My Illness - A (almost) Year in Pictures

In body building they have something called posting of progress pics and we would post pics along with a little blurb of that specific time in our lives of where we have been, what we ate, and where we are. Here is a pictorial journey through time to where I am now physically. Symptoms and all!

These are throwback pics of me before M..

Ah the days of gluten free pizza and veggies are gone! :(

Baked chocolate chip cookies- a thing of the past...

Before we contracted this illness there WERE other issues..both of us had dental work with lidocaine and such, I had been diagnosed with H. Pylori in March 2014 and was on natural and antibiotic meds til the beginning of June when I was cleared of it and totally healed by God.

4/16/2014

6/2/2014

Around late June/ July we had been looking to move in together and went to a bug filled apt (at night) to do "inspection" (of which we subsequently did not take because I am scared of bugs, but who knows what we could have gotten in there?), one friend had adopted a stray cat for a couple weeks and we went to her house, I definitely felt like I had got bitten there by a flea, my other friends had just gotten rid of their flea infestation in their apt and we visited them as well during this time, and I did get bitten by something right before 4th of July we had gone to see family and also had sat  leisurely in their grass. All happening days before the crawling. days before the specks and "biting/stings" ...Days before our lives totally changed.

7/2/2014

This group here is from July 2014
I remember the first sensations of itching and crawling began on my feet intensely, itching was on my chest and stings began on my hands. Strange red rashes began appearing on our bodies after the crazy itching and crawling sensations had already begun.

7/25/2014

7/30/2014

I began getting the strange 'itchy bites" in different areas of my body.

they looked like pimples, but had no pimple white puss stuff, itched a lot and did NOT go away.

We suspected mites or some other bugs?! fleas maybe? Desperate we began to proceed to spend ALL our savings in desperation to rid ourselves of "whatever" this was! Many daily/weekly doctor visits during July - August and into September..  many purchases of products claimed to work on mites, scabies, whatever skin crawling things there were out there on Google!

We would go to doctors by day and research and read online Google "crawling skin, itching skin" by night (there was no sleep option when the crawling was LITERALLY all over the body) and thought it was scabies or mites, so we got rid of ALL our furniture. Bye comfy bed! :(  Hello PLASTIC LIFE.

We had no idea if we were contagious so we stopped touching each other, started wearing gloves and masks, staying as much away from other people as we could and going out in public. We covered everything in plastic and began a "mite cleaning routine" DAILY every morning, which took us HOURS! We literally felt like we were going CRAZY.  Well, I did. He was daily playing Pokemon and just always stating that "God is going to heal me. I am NOT worried." "God will heal me."

This list below was a small part of the routine. We began to get rid of clothing, all personal items, prepare papers and my beloved book collection for shredding and deciding what I could keep or get rid of. Clothes washing on HOT at the laundromat (we didn't want to infect our neighbors) for 2 HOURS wash 2 HOURS dry was time consuming. NO sleep, tired, we fought a lot (I was freaking out, and suicidal. He was patient, giving it to God and just kept saying every day that he is going to be healed, we were going to be fine and this will leave us) but we were still cleaning every day and even steam cleaning the walls and ceilings during this time. 

We quarantined ourselves, and spent a LOT of time trying to decipher what the hell was happening to our bodies. The crawling increased and we began to see specks on our skin where the "pinch" had occurred.

there was SOO many stingings around  the computer and in my car for some reason!

Finally we found evidence of a bug and it was a mite. Just to give an idea of size of thing we were/are dealing with. I took a picture of it next to a pin. Its literally smaller than the pinhead. We thought surely it was them doing all this to us. but where were they?! We never saw them at night..  even when we used to leave the lights on ALL night because we thought it was BIRD mites.















Plastic life with bags before bins...

Sept - Oct 2014 - I moved out of that bug filled apartment that I just couldn't stop getting "bitten" in, moved many miles away into a room that my fiancee paid for for me, left my church, stopped talking to and seeing my friends, my fiancee became homeless and slept in my car, and I found a support group and wealth of information online. I began taking a bunch of supplements for Lymes disease, read up on something called Morgellons and began the hard work on changing my diet. The red rashes, "bites" and crawling continued in this new place with literally no "things" but a plastic bed and a plastic chair. This month was the month that strange brown dots began to start to be increasing on my skin, The skin actually started looking weird and scaly and worse was that I began to get strange scratch marks. Not from me scratching, but just appearing and itching. I also began losing my memory for simple things and I could no longer focus, multiply/ add correctly. It was scary.

 This was a newly built home. Perfect in every way, I miss this place!

 Specks, brown spots followed by more rashes and bites in this time.

 Another day of literally waking up with rashing. =(

 Not just on front of body, but sometimes back too. Randomly. Totally randomly. Freaked me out..

 More strange brown spots by the day..

 More weird "scratches" - with no nails or a cat within 50 miles of me. :(

 This happened at a friends house and was super embarrassing. :( She thought I had a demon... hell at some point so did I, so I went to a healing ministry to be "cleansed"

Finally not sure what the hell was happening to me and still attending college, I looked to science...I  took some of my tapings from my body to my professor (I noticed early on, when I would tape my body the crawlies would subside and "specks" would be on the tape). He mentioned seeing some colored string material like fibers and also a kind of mycota thing in the microscope. 

The itchy "bites" increased around this time. I was now beginning to doubt they were really "bites" at all, since I was now living in a mostly sterile environment (I had stressed that the location MUST be bug free), had organic pesticides done before I moved in and there just were NO bugs there to blame it on. I kept up the same mites routine (as much I could, since I was also becoming totally lethargic most days and confined to the bed a lot more than I wanted) :(  I had trouble concentrating remembering stuff and had to fully stop working.. and go on unemployment.

Unfortunately we also gave this to our friend, D. During this time I began this websites protocol, I just still did not know what I had and I just began lying to people (I made up “reasons” other than being sick to stop seeing anyone), feeling like I had to lie to people and I was begging God to heal me as He had promised. 

9/6/2014

9/27/2014

I repeatedly asked for healing for them and they WERE healed, me on the other hand.. well, you already know I am still waiting. 

