My new friend :D

[6/22/2009 11:56:11 PM] Eve says: ok testing
[6/22/2009 11:56:16 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/22/2009 11:56:33 PM] Eve says: awesome
[6/22/2009 11:56:37 PM] Eve says: so now i will call you
[6/22/2009 11:56:51 PM] Vaenyc says: hold on let me close lotro
[6/22/2009 11:57:05 PM] Eve says: k
[6/22/2009 11:58:36 PM] Vaenyc says: kk lets do this
[6/22/2009 11:59:13 PM] Eve says: ok
[6/23/2009 2:20:16 AM] Eve says: ty and goodnight :D
[6/23/2009 2:20:35 AM] Vaenyc says: np any time
[6/23/2009 2:20:39 AM] Vaenyc says: :D
[6/23/2009 9:33:45 AM] Vaenyc says: Hey i just wanted to say im sry about the whole age thing last night i didnt mean to affend you. I almost expect everyone to be as sarcastic as me so i thought you were joking and im too dense to realize that mabe you werent :P. And i think its great that you went back to college because your right, not many people finish what they start these days and its awesome that you are. If you ever need any help just feel free to let me know :D. see ya around and good luck.
[6/23/2009 3:19:28 PM] Eve says: wow..thanks. thats not really what i was expectin from you.. i actually figured i wouldnt talk to you again cuz u were maybe freaked out by it.. and yeah i did date Dan, a 20 year old, but I dont have age issues and i truly believe age is just a number, particulalry with me, not only looking young, but also just never having been with ppl my own age, like you, hangin with older ppl, i have only dated and hang out with people younger than me, good or bad those people are just younger..
[6/23/2009 3:29:09 PM] Vaenyc says: ya and i completely understand that :D my problem is that i just assumed so it was a little shock at first lol and i know for a fact that age has no effect on love. Heck i was going out with a 24 year old when i was 18 :P lol like i told you before i am not the best with english and i meant that mainly by the fact that i mean well but it doesnt always leave my mouth that way :(
[6/23/2009 3:29:58 PM] Eve says: i have never dated anyone my age.. lol even at 30 my last bf was 24
[6/23/2009 3:30:12 PM] Eve says: dude Ben is pissed
[6/23/2009 3:30:19 PM] Eve says: ugh
[6/23/2009 3:30:48 PM] Vaenyc says: why whats up?
[6/23/2009 3:31:12 PM] Eve says: i told him I might not be able to raid this Thurs
[6/23/2009 3:31:23 PM] Eve says: and hes like wtf Eve.. again?
[6/23/2009 3:31:47 PM] Vaenyc says: lol thats the same reaction i got when i told him i was goin on vacation
[6/23/2009 3:31:57 PM] Eve says: i really want to its just that I have to be an A student and the only way I can do it by fuckin studyin.. HARD
[6/23/2009 3:32:01 PM] Eve says: is*
[6/23/2009 3:32:20 PM] Eve says: tonight i have 3 more chapters.. who the fuck knows what he’s gonna throw at me today!
[6/23/2009 3:32:57 PM] Eve says: he's so emo :P
[6/23/2009 3:33:03 PM] Eve says: LOL
[6/23/2009 3:33:22 PM] Eve says: not my teacher, hes a brick, i mean Ben ..lol
[6/23/2009 3:35:19 PM] Vaenyc says: hey
[6/23/2009 3:35:33 PM] Vaenyc says: sry abput that
[6/23/2009 3:36:06 PM] Vaenyc says: skype shut down on me
[6/23/2009 3:40:43 PM] Vaenyc says: well you pbob went to class but i just hope i didnt affend you and im not freaked out at all. if you need it, ill help where i can so dont be afraid to ask :D ill be around
[6/23/2009 3:40:51 PM] Eve says: whats up?
[6/23/2009 3:41:00 PM] Eve says: oic
[6/23/2009 3:41:12 PM] Vaenyc says: ha whats up
[6/23/2009 3:41:18 PM] Eve says: no no class yet :P
[6/23/2009 3:41:44 PM] Vaenyc says: ya so im just really sry about last night :P
[6/23/2009 3:41:49 PM] Eve says: its cool
[6/23/2009 3:42:01 PM] Eve says: i totally understand if you dont wanna talk to me
[6/23/2009 3:42:20 PM] Eve says: after the Dan shit... idk.. ive changed my mind about some stuff..
[6/23/2009 3:43:16 PM] Vaenyc says: ha no thats not it at all lol i still look at you the same way i always did :D your an awesome person and your funny as shit, I am honored that you even consider me your friend :)
[6/23/2009 3:43:29 PM] Eve says: schweet! i am glad cuz i feel the same too
[6/23/2009 3:43:39 PM] Eve says: thats tits!
[6/23/2009 3:44:04 PM] Vaenyc says: i just thought you were jokin yesterday because you dont even look that old
[6/23/2009 3:44:09 PM] Eve says: i know..
[6/23/2009 3:44:14 PM] Vaenyc says: :P
[6/23/2009 3:44:19 PM] Vaenyc says: so we good?
[6/23/2009 3:44:20 PM] Eve says: when i tell ppl they dont believe me
[6/23/2009 3:44:23 PM] Eve says: yeah yeah
[6/23/2009 3:44:39 PM] Vaenyc says: lol if anything you have a right to be mad at me
[6/23/2009 3:45:23 PM] Vaenyc says: so what time do you have class
[6/23/2009 3:45:28 PM] Eve says: for sure.. nah son, im not. and really i wanna play with you right now for a little bit if u are on LOTRO before class while I say goodbye to some peeps til the end of semester…
[6/23/2009 3:45:40 PM] Eve says: in like 2 hours
[6/23/2009 3:46:37 PM] Eve says: i did good today.. i spent some time at work finishing my HW lol
[6/23/2009 3:47:01 PM] Vaenyc says: lol your teacher will be impressed with how well you did
[6/23/2009 3:47:15 PM] Vaenyc says: if not tell me and ill curbstomp him
[6/23/2009 3:47:18 PM] Eve says: hell yeah he'll prob be impressed that I even do my HW
[6/23/2009 3:47:22 PM] Vaenyc says: :P
[6/23/2009 3:47:23 PM] Eve says: hell yeah fucking show him THE WAY
[6/23/2009 3:47:31 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:47:38 PM] Vaenyc says: why you dont do your hw?
[6/23/2009 3:48:00 PM] Eve says: oh no i do.. im a 4.0 student so far
[6/23/2009 3:48:09 PM] Vaenyc says: thats right beoch
[6/23/2009 3:48:14 PM] Eve says: but most ppl dont.. and they dont do it til the last minute and shit
[6/23/2009 3:48:18 PM] Vaenyc says: keep it that way
[6/23/2009 3:48:24 PM] Eve says: procrastnatatas
[6/23/2009 3:48:30 PM] Vaenyc says: thats me :D
[6/23/2009 3:48:41 PM] Eve says: yep they are out there :D
[6/23/2009 3:48:55 PM] Eve says: its all good though, i think every body has their way of doin shit
[6/23/2009 3:49:08 PM] Eve says: ugh LOTRO is bein a bitch ..
[6/23/2009 3:49:17 PM] Vaenyc says: hey, can anyone just add you as a contact on this shit even if they dont know you?
[6/23/2009 3:49:23 PM] Eve says: no
[6/23/2009 3:49:30 PM] Eve says: they have to ask permission
[6/23/2009 3:49:36 PM] Eve says: unless u have the smiley face
[6/23/2009 3:49:40 PM] Eve says: then anyone can talk to you
[6/23/2009 3:49:49 PM] Eve says: hot sexy porn chicks... dog vendors everyone
[6/23/2009 3:49:52 PM] Vaenyc says: ya someone tryed to add me today
[6/23/2009 3:50:05 PM] Eve says: freaking sex cam girls LOVE me
[6/23/2009 3:50:11 PM] Eve says: :^)
[6/23/2009 3:50:16 PM] Vaenyc says: same lol
[6/23/2009 3:50:26 PM] Eve says: im like um, do u see that I have a girls name?
[6/23/2009 3:50:27 PM] Vaenyc says: only in america
[6/23/2009 3:50:30 PM] Eve says: they dont even care..lol
[6/23/2009 3:50:34 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:50:50 PM] Vaenyc says: mabe they are lezbo porn chicks
[6/23/2009 3:50:59 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[6/23/2009 3:51:04 PM] Eve says: ooh yeah? ya think? hell, the might be!
[6/23/2009 3:51:08 PM] Eve says: i should look into that... lol
[6/23/2009 3:51:12 PM] Eve says: j/k
[6/23/2009 3:51:25 PM] Vaenyc says: lol i raised you better than that
[6/23/2009 3:51:28 PM] Eve says: word
[6/23/2009 3:51:37 PM] Vaenyc says: you on lotro?
[6/23/2009 3:51:46 PM] Eve says: no cuz the loading screen is still loading
[6/23/2009 3:52:00 PM] Vaenyc says: lol what kind of comp do you have?
[6/23/2009 3:52:02 PM] Eve says: after like 10 mins.. lol i could get loaded and become sober and it would still be loading
[6/23/2009 3:52:03 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:52:18 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:52:20 PM] Eve says: i have a gateway...
[6/23/2009 3:52:25 PM] Eve says: yeah i know.. i wanted HP
[6/23/2009 3:52:26 PM] Eve says: but meh
[6/23/2009 3:52:42 PM] Vaenyc says: no you dont HP sucks :P
[6/23/2009 3:52:46 PM] Eve says: this was the best gaming comp i could find for WoW at the time
[6/23/2009 3:52:58 PM] Eve says: i actually bought this comp for WoW
[6/23/2009 3:52:59 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:53:04 PM] Vaenyc says: how old is it
[6/23/2009 3:53:12 PM] Eve says: its like 2 yrs old.. which is like ANCIENT
[6/23/2009 3:53:15 PM] Vaenyc says: i bought my comp for wow too so dont feel bad
[6/23/2009 3:53:16 PM] Eve says: LOL
[6/23/2009 3:53:21 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:53:37 PM] Vaenyc says: it at least has a dual core right
[6/23/2009 3:53:44 PM] Eve says: i cant believe the shit is still loading..
[6/23/2009 3:53:50 PM] Eve says: yes, this is true
[6/23/2009 3:54:06 PM] Vaenyc says: close it and restart
[6/23/2009 3:54:12 PM] Vaenyc says: the program
[6/23/2009 3:54:30 PM] Eve says: it doesnt show in Task Manager thats the shit thats weird right now
[6/23/2009 3:54:42 PM] Eve says: its just the initial screen ...
[6/23/2009 3:54:56 PM] Vaenyc says: did you control alt delete?
[6/23/2009 3:54:59 PM] Eve says: yep
[6/23/2009 3:55:14 PM] Eve says: skype and some guy named David..:P
[6/23/2009 3:55:18 PM] Eve says: thats it >< no LOTRO
[6/23/2009 3:55:24 PM] Eve says: no turbine manager .. nothin
[6/23/2009 3:55:31 PM] Vaenyc says: click on the window and alt f4
[6/23/2009 3:55:49 PM] Eve says: not even in the processes - oop there it is turbine invoker
[6/23/2009 3:55:54 PM] Eve says: sounds liek a freakin virus
[6/23/2009 3:56:04 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/23/2009 3:56:15 PM] Eve says: turbine launcher... hmm
[6/23/2009 3:56:21 PM] Eve says: im gonna get processes for a sec
[6/23/2009 3:56:39 PM] Eve says: end process tree*
[6/23/2009 3:57:43 PM] Vaenyc says: urg i g2g for a bit so if i dont catch you before you go to class, ill be on when you get back :P
[6/23/2009 3:57:50 PM] Eve says: k
[6/23/2009 3:57:56 PM] Vaenyc says: good luck
[6/23/2009 3:58:02 PM] Eve says: thx!
[6/23/2009 3:58:07 PM] Eve says: :)
[6/23/2009 3:58:13 PM] Vaenyc says: your welcome!
[6/23/2009 3:58:14 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/23/2009 9:35:36 PM] Vaenyc says: hey how was class
[6/23/2009 9:35:48 PM] Eve says: hey whats up..
