player.swf
Will this method be used by them against us?
Friday, August 1, 2008
Doormat seeks Muddy Boots
Doormat seeks muddy boots - (This used to be me. Aww. =( )
Date: 2008-07-10, 12:20PM PDT
Do you have a drinking/drug problem? Do you believe your crappy childhood exempts you from having to be nice to other people? Is "enraged" the only emotion you are capable of feeling? Do you make twice as much as me, yet still need to borrow money a week after you get paid? If so, I am the lady for you! I'm a queer femme who enjoys being yelled at, ignored, and told what is best for me. I'm short, thin (maybe that will trigger your teenage eating disorder issues! Feel free to blame me!), and smart (unless you find that threatening! In which case I am not as smart as you!). I do have clinical depression, which I manage with medication and, ideally, a steady supply of judgment from you. I'm looking to continue along my current dating path with someone who is immature, unpleasant, and bad at listening. Bonus points if you:
-fetishize my mixed-race background, use it to impress your liberal white friends, and know exactly what "my people" are doing wrong
-make "ironic" racist jokes
-are a spoiled-ass mama's boy
-have no friends of your own, preferring to use me for all of your emotional needs (if you must have your own friends, I would rather you use them to cheat on me and/or commiserate about what a terrible girlfriend I am)
-hate fat people (although I am not fat myself, I love it when people rip on my friends and expect me to agree because of my genetics)
-understand that being an asshole and apologizing for it later is exactly the same as not being an asshole in the first place
-use "non-normatively gendered" as a synonym for "teeming with internalized misogyny"
Hopefully we can build a lasting relationship and maybe move in together so that you can decorate the apartment with old beer cans filled with cigarette butts and containers of half-eaten takeout food covered in fruit flies. Don't worry, I'll clean up after you. I'd prefer if you are white and middle-class so you can lord it over me all the time. Physical age unimportant as long as you are emotionally 9 years old. Your pic gets mine!!!
WITH THAT SAID - SHE GOT A NEW ATTITUDE! READ BELOW AND REJOICE WITH ME!
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then..heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is....Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. NEVER let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You CANNOT change a man's behavior. Change comes from WITHIN. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, NOTHING more NOTHING less. Never let a man define who you are. NEVER EVER borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. When a man always knows where you are, and you're seen as always readily available to him - he is an idiot and he takes it for granted. NEVER fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need from a relationship.
Date: 2008-07-10, 12:20PM PDT
Do you have a drinking/drug problem? Do you believe your crappy childhood exempts you from having to be nice to other people? Is "enraged" the only emotion you are capable of feeling? Do you make twice as much as me, yet still need to borrow money a week after you get paid? If so, I am the lady for you! I'm a queer femme who enjoys being yelled at, ignored, and told what is best for me. I'm short, thin (maybe that will trigger your teenage eating disorder issues! Feel free to blame me!), and smart (unless you find that threatening! In which case I am not as smart as you!). I do have clinical depression, which I manage with medication and, ideally, a steady supply of judgment from you. I'm looking to continue along my current dating path with someone who is immature, unpleasant, and bad at listening. Bonus points if you:
-fetishize my mixed-race background, use it to impress your liberal white friends, and know exactly what "my people" are doing wrong
-make "ironic" racist jokes
-are a spoiled-ass mama's boy
-have no friends of your own, preferring to use me for all of your emotional needs (if you must have your own friends, I would rather you use them to cheat on me and/or commiserate about what a terrible girlfriend I am)
-hate fat people (although I am not fat myself, I love it when people rip on my friends and expect me to agree because of my genetics)
-understand that being an asshole and apologizing for it later is exactly the same as not being an asshole in the first place
-use "non-normatively gendered" as a synonym for "teeming with internalized misogyny"
Hopefully we can build a lasting relationship and maybe move in together so that you can decorate the apartment with old beer cans filled with cigarette butts and containers of half-eaten takeout food covered in fruit flies. Don't worry, I'll clean up after you. I'd prefer if you are white and middle-class so you can lord it over me all the time. Physical age unimportant as long as you are emotionally 9 years old. Your pic gets mine!!!