I think the "roommate" had just had enough of my incessant cleaning, my now extremely long food preps, my insane washing of clothes preparations/instructions, my cooking, my weird "sleeping" hours (I could not sleep because of crawling, I was literally freaking out on the phone to anyone who would listen, up every night, out walking ALL night so I didn’t have to feel anything on me) The roommate said he didn't think it was "going to work out", he realized he actually just wanted to live alone and thought I should find somewhere more suitable to my many "needs." He just did not understand, (neither did I) my illness and all it entailed to just get through a damn night without symptoms. I left to find some other place that would have me/us with my growing "needs" /  routine. 

Oct - Nov 2014 

I moved out and we found a cheaper place. It was definitely not as nice, but the roommate was also very clean and liked cleanliness (ie. we thought to ourselves; well then she wont freak out by HOW MUCH I need to clean) I learned the diet component of getting this under control & I proceeded to attempt to completely changed my gears diet wise, I quit dairy & ALL my fast food, restaurant food and began tracking my daily diet, symptoms and reading all labels (for hidden sugars) when I had energy level; I began to try my hand at babysitting (of all things a girl who hated kids?!?) and organizer side work since I could not longer work in administration nor string together sentences or type or use programs wittily as I once had. My SO and I came up with side job ideas.

I began begging God to just remove this terrible illness realizing I still could not get rid of it after 3 months attempts on my own! I started going to services at ANY church that would have me to be anointed and prayed over. Was this going to be forever?! Around this time also by skin began "burning/stinging" when I was near ANYTHING from my previous apartment so the purge of throwing away my beloved years of stuff continued. My fiancee was already well & almost not experiencing any symptoms at all by December.

I tried to follow his faith lead and began nightly praying to God too and reading the bible.

My results for my head were that I had a partially empty sella. The Neurologist said that was not related at all to whatever symptoms, pain or lethargy I was having. On paper I was also my 2 PCP's model of a patient in great health … and still.. with the exception of some low iron and Vit D. I suffered on. We visited 4 Dermatologists, a Psychologist and an Infectious Disease Specialist referral as well as 2 Emergency Room visits could say nothing of what we had. I began to give up on medicine seeing no answers or the end of symptoms.

 I had just quit smoking before all this new stress. I really wanted to start up again!

The red rashing and crawling continued on into December. I got many test results back and showed nothing. I don't have Celiacs, I am not pre-diabietic or diabetic, my immune system was said to be “okay”. Now that I had quit sugars, dairy, carbs, and gluten what the hell was I gonna eat?! And if I am so healthy why THE HELL DO I FEEL CRAWLING ALL OVER MY SKIN EVERY SINGLE DAY/NIGHT? Why am I suddenly extremely tired and can’t leave bed when I was doing p90 5 months ago?! Why am I getting these strange itchy "bite" pimple things that aren't pimples?! Where are these spots coming from? I'm getting them in places that don't EVEN GET SUN. Why do all my bones hurt now? Why can’t I add then and gave to leave my college classes?! 

I began this protocol out of desperation.  

I decided in order to treat my body/skin in certain ways with coconut oils and body tapings and spraying this MMS stuff on my scalp, I was going to need to have less hair. I cut mine off to a shaved. :( Bye bye my beautiful girly style. I said fairwell to all my beloved hair that I used to love to color, design and style.

More strange brown spots. :( 

I still kept praying...
10/9/2014

10/21/2014

 I began to desire to learn to cook and also to incorporate healing teas and detox juices and such. I never thought  IN MY LIFE that I would be eating raw onions, raw garlic or any such things I began eating but I was / am desperate!  This was a day I had my blood checked. 

 A day after we moved into the new apt, the place where our room was had flooding from the floors?! Very weird, but we decided to stay because we have no other open to us and our situation / cost effective options.

 The kitchen was nice and comfortable though - which apparently now due to this illness I would spending A LOT of time in. LOL

I still had no idea these grains were being a culprit for symptoms at that time.

  The bathroom ALSO flooded :(

10/17/2014

Nov - December 2014 - this was around the time of our Anniversary and I just had a major breakdown. I did not want to live this way anymore! I did not want to live anymore! I began looking into the alkaline PH balance and checking my PH and body temperature daily. It was often in the 6.0-7.5 range and my body temp was 94-95 degrees. I started to try to understand what was causing certain symptoms.

11/11/2014

We went to church on this day and they had a huge dinner out for everyone. I had tea and freaking almonds. =(  Our Thanksgiving dinner together consisted of him cooking me mixed green vegetables and us having a small piece of turkey. No pie, no sauces, no gravy, no dressings, I broke down again crying on this night also. Sweet of him nonetheless, made me positive this is the man who loves me like no other, and even in my trials he is 100% there for me as much as a person CAN BE in this situation! I LOVE HIM!

Continue to track, track, track.. what can I say I am a natural documenter. =)

 I was not sure if the Lord wanted us to get married or live together since we were not yet married. I didn’t even think about sex before marriage. I was doubting us during this time.

I went from all my girly beauty products to this simple regimen...

These things are all helpful for minimizing symptoms. I still use most all of them.. except menthol I don't seem to need to be as extreme with that anymore.. but when the crawling is too much...I put this everywhere and pop a 3g Melatonin, otherwise I will NOT get any sleep.

Even in the new place with even less stuff, yep, still living the PLASTIC LIFE. :(

 Giving it all up to Jesus, this month/time was INCREDIBLY difficult but I made it through and it was support and God all the way! All credit to Him!

Jan - Feb 2015 -  This month I decided I was going to be a Warrior to myself. I decided I am going after my healing for 2015! I no longer wanted to live in fear of this, but to fight it. I worked hard to tighten up my diet more, I began trying even harder to fight off my damn sugar cravings, realizing what a HOLD sugar had on me, that I NEVER knew! I increased my time in the Word and started getting allies in the fight. I began sharing with my friends my need for their help in order to quit sugar and also their accountability for when I mess up. 

My daily breakfast diet...

I was very depressed about my hair!

"Lint" on everything became a “skin issue” and innocent things would now affect my skin and symptoms. 

Greens for lunch and I wrote my first song in pain after months of suffering with this... its called Open Up My Cage

But I was determined to still fight. 

A microphone and home studio was built for me since I wouldn't be well enough to go out anymore "for awhile".

I looked into releasing the fluids in my Lymph system..

We are beginning the searching for wedding rings...