[6/23/2009 9:35:55 PM] Eve says: omg class was good and i was like yes! i got it
[6/23/2009 9:36:00 PM] Eve says: and now im home and im like no
[6/23/2009 9:36:02 PM] Eve says: im fucked
[6/23/2009 9:36:20 PM] Vaenyc says: lol what now
[6/23/2009 9:37:32 PM] Eve says: lol word problems?
[6/23/2009 9:37:35 PM] Eve says: like check it
[6/23/2009 9:37:49 PM] Eve says: a computer printout can list 74 names
[6/23/2009 9:37:55 PM] Eve says: on 1 page of paper
[6/23/2009 9:38:09 PM] Eve says: if 3,451 student names are to be printed
[6/23/2009 9:38:20 PM] Eve says: how many will appear on the last page of the printout
[6/23/2009 9:38:35 PM] Eve says: so i did x = 74*3451
[6/23/2009 9:38:39 PM] Eve says: and it was wrong
[6/23/2009 9:38:56 PM] Eve says: then i did x over 3451
[6/23/2009 9:39:04 PM] Eve says: = 74
[6/23/2009 9:39:06 PM] Eve says: and that was wrong
[6/23/2009 9:39:12 PM] Eve says: and now im just at a freakin loss!
[6/23/2009 9:39:34 PM] Eve says: the good part is that i did some of tonights homework in class so i could play a specified hour of LOTRO-so lets go wreck shit son!
[6/23/2009 9:39:35 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/23/2009 9:40:26 PM] Vaenyc says: did you get the answer for the problem?
[6/23/2009 9:40:35 PM] Eve says: no i didnt
[6/23/2009 9:40:39 PM] Eve says: instead i got upset and im about to go smoke
[6/23/2009 9:40:40 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/23/2009 9:41:01 PM] Vaenyc says: do 3451 over 74
[6/23/2009 9:41:08 PM] Vaenyc says: and then round up
[6/23/2009 9:41:09 PM] Eve says: i did that one
[6/23/2009 9:41:12 PM] Eve says: what?
[6/23/2009 9:41:14 PM] Eve says: i did that too
[6/23/2009 9:41:25 PM] Eve says: i got 500 when i rounded it
[6/23/2009 9:41:30 PM] Eve says: but the answer is somehow 47
[6/23/2009 9:43:24 PM] Vaenyc says: no you have to do 3451 / 74 and you get 46.blah blah blah then you round it up to 47
[6/23/2009 9:43:44 PM] Eve says: hmmm
[6/23/2009 9:44:13 PM] Eve says: ok i dont understand
[6/23/2009 9:44:23 PM] Vaenyc says: on a calc right now do 3451 devided by 74
[6/23/2009 9:44:26 PM] Eve says: 74*7 = 518?
[6/23/2009 9:44:33 PM] Vaenyc says: ?
[6/23/2009 9:44:47 PM] Eve says: does 74*7 = 518?
[6/23/2009 9:45:08 PM] Vaenyc says: ya
[6/23/2009 9:45:11 PM] Eve says: ok..
[6/23/2009 9:45:23 PM] Eve says: and 74*4 = 329?
[6/23/2009 9:45:33 PM] Vaenyc says: wait im lost
[6/23/2009 9:45:48 PM] Eve says: yeah ... im doing the mult of 74*4
[6/23/2009 9:45:54 PM] Eve says: and then 74*7
[6/23/2009 9:45:56 PM] Vaenyc says: why?
[6/23/2009 9:46:11 PM] Eve says: because the answer is 47 and i dont understand why
[6/23/2009 9:46:17 PM] Eve says: or how it got there
[6/23/2009 9:46:25 PM] Vaenyc says: lol your gunna confuse yourself :P
[6/23/2009 9:46:27 PM] Eve says: i mean with 42 i was too high and got a remainder!
[6/23/2009 9:46:32 PM] Eve says: i freakin out man!
[6/23/2009 9:46:36 PM] Eve says: im*
[6/23/2009 9:46:37 PM] Vaenyc says: do you want to do chat again?
[6/23/2009 9:46:41 PM] Eve says: look at me i cant even type!
[6/23/2009 9:47:00 PM] Eve says: i first got 42 remainder 13
[6/23/2009 9:47:17 PM] Vaenyc says: let me go into the other room and then well do chat again
[6/23/2009 9:47:19 PM] Eve says: and then i started all over again .. analyze the probem he says.. i did that!
[6/23/2009 9:47:27 PM] Eve says: then he says fucking form an equation
[6/23/2009 9:47:30 PM] Eve says: yeah i did that too!
[6/23/2009 9:47:37 PM] Eve says: solve.. um, wtf? i cant !
[6/23/2009 9:47:41 PM] Eve says: :(
[6/23/2009 9:47:55 PM] Vaenyc says: calm down lol gimme a sec
[6/23/2009 9:48:01 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/23/2009 9:48:20 PM] Eve says: ok…sorry.. im just.. idk.. i thought it was gonna be ok..
[6/23/2009 9:48:32 PM] Eve says: i thought “ok i get this... i can keep going and i promise not to freak out, Im gonna totally pass and not need that much help”.. lol
[6/23/2009 9:48:40 PM] Eve says: and now look at me.. im home and freaking out!
[6/23/2009 9:50:23 PM] Vaenyc says: do you want me to help you?
[6/23/2009 9:51:20 PM] Eve says: could you please help me?
[6/23/2009 9:51:41 PM] Vaenyc says: ya sure no prob jus lemme get a drink
[6/23/2009 9:51:46 PM] Eve says: ok me too
[6/23/2009 9:51:53 PM] Eve says: ty
[6/23/2009 9:52:11 PM] Eve says: it will be just these word probs i promise.. im sure u are busy !
[6/23/2009 9:52:36 PM] Vaenyc says: lol with what :P im on vacation
[6/23/2009 9:53:17 PM] Eve says: lol omg! you are!
[6/23/2009 9:53:52 PM] Eve says: Vae thats even worse!
[6/23/2009 9:54:02 PM] Eve says: you should be ... idk.. what do YOU do on Vacation?
[6/23/2009 9:54:55 PM] Vaenyc says: lol im in texas visiting my grandparents
[6/23/2009 10:02:42 PM] Eve says: 3451/74 right?
[6/24/2009 12:37:29 AM] Eve says: oops?
[6/24/2009 2:11:02 AM] Eve sent file "ScreenShot00119.jpg" to members of this chat
[6/24/2009 2:47:41 AM] Vaenyc says: lol nice screen shots :D
[6/24/2009 2:47:50 AM] Vaenyc says: good night :)
[6/24/2009 2:47:55 AM] Eve says: :D night!
[6/24/2009 10:30:56 PM] Vaenyc says: hey how was class lol
[6/24/2009 10:31:19 PM] Eve says: hey it was ok
[6/24/2009 10:31:25 PM] Eve says: were on integers..
[6/24/2009 10:31:35 PM] Vaenyc says: lol easy :D
[6/24/2009 10:31:43 PM] Eve says: im trying so hard to get this concept of using the opposite # for the subtraction
[6/24/2009 10:31:56 PM] Eve says: its not that easy with 3 or more #’s though for me for some reason
[6/24/2009 10:31:58 PM] Eve says: meh..
[6/24/2009 10:32:02 PM] Eve says: how u doin?
[6/24/2009 10:32:29 PM] Vaenyc says: good :D im enjoyin vaca but i think im ready to go home
[6/24/2009 10:32:57 PM] Eve says: lol i hear that... you miss it? miss your girl and your friends and stuff huh?
[6/24/2009 10:33:20 PM] Vaenyc says: ya :P im such a homebody
[6/24/2009 10:33:24 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 10:33:30 PM] Eve says: dude... i like ur last name..
[6/24/2009 10:33:38 PM] Eve says: i never thought i did until i pronounced it
[6/24/2009 10:33:40 PM] Eve says: its French
[6/24/2009 10:33:56 PM] Vaenyc says: ya lol im ashamed of it too
[6/24/2009 10:34:04 PM] Eve says: yeah dont be.. its waay cool imo
[6/24/2009 10:34:40 PM] Vaenyc says: i hate the french....bunch of pussys
[6/24/2009 10:34:51 PM] Eve says: true
[6/24/2009 10:34:55 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/24/2009 10:35:08 PM] Eve says: but they have nice names.. and great accents
[6/24/2009 10:35:24 PM] Vaenyc says: im actually mostly polish and german though lol my moms maden name is Roskosky
[6/24/2009 10:35:31 PM] Eve says: nice
[6/24/2009 10:35:50 PM] Vaenyc says: thats right lol David slayer of jews
[6/24/2009 10:35:57 PM] Eve says: :D not as sexy but its cool too lol
[6/24/2009 10:36:02 PM] Eve says: yep .. er, what?
[6/24/2009 10:36:28 PM] Vaenyc says: lol im just makin a joke about the fact that im 30% german
[6/24/2009 10:36:33 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 10:36:54 PM] Eve says: yeah yeah german is bad ass ..
[6/24/2009 10:36:58 PM] Eve says: i used to live there
[6/24/2009 10:37:14 PM] Vaenyc says: really? why the hell did you come back?
[6/24/2009 10:37:19 PM] Eve says: i didnt want to
[6/24/2009 10:37:25 PM] Eve says: family came here and so i had to come too
[6/24/2009 10:37:29 PM] Eve says: i used to live in France also
[6/24/2009 10:37:31 PM] Eve says: and Spain
[6/24/2009 10:37:37 PM] Vaenyc says: ahhh i see :D
[6/24/2009 10:37:37 PM] Eve says: and Amsterdam :P
[6/24/2009 10:37:43 PM] Vaenyc says: livin the dream
[6/24/2009 10:37:46 PM] Eve says: yeah, right
[6/24/2009 10:38:16 PM] Eve says: so im prob not gonna hear from DFlatt again at least not if I don’t contact him first.. 
[6/24/2009 10:38:38 PM] Vaenyc says: oh? he didnt say anything to you today?
[6/24/2009 10:39:23 PM] Eve says: lets put it this way..he's on Skype and ur on Skype.. ..and yet you are the first one to message me
[6/24/2009 10:39:40 PM] Vaenyc says: send him a message
[6/24/2009 10:39:48 PM] Eve says: no dude... we tried it your way
[6/24/2009 10:39:57 PM] Eve says: he doesn’t want to talk to me or have anything to do with me for that matter
[6/24/2009 10:40:02 PM] Eve says: its so obvious..
[6/24/2009 10:40:15 PM] Eve says: im not gonna hurt myself anymore than i did last night
[6/24/2009 10:40:38 PM] Vaenyc says: look im sry i was just tryin to help and i didnt realize that he was gunna be a prick
[6/24/2009 10:40:43 PM] Eve says: maybe the book is wrong about some stuff.. but it is true.. IF he wanted to talk to me, he would have... long ago..
[6/24/2009 10:41:07 PM] Eve says: and he doesn't so he won't..
[6/24/2009 10:41:26 PM] Eve says: i just have to do the best i can to get over it and be as soft and kind to myself through this time as I can
[6/24/2009 10:41:43 PM] Eve says: (sweat);(
[6/24/2009 10:42:15 PM] Eve says: i know u had good intentions.. and i appreciate it.. but you know the guy "not interested" signs.. prob better than I do
[6/24/2009 10:42:18 PM] Vaenyc says: look im sry i was just tryin to help and i didnt realize that he was gunna be a prick
[6/24/2009 10:42:28 PM] Vaenyc says: oops lol sry
[6/24/2009 10:42:30 PM] Eve says: i know u had good intentions..i dont blame you
[6/24/2009 10:42:43 PM] Eve says: i just feel like an ass.. lol
[6/24/2009 10:42:59 PM] Vaenyc says: why? you shouldnt
[6/24/2009 10:43:14 PM] Eve says: because i should not have contacted him..
[6/24/2009 10:43:40 PM] Eve says: i should just fucking try to fall in love with the fact i will never talk to him or hear from him again...
[6/24/2009 10:44:18 PM] Vaenyc says: well look at it this way, would you rather have spent the time not knowing if you two would have had a friendship or not?
[6/24/2009 10:44:41 PM] Eve says: and we will never be friends.. or even aquaintances.. i need to get movin on that mindset not the one that fucking keeps me locked into some dumb shit that makes me wonder why the fuck I am even trying?
[6/24/2009 10:44:58 PM] Eve says: yes... i would have rather spent the time knowing that we wouldnt
[6/24/2009 10:45:19 PM] Eve says: and then fucking let him go.. i did what the book calls BACKSLIDING.. and it hurts
[6/24/2009 10:45:27 PM] Eve says: i basically let myself down by texting him
[6/24/2009 10:45:34 PM] Eve says: and now i have to start over..