WITH THAT SAID - SHE GOT A NEW ATTITUDE! READ BELOW AND REJOICE WITH ME!
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then..heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is....Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. NEVER let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You CANNOT change a man's behavior. Change comes from WITHIN. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, NOTHING more NOTHING less. Never let a man define who you are. NEVER EVER borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. When a man always knows where you are, and you're seen as always readily available to him - he is an idiot and he takes it for granted. NEVER fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need from a relationship.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tonight was ROUGH! Character Traits
I am working on Step 4 in my Step Study and tonight was a little harsh. I think this Step may be the hardest and the most leave-you-feeling-vulnerable one. This Step is about honesty, true honesty with yourself about things you just dont want to admit to. It is a moral inventory.
After working on it for the last 2 weeks I decided I am also going to do a positive character traits/strengths as that doesnt get much attention but is also part of me.
The ones I value are below. taken from http://www.newhope.bc.ca/02-02-09.htm
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Our character is what we are. The dictionary defines character as the ways a person feels, thinks or acts. It is moral firmness, the expression of positive qualities in our lives. Life teaches us to accentuate the negative and overlook or be blind to the positive in others.
The Bible teaches us to bless people with the 5A's of Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval and Attention.
The Devil hates people who speak the five A's of blessing so he gets us to speak words of cursing from his deadly six pack of curse words. They are Degrading, Derisive, Derogatory, Destructive, Displeasing and Disapproving words and looks.
The following are some suggested ways to use this exercise:
1. Use it to gain a deeper appreciation of people you associate with.
2. Use it as a prompter to write words of blessing and appreciation in special occasion cards. It will give your card an eternal dimension.
3. Use it as a parenting tool for the development of character in your child's life.
Parents can lose sight of the positive qualities in their children. This will help you get excited about some of the ways your child is growing. It will also identify areas that require attention.
4. Use this tool to build self-confidence in your spouse. 99% of the time a spouse will give their partner a higher grade than the partner will give themselves.
Once a month sit in a quite place and review this list, reading each definition, asking God to give you the courage to make the multitude of little choices and decisions that will transform you into a Majestic Tree of Righteousness. As Isaiah the prophet said, "For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." (Isaiah 28:10 KJV)
ALERTNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNAWARENESS
The ability to anticipate right responses to that which is taking place around me.
ANALYTICAL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ILLOGICAL
The ability to place the parts of a whole in their proper sequence.
ATTENTIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNCONCERN
Showing the worth of a person by giving sincere attention to their words.
AVAILABILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELF-CENTREDNESS
Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving.
BOLDNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FEARFUL
Confidence that what I have to say or do will result in lasting benefit.
CAREFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CARELESS
Giving adequate thought to what one says or does.
COMPASSION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INDIFFERENCE
Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.
CONSISTENCY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 VARIABLE
Always acting in keeping with what you are.
CONTENTMENT 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 COVETOUSNESS
Realizing God has provided everything I need for my present happiness.
COOPERATION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OPPOSITION
Working together to accomplish that which cannot be done alone.
COURAGE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 COWARDICE
Responding to danger without thought of retreat.
COURTESY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INSOLENCE
Thoughtful behavior that gives due regard to another person.
CREATIVITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNDER-ACHIEVE
Approaching a need, a task an idea from a new perspective.
DECISIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DOUBLE-MINDED
The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God.
DEFERENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 RUDENESS
Limiting my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of those God has called me to serve.
DEPENDABILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INCONSISTENT
Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice.
DETERMINATION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FAINT-HEARTED
Purposing to accomplish God's goals in God's time regardless of the opposition.
DEVOTION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INDIFFERENCE
Deep steady affection, faithfulness and loyalty to another.
DILIGENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 LAZY
Using all my energies to accomplish God given tasks.
DISCERNMENT 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLINDNESS
Seeing through a surface problem to root causes.
DISCRETION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLUNDER
Being able to anticipate the consequences of our actions.
EFFICIENCY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNPRODUCTIVE
The ability to do things without waste of time or energy.
ENCOURAGEMENT 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DEPRESSED
To instill courage, hope and confidence in another.
ENDURANCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 GIVING UP
The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God's best.
ENTERPRISING 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNASSERTIVE
The ability to conceive, plan and initiate a project.
ENTHUSIASM 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 APATHY
Expressing with my spirit the joy of the soul.
FAIRNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PARTIALITY
Looking at a decision from the viewpoint of each person involved.
FAITH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PRESUMPTION
Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it.
FLEXIBILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 STUBBORNNESS
Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which may be changed by others.
FORGIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 REJECTION
Healing others by using their offenses as a means of expressing to them Christ's love.
FRANKNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 EVASIVE
Freedom in expressing one's real thoughts, opinions and feelings with tenderness.
FRIENDLINESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HOSTILE
The ability to make another person feel comfortable in your presence.
GENEROSITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 STINGINESS
Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes.
GENTLENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HARSHNESS
Expressing personal care appropriate to others emotional need.
GRATEFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNGRATEFUL
Expressing adequate appreciation for a service or favor freely rendered.
GREGARIOUS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ALOOF/ISOLATION
The ability to enjoy the companionship of a group of people.
HELPFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DETRIMENTAL
To give or do what is needed or useful.
HONESTY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DECEIT
Dealing with others in an open, fair, forthright manner.
HOPE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DESPAIR
Healthy expectation based on past performance.
HOSPITALITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELFISH
Cheerfully sharing food, shelter and spiritual refreshment with others.
HUMILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PRIDE
Knowing God and others are responsible for the achievements in my life.
INSPIRING 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SQUELCH
The ability to stimulate positive thoughts and constructive actions in others.
INITIATIVE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 APATHY
Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I'm asked to do it.
JOYFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELF-PITY
The praise of my inward being in genuine harmony with God and others.
JUSTICE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNFAIRNESS
The process by which each man is assured the things that belong to him.
KNOWLEDGEABLE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OBLIVIOUS
Having a broad based interest and understanding of the world around you.
KINDNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 MEANNESS
Showing the extra generous, genuine sympathetic attitude or action toward others.
LEADERSHIP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OBSTRUCT
The ability to influence the thoughts and actions of people toward a specific purpose.
LOVE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HATE
Seeking the good of others irrespective of our feelings.
LOYALTY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNFAITHFUL
Using adversity to confirm my commitment to those whom God has called me to serve.
MEEKNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ANGER
Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God.
METHODICAL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HAPHAZARD
Carrying out an assignment or task in an orderly, systematic manner.
OBEDIENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 WILFULNESS
Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority.
ORDERLINESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CLUTTERED
Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency.
PATIENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ANXIETY
Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it.
PERSEVERANCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SURRENDER
Holding fast to a purpose or course of action.
PERSUASIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CONTENTIOUS
Guiding vital truths around another's mental road blocks.
PRACTICAL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 THEORETICAL
The ability to solve a problem or respond to a situation in a realistic manner.
PRECISE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 VAGUE
The ability to be exact in what you do or say so that the desired results are achieved.
POLITENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 RUDENESS
Having and showing appropriate courtesy and consideration in any given situation.
PUNCTUALITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 TARDY
Showing high esteem for other people and their time.
RESOURCEFUL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 WASTEFUL
Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard
RESPECTFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INSOLENT
Giving due esteem and honour to another.
RESPONSIBILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNRELIABLE
Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting of me.
SELF-CONTROL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELF-INDULGE
Instant obedience to the initial prompting of God's Spirit.
SENSITIVITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CALLOUSNESS
Exercising my senses so that I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me.
SINCERITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ARTIFICIAL
Free from pretence, deceit, and fraud.
SERIOUSNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FRIVOLOUSNESS
The ability to give deep thought and purpose appropriate to the situation at hand.
THRIFTINESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 EXTRAVAGANT
The economical prudent management of your time and resources.
THOROUGHNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SUPERFICIAL
Doing all that should be done to complete the task with excellence.
TOLERANCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PREJUDICE
Showing patience with people whose opinions and ways differ from yours.