Feb - March 2015

The studio was put together this month. Freeman and I were determined to have a nice food/symptom free Valentine's Day and still do something fun. He took me to my favorite pasta Italian restaurant in LA and I had filet mignon and vegetables (as I couldn't have any of my usuals). Then we took a drive to San Diego and I had food prepped for the whole drive and stay. Afterward, we came back to LA and went to the Dave n Busters (bringing my own food and snacks, again)

The home "studio" as it is now.

At some point I realized these were the only protein bars I could eat as they had 0-1 g sugar so I became pretty addicted and searched everywhere for them! (Note: WE CANNOT EAT THESE, I found out they have something else in them that makes them bad. OF COURSE! right?!) 

 These are the flavors most places carry - I CANNOT EAT these flavors.

This is the only one I could have.. or so I thought. 

 Valentine's week with my sweet.

Since I had no clothes, someone I worked for was nice enough to give me this dress. Ironically, I was fighting to stay close to Jesus thru my illness and was blessed to show love of Christ, while suffering and still worked hard for my organizer clients (who were devil worshippers) :) 

We had some fights this month. Are we getting married? Aren't we? Are we moving? Aren't we? Are you leaving your job? Aren't you? Am I staying on this protocol? Am I not? What ARE we going to DO?!?! Will we find a doctor? Won’t we?  This was not the best time for us.

Building... this became my motto for March.

March - Apr 2015

This month I was still figuring out if I was even going to get well, still working hard to stick to the diet and difficult disciplines of the cleaning and protocol routines, wondering if we were even getting married anymore and what was going to happen on my birthday now that I can't even have things like birthday cake anymore. God was with me this month and my friends were beginning to come to see me again and not be afraid of this illness... we also got rid of even more of our stuff. :( We found spiders and mites in this place also.

kitchen

 "living" room

This strange rash appeared for about 1 day after my "birthday cake" and protocol "food" was eaten. They really tried. I was not mad at them. It ironically did NOT itch at all. I knew then though I can't even have a gluten free, cheese free, sugar free Blaze pizza. Then 7 days later it was gone. 

Troubled daily by 

the voice of the enemy and a Batman Arkam City

video game move I saw a client do, I wrote this song. Silent Takedown.

I was humbled and blessed for my birthday more than once - this day was a wonderful surprise. 

My best friend K moved away, but I got to see her and have a lunch together - she asked a lot of questions about my new diet.  

My CA family/friends threw me a surprise birthday party, got me a gluten free pizza, made me a sugar free cake of stevia, coconut milk and almonds and bought me clothes (cuz I lost all mine) and so many wonderful things I needed! I was totally blessed!

Friends from my past came to see me even momentarily to celebrate lil ol me. :)

 Apr - May 2015

Questioning everything this month we went to see Pastors about the marriage issue. We were both in the Word daily looking for confirmation from God. I was freaking out about many food related things during this time but still trying to stay strong and fight this illness. I started to think maybe I should quit the Quest bars? I also continued tracking food, health stats and my diet but also began tracking my mood.

My typical breakfast diet looked like and still looks like this,.

My typical lunch is salad. Sometimes my "dessert" is a small 8 oz turmeric milk shake.

Awww, look at that apple. I remember that week. I was hoping I could try to re-introduce a 1/8 slice of that apple. However, I never got to eat it and threw it away because of the crawling and the crawling really intimidates me so I don't feel comfortable enough to add something in.

I had tried adding in a grain "quinoa", but that was a no go from my body. This spiraled me into a week of depression...  and deciding not to add in any grains til body said yes.

4/42015

I never take pictures of dinner, they aren't really that exciting. It's always a lean protein, a vegetable or two, cooked and either salad or another raw vegetable... because of this illness I try not to deviate too much right now.

These are my "allowed" snacks which I have a lot of - with the exception of this coconut yogurt below. I try NOT to have too much of it. I do have a lot of stevia with many things (lemonade stevia water, anyone?) and an insane amount of almonds daily. What can I say? Its the only thing I CAN eat that I like the taste of.

5/7/2015

Usually have 1/4 c of this yogurt only. This is a treat, I don't eat this every day or even every week. 

This is a daily staple. I call this recipe “Almond Butter and Stevia”. LOL It's yummy and hasn't gotten "tired" or played out yet.

I tried this 1 week, and I don't think I can tolerate it yet, even though it is literally only beans as the ingredient. 

is also the month I actually THREW AWAY all my expensive grains. I WAS EXTREMELY upset by this..an the fact that no, I still cannot even eat a 1/3 c of cassava. No carb at all.  I am not sure why. Bye bye grains.. how I wish God would grant me 1 c leniency of quinoa, brown rice, and green apples or a damn berry... 

Another lunch :)

This was a drink that was supposed to take away my crawlies, it did not for me.

 My back and upper body is much stronger now since I started lifting again. Even on this crap no carb diet I have had some little gains.  But clearly the pimple/ itchy "bites" symptom is not gone as you can see on the lower right side.

5/26/2015

Here is what was in my fridge. I tried that almond cheese one time, also but cut it out.

Jun 2015 - future. 

These are pics from yesterday. Looking back over this last year it really doesn't seem that anything has changed symptoms wise at all. I mean I woke up with these itchy bites on my neck once again as I have throughout the entire time I have had this. 

Through these pictures it could seem after all the money I have spent, cleaning and the amount of time on my protocol and changing to new diet has not changed ANYTHING in terms of my symptoms, however, looking at my prayer life, I have changed tremendously in strength of character, relationship with God, understanding of myself and in learning to trust Him. 

and I have NO idea what the hell is going on with my body or why I still have all these symptoms (ON TOP OF THE DREADED PIRATE CRAWLIES!) but I do trust Him to heal me. He said he would (not on my time) and I believe. While I wait AND ACT in faith, I remember the promise.

Day in retro

Today I took a candelit bath for 45 mins and I escaped the business of "life". 

While I was bathing wonderful affirmations about were spoken over me and about me as the musical sound of nature filled the room. Also the steaming hot water was laced with an organic concoction to exfoliate and detox my skin. Nothing came out in the bath this time so no pictures of anything. MMS bath -- a little bit of heaven on earth.

Meanwhile, in my home my fiancée swept, mopped, did the laundry, folded the clothes, organized my jewelry, and prepared the bed/sheets for me to sleep on tonight. He gave me money to have a nice salad. 