[6/24/2009 10:45:37 PM] Eve says: day 1
[6/24/2009 10:45:40 PM] Eve says: from Day 13
[6/24/2009 10:45:46 PM] Vaenyc says: no i let you down :(
[6/24/2009 10:45:50 PM] Eve says: nah
[6/24/2009 10:45:55 PM] Vaenyc says: its not ur fault its mine
[6/24/2009 10:45:56 PM] Eve says: you were just tryin to be a friend..
[6/24/2009 10:46:22 PM] Vaenyc says: Peer pressure on my part otherwise you wouldnt have even done it in the firstplace
[6/24/2009 10:46:29 PM] Eve says: well thats true..
[6/24/2009 10:46:31 PM] Eve says: i wouldnt have done it
[6/24/2009 10:46:33 PM] Eve says: but..
[6/24/2009 10:46:42 PM] Vaenyc says: exactly
[6/24/2009 10:47:03 PM] Eve says: it isnt your fault necessarily..that I feel this way though
[6/24/2009 10:47:20 PM] Eve says: its all good! no worries
[6/24/2009 10:47:48 PM] Eve says: im gonna go get my smokes.. we can talk after if u want?
[6/24/2009 10:47:55 PM] Vaenyc says: look, you make it sound like he is the last guy that you are ever gunna meet and thats not the case
[6/24/2009 10:47:57 PM] Vaenyc says: kk
[6/24/2009 10:48:03 PM] Vaenyc says: no smokes
[6/24/2009 10:48:07 PM] Vaenyc says: or you die
[6/24/2009 10:48:15 PM] Eve says: ? :'(
[6/24/2009 10:48:37 PM] Vaenyc says: lol thats right you are stayin smoke free
[6/24/2009 10:48:38 PM] Eve says: (wait)
[6/24/2009 10:48:45 PM] Vaenyc says: jk im not ur boss
[6/24/2009 10:48:54 PM] Eve says: 8-)
[6/24/2009 10:49:43 PM] Eve says: hes not the last guy! but im beginning to think the relationships are all gonna be the same
[6/24/2009 10:49:54 PM] Eve says: :S
[6/24/2009 10:49:56 PM] Eve says: brb
[6/24/2009 10:50:03 PM] Eve says: (wait)
[6/24/2009 10:50:15 PM] Vaenyc says: god damn you and your death sticks
[6/24/2009 10:50:28 PM] Eve says: NO
[6/24/2009 10:50:31 PM] Eve says: i am not gonna smoke
[6/24/2009 10:50:39 PM] Eve says: i am going to hold out.. yes, i feel fucking terrible
[6/24/2009 10:50:47 PM] Eve says: but i dont have to smoke to get rid of the feeling
[6/24/2009 10:51:00 PM] Vaenyc says: ya just punch a baby
[6/24/2009 10:51:03 PM] Eve says: wait what? lol death sticks!
[6/24/2009 10:51:06 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/24/2009 10:51:10 PM] Eve says: well they are..
[6/24/2009 10:51:15 PM] Eve says: i guess sometimes
[6/24/2009 10:51:19 PM] Eve says: on a certain day they are
[6/24/2009 10:51:25 PM] Eve says: but sometimes they dont seem that way
[6/24/2009 10:51:36 PM] Eve says: lets go over the chemicals inside shall we?
[6/24/2009 10:51:39 PM] Vaenyc says: lol there is a brand of cigs called death sticks
[6/24/2009 10:51:50 PM] Eve says: i really want to smoke right now..
[6/24/2009 10:51:59 PM] Vaenyc says: N NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[6/24/2009 10:52:04 PM] Eve says: but im going to try to let go of compulsion and temptation to smoke
[6/24/2009 10:52:18 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/24/2009 10:53:03 PM] Vaenyc says: oh and dont think that all of your relationships are gunna be like past ones
[6/24/2009 10:53:14 PM] Vaenyc says: lol thats rediculous
[6/24/2009 10:53:16 PM] Eve says: feels like it
[6/24/2009 10:53:29 PM] Eve says: and i do have 5 last ones to go by
[6/24/2009 10:53:37 PM] Vaenyc says: you just havent met the right guy yet
[6/24/2009 10:53:37 PM] Eve says: they all seem pretty similar
[6/24/2009 10:53:47 PM] Eve says: meh
[6/24/2009 10:53:56 PM] Vaenyc says: trust me....i remember when i met that special guy
[6/24/2009 10:54:00 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 10:54:05 PM] Vaenyc says: his name was chuck
[6/24/2009 10:54:07 PM] Eve says: what was he like?
[6/24/2009 10:54:12 PM] Eve says: oh as in Norris?
[6/24/2009 10:54:21 PM] Vaenyc says: no as in ....chuck
[6/24/2009 10:54:23 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 10:54:44 PM] Vaenyc says: he had bright green teeth and golden locks
[6/24/2009 10:54:47 PM] Eve says: as in chuck my guy luck out the fuckin window?
[6/24/2009 10:54:48 PM] Eve says: sweet!
[6/24/2009 10:55:05 PM] Vaenyc says: explains alot about my persona hun
[6/24/2009 10:55:11 PM] Vaenyc says: *huh
[6/24/2009 10:55:12 PM] Eve says: he sounds totally hot!
[6/24/2009 10:55:26 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/24/2009 10:56:05 PM] Vaenyc says: look, youre funny, nice and beautiful so your destined to find a good guy
[6/24/2009 10:56:46 PM] Eve says: thanks.. i appreciate that mah nigga.. you are saying all the right good friend things to say
[6/24/2009 10:57:02 PM] Vaenyc says: if you dont so help me god ill castrate myself
[6/24/2009 10:57:06 PM] Vaenyc says: with a spoon
[6/24/2009 10:57:11 PM] Eve says: you better promise
[6/24/2009 10:57:22 PM] Vaenyc says: cross my balls
[6/24/2009 10:57:24 PM] Eve says: cuz if i dont.. well .. ill prob castrate myself and join a nunnery
[6/24/2009 10:57:34 PM] Eve says: pinky swear
[6/24/2009 10:57:44 PM] Vaenyc says: cross my balls and hope to die
[6/24/2009 10:57:48 PM] Eve says: ok
[6/24/2009 10:57:53 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/24/2009 10:57:56 PM] Eve says: :)
[6/24/2009 10:58:21 PM] Vaenyc says: how much more hw do you need to do?
[6/24/2009 10:58:29 PM] Eve says: u really want to know?
[6/24/2009 10:58:36 PM] Eve says: oh!! oh! guess what?
[6/24/2009 10:58:41 PM] Eve says: i talked to my teacher today..
[6/24/2009 10:58:47 PM] Vaenyc says: and
[6/24/2009 10:58:53 PM] Vaenyc says: .
[6/24/2009 10:58:54 PM] Vaenyc says: ..
[6/24/2009 10:58:56 PM] Vaenyc says: .....
[6/24/2009 10:58:56 PM] Vaenyc says: ....
[6/24/2009 10:58:58 PM] Eve says: and i said listen fucker.. you are giving me too much hw
[6/24/2009 10:59:08 PM] Eve says: i told him im supposed to raid Thurs's
[6/24/2009 10:59:14 PM] Vaenyc says: then you killed him right
[6/24/2009 10:59:23 PM] Eve says: and i told him that I didnt think it was fair to us that he gives us 140 problems a night
[6/24/2009 10:59:33 PM] Eve says: but doesnt go over the material until afterward!
[6/24/2009 10:59:56 PM] Eve says: i told him that he fuckin does roll call at 5:55 which doesnt allow people who even were on time to be marked as such
[6/24/2009 11:00:09 PM] Eve says: i got mad eloquent and business like on his ass
[6/24/2009 11:00:22 PM] Eve says: and i told him that i am not going to do my HW
[6/24/2009 11:00:25 PM] Eve says: until he goes over it
[6/24/2009 11:00:31 PM] Vaenyc says: then you killed him?
[6/24/2009 11:00:37 PM] Eve says: it was one thing when we were doin easy stuff but now .. fuck that
[6/24/2009 11:00:40 PM] Eve says: and u know what?
[6/24/2009 11:00:45 PM] Eve says: he said.. "ok"
[6/24/2009 11:00:50 PM] Eve says: LOL
[6/24/2009 11:00:52 PM] Vaenyc says: really?
[6/24/2009 11:00:55 PM] Eve says: yeah, I killed him
[6/24/2009 11:00:58 PM] Vaenyc says: wow good shit
[6/24/2009 11:01:08 PM] Eve says: yeah so tonight guess how many problems i have?
[6/24/2009 11:01:14 PM] Vaenyc says: none
[6/24/2009 11:01:18 PM] Eve says: 79 :)
[6/24/2009 11:01:24 PM] Vaenyc says: Woot!
[6/24/2009 11:01:29 PM] Eve says: just 79!
[6/24/2009 11:01:40 PM] Eve says: i know im like holy crap.. i wont die anymore from this class!
[6/24/2009 11:01:51 PM] Vaenyc says: wait what the fuck does woot even mean?
[6/24/2009 11:01:55 PM] Eve says: tomorrow he is going to tell everyone
[6/24/2009 11:01:59 PM] Vaenyc says: lol sweet
[6/24/2009 11:02:17 PM] Eve says: hopefully they will be happy about it
[6/24/2009 11:02:26 PM] Eve says: honestly tho everyone does their shit in class
[6/24/2009 11:02:33 PM] Eve says: and i am already ready when i walk in..
[6/24/2009 11:02:45 PM] Vaenyc says: do the other students seem to be struggling with this stuff?
[6/24/2009 11:02:47 PM] Eve says: i noticed alot of people havent even started doin HW!
[6/24/2009 11:02:51 PM] Eve says: yes
[6/24/2009 11:03:00 PM] Eve says: the other students are asking just as many questions as I am
[6/24/2009 11:03:17 PM] Vaenyc says: sweet i should whore myself out as a math tutor
[6/24/2009 11:03:23 PM] Eve says: i mean .. he was bein unreasonable.. right? someone had to stop his riegn of terror!
[6/24/2009 11:03:31 PM] Eve says: you should .. i will pay you!
[6/24/2009 11:03:39 PM] Eve says: fuckin paypal here u come!
[6/24/2009 11:03:47 PM] Vaenyc says: WOOT
[6/24/2009 11:03:50 PM] Eve says: woot!!
[6/24/2009 11:04:13 PM] Eve says: honestly we could fuckin sub any word in there for woot.. we can just make one up and use it with feeling :P
[6/24/2009 11:05:21 PM] Vaenyc says: hmmm
[6/24/2009 11:05:50 PM] Eve says: i love this song right now
[6/24/2009 11:06:00 PM] Vaenyc says: which one?
[6/24/2009 11:06:06 PM] Eve says: Beggin by Madcon?
[6/24/2009 11:06:25 PM] Vaenyc says: lol you kids and your crazy rap music
[6/24/2009 11:06:29 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 11:06:34 PM] Eve says: a
[6/24/2009 11:06:34 PM] Eve says: and our crazy emo music
[6/24/2009 11:06:45 PM] Eve says: and our crazy grindcore
[6/24/2009 11:06:46 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 11:06:50 PM] Vaenyc says: (emo)
[6/24/2009 11:06:53 PM] Eve says: (emo)
[6/24/2009 11:06:56 PM] Eve says: (think)
[6/24/2009 11:06:58 PM] Eve says: (bow)
[6/24/2009 11:07:35 PM] Vaenyc says: ahh grindcore... the sweet soothing sound of a pig squeeling into a microphone
[6/24/2009 11:07:40 PM] Eve says: yes
[6/24/2009 11:07:47 PM] Eve says: (party)
[6/24/2009 11:08:02 PM] Eve says: to double bass drummin ahh
[6/24/2009 11:08:20 PM] Vaenyc says: dammit eve get on that hw so we can run shit in lotro
[6/24/2009 11:08:25 PM] Eve says: ok
[6/24/2009 11:08:27 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/24/2009 11:08:39 PM] Vaenyc says: you have 5 minutes
[6/24/2009 11:08:44 PM] Eve says: since you so politely requested good sir.. lets try that one again?
[6/24/2009 11:09:18 PM] Eve says: LOL you've got to 2 minutes...to use another method of control :P
[6/24/2009 11:09:42 PM] Eve says: :D
[6/24/2009 11:09:55 PM] Vaenyc says: (sweat) umm...uummmm... listen bitch do what i say?
[6/24/2009 11:10:09 PM] Eve says: 1...
[6/24/2009 11:10:18 PM] Vaenyc says: was that the right answer?
[6/24/2009 11:10:40 PM] Eve says: the answer is please get on your homework because I would like to run shit in LOTRO with you ASAP
[6/24/2009 11:10:46 PM] Eve says: now you try :P
[6/24/2009 11:10:53 PM] Eve says: LOL
[6/24/2009 11:11:08 PM] Eve says: brb gettin a drink