TRUSTING 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SKEPTICAL
The ability to have faith in others and expect the best from them
WISDOM 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FOOLISH
Viewing life from God's perspective
VIRTUE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PROMISCUOUS
Moral excellence and integrity.
VISION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLINDNESS
The ability to see and understand God's purposes for an individual or group.
"The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, waken my ear to listen like one being taught." (Isaiah 50:4 NIV)
After working on it for the last 2 weeks I decided I am also going to do a positive character traits/strengths as that doesnt get much attention but is also part of me.
The ones I value are below. taken from http://www.newhope.bc.ca/02-02-09.htm
---------------------------------------------------
Our character is what we are. The dictionary defines character as the ways a person feels, thinks or acts. It is moral firmness, the expression of positive qualities in our lives. Life teaches us to accentuate the negative and overlook or be blind to the positive in others.
The Bible teaches us to bless people with the 5A's of Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval and Attention.
The Devil hates people who speak the five A's of blessing so he gets us to speak words of cursing from his deadly six pack of curse words. They are Degrading, Derisive, Derogatory, Destructive, Displeasing and Disapproving words and looks.
The following are some suggested ways to use this exercise:
1. Use it to gain a deeper appreciation of people you associate with.
2. Use it as a prompter to write words of blessing and appreciation in special occasion cards. It will give your card an eternal dimension.
3. Use it as a parenting tool for the development of character in your child's life.
Parents can lose sight of the positive qualities in their children. This will help you get excited about some of the ways your child is growing. It will also identify areas that require attention.
4. Use this tool to build self-confidence in your spouse. 99% of the time a spouse will give their partner a higher grade than the partner will give themselves.
Once a month sit in a quite place and review this list, reading each definition, asking God to give you the courage to make the multitude of little choices and decisions that will transform you into a Majestic Tree of Righteousness. As Isaiah the prophet said, "For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." (Isaiah 28:10 KJV)
ALERTNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNAWARENESS
The ability to anticipate right responses to that which is taking place around me.
ANALYTICAL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ILLOGICAL
The ability to place the parts of a whole in their proper sequence.
ATTENTIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNCONCERN
Showing the worth of a person by giving sincere attention to their words.
AVAILABILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELF-CENTREDNESS
Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving.
BOLDNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FEARFUL
Confidence that what I have to say or do will result in lasting benefit.
CAREFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CARELESS
Giving adequate thought to what one says or does.
COMPASSION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INDIFFERENCE
Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.
CONSISTENCY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 VARIABLE
Always acting in keeping with what you are.
CONTENTMENT 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 COVETOUSNESS
Realizing God has provided everything I need for my present happiness.
COOPERATION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OPPOSITION
Working together to accomplish that which cannot be done alone.
COURAGE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 COWARDICE
Responding to danger without thought of retreat.
COURTESY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INSOLENCE
Thoughtful behavior that gives due regard to another person.
CREATIVITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNDER-ACHIEVE
Approaching a need, a task an idea from a new perspective.
DECISIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DOUBLE-MINDED
The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God.
DEFERENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 RUDENESS
Limiting my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of those God has called me to serve.
DEPENDABILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INCONSISTENT
Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice.
DETERMINATION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FAINT-HEARTED
Purposing to accomplish God's goals in God's time regardless of the opposition.
DEVOTION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INDIFFERENCE
Deep steady affection, faithfulness and loyalty to another.
DILIGENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 LAZY
Using all my energies to accomplish God given tasks.
DISCERNMENT 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLINDNESS
Seeing through a surface problem to root causes.
DISCRETION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLUNDER
Being able to anticipate the consequences of our actions.
EFFICIENCY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNPRODUCTIVE
The ability to do things without waste of time or energy.
ENCOURAGEMENT 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DEPRESSED
To instill courage, hope and confidence in another.
ENDURANCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 GIVING UP
The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God's best.
ENTERPRISING 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNASSERTIVE
The ability to conceive, plan and initiate a project.
ENTHUSIASM 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 APATHY
Expressing with my spirit the joy of the soul.
FAIRNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PARTIALITY
Looking at a decision from the viewpoint of each person involved.
FAITH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PRESUMPTION
Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it.
FLEXIBILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 STUBBORNNESS
Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which may be changed by others.
FORGIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 REJECTION
Healing others by using their offenses as a means of expressing to them Christ's love.
FRANKNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 EVASIVE
Freedom in expressing one's real thoughts, opinions and feelings with tenderness.
FRIENDLINESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HOSTILE
The ability to make another person feel comfortable in your presence.
GENEROSITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 STINGINESS
Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes.
GENTLENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HARSHNESS
Expressing personal care appropriate to others emotional need.
GRATEFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNGRATEFUL
Expressing adequate appreciation for a service or favor freely rendered.
GREGARIOUS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ALOOF/ISOLATION
The ability to enjoy the companionship of a group of people.
HELPFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DETRIMENTAL
To give or do what is needed or useful.
HONESTY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DECEIT
Dealing with others in an open, fair, forthright manner.
HOPE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 DESPAIR
Healthy expectation based on past performance.
HOSPITALITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELFISH
Cheerfully sharing food, shelter and spiritual refreshment with others.
HUMILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PRIDE
Knowing God and others are responsible for the achievements in my life.
INSPIRING 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SQUELCH
The ability to stimulate positive thoughts and constructive actions in others.
INITIATIVE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 APATHY
Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I'm asked to do it.
JOYFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELF-PITY
The praise of my inward being in genuine harmony with God and others.
JUSTICE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNFAIRNESS
The process by which each man is assured the things that belong to him.
KNOWLEDGEABLE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OBLIVIOUS
Having a broad based interest and understanding of the world around you.
KINDNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 MEANNESS
Showing the extra generous, genuine sympathetic attitude or action toward others.
LEADERSHIP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OBSTRUCT
The ability to influence the thoughts and actions of people toward a specific purpose.
LOVE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HATE
Seeking the good of others irrespective of our feelings.
LOYALTY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNFAITHFUL
Using adversity to confirm my commitment to those whom God has called me to serve.
MEEKNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ANGER
Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God.
METHODICAL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HAPHAZARD
Carrying out an assignment or task in an orderly, systematic manner.
OBEDIENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 WILFULNESS
Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority.
ORDERLINESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CLUTTERED
Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency.
PATIENCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ANXIETY
Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it.
PERSEVERANCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SURRENDER
Holding fast to a purpose or course of action.
PERSUASIVENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CONTENTIOUS
Guiding vital truths around another's mental road blocks.
PRACTICAL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 THEORETICAL
The ability to solve a problem or respond to a situation in a realistic manner.
PRECISE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 VAGUE
The ability to be exact in what you do or say so that the desired results are achieved.
POLITENESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 RUDENESS
Having and showing appropriate courtesy and consideration in any given situation.
PUNCTUALITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 TARDY
Showing high esteem for other people and their time.
RESOURCEFUL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 WASTEFUL
Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard
RESPECTFULNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 INSOLENT
Giving due esteem and honour to another.
RESPONSIBILITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 UNRELIABLE
Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting of me.
SELF-CONTROL 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SELF-INDULGE
Instant obedience to the initial prompting of God's Spirit.
SENSITIVITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 CALLOUSNESS
Exercising my senses so that I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me.
SINCERITY 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ARTIFICIAL
Free from pretence, deceit, and fraud.
SERIOUSNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FRIVOLOUSNESS
The ability to give deep thought and purpose appropriate to the situation at hand.
THRIFTINESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 EXTRAVAGANT
The economical prudent management of your time and resources.
THOROUGHNESS 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SUPERFICIAL
Doing all that should be done to complete the task with excellence.
TOLERANCE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PREJUDICE
Showing patience with people whose opinions and ways differ from yours.
TRUSTING 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 SKEPTICAL
The ability to have faith in others and expect the best from them
WISDOM 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 FOOLISH
Viewing life from God's perspective
VIRTUE 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 PROMISCUOUS
Moral excellence and integrity.
VISION 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLINDNESS
The ability to see and understand God's purposes for an individual or group.
"The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, waken my ear to listen like one being taught." (Isaiah 50:4 NIV)
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