A blessed day of Gods love indeed. :) 

My first MMS bath and a bathing experience

I have recently taken my first bath as I have just hit the 6 month mark, though I cheated, so technically I have just hit the 3rd month of beginning healing mark (I am on the protocol itself though for 6 months). I am behind in my healing because of backsliding with sugar - repeatedly. I still have crawling, specks and fibers, which this week seemed to be coming out a lot more. I have had MANY more headaches these last 2 weeks as well. I am at my maintenance dose of 20 drops MMS.

Once beginning my max dose I immediately had set out to begin taking the baths. However, I have no bathtub. So I posted on social media begging for the use of a bathtub from anyone, anywhere. I finally got one. I have to say I was extremely nervous after someone finally said yes, I could use their bathtub. All kinds of new thoughts went through my mind. MAINLY “Ok, well what will I see? What is it going to FEEL like? What do I do now?” and “How do I protect them from me?” Thankfully I was able to reach out on my Whatsapp to friends. They were kind and walked me through it gently and with encouragement. “Take 20:20 drops MMS in the bath water." "Warm, hot, whatever is OK." "Just relax." "Try to stay in there longer than a normal bath and just let it flow.” “Don’t be afraid, you GOT THIS!” they had told me. “You are a warrior and a badass” they reminded me.

Since I have a bug phobia and I am already often afraid with bugs in my house AND M, it was an EXTREMELY SCARY idea for me to even get INTO the bath. However, my need for continuing consistently on protocol and really wanting these things out of me, I took the plunge. Now I see WHY 6 months or max MMS dose is definitely the time to begin MMS bathing! I got my things ready while texting and asking their advice. All the while FREAKING the hell OUT! As I rode in the car to her house, I was feeling so nervous. I realized I have not been this nervous in A VERY LONG TIME. I was afraid and started thinking of all I could see. What could happen to me in the bath? Maybe I shouldn't do this? Then something inside me welled up and clicked. "NO!" Just as I was not going to blame the Lord for my ailment, and made the switch to instead lean on His promises to heal me, I also decided in that moment I was not going to be afraid and let the enemy win! I have “NOT been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind!” 2 Tim 1:7 "NO, ENEMY LIES!" It is like a muscle I believe I am building to fight against the enemy, albeit very slowly...

I played a instrumental in my car that I am having a hard time working on and finding a melody to and started recording. It was insane! Words suddenly began to flow out of me. My intense nervousness and all my fear! I will sing about it! I just expressed it all right there in the car. Remembering the Word. All the fear and yet, the knowledge that I am a “conqueror”. The Word says I am EVEN “MORE THAN a conqueror” through He who saves. Romans 8:31-39. I am EVEN MORE! If God, is for me, what the hell can this do to me? No. I will not be afraid. I started singing “I am a conqueror!”. It felt good. I kept on going with lyrics just flowing; singing in my car loudly all the way to the bathtub.

I picked up my fiancee from work (I wanted him to document everything that would come out, if anything) said my hellos and made a bee line for the bathroom. Once inside I put on my meditation app and had put the 20:20 MMS mix in the cup just like I was informed. Let it mix. It smelled bad, but I think I am getting used to the smell a little more. I made the bath warm and poured it in after a couple minutes. Then I just... closed my eyes. I made sure the entire time to keep my eyes closed. In my heads and thoughts I was imagining terrible things coming out and I would just refocus - - to the Lord, to my breath, and to being in the moment of “cleansing my temple” as Twiggy said. I felt pricks and some sharp stings but stayed in and kept my eyes closed.

Toward the end of the bath, were two VERY odd and uncomfortable feelings, in my back. I felt something go up my back (not down) and then a suction on my body. Kinda like the way you feel suction when you open your bathing suit in a pool/jacuzzi and let the water in and then let it out. I still remained with my eyes closed. I had my fiancee film the entire bath and capture any snapshot of what he may see. Some he did not want to tell me about, but just said “red things” “black things” etc. He doesn’t want to scare me. He just said "yep, it's working. These are like mine". After his came out of him months ago, he has no more crawlies or stings.

At the end of 40 minutes in the bathtub, the timer went off and I got up, with closed eyes I high-fived my fiancee that I made it through the bath and I stepped out. When I was out of the bath the little science nerd/documenter in me became curious to see what was inside. My fiancee had begun to empty it and I stopped him. I took a look with a flashlight. Where I was laying in the direction of where my back was to the tub there were 2 strange very long black haired things floating and around it were 3 shiny ameoba-- like things either attached or just near it. Having been a lover of Oceanography and my Biology classes, I recognized these shapes and recalled the beauty of looking at them through the microscope. For a minute I thought "wow, how beautiful."

Then I remembered that I was not looking at something from afar. That came out of me & possibly out of my back! I also saw a thick black hairy wiry thing as well floating on the other side of the tub where my feet were and there was one lone plankton/amoeba looking organism without the long hair thing there as well. However, my awe changed to sadness that these things came from my body so I was not feeling particularly inspired. :( I then read the messages from everyone asking how it went and letting me know that they admired how far I have come. This was so wonderful to read. Thank you! I stopped for a moment to think about this and take it in. Yes! How far have I come?! I mean, I would NEVER have even considered doing this before. I would have been too afraid.

I oiled myself up and put my clothes on. I felt clean. I cleaned my friends tub and bathroom and then walked out to the living room. I kissed my friends and thanked them profusely for their generosity. How kind of them to do that for me.

My first MMS bath was a success! Not so much in terms of purge (I don’t consider my 4 things coming out, out of millions that could be in there to be “successful purging") but emotionally, wow, I really was able to overcome! I was a conqueror and an overcomer of my FEAR! I had my eyes closed. “BETTER OUT THAN IN”, I keep reminding myself. I believe I will be able to at some point even open these eyes in the bath!

The more time that goes by and the more that I see I realize and now I know that I really DO want these Morgys OUT! I’m reminded by Julian of Norwich’s written experience (a Catholic) with sorrow and joy. God is doing some things in my life right now not healing me yet, that I may not even be able to fully grasp, but I can kind of see them when I look really hard with a totally open mind.