[6/24/2009 11:11:58 PM] Vaenyc says: ok i think i got it...
[6/24/2009 11:12:06 PM] Vaenyc says: ready?....
[6/24/2009 11:13:28 PM] Eve says: all this typing it looks like your doin over there isnt to me ...lol
[6/24/2009 11:13:46 PM] Vaenyc says: uuummm....uuummmmm.....eve, if that is your real name, would you please be so kind as to do your homework so we may partake of the pwning of mad bitches in lotro?
[6/24/2009 11:14:01 PM] Eve says: ok! thats works..
[6/24/2009 11:14:24 PM] Vaenyc says: wait what did you just say
[6/24/2009 11:14:27 PM] Vaenyc says: "
[6/24/2009 11:14:39 PM] Vaenyc says: ?
[6/24/2009 11:14:52 PM] Eve says: huh?
[6/24/2009 11:14:58 PM] Vaenyc says: nvm
[6/24/2009 11:15:04 PM] Vaenyc says: i lost myself
[6/24/2009 11:15:10 PM] Eve says: oh i was talkin about typing.. when i type to you
[6/24/2009 11:15:24 PM] Eve says: skype natuarally shows that someone is responding or typing
[6/24/2009 11:15:42 PM] Vaenyc says: ya that line confused the living shit out of me
[6/24/2009 11:16:04 PM] Eve says: and there was a ton of typin over there by you.. for a like a bit.. so i thought you were makin a big response to me.. then i got "ready"?
[6/24/2009 11:16:21 PM] Eve says: lol which doesnt take that long to type LOL so i realized maybe you were typin to someone else lol
[6/24/2009 11:16:39 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/24/2009 11:16:55 PM] Vaenyc says: nope your my only friend :( ... on skype
[6/24/2009 11:17:05 PM] Eve says: but really im goin... yes! most excitedly and assuredly i will now go do my HW.. because what a wonderful thing you said! :D
[6/24/2009 11:17:38 PM] Vaenyc says: ok just holla if you need some help ill be around
[6/24/2009 11:18:11 PM] Eve says: im so motivated now.. much more motivating than those previous attempts..orly? ok i dont know if u want to offer that :P i might take u up on it in like 4 problems or 1
[6/24/2009 11:18:27 PM] Vaenyc says: ill be waiting
[6/24/2009 11:19:41 PM] Eve says: this is the problem i dont understand
[6/24/2009 11:19:55 PM] Vaenyc says: ok soot
[6/24/2009 11:19:59 PM] Eve says: -1-(3) - 4
[6/24/2009 11:20:10 PM] Eve says: *-1-(-3)-4
[6/24/2009 11:20:35 PM] Vaenyc says: ya and what do you think the andwer is?
[6/24/2009 11:20:55 PM] Eve says: i think its -2
[6/24/2009 11:21:03 PM] Eve says: but.. im not sure
[6/24/2009 11:21:04 PM] Vaenyc says: yup ur right
[6/24/2009 11:21:06 PM] Eve says: i am?
[6/24/2009 11:21:13 PM] Eve says: so i dont change the sign when i change the other sign?
[6/24/2009 11:21:19 PM] Eve says: ok brb
[6/24/2009 11:28:38 PM] Eve says: 1 question?
[6/24/2009 11:29:18 PM] Eve says: (-6-5)-3=
[6/24/2009 11:29:41 PM] Eve says: OR (6-4)-(1-2)=
[6/24/2009 11:29:50 PM] Eve says: im getting these wrong..
[6/24/2009 11:29:55 PM] Vaenyc says: oops sry ome sec
[6/24/2009 11:29:58 PM] Eve says: ok
[6/24/2009 11:31:28 PM] Vaenyc says: (-6-5)-3 = -14
(6-4)-(1-2)= 3
[6/24/2009 11:31:39 PM] Eve says: yeah thats not what i got..
[6/24/2009 11:31:56 PM] Vaenyc says: ok so what dont you understand?
[6/24/2009 11:32:01 PM] Eve says: did u do (-11)-3=
[6/24/2009 11:32:10 PM] Vaenyc says: ya
[6/24/2009 11:32:18 PM] Vaenyc says: thats what your supposed to do
[6/24/2009 11:32:19 PM] Eve says: so did i but i got -8
[6/24/2009 11:32:22 PM] Eve says: :(
[6/24/2009 11:32:47 PM] Vaenyc says: no -11 - (-3) = 8
[6/24/2009 11:32:52 PM] Eve says: unless am i supposed to add agian?
[6/24/2009 11:33:05 PM] Vaenyc says: -11 - 3 = -14
[6/24/2009 11:33:13 PM] Eve says: how?'
[6/24/2009 11:33:23 PM] Eve says: if the 3 is postitive
[6/24/2009 11:46:09 PM] Vaenyc says: (-6-5)-3 =
[6/24/2009 11:46:39 PM] Eve says: (6+(-5)-3
[6/24/2009 11:47:07 PM] Vaenyc says: (-6 + -5) + -3 =
[6/24/2009 11:47:57 PM] Eve says: -9-(6-7)=
[6/24/2009 11:48:15 PM] Eve says: -9(6+(-7)=
[6/24/2009 11:48:46 PM] Vaenyc says: -9 + -(6+ -7) =
[6/24/2009 11:50:36 PM] Eve says: (6-4)-(1-2)=
[6/24/2009 11:50:59 PM] Eve says: 2+(1+(-2)=
[6/24/2009 11:59:06 PM] Eve says: -8-[4-(-6)]
[6/24/2009 11:59:24 PM] Eve says: -8+[10]=
[6/25/2009 12:01:30 AM] Eve says: -8+(-10)
[6/25/2009 12:01:35 AM] Eve says: = -18
[6/25/2009 12:14:21 AM] Vaenyc says: (music)
[6/25/2009 12:14:29 AM] Vaenyc says: (rain)
[6/25/2009 12:14:33 AM] Eve says: (flex)
[6/25/2009 12:14:37 AM] Eve says: (cash)
[6/25/2009 12:14:39 AM] Eve says: (sun)
[6/25/2009 12:14:47 AM] Vaenyc says: (h)
[6/25/2009 12:14:49 AM] Eve says: (pi)
[6/25/2009 12:14:52 AM] Vaenyc says: (beer)
[6/25/2009 12:14:52 AM] Eve says: (beer)
[6/25/2009 12:14:59 AM] Vaenyc says: (ninja)
[6/25/2009 12:15:01 AM] Eve says: (*)
[6/25/2009 12:15:15 AM] Eve says: (^)
[6/25/2009 12:15:15 AM] Vaenyc says: (dance)
[6/25/2009 12:15:20 AM] Eve says: (o)
[6/25/2009 12:15:23 AM] Vaenyc says: (punch)
[6/25/2009 12:15:25 AM] Eve says: (d)
[6/25/2009 12:15:30 AM] Vaenyc says: :@
[6/25/2009 12:15:32 AM] Eve says: (F)
[6/25/2009 12:15:45 AM] Eve says: (rain)
[6/25/2009 12:15:49 AM] Eve says: (punch)
[6/25/2009 12:15:50 AM] Vaenyc says: (o)
[6/25/2009 12:15:52 AM] Eve says: (beer)
[6/25/2009 12:15:58 AM] Vaenyc says: (F)
[6/25/2009 12:16:13 AM] Vaenyc says: (hug)
[6/25/2009 12:16:19 AM] Vaenyc says: (handshake)
[6/25/2009 12:16:19 AM] Eve says: (~)
[6/25/2009 12:16:24 AM] Vaenyc says: (flex)
[6/25/2009 12:16:29 AM] Vaenyc says: (*)
[6/25/2009 12:16:32 AM] Eve says: (d)
[6/25/2009 12:16:34 AM] Vaenyc says: (^)
[6/25/2009 12:16:35 AM] Eve says: (flex)
[6/25/2009 12:16:39 AM] Eve says: (coffee)
[6/25/2009 12:16:40 AM] Vaenyc says: :*
[6/25/2009 12:16:45 AM] Vaenyc says: (skype)
[6/25/2009 12:16:45 AM] Eve says: (makeup)
[6/25/2009 12:16:49 AM] Eve says: (call)
[6/25/2009 12:16:51 AM] Vaenyc says: ]:)
[6/25/2009 12:16:54 AM] Eve says: (hug)
[6/25/2009 12:16:57 AM] Eve says: (envy)
[6/25/2009 12:16:57 AM] Vaenyc says: (sun)
[6/25/2009 12:17:01 AM] Eve says: (puke)
[6/25/2009 12:17:04 AM] Vaenyc says: (mp)
[6/25/2009 12:17:05 AM] Eve says: (doh)
[6/25/2009 12:17:08 AM] Eve says: (devil)
[6/25/2009 12:17:11 AM] Vaenyc says: (dance)
[6/25/2009 12:17:13 AM] Eve says: (inlove)
[6/25/2009 12:17:16 AM] Eve says: (ninja)
[6/25/2009 12:17:20 AM] Vaenyc says: (pi)
[6/25/2009 12:17:22 AM] Eve says: (puke)
[6/25/2009 12:17:28 AM] Vaenyc says: (inlove)
[6/25/2009 12:17:29 AM] Eve says: (chuckle)
[6/25/2009 12:17:34 AM] Eve says: (puke)
[6/25/2009 12:17:38 AM] Eve says: (bow)
[6/25/2009 12:17:46 AM] Vaenyc says: (rofl)
[6/25/2009 12:17:49 AM] Eve says: (angel)
[6/25/2009 12:18:02 AM] Eve says: :|
[6/25/2009 12:18:05 AM] Vaenyc says: :x
[6/25/2009 12:18:08 AM] Eve says: (yes)
[6/25/2009 12:18:11 AM] Eve says: (no)
[6/25/2009 12:18:18 AM] Eve says: (handshake)
[6/25/2009 12:41:20 AM] Eve says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU
[6/25/2009 12:41:29 AM] Eve says: remember this? Go whelps ftw
[6/25/2009 9:16:12 PM] Eve says: hi :)
[6/26/2009 4:12:03 PM] Vaenyc says: hey
[6/26/2009 4:12:11 PM] Eve says: yo
[6/26/2009 4:12:41 PM] Vaenyc says: sorry i missed you last night i had to get up early to paint so i went to bed around 11 :P
[6/26/2009 4:12:53 PM] Eve says: k
[6/26/2009 4:12:59 PM] Vaenyc says: you ok?
[6/26/2009 4:13:03 PM] Eve says: paint what?
[6/26/2009 4:13:05 PM] Eve says: no
[6/26/2009 4:13:08 PM] Eve says: im crying
[6/26/2009 4:13:16 PM] Vaenyc says: why?
[6/26/2009 4:13:16 PM] Vaenyc says: my grandparents house
[6/26/2009 4:13:19 PM] Eve says: oic
[6/26/2009 4:13:25 PM] Eve says: do u really care?
[6/26/2009 4:13:38 PM] Vaenyc says: ya of coarse i do why would you say that
[6/26/2009 4:13:45 PM] Eve says: idk..
[6/26/2009 4:13:49 PM] Eve says: i talked to Dan last night
[6/26/2009 4:13:56 PM] Eve says: and i got the answer i needed
[6/26/2009 4:14:05 PM] Eve says: and... well i fucking lost my job today
[6/26/2009 4:14:12 PM] Eve says: i didnt think i was gonna take it like this..
[6/26/2009 4:14:33 PM] Vaenyc says: im sry, i didnt mean to do this to you
[6/26/2009 4:14:39 PM] Eve says: do what?
[6/26/2009 4:14:45 PM] Vaenyc says: the whole dan thing
[6/26/2009 4:14:54 PM] Eve says: no its good.. im glad i talked to him
[6/26/2009 4:15:00 PM] Eve says: i now know how he feels about me
[6/26/2009 4:15:07 PM] Eve says: from his own words, which is, “not much”.
[6/26/2009 4:15:09 PM] Vaenyc says: and im sry about your job
[6/26/2009 4:15:23 PM] Eve says: :( yeah.. i cant do anythin about that either.. both things are out of my control
[6/26/2009 4:15:28 PM] Eve says: i just feel like a loser anyway..
[6/26/2009 4:15:35 PM] Eve says: even tho i prob shouldnt
[6/26/2009 4:15:48 PM] Vaenyc says: your not a loser
[6/26/2009 4:16:10 PM] Vaenyc says: your a great person who has a lot to look foreward to in life
[6/26/2009 4:16:16 PM] Eve says: like what?
[6/26/2009 4:16:22 PM] Eve says: ;(
[6/26/2009 4:16:56 PM] Vaenyc says: your going to school and you have friends who care about you very much :D
[6/26/2009 4:17:16 PM] Vaenyc says: trust me things are gunna be ok
[6/26/2009 4:17:20 PM] Vaenyc says: i promise
[6/26/2009 4:17:24 PM] Eve says: ok
[6/26/2009 4:17:33 PM] Vaenyc says: brb shower
[6/26/2009 4:17:35 PM] Eve says: k
[6/26/2009 4:35:17 PM] Vaenyc says: bak
[6/26/2009 4:35:21 PM] Eve says: yo
[6/26/2009 4:35:32 PM] Vaenyc says: god i got the worlds worst sunburn :(
[6/26/2009 4:35:40 PM] Eve says: lol awww that sucks
[6/26/2009 4:35:52 PM] Eve says: go go TX sunburn
[6/26/2009 4:35:55 PM] Eve says: ftl
[6/26/2009 4:36:22 PM] Vaenyc says: ya my fault though, thats what i get for bein outside for 6 hours in a muscle shirt with no sunscreen :D
[6/26/2009 4:36:46 PM] Vaenyc says: he is not a merciful god
[6/26/2009 4:37:22 PM] Eve says: lol he is a merciful God.. he just created strong Sun to warm the Earth :D
[6/26/2009 4:37:33 PM] Vaenyc says: and cheer up you :) everything is gunna be alright or my name isnt frederic "the slot machine" harper
[6/26/2009 4:37:52 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/26/2009 4:37:55 PM] Eve says: wha??
[6/26/2009 4:38:04 PM] Vaenyc says: lol thats what i thought
[6/26/2009 4:38:34 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/26/2009 4:38:35 PM] Vaenyc says: im so exited im goin to see transformers
[6/26/2009 4:38:40 PM] Eve says: yeah? sweet!
[6/26/2009 4:38:46 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[6/26/2009 4:38:48 PM] Eve says: im bumblebee
[6/26/2009 4:38:54 PM] Eve says: well not today..