Yesterday I went by MYSELF to take a bath. I did see some more very strange looking things that I just were not sure what the hell they were but, I continued to try to keep my eyes closed til the timer went off and give the fear and anxiety to God and just be still. While in the bath God I believe the Father was speaking to very gently. He told me not to be afraid. He said that he is protecting me and he will heal me, but not just yet. He is still working on me through this. He asked me if I believe if I was in perfect health would I have changed as much as I have, and I honestly had to admit that I would not have. He said do I expect to live through this life and never suffer or for anyone to have any pain? He said he is building patience in me through this, and that he sees what I cannot, I will need a lot more patience in the future. He said that I am his little child and he will care for me. He will bless me going and coming out. I kept looking at the timer. It was hot and I felt pinched breathing. He said that just as I count the 40 minutes timer down the end of this bath, he counts the minutes of MY LIFE and everyone's. Every minute He is with me. He cares for each minute, He said. He said when I die I will also count the minutes just like this and I will be with Him. He said nothing can take me from Him. He loves me.

These damn red spot/bites! My back is looking better in terms of muscle though.

Whats in my fridge

Strange things in the bath. Little ameoba like pieces.

A trip to 7-11 and a lesson in Gods timing

The Lord actually told me the other day he is not going to heal me, yet. 

:( I was bummed by this truth, but He gave me peace about it.

So I was going to the 7-11 for sunflower seeds and food on a binge cuz I had no energy to cook as I'm sick and feeling very weak that day .. 

While I was there a woman was asking for change outside. I walked in and bought what I needed and left. 

And normally I give it, but that night I didn't. I had said to her "why did you not ask me BEFORE I went in I could have gotten you something in there?!"

"I am sorry I have none." Then walked to my car to leave. 

While I was driving home The Lord said "turn around go back" So I said "No. Come on lord why?  I want to go home and eat right now." He said "Do you think she does not want to eat?  He said "please give the woman your change" "You do not know who is my sheep or can judge whom I care for" "You cannot read the hearts" 

So I said "ok. I will do whatever you want Lord."

Instead of comfortably going home I turned the car around and drove all the way back to the store.  The woman was gone. 

I said "Lord why the heck would you have me come here! She's not even here!  Now the woman is gone?! It's too late! I missed my chance.." 

He said "my child you are learning a lesson here. 

Do you see?"

It's not about "your timing." It's about "MY timing."

"Please do not question MY love or MY timing. I love you. I told you my ways are higher than your ways. My understanding higher than your understanding. Do not lean on your own understanding. You see how you want to be healed? 

"How MUCH you want to be healed!? 

It will not be on your time, my sweet child. My timing is perfect." "I know the plans I have for you." "I said I WILL HEAL YOU. I told you that I would. But it will be on my time. I am working on you and through you." "It is not your time, yet"

Then through this conversation I really came to a peace about it. The Lord is talking to me. He is WITH me. I realized he is not going to heal me on my time. Aka right freaking away! Regardless of how often I ask it is just not his time for me!  And what I came to see was look at how much he has done thus far (with this terrible illness) in my character, in my relationship with Him, within my fiancée, my friendships and even showing me His love for me and HOW He loves me. How he IS a God of love, not punishment. 

I'm focused on what he can and is not doing for me and on my time rather than all He is doing in me on His time. 

Alternately, I was not giving that woman change on His time while focused on my own desires. I see now how I'm often so worried about healing on my own time - it was flawed! She was gone. "Timing is everything" he had said.  The time to give is/was "when I had it" right there; as it says in the Word! 

Yes, God you ARE amazing! Praising Him today. The Lords timing IS perfect just like His will. Thankful today again too, for Jesus's as ransom, his sacrifice who has taken away my sins and saved me from the wrath of a just God. 

In my rudimentary way of understanding he showed me all that in that experience that night. Gently talking me through it - crystal clear. 

To me, God is just amazing! Has he ever spoken to you? 

My birthday already

Birthday: My birthday is in 2 days. Wow, it's my birthday already! There is a lot on my mind during this time of year. I love and hate my birthday. I always wanted to be the girl with all the friends who had surprise birthday parties from loving friends or big to do events with lots of people. I am learning that even though I may secretly want that - that is just not my life. And I need to accept that and move on. Right now with M, it is most definitely NOT going to happen. I am still protective of those around me that I love, and I don't want my friends to get this. My family is far away and I don't have them around for so many years so other than my mom with Lyme's, I don’t have to worry about giving this to them.

How many years have I spent in fear and loathing on this earth? Beginning when I was thrown down flights of stairs at 3 for not being able to recite/write my ABC’s to expectation.. hmm. I spent so many years longing for death. Having a spirit of death on me in my (pre-Christ) loose choices, drug-smoking – alcoholic-sugary lifestyle, in my complete lack of self- esteem and insecurities, in my self-destructive tendencies, in my anger and jealousy towards others, in my allowance of abuse from others...

Oh how I could sit here at home and spend the days up to my birthday thinking of how much time I have “wasted', how OLD I am and where has my life gone and all that I have NOT done while being sick or in fear. OR I could CHOOSE to focus on getting well and what life will be like in the future. I realized as positive as I am striving to be now, I often have (and have had) such a negative outlook on myself and my future because of my past.

My past…mhmm. Why do birthdays even make us think of the past? Because of my cheat 3 weeks ago, I now wont be able to celebrate my birthday with any kind of fun coconutty treat that I was planning to re-try introducing. 1 Sage Bistro coconut cookie (made with coconut sugar) and a nice 10 oz rooibos tea with stevia - that's what I want for my birthday. What I am getting is a year gym membership (with a dry sauna), a hike with my girlfriend up a beautiful mountain (as far up as I can make it), a Skype call with family (if they answer when I call) and hopefully I will treat myself to something nice that I love and is NOT food. What IS that anyway? Food has been my comfort for so long it is important; tantamount even, to my continued healing that I NO LONGER REWARD MYSELF with FOOD or A SWEET TREAT at all. I need NEW rewards for my new life and my new/future body. Thinking of HEALING and hearing of others POSITIVE OUTCOMES going back to their lives is what I choose today.

Fitness Goals: Timely to this, I also just found out that I cannot bodybuild back to where I was intending to go physically, with a completely no-carb diet. This is somewhat depressing, but I will continue on with my fitness - lightly. Speaking of fitness, my entire lower body (glutes, hams, quads and calves worked hard!) are on fire and suuuuper sore today. I hit 100 lbs in leg press and hip Ab/Adductions, 30 lbs in Leg Curls/Ext and still holding at 45 lbs with Lat Pulldowns. I’m holding stead weight at 108 lbs. I’m not where I was before M in terms of strength, but also not that far down weight wise as I would expect being this sick for THIS LONG and with many more who-knows-whats-to-come months to go. Overall, I have still have some muscle mass, but I really see the effects of this diet on my ability to gain muscle and strength. I just don't yet know how to do “gains” on this plant based diet - even with all the protein I take in macros wise. If I could even have 1 carb I would be happier than having NO carbs/grains at all. It is what it is. I will research it. Today and tomorrow are “rest days” from working out (as is any other day I am tired, often with this M) LOL

This birthday time is a really great opportunity to begin pondering on what my new rewards could be. Dare I Google it? "Ok Google, ways reward oneself do not include food" "Food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety drug in America, and exercise is the most potent yet underutilized antidepressant." ~Bill Phillips – soo true. Any suggestions for me?

I found some Snack Healthy Ideas that I may try to celebrate the birthday night with. I may just have a granny smith apple since I have not seen if it’s natural sugar affects me yet and if I am gonna cheat at all EVER it should be with something like that – NOT last time’s mistake.

Please note: - - -> All SUGARS in these recipes ARE REPLACED BY STEVIA.
http://www.onegreenplanet.org/vegan-recipe/raw-avocado-cacao-mousse/

http://elanaspantry.com/power-bars/

http://www.thrive-style.com/2012/02/hemp-seed-breakfast-cookies-with-chia-and-coconut/

http://www.foodiefiasco.com/homemade-coconut-cashew-quest-bars/

http://purpology.com/2014/03/04/homemade-quest-bars/

https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=Gluten%20Free%2C%20Dairy%20Free%2C%20Refined-Sugar%20Free%20Desserts%20stevia

Symptoms: I have had A LOT of stinging and some spurts of redness/inflammation lately. Not as much of the "itchy bites" as last month. 1 or 3 popup and then they are gone in the next 2 days. Lots more of the small red spots and brown spots are still increasing in number but at least not size. I have had just a smidge less crawling on some days. Yesterday almost none til the evening. It took roughly one week of terrible symptoms (with heavier crawling the first 2 days after) after my stupidity with the backslide. Then it was lessened crawling and stinging with redness/infmamation/red rash patched areas by the end of the week. Then it was normal crawling but with hard stinging lingering. Now the last 2 days is intermittent lessened crawling and lots of little random stingings with some redness/no red patch areas. Fibers are still everywhere and on me when I tape myself or do oiling but not as many specks come out. My PH is still really good and stable (thank you lemon water with cayenne recommendation here!) though my body temperature however, has gone down again… =( It was getting sooo high for so many days - even up into high 97, 98 degrees. Now I am back to 95-96 degrees - either that or, my thermometer is broken?! Today it was 95 I am not sure why it's so low again. But I'm not gonna let that throw me. See? I am going to keep on keeping on. See? (spoken in my best mafia gangster voice)

MMS: I maxed out (with no real “herx”) my MMS at 22 weeks around 22 drops as per Mel. I am staying there, although I did take 21 drops last night. I feel my sweetie cannot listen to me take MMS anymore – he now has headphones on but still sits by my bedside at least til I fall asleep. I cannot wait for the full moon to split dose because it is SOO strong tasting/smelling at this many drops. However, I have upped the amount of water I use instead of 8 oz I now use 10 oz. It’s Lemonade, it’s lemonade!

Motivation & Scriptures: This week scripture for me is mostly toward the enemy. My girlfriend was feeling sad and lonely, and felt worthless and like God has forgotten her and I could relate so much being in this state. So I began to talk to her about the Lord. The things I said were amazing so they had to be the Holy Spirit, I know I couldn’t come up with that stuff! LOL. She believes he used me to encourage her. She and I were talking about why would God do this to us?! Why would he not give us answers when we want them?! We blame God for so much! I certainly do and did. So one night (a week after cheat) while having bad stinging and inflammation I was again tempted to blame God and then I thought for the first time in my Christian walk, “WAIT A MINUTE! NO! I am NOT going to blame God, I am going to PRAISE Him instead! I have A CHOICE. What a moment of victory that was!!! Oh my gosh!! It was amazing in retrospect! There I was scrubbing my body in the shower and I had the instrumental playing so I just began singing, writing the song right there in the shower just praising Him - thinking instead ofall I had that He gave me. Hell, even my shower was a gift from Him! I could be homeless right now! I sang, “My God is the Healer, you are NOT the pain dealer. My God is provider, you are NOT a mean, rough divider.” We always hear the verse “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” But when I got M, I tend to think it’s the other way around. When I really think about it, I actually often think/thought of Him as quick to anger, slow in compassion and graciousness and limited or only special people get his love, he is selective with love. That is NOT the truth.

The situation led me to write a song about our mental attacks we have from the enemy and how it’s really a case of mistaken identity. God is not to blame for all our woes with this. He loves us. He is with us THROUGH this. He is NOT the cause. We are blaming the wrong person. Why blame Him? He is the one who loved us most. He allows these things to shape us (make us more like Christ), but hell no! He didn’t give this to us-to me! He doesn’t deserve my mistrust, my accusations, my disgust at this ill body - this body with a soul that really holds access to the Creator of the Universe! It’s not Him. I am being just like the enemy (Satan, the accuser) in those moments. So who then is my enemy? Why wouldn’t I need motivation and scriptures for dealing? Who doesn’t want me to walk in authority, love and peace? Who doesn’t want me to get closer to God and my power source? Who wants me to question and hate God? Who doesn’t want me to be HEALED?!

John 8:44 - You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. - Jesus
John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. - Jesus
Job 1:7-9 - The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” Then Satan answered the LORD, "Does Job fear God for nothing?
Job 1:10 - “Have you not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side?” – Satan
Genesis 3:1 - Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”- Satan
John 14:30 - I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no claim on me. - Jesus
1 John 5:19 - We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.
James 4:7 - “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

My Strength against this enemy is STRONG.
Isaiah 54:17 - “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from me,” says the Lord.
Luke 10:19 - “Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”
Psalm 44:5 - “Through You we will push down our enemies; through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us. For I will not trust in my bow, nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, and have put to shame those who hated us. In God we boast all day long, and praise Your name forever.”
2 Chronicles 16:9 - “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.”
Psalm 56: 3,11 - “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God I will praise His word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? … In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
Matthew 10:1 - “And when He had called His twelve disciples to Him, He gave them power over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease.”