[6/26/2009 4:38:56 PM] Vaenyc says: im dumbledor
[6/26/2009 4:38:58 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[6/26/2009 4:38:58 PM] Eve says: but.. usually
[6/26/2009 4:39:42 PM] Vaenyc says: ok im leavin but ill be back around 10:30 :D so you better be on or....or... ill be sad :(
[6/26/2009 4:40:07 PM] Vaenyc says: well 930 your time :D
[6/26/2009 4:40:15 PM] Vaenyc says: cya and cheer up
[6/26/2009 4:40:23 PM] Eve says: kk
[6/26/2009 4:40:24 PM] Eve says: ty
[6/26/2009 4:40:26 PM] Eve says: ill try
[6/26/2009 4:40:40 PM] Eve says: have fun!!
[6/26/2009 4:40:41 PM] Vaenyc says: :*
[6/26/2009 4:40:48 PM] Eve says: (handshake)
[6/26/2009 10:52:41 PM] Vaenyc says: hey sry i missed you :( i start my trip home tomorrow so im goin to bed early tonight. transformers was awesome :) ill talk to you soon :D
[1:53:29 AM] Eve says: hey thanks for the kind words
[1:53:38 AM] Eve says: oops i missed you.. i just got this.. ok
[1:54:14 AM] Eve says: ok have a safe trip home and sweet dreams man..
[1:55:31 AM] Eve says: Day-sha-nay..
[6/27/2009 4:11:59 PM] Vaenyc says: hey im home
[6/27/2009 11:02:33 PM] Eve says: hey
[6/27/2009 11:02:38 PM] Vaenyc says: hey you
[6/27/2009 11:02:43 PM] Vaenyc says: whats up
[6/27/2009 11:02:44 PM] Eve says: welcome home
[6/27/2009 11:02:52 PM] Vaenyc says: thank you :)
[6/27/2009 11:02:53 PM] Eve says: not much my head really hurts
[6/27/2009 11:02:58 PM] Eve says: spent alot of time in the sun
[6/27/2009 11:03:02 PM] Eve says: ate a tempeh burger
[6/27/2009 11:03:16 PM] Vaenyc says: im glad your havin a good day though
[6/27/2009 11:03:20 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/27/2009 11:03:20 PM] Eve says: now i feel totally sick..
[6/27/2009 11:03:24 PM] Eve says: yeah thanks!
[6/27/2009 11:03:25 PM] Vaenyc says: oh no why
[6/27/2009 11:03:27 PM] Eve says: it was great.. is
[6/27/2009 11:03:43 PM] Eve says: cuz my head hurts and i feel so nauseous
[6/27/2009 11:03:56 PM] Vaenyc says: do what i would do...get wasted
[6/27/2009 11:04:01 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/27/2009 11:04:01 PM] Eve says: ok
[6/27/2009 11:04:04 PM] Vaenyc says: jk
[6/27/2009 11:04:07 PM] Eve says: does that work?
[6/27/2009 11:04:10 PM] Vaenyc says: lolerskates
[6/27/2009 11:04:12 PM] Vaenyc says: no
[6/27/2009 11:04:14 PM] Vaenyc says: :)
[6/27/2009 11:04:22 PM] Eve says: cuz i can leave right now to go to a rollerskating party and get wasted
[6/27/2009 11:04:27 PM] Eve says: ill go right now! lol
[6/27/2009 11:04:33 PM] Eve says: IF!
[6/27/2009 11:04:37 PM] Eve says: IF it works
[6/27/2009 11:04:49 PM] Vaenyc says: no i dont think it does
[6/27/2009 11:05:19 PM] Vaenyc says: so how was class today?
[6/27/2009 11:06:13 PM] Eve says: oh,ok. i didnt go
[6/27/2009 11:06:22 PM] Eve says: fuck class im not doin that shit anymore
[6/27/2009 11:06:28 PM] Vaenyc says: why?
[6/27/2009 11:06:33 PM] Vaenyc says: you need to pass the class
[6/27/2009 11:06:35 PM] Eve says: LOL j/k
[6/27/2009 11:07:00 PM] Eve says: do u want to talk to me right now?
[6/27/2009 11:07:07 PM] Vaenyc says: sure
[6/27/2009 11:07:08 PM] Eve says: omg nvm hold on.. phone
[6/27/2009 11:07:12 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:08:39 PM] Eve says: omg they offered to pick me up ..lol
[6/27/2009 11:08:47 PM] Eve says: men..ugh... wtf?
[6/27/2009 11:08:49 PM] Vaenyc says: who?
[6/27/2009 11:09:05 PM] Eve says: doesnt matter who they have a penis
[6/27/2009 11:09:13 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:09:18 PM] Eve says: could be sideshow bob..
[6/27/2009 11:09:19 PM] Vaenyc says: ya penis...who needs one
[6/27/2009 11:09:23 PM] Eve says: not me.. not now
[6/27/2009 11:09:28 PM] Vaenyc says: me niether
[6/27/2009 11:09:31 PM] Eve says: well i mean i do but you know i totally dont
[6/27/2009 11:09:44 PM] Eve says: lol oh man i dk what the fuck im sayin
[6/27/2009 11:09:47 PM] Eve says: i wanna lay down
[6/27/2009 11:09:57 PM] Eve says: do u wanna talk to me cuz im gonna leave the computer instead
[6/27/2009 11:09:58 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:10:07 PM] Vaenyc says: lol sure jus gimme a call
[6/27/2009 11:10:12 PM] Eve says: k
[6/27/2009 11:10:13 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:11:28 PM] Eve says: omg maybe im high?
[6/27/2009 11:11:40 PM] Eve says: maybe being around all those people i got high somehow
[6/27/2009 11:11:45 PM] Vaenyc says: what lol what did you smoke
[6/27/2009 11:11:46 PM] Eve says: no then i wouldnt feel sick
[6/27/2009 11:12:02 PM] Vaenyc says: mabe your high on life
[6/27/2009 11:12:06 PM] Vaenyc says: or heroin
[6/27/2009 11:12:07 PM] Eve says: oh man my head is aching so bad
[6/27/2009 11:12:08 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:12:13 PM] Eve says: LOL
[6/27/2009 11:12:31 PM] Vaenyc says: ah heroin my one true love
[6/27/2009 11:12:36 PM] Eve says: do you need more time?
[6/27/2009 11:12:45 PM] Vaenyc says: for what?
[6/27/2009 11:12:46 PM] Eve says: with the heroin?
[6/27/2009 11:12:50 PM] Vaenyc says: yes
[6/27/2009 11:12:54 PM] Vaenyc says: yes i do
[6/27/2009 11:12:58 PM] Eve says: lol then u can call me, im like waiting patiently
[6/27/2009 11:13:23 PM] Vaenyc says: god dammit eve i said call me
[6/27/2009 11:13:25 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:13:43 PM] Eve says: im sorry are you barking demands? yeah um, thats not gonna work.
[6/27/2009 11:13:47 PM] Vaenyc says: it seems we have reached an impass
[6/27/2009 11:13:49 PM] Eve says: take 2!
[6/27/2009 11:13:50 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:13:58 PM] Eve says: lol
[6/27/2009 11:14:23 PM] Vaenyc says: golly gee darn it eve may you please start with the calling of the telephone machine?
[6/27/2009 11:14:48 PM] Vaenyc says: better?
[6/27/2009 11:14:51 PM] Eve says: wow dude im seriously gonna vomit right now.. ill call but im goin to the bathroom..
[6/27/2009 11:14:56 PM] Eve says: and yes.. that is much better..
[6/27/2009 11:15:08 PM] Vaenyc says: (puke)
[6/27/2009 11:15:09 PM] Eve says: and yes better, ty i appreciate that.. sensitivity is so attractive
[6/27/2009 11:17:15 PM] Vaenyc says: we all know it wasnt bibble, ferchisle, or all bop bibble because only bibble could keep it so real
[6/27/2009 11:59:58 PM] Vaenyc says: (d)
[12:00:05 AM] Vaenyc says: (beer)
[12:00:12 AM] Vaenyc says: (coffee)
[12:00:18 AM] Vaenyc says: (flex)
[12:00:32 AM] Vaenyc says: (cash)
[12:00:51 AM] Vaenyc says: (hug)
[12:01:17 AM] Vaenyc says: (emo)
[12:01:23 AM] Vaenyc says: (emo)
[1:36:44 AM] Eve says: http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-world-of-warcraft-addiction-test
[8:54:47 AM] Vaenyc says: yo dude
[8:55:07 AM] Vaenyc says: ill be on lotro
[8:55:40 AM] Eve says: yo
[8:55:44 AM] Eve says: i need an hour
[8:55:48 AM] Eve says: im sleepies
[8:56:00 AM] Eve says: :) kk?
[8:56:05 AM] Eve says: call me in an hour pls?
[12:14:39 PM] Vaenyc says: yo whaddup son
[12:15:08 PM] Eve says: yo
[12:15:17 PM] Eve says: what up? now i want food..
[12:15:18 PM] Eve says: lol
[12:15:26 PM] Vaenyc says: so have you decided yet?
[12:15:30 PM] Vaenyc says: lol i <3 food
[12:15:30 PM] Eve says: so im checkin out what i need to do to get my shit started
[12:15:34 PM] Eve says: no not yet..
[12:15:41 PM] Eve says: hey is Oll gonna stay on Lotro
[12:16:05 PM] Vaenyc says: idk if hell wanna start a new char lol he has an 80 dk
[12:16:11 PM] Vaenyc says: totally geares
[12:16:16 PM] Vaenyc says: *geared
[12:16:19 PM] Eve says: lol then he prob wont
[12:16:37 PM] Vaenyc says: he doesnt devote alot of time to this stuff anymore
[12:16:49 PM] Eve says: yeah he has RL issues
[12:17:03 PM] Vaenyc says: ya so ive heared
[12:17:49 PM] Vaenyc says: has he really started smokin again?
[12:18:20 PM] Eve says: i dont think he is hardcore.. but he was smokin when i played with him last
[12:20:17 PM] Vaenyc says: what a tool
[12:20:20 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[12:20:24 PM] Eve says: lol its backslidin
[12:20:36 PM] Eve says: no one is perfect esp when quitting a hardcore addiction like smoking
[12:20:40 PM] Vaenyc says: have you started smokin again
[12:20:46 PM] Eve says: yes
[12:20:51 PM] Eve says: well kinda
[12:21:00 PM] Eve says: not as bad as before but a little
[12:21:29 PM] Vaenyc says: Dammit Eve :(
[12:21:34 PM] Vaenyc says: na its ok :P
[12:21:41 PM] Eve says: i know..but its my burden to bear
[12:21:43 PM] Vaenyc says: what ever makes you happy
[12:21:50 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:21:57 PM] Vaenyc says: i like pie
[12:21:58 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:22:10 PM] Eve says: lol i do too
[12:22:20 PM] Vaenyc says: its ok cuz we both know i do heroin :D
[12:22:24 PM] Eve says: lol
[12:22:25 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:22:26 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:22:30 PM] Vaenyc says: ;d
[12:22:31 PM] Vaenyc says: ;d
[12:22:34 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:22:36 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:22:40 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:22:41 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:23:01 PM] Vaenyc says: i like the smiley ones
[12:23:05 PM] Vaenyc says: lol
[12:23:10 PM] Vaenyc says: god im out of it
[12:24:06 PM] Eve says: lol
[12:25:06 PM] Vaenyc says: hmmm now i dont know what class i wanna be :(
[12:25:23 PM] Vaenyc says: i dont know if i want to make another pally
[12:25:33 PM] Vaenyc says: mabe ill make a mage tank
[12:25:35 PM] Vaenyc says: :D
[12:25:55 PM] Vaenyc says: or a dps priest
[12:26:08 PM] Eve says: lol
[12:26:33 PM] Eve says: well we have all the time to decide.. the install will be long as well as me closing my lotro and re-opening my account
[12:26:51 PM] Vaenyc says: sorry if im bein annoyin right now lol idk whats up in my head
[12:27:00 PM] Eve says: its all good.. and ur not
[12:27:04 PM] Vaenyc says: lol you dont have wow on your comp?
[12:27:44 PM] Eve says: i dont i cant have more than one at the same time
[12:28:09 PM] Eve says: can u hear me?
[12:28:22 PM] Vaenyc says: ya can you hear me?
[12:29:07 PM] Eve says: i cant hear you
[12:29:21 PM] Vaenyc says: you call me this time :D
[12:29:26 PM] Eve says: ok
[12:30:20 PM] Vaenyc says: ??
[12:30:38 PM] Vaenyc says: ???
????
?????
??????
???????
????????
[12:30:43 PM] Eve says: oooh whos 401?

Day 6

So instead of dancing my ass off last night I stayed in, leveled and then went to a late dinner on motorcycle with one of Che's friends. Weird though, even though I invited Che and his gf, Che actually wasn't there and the guy showed up alone. When he had asked me to get dinner, I was like "me? why? where?" LOL. Ah breakups...

Background on this is that last Saturday was Che's birthday soiree in Downtown LA. I went with Carlos after we spent the early night running around looking to dance before that was Sig's party in Newport Beach and then after was supposed to be after hours with Freddy and friends in the Marina.

Anyway, Che's thing was kinda last minute but he is a good friend of mine so I drove 60 miles to get over there before 1. Carlos and I were dressed to dance, not show off LA style, so Carlos couldnt get into the bar. So I went in and said happy birthday to Che and met his 2 guy friends who showed up and his on again off again gf Rose. As I was there and I was very underdressed, I tried to leave quickly but had mention dancing and there bein a afterparty to which his friend Venci wanted to go to. I told him I had to leave but would text him the address and left the party. I then invited him and a bunch of friends to the afterparty also and moved on to Hollywood where Carlos, Sig, and like 20 of their other people had danced the night away til 9am.

At some point yesterday, I texted Venci and co again to let them know about Technique (my Tues dance spot) and instead Venci said Che didn't wanna come that he just left the gym, was starving and do I wanna grab a bite with him too? I probably should have eaten something and said no, but instead I was hungry and wanted to ride a motorcycle and said yes. He came to pick me up and I immediately was ready to go. I called Darcy to let her know I was on the way and could she drive me back and he offered to decline our dinner plans so I could go with her.

It was an insane ride and my body has let me know it the day after. I am so sore. The helmet was waaay to big and there were so many bumps! Anyway, at some point during dinner we were having fun and I told him he is the oldest guy I ever had dinner with and we talked about age. Not wanting to make the same mistake as Dan and knowing he wouldnt talk to me again, I told him my age, and mentally said "peace out nigga." He told me I looked 22 and could not believe it, then he said I am the oldest girl he has ever had dinner with also.

In retrospect though, it was great to ride on the motorcycle!
6pm.
Tonight, if I can, I dance my ass off. Word.

30

I take it back. I was wrong. There are in fact 30 year olds out there who are not balding, not beer bellied and still have all their teeth. The male privilege attitude remains to be seen.

That guy tonight was definitely hot. At 30, he is officially the oldest guy I have ever gone to dinner with, ever.lol.

He also kept my hands from freezing with his motorcycle glove, smooth move buddy.

Letter to my Anger

What am I most angry about? Am I really angry at him? No. I am angry that I feel I cannot be loved. I am angry that I feel I will not have lasting love or find a relationship where the person will respect me and know that I deserve to be treated with respect. I am angry that I feel I have made so many mistakes with men over and over.. and just keep on making them. I am angry that I allowed someone in AGAIN after being hurt and and they hurt me too. These are all MY FEELINGS though.. and if I am mature about it, I can recognize that I am responsible for them.

Was I expecting more than what is realistic for that person and that situation? He has disappeared. I am getting the flight response of a 20 year old, not a mature adult. I was not really the victim, I broke it off with him because I wanted something more, something better, and because it has not immediately materialized and he just is acting as if nothing happened, I am upset. I wanted him to at least want to be with me, hell even pretend to want to, and he has not met that expectation so I am angry with him.

http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/b-anger.htm

Tonight imma try a CHUG-OF happiness: Choice, Harmony, Understanding, Goals & expectations, Optimism, and Focus.

Day 5

Day 5.. I played last night with Oll, Vae and Mal and had such a freakin good time. They are the reason I even play now. I did well by not talkin about Dragg at all.

Sucks that I had to leave the kin, but I explained to them why. I already have 5 invitations to other kins on my server...so now I just need to choose which I will go with and how I want my end game play to be. I'm almost 36, I got my horse yesterday and gave Mal some gold to get his.