Perishing? Nope! HOPE: A friend always quotes the verse “my people perish from lack of knowledge” how awesome that is! It’s true. I finally read the biblical context of it. What I am learning this month is that I am PHYSICALLY able to PERISH from this lack of knowledge above! I have been being “killed” and “destroyed” emotionally as well, NOT JUST attacked SPIRITUALLY. The enemy attacks me much like I am to attack this illness. ON ALL possible FRONTS! Wow.

One way is perishing for eternity and one way is perishing here and then perishing for eternity OR NOT. Right now, today, where I CAN have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY as Jesus said. I choose to KNOW MY ENEMY. I choose the abundance. As we near the day of my birth, many years later, today, at least for today I choose life!

Healthy Breakfast - non protocol

Some people need help in seeing what a healthy breakfast looks like. 

As you know I am sick so a lot of these breakfasts I cannot eat due to sugar and grains being in them (even though it's low and natural) but this is for MOST people seeking real weight loss and leaning results.. These are realistic portion sizes to keep one full and prepped for their workouts! 

Consistent healthy meals is where the real fast changes happen! :) I am off to workout right now. These abs won't make themselves come out- they need my help with diet! 

Sing a new song in the midst of trial. #sicklife

Last night was terrible! I was symptomatic with stinging and biting and crawling. I started to feel the familiar blame feeling toward God. 

Why the hell has this happened to me? Who did this to me? What am I going to do? Wtf? Etc etc.

Then I just shifted it. I said NO! I'm not gonna let this illness stress me. I'm going to CHOOSE my happiness instead. I'm going to choose gratitude. 

Stress makes this illness worse! So I wrote a song. I often give God the wrong attributes and that's what it's about.  A case of mistaken identity. 

The enemy does the stealing, the killing and destroying - NOT God. 

13% body fat on this new illness diet! 

New song because He is the Healer, NOT the pain and misery dealer.

Sugar free, dairy free --Snack idea! 

More stinging this week!! 

Diet plan.

A backslide with food and another lesson in Self-Control

What’s up everyone? I hope you are all doing well and still on your way to healing this week!! This month has been one of many ups and downs for me. In the interest of accountability, I had something yesterday that is against protocol and our vice. Sugar. Immediately my body let me know that I did something bad to myself in the form of CRAWLING EVERYWHERE! More on that later. First the positive. Let’s see..

Give Thanks/Gratitude: First I just want to say thank you again to Mel and the his He Cures All foundation for sending me MMS.

Weeks & Drops: I am at week 26 of protocol and I am on my 21st week MMS at 21 drops in 8-11 oz water. I have not seemed to have a major herx yet though I have had plenty of days with nausea and headache since as low as 13 drops. It seems most have had herxing at earlier drops so I’m not really sure if no herx yet is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or what’s up with me?

Symptoms: My current symptoms are crawling (still), random bites/pimpling, some fatigue (a little less on most days), more noticeable much larger and longer fibers and specks after showers, and odd rapidly increasing numbers of the red and brown spots on my skin. My body temperature has climbed back to 98 vicinity most days and even 97+ on some nights. My digestion seems ‘good’. I now go about 2-3 times a day most days-sometimes 4. My PH is still sticking in the 6.5-7.75 range daily with the exception of some 5.75 early mornings. Not sure why that is... If you are like me, please do not compare your health level to mine by months on protocol, I know I am far along in weeks and should likely be more improved with the crawling but I did mess up in the beginning with sugars (and also recently) so I am not where I could be. =( Learn from my sugar addiction pitfalls!

Diet: My diet is exactly the same for the last 3 weeks as my previous post, but what I learned by keeping this diet strict and with buying only those specific foods is that I can add in one thing at a time and see. For instance, one week I tried to add in 99cent store sunflower seeds (instead of the more expensive whole foods ones) and 1 Vans waffle and after reading the label very carefully (I had just glanced in the 99C store) my body told me that was a no no (the seeds recipe had wheat and the Vans had potato starch mixes). I found I can tolerate Ezekiel’s sprouted low sodium bread in small doses (1 slice a day) and 1 type of Quest bar. Yay! I also tried to see if I could have oats 2 weeks ago, ¼c as oatmeal snack w my Stevia and no, not yet based on my slight inflammation reaction. They were not gluten free though and that may also have been the issue? I should try those in a couple weeks. Ironically, I WAS tested for Celiac disease and gluten sensitivity/allergies (right before I found out I had this) and I tested negative for both. I also hope to add in red cabbage, and organic tomatoes at some point these next week’s so that I can make some of the site’s recipes. I am forever grateful to Peter for his outline helping me to know where to start in terms of food!

Emotional: Emotionally this week I was all over the place, the week before that I was freaking out periodically but only at night with the number of fibers I have been seeing and I have noticed been getting angrier more quickly. Luckily my friends and sweetheart are still there for me. Yesterday when I was isolating as usual, my friend actually came to my house to pick me up and take me out to the park. There were bugs at the park. I did feel that they were “attracted’ to me and coming after me and I was very afraid, but my friend said something that I will try to take into account. Firstly, the outside is in fact the bugs home. WE are the intruders there; but also because of our illness we notice these kinds of things A LOT more than the average person. It will seem like it is us specifically or something we do, but not necessarily. It is the awareness that we have. Like the pigeon/pavlov scene in Mr. Nobody. Have you guys seen that movie? Maybe it's not me flapping my wings-after all. Yes, I may be attracting the same amount of bugs as before M, but I am waaay more aware now and it really seems like it’s more and it might not actually be. So she said “don’t get lost in it, and to continue to think positive about your healing AND your attraction of bugs”. You are a child of God, protected and loved. You are also loved by bugs. I am going to try that line of reasoning this coming week and see how that goes for me mentally. Damn my phobia with this sickness do not go well together! Other people who have this sickness without this other fear already there prior, are prob better off than me. 

My birthday is later this month, I was going to actually have one homemade coconut cookie with a candle (I cut out coconut and such 2 months ago) however, after yesterday I feel that now I cannot have anything at all for my birthday. In the interest of accountability, I really messed up the diet yesterday. I went to the church for the first time in many weeks convicted that I need to be in the body, sick or not(instead of listening to the sermons like I usually do). So I rushed there, did not have breakfast and had not taken my bfast pills yet; I was already really hungry. I walked in late and everyone was already inside! Walking in I immediately saw all these muffins, bagels and cookies laid out on the table, all alone and yummy, and I don’t know what came over me, but I just went for it. I took a small thumb size piece, tasted it and was like "No, I cannot eat this!", but after tasting it and it was good  and I guess too because I had a very strong desire to just be/feel “normal” again - get this ..I HAD ANOTHER small piece of something else! 