I gave this girl Isilin his info and told her to contact him and be my break up online buddy. Part of moving on means not having a online "house" with the person who doesn't care about you or who broke your heart. I started out writing a letter to him for notification of moving his stuff.. the below is what i ended up with. As you can see, I am still in anger mode.

Which do I send? lol... I guess it will depend on how I am feeling at the time tonight.. :D

D,
I don't know why u are acting this way, maybe its cuz ur 20 and you fucking used me for sex, maybe its because you aren't mature enough to fucking be nice to me or to have long ago fessed up that you didn't want to be with me, or maybe you really are as you said just "an asshole and make girls cry", but its obvious to me now that everything you said was a lie, including this house and game so its time to get your things from the chest.

Dragg,
Since you are no longer talking to me and want no more contact w/ me, out of or in this game.. (guess you need time to sort yourself out and not talking to me again is the best way you have figured to do that) I thought it right to give you a couple days to get your little fishy things from the chest in the house.


Dragg,
Since it's obvious you are an asshole who used me. I'm movin on...you need to get your shit out of the "house" chest this week.

D,
Time to move. Get your stuff. Dick.

Day 4

Day 4
I have done well so far on no texting and no calling. I have been tempted but overall been able to be strong. Grrr. Today I am on step 3 of my grief&loss coping. Anger. I am feeling fucking angry. How used I feel. How could this person just not have given a fuck about me? How could they not miss me or think about me and to want to call to see how I am? How could I have made such a grave mistake in character judgement? AGAIN! Wtf? I mean how could he not have just told me long ago hey, I dont really want to be with you!? Why the fuck pretend?

Damnit, why cant I find a genuinely nice fucking guy? One that stays fuckin nice..not just nice until he gets what he wants. How dare he be fine with never calling me again? I am memorable! I am a wonderful girl! And when I met this one, I said all this too. .I knew it was too good to be true...I knew it! Thats what pisses me off the most, is I fuckin knew it. Been there, done that, and I went back anyway. GRRRRRR. He fuckin lied to me.

Again though before I go into ranting and raving, I need to remember that I am good enough and need to keep the focus on people who DO want to call me and do want to be around me. I had an awesome time dancing this weekend and playing LOTRO with Vae yesterday.

My cousin texted me this morning saying "wake up my pookiewookie hunny bunny bear." LOL. Then idk part of me almost cried and the other part of me thought angrily, gosh, how young they start, these little bastards..my cousin is only 14. 14 and already he is "aware". But because its my cousin and not Dan, I am not gonna take it out on him. I texted back thanks and good morning. Aww. What does he know? He just loves me and I'm far away. I am gonna get his little ass to play LOTRO with me since we never got to play WoW together cuz he wasnt doin good in school and they wouldn't let him. I'm close to 35 yay, so I can totally help him level too. The music he is listenin to lately scares me, but maybe I can influence him in other ways by teachin him about music and showing him the many different styles.

Sig and Vince sent me /hugs and /kisses and I feel missed. :D It doesn't take much to make me smile. No more cookies from my boss's office nwo that I am workin out. I think next week is like my 2nd to last week here. Boo.. I have to start lookin for work. I really really want to get a job dancing. I went dancing with Carlos on Saturday and it felt SOOOO GOOOOD. I mean now my body is so sore.. but damn man! I want that to be my job. Go in, dance, have fun, go home, safely and alone. :D

Algebra math starts in exactly 5 days. Whoa.. Miles will be here on the 22-26th and I will have classes awww. Suxorz but I am sure it will be great nonetheless. Miles has me "twittering". What the hell is that, you ask? Good question.. lol. Write more later..

Pride

I am so proud of myself. As lonely and sad as I have been the last couple days I did not sleep with Ben last night. I met a cute boy from UCLA while I was at a another party, actually there were a ton of cute boys.. but I digress.

I met Ben yesterday and took him home as we were going to go swimming for kicks at 4 am..to my home..however, when he asked if he could sleep in my bed.. I said No.

I mean I was drunk but I also was like wow.. this is really good. This is a good sign. A sign of progress and self respect. Not only have I gained a great amount of respect for myself, leaving Dan, leaving Chris, but I also have become somewhat protective of my new body, time and ears. :D

Dan was right, I am just weeding out the fucking bad ones and making way for Mr. Perfect. God is growing me.

New Guy - Day 1

So Day 1 begins today. It's obvious he is no longer the guy that wants to talk to me when he gets home, wakes up and is so into me that he has to call/text or makes time to tell me so. We don't do anything together anymore. He has a phone and doesn't use it. He is not on Skype. He is not communicating with me at all about how he feels except through his action of not communicating and NOT contacting me. He has become just a guy who wants to play a video game with me once in awhile and spend time with me when he has nothing else to do. He also doesn't play with just me, he will leave group with me for his friend Ben and others at pretty much just a beckon.. If I dont call, he wont call and so on and so forth..

The break up book and he;s just not that into you (read it again last night because I caved on the "no contact" rule yesterday by playing in LOTRO with him) says the best thing to do is not see or speak to him and cut all contact and I have not been doing that. It also says I should change my room around so I am gonna work on getting my hair done and my room reorganized this weekend. The point is to take it one day at a time (like any addiction) and focus on the "new". I will be the new me. The "after" me. I will stay busy, focus on loving myself again, thinking about what I want and need, and I will keep in mind that for whatever reason I was just not this person's cup of tea. Even though I want to be stuck in the what is he thinking/feeling? cuz he doesnt talk to me about it, shit...I need to realize HE just ISN'T THINKING OF ME anymore. In between hanging with Alex, tonights dinner, and Jason and Lara's party, Sigs invitation to the pool bbq and seeing my other friends from church topped off with my first "friendly date" (David) since our breakup, I should be pretty busy.

As the book says "sooner or later he will stop taking my calls or meet someone else so just leave him alone already." "He doesnt want me to contact him and he obviously doesnt want to contact me or he would have." "If he wanted to be with me he would have and no broken fingers in the world would stop him from calling and telling me so and asking me out." "Any one word texts or "I miss you's" are just ghosts from a relationship he obviously doesn't want, and you are deeply missable so of course he misses you" and I'm not even getting those so..yeah. If its not, I love you and I want to be with you.. or I'm sorry, I want to work things out and something to that effect, then its clear he still doesn't want to be with me and I'm just being demoted to LD booty call or somethin.

A couple things are happening right now that are makin it easier for me day by day. One, when I sent my finals text telling everyone that I missed them and want to celebrate, EVERY SINGLE person got back to me and said how much they love me too and missed me and why haven't they seen me?! Dihanna has become my breakup buddy and showed me how I overreacted and overreact to Dan's yelling in the game because of my history of abuse and how his yelling pushed that button repeatedly but that realistically also that is the gaming ennvironment and it isnt conducive to peace talks. She was right about that and I realized this happened when I was feeling sensitive on my monthly and so wanted to get back with him and apologize for jumpin the gun but it is too late now he doesnt want to be with me.so now I just need to move on and have been sad since. Two, the loving and caring responses from my text made me realize, dude, all these people obviously care about me and want to be with me, why the fuck am I focusing on one that doesn't even want to make time for me anymore? Three, my family is like letting me lean on them hardcore with my crying and rants.

Even Chris said today "Every time I hear a Michael Franti song I think of your beauty, charm, perseverence and strength. You are awesome" Awww
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoaTl7IcFs8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01FE9cPXE3M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSbdKDL8otc

Sigmund has already clearly taken Dan's place with the "everyday/couple times a day text saying hes thinkin about me" and sadly, I didnt even give him the time of day before..so I cant go with the no one will ever love me again speech.

Every single person in CA is like wanting to be with me right now, and I so need to lean on my friends in this sad time.. so in the book it also says "determine what I will replace with the times I spent with him." Most of our stuff was online, so I am gonna have to try to be offline a lot more for the next 60 days. Coupled with this breakup and losing my job, possibly having to move due to that, my life is about to go through changes.. and to top things off Miles from NY comes next week. =)

So far my list of things neglected when I was with him to be replaced now are:
*working out again (this is important to me, esp now as its time to be a superfox not a sad sally and I was doing this when he and I met)
*dancing more and possibly getting a job dancing for the summer
*getting ready for Math classes
*finding another job
*clearing out the old clutter
*keeping in touch with people and following up on contact with new people I meet
*refold every damn peice of clothing I have-clean out my closet
*make all those compilation CD's I've been wanting to make
*dust off my guitar, and the music programs I deleted to install LOTRO and play with him

Instead of calling/texting him I will call:
pray to God (I was even distracted from spending time w/ God bein with this guy)
Di
Karin
Alex
David
Sig
Momma

If I were not me which I am but if I were not, what would I say to myself?

If i were to ask my own advice, removed from the situation and these feelings, what would I tell myself?

well let see, you met a boy online..who lived in RI. you were with him for 3 short months.. a guy you only talked on stream to because his name sounded like a musical note. You happened to get along with this boy and were lonely at the time because of your previous breakup and he was in the
same situation getting over an ex. You found out he was younger than you, and lied about your age.

Shortly afterward you noticed that he drank a lot with his friends, and didnt speak nicely of girls in general. This boy continued to pursue you after you initially told him you didnt want to get involved or have feelings for someone who lived far away. Then as you were getting closer he asked you to hang out with him (online, of course) and instead he went out with his friends and left you waiting the entire night. apologized and said he would not do that again. During this time he is in college, plays violent video games more than 4 hours a day and is a creative type.

Then a couple weeks later as you were talking to him outside on your cell phone he raised his voice to you. You again gave him another chance right around your birthday and issued a warning not to do that ever again..he stopped drinking during this time and no longer left you for his friends..you began pushing him to come and meet you as you both talked more and more online and spent copious amounts of time "together". He was a sweetheart for much of the time and listened to you and made kind gestures such as calling and texting many times a day to make the distance bearable..and show he "cared."

Then he came to CA to see you.. he immediately kissed you and you two were inseparable and sensual and added that element to your "relationship". Then he left and you were afraid something bad was going to happen or that he wouldnt talk to you anymore, but he kept on talking to you as tension mounted with the distance getting stronger.. then he stopped talking to you by phone as he is a child and still had to ask his family permission to use the phone they bought him.

Around this time you and he had a couple arguments and he began raising his voice again you warned him a second time and he again apologized and said he would not do it again..he also started talking to his ex gf and you told him this was unacceptable and that you didnt feel good about it. he then promised to stop talking to her and did... temporarily, until you told him the truth about your age lie.. he again began talking to her and started paying more attention to you at your new request.. then he again raised his voice when you were playing together..

he said he was talking to someone else, but it was you he insulted.. he said he felt alot of "pressure" from you and your kin leader.. and that he doesn't like it when you act like he is attacking you or you behave like he is going to leave you all the time.. this was true and you did feel this way...and did say these things to him..

Now my own advice, if I were not me...my advice to someone who told me the above...

one sounds like this guy is too young for you
two if hes yellin now... he will prob always behave that way when under pressure.. is that what you want? do you really want some little hothead for the long term when you have real adult problems to deal with and need compassion, understanding and communication?
three you already gave him 2 chances.. how many more are you gonna give? the guy cant talk things out calmly so instead raises his voice to intimidate..or withdraws .. really, you feel you cant get any better guy than this?

four he was prob awesome and really really cute at first due to infatuation, but things clearly have turned sour..and you need to let go now
five he doesn't even live near you so get your ass in gear, get out there, focus on you and meet other guys who will not yell at you
six this guy has shown he doesn't keep his word, he may have cared about you but he's bad at it, and he doesn't meet your needs
seven what is it about you that is attracted to this guy and why? you need to take a look at that.. so you dont keep makin the same bad choices
eight take a look at what things you enjoyed about being with him and what things you could learn from that YOU DID to cause this breakup

also..more to come..

Life is hard enough without having to find someone difficult to share it with..

These times after a break up suck. I have been acting foolsihly with a boy.

He said just give him a break. A break. Ok. I will give u a break. The hes just not that into you book and get over a breakup book says "do not to or see him for 60 days", yet I play the video game with him, and he is in my kin. What do I do? it IS hurting me that things are not as they were..so I need to determine how I will play but not see/talk to him. It hurts me that he just doesnt seem to give me attention, but I am going to leave it be because really I cant force him and obviously he has given up all the shit he said he wanted to do with me.

Last night Vae metioned how he used to talk about me all the time in class.. now.. nothing. He doesnt even talk about me, or to me. You can bet hes talking to someone though, and its prob Becky, Miles or someone new. Vae mentioned maybe he is jealous. jealous. Yeah right? Jealous of what? He doesn't talk to me or hang out with me even in game... whats there to be jealous of if you dont even see someone or know what they are up to? As the book says, looks to me like he is acting very much like a guy thats "just not that into me".

If i were to ask my own advice, removed from the situation and these feelings, what would I tell myself? I'm gonna think about that later. In other news, my good ol Miles from NYC is coming on to LA from his national tour with his band Outernational and he is gonna be visting me and we are gonna hang out again. He said he has missed me. Yay! At least someone has...

Though I dont talk to Connie Jean anymore after our fiasco in San Diego, I cant help but listen to her version of Sweet Lorraine and her Santa Cruz surf song. Thinking that these songs are so much like my own life and view right now.

Sweet lorraine the fiery haired brown eyed schemer
Who came from a long line of drinkers and dreamers
Who knew that sunshine dont hold up to dark
Whose businesses failed, who slept in the park
Lorraine who spoke of paintings in Paris
And outlandish things to her family just to scare us
Whose heart went pokin where it shouldnt ought
Whose mother could only spit at the thought of
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

Her father father would tear out like a page of the bible
Then he'd burn down the house to announce his arrival
Her mother was working and never was home
Lorraine carved out a little life of her own
Lorraine started working, lorraine went to school
Her mother threw stones at her on the day that she moved
Now isnt that a very strange thing to do for someone who never really wanted you
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

Her daddy called her a slut and a whore
On the night before her wedding day
The very next morning at the church
Her daddy gave lorraine away
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

In the battle of time in the battle of will
Its only your hope and your heart that gets killed
And it gets harder and harder lorraine, to believe in magic
When what came before you is so very tragic
Lorraine, sweet lorraine
Lorraine, sweet lorraine

"Sometimes you fight so hard for a wave you just can't get, sometimes u stand right up and you dont know what you did"
"When you left to go halfway to Timbuktu, I spent my winter days.. surfing Santa Cruz.. "

DECISIONS

6-4
I WAS WRONG. IT IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, THOUGH IT WAS SAFER THAN PREVIOUS ONES. THERE WE HEALTHY ASPECTS. DFLATT AGAIN. WE HAD A FALLING OUT UNFORTUNATELY HE DID NOT LEARN FROM THE FIRST AND SECOND ENCOUNTERS AND I JUST CANT LET THERE BE A THIRD. I REALLY AM GONNA MISS HIM BEING MY BF. IT IS CLEAR HE DOESNT RESPECT ME AND THIS IS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.

I DECIDED BEFORE I AM TEMPTED TO "LET THINGS GO" ONCE MORE AND TRY TO THINK ABOUT FORGIVENESS (WHICH GETS ME INTO TROUBLE MANY TIMES) I AM NOT GOING TO FORGIVE IN THE WAY THAT I HAVE IN THE PAST BECAUSE THAT LEAVES ROOM FOR COMING BACK AND IT SHOULDNT.

THERE IS NO MORE CHANCES. HE AGAIN SAID SORRY FOR YELLING AND THAT HE LOVED ME AND THEN JUST CONTINUED HIS SHIT WITH THE KIN CHAT WITH NO REMORSE. THIS WAS YELLING, SUCH A REMINDER THAT WAS OF CHRIS. WHEN CHRIS PUSHED ME I SAID TO HIM HEY YOU BRUISED ME AND YOU HURT ME... AND WHAT DID HE SAY? I AM SO SORRY! YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU... CAN YOU FUCKING TAKE ME TO WORK?

I KNEW THEN AND WAS QUICKLY REMINDED OF IT BY DFLATTS ACTIONS - I KNOW WHAT NO REMORSE LOOKS LIKE AND IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR. HE DOES NOT RESPECT ME. HOWEVER, I HAD SEEN THE WAY HE SPOKE TO OTHERS AN HOW HE HAD INITIALLY WARNED ME SUBCONCIOUSLY, "I DONT KNOW WHY IM SO NICE TO YOU, I'M NOT THIS NICE TO OTHER GIRLS" HE HAS SAID IF I RECALL CORRECTLY. HE HAD ALSO MENTIONED HOW HE MADE OTHER GIRLS CRY... MHHMM NO, YOU ARE NOT THAT NICE TO OTHER GIRLS, AND NOW, THAT I AM WITH YOU, NOW, THAT I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE NOT NICE TO ME EITHER. BECAUSE EVENTUALLY WHEN STRANGERS BECOME FRIENDS, YOUR TREATMENT OF THEM CHANGES TO THAT OF HOW YOU TREAT YOUR FRIENDS.. GOOD AND BAD.

I CANT HELP THINK THAT THE FIRST TIME I FORGAVE HIM WAS MY MISTAKE, HE JUST FELT HE COULD GO ON DOING IT I GUESS. BUT I KNOW BETTER.. ANYWAY FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES I DID A BREAKDOWN. AND TO HIS CREDIT YES, MANY TIMES IN BETWEEN THE BELOW ..WAS VERY VERY NICE FOR US, DREAMY EVEN.

MARCH 8 - MEET DFLATT
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN THIS TIME HE LEFT ME TO GO HANG WITH HIS FRIENDS AFTER SAYIN HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME
MARCH 29 - SPEND BDAY WITH DFLATT - WE MADE UP
APRIL 5 - ON THE PHONE WITH HIM, HE RAISED HIS VOICE TO ME AMONG OTHER FLAGS I NOTICED - I STOPPED TALKING TO HIM FOR 3 DAYS
MAY 1 - DAN IS TALKING TO HIS EX, I EXPRESS IT BOTHERS ME AND HE SAYS HE WILL NOT TALK TO HER ANYMORE
MAY 3 - DAN SAID SOMETHING THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE A FREAKIN OBJECT AND NOT A PERSON - WE TALKED IT OUT, I EXPRESSED I DID NOT WANT HIM TO DO IT AGAIN - I FORGAVE HIM
MAY 17 - HE AGAIN RAISED HIS VOICE TO ME ON SKYPE - WE TALK IT OUT AND I AGAIN FORGIVE AND GIVE HIM A WARNING
MAY 25 - DAN AGAIN DOES SOMETHING OBJECTIVE, SEXUAL AND I FEEL DEGRADED AND USED STOP TALKING TO HIM FOR 5 DAYS
MAY 30 - I TELL DAN I LIED TO HIM - HE FORGIVES ME AND STARTS AGAIN TALKING TO HIS EX
JUNE 3 - DAN AGAIN RAISES HIS VOICE TO ME IN SKYPE WHILE WE ARE PLAYING LOTRO TOGETHER

SHOULD THIS GO ON, SHOULD I HAVE ALLOWED THIS, THERE IS/THERE WOULD BE A PATTERN. IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT BOTH OF THE TIMES THAT HE RAISED HIS VOICE TO ME AND I DECIDED TO STOP TALKING I WAS ON MY MR. MONTHLY AND QUITE THE SENSITIVE ONE.

HOWEVER, A PATTERN IS A PATTERN AND I WILL NOT LET THIS ONE GO ON ANY LONGER..ESP BECAUSE I KNOW THIS PATTERN AND WHERE IT CAN LEAD. HE DOESNT. HE JUST THINKS I THINK BADLY OF HIM AND THEN GOES OFF ON HIS "YOU SHOULDNT BE WITH ME", "I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON' TANGENT. MAYBE HE IS TELLING ME SOMETHING.. AGAIN..SUBCONCIOUSLY..

THERE ISN'T A REASON IN THE WORLD WHY I SHOULD CONTINUE TO FORGIVE HIM OR ANYONE WHO DOES THIS, BECAUSE HE KEEPS ON DOING THE SAME THING AND YET BECAUSE OF MY RELATING CAPACITY, I WOULD ONLY BE ABLE TO SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS THAT IF IT IS MARKED ON A CALENDAR AND LOOKED AT. BECAUSE I, WE, PEOPLE FORGET THINGS SOMETIMES OR SOMETIMES REFUSE TO SEE HOW OFTEN SOMETHING HAPPENS TO US OR HOW OFTEN WE DO SOMETHING TO SOMEONE ELSE. BUT WHEN IT IS THERE IN B&W THERE IS NO DENYING FACTS.

NOTWITHSTANDING ALL THAT I JUST SAID, I TOO, WAS THE CULPRIT IN ALL OF THIS. OF COURSE, HE HAS A SIDE AS WELL, HE GETS FRUSTRATED THAT HE FEELS I THINK HE IS OFTEN ATTACKING ME, OR IS ABANDONING ME OR DOESNT CARE FOR ME. THIS IS TOTALLY TRUE. I AM GUILTY OF THOSE FEELINGS AND EXPRESSIONS TO HIM. I HAVE ISSUES WHICH WE ALL KNOW OF BY NOW ONE ONLY NEEDS TO READ MY BLOG TO KNOW THIS.. BUT OBVIOUSLY THE WAY HE HANDLES THIS FRUSTRATION IS TO RAISE HIS VOICE TO ME AND REACT IN A SARCASTIC OR MEAN WAY INSTEAD OF HEALTHY AND TALKING IT OUT.

HIS REACTION ALSO AFFECTS MY REACTION AND VICE VERSA WHICH BECOMES A CHAIN REACTION OF US ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED AND BEING ON OPPOSITE SIDES INSTEAD OF THE SAME SIDE. WHAT IS CLEAR TO ME AT THIS EARLY STAGE, IS I DONT HAVE COMMUNICATION ABILITY, I DONT HAVE THE WILL TO COMPROMISE AND I CAN'T SOLVE OUR "ISSUES" ALONE. WHY WOULD I CONTINUE ON THIS PATH/PATTERN? I THINK WE BOTH SUFFER SIMILAR WAYS AND REACT SIMILARLY WHICH IS WHAT MADE US COMPATIBLE BUT CLEARLY NOT IN THE HEALTHEST WAY..

OTHER KEYS TO THIS THAT I LEARNED IS TO TRY TO STOP BEING REACTIVE AND INSTEAD BE PROACTIVE IN FINDING SOLUTIONS WITH PEOPLE, AND NOT ALWAYS THINK SOMEONE IS ATTACKING ME. I ALSO LEARNED THIS. WRITE MORE LATER.. GOTTA EAT AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF..

Damn

He forgave me. He realized I have issues. He said he still will love me. I am letting it set in for him and I. He is probably the healthiest relationship I have ever had