Ugh. :( It was so terrible in that it was yet another one of my worst moments because there I was and I really had had ANOTHER piece even after the first, KNOWING that later on in the evening I would be paying for it likely in crawling and biting. Instead though, as the service ended and I went up for healing prayer call, I suddenly felt ALL OF THE MISTAKE full freaking force! This did not wait for the night time or even after 5, they were doing the happy dance right there in the morning. Belly, shoulders, feet and butt were crazy crawling - 30 minutes later crotch! Oh NO! Yeah, I felt it everywhere. AGAIN. It was not as bad as the onset of this, but yeah it was bad. I spent much of yesterday being pissed at myself and expecting the absolute worst.

In retrospect, however, even my loss of control was somewhat self-controlled in the sense that I did not go and have entire pieces of these things or gorge on everything delicious that I saw. I was alone and could have done myself in even worse than I have. I took very small pieces of each. What I was not thinking about at the time, was these next 3-4 week’s which I WILL STILL be PAYING FOR IT because once again I have set myself back and will have crawling, bites, inflammation, and such for LONGER! I DID NOT LET THAT THROW ME though, the SAME DAY I ATE raw and slightly cooked PROTOCOL foods AS I USUALLY DO. IMMEDIATE RETURN TO PROTOCOL, bot! Get your butt back in GEAR soldier! Today I was on protocol food as well and plan to continue. 

We may mess up, but that does not mean we are to keep on messing up just because we did once. I learned that from the Bible. That's also a big part of NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.. even in our failures. Not just our FEARS. There was a scripture about that, that I was made aware of in the Spirit and I apply that to my food mess up and my life. To me it was clear, I am going to sin, but I say I believe Jesus gave his life for me and my sins, so if I keep on sinning I am then spitting in God's face of love and Christ's death. If I keep on sinning, while actively attempting turning from my sin on the whole, and asking for forgiveness that is a whole different thing in God's eyes. That is repentance. Turning from sin-however long it takes me to get free of it is not important. However me continuing to sin while not asking for forgiveness and just saying "well I am not perfect, might as well just continue doing what I have no control over" is NOT leaving room for God to work or for my change to become more like Christ. SLOW AND STEADY.

The rest of the night was bites/pimpling and the crawling feeling on places where I don’t usually have crawling. I tend to think of crawling as a whole skin issue now thanks to Peter and Twiggy, but I used to think about it in terms of specific body parts, where it was what caused a specific area to crawl and it used to be all over. Last night was like that. It showed how far I have come with the crawling without noticing - since I don’t want the crawling at all and that’s the only symptom I hate, I didn’t see how it wasn’t everywhere like it was before protocol. But yesterday was also a reminder of where I have come from with the crawling. Like when you used to feel it in your belly and then you don’t anymore, and then you do..or your shoulders, head or feet etc. It really SUUUUUUUCKS to backslide!

I’m not a complete lost cause - there is a new normal for me (though yesterday was a wtf FAIL). I do have it normalized at home, now I need to master it for when I leave my home (which realistically I mostly do). That situation was a sad reminder really though one of the reasons I don’t really leave my home anymore that often. My lesson was learned - I hope finally! ONE DAY AT A TIME though. Surprisingly today is a lot better than yesterday symptom-wise though, even in terms of the dreaded crawling. I don’t really feel as much as I expected, or as yesterday but the new bites/pimpling do still itch and the red inflammation has inflamed already twice today...

I am somewhat excited for this month because even though I am sick I am still finding light work, still able to write songs, Freeman got his first health customer and we are even mixing and mastering one song this week. Honestly, this is more musical momentum than I have had in 8 months of the year and half I have been ill (not just M).

God willing I will stay strong and in the fight as will you all. Please keep me in prayer to be strong against food temptations warriors and I will do the same for you. Also, I would like to learn to deal with my bug fears and anger/frustration of the loss of the old ‘normalcy’ that gets me every once in a bit. These are my small goals for this month. Onward and upward, right?!

Motivation/Scripture: So this is my scripture for this week, for sure. Paul talks a lot about the Christian walk, and continuing in the faith no matter what, remembering as we run the race that we were in fact, bought with a price and that prize is everlasting life. Weeee! However, I feel this applies in this area of my self-control and discipline with this and protocol as well. He says in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”

NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! Keep running girly. Mhmm. Yes I need this. Hebrews 12:1-29 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Rawsome New Recipes: Oh, here are two more “raw”some recipes for any of you interested ones who also want to try being 50% raw...
Cucumber Noodles with Coconut Lime Cumin Dressing
Ingredients
4 medium to large cucumbers
1/8 cup nuts (of your choice, soaked until soft, rinsed and drained) - you can prob also try this with tahini)
1 young Thai coconut, flesh from (about 1 cup and save the water =)
4 limes, juice and zest from
1/4 cup coconut water (from a coconut - don’t get the sugar laden “coconut water”)
1 teaspoon raw chili garlic sauce
1 teaspoon fresh grated ginger
2 teaspoons cumin
2 tablespoons black sesame seeds
4 scallions (green onions) thinly sliced
Himalayan salt (I use 4 grinds or 1/4 teaspoon)

Instructions
1. Slice cucumbers into "noodles". Set two of the cores aside to add to the dressing. Set noodles in a strainer to let excess water drain.
2. Place two cucumber cores, nuts, coconut, lime juice (not the zest), coconut water, chili garlic sauce and cumin into a high speed blender or food processor and blend until smooth.
3. Stir in zest, black sesame seeds and onions. Pour over cuke "noodles" and mix well. Salt to taste.

Turmeric Milk (this is great I have these 2x a week)
Yieldz: 2 servings
Ingredients
2 cups almond milk (homemade almond milk or coconut milk, and any other non-dairy milks are a fine substitute)
1 teaspoon turmeric powder
2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger, or 1 teaspoon ginger powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon powder
1/4 teaspoon cardamom powder (optional)
Stevia (or Xylitol) sweetener to taste

Instructions
1. Blend all ingredients together in a cup. Drink and enjoy!

Praying for you all to have strength, comfort and more trust in Him this week.

At ease (uncharacteristically),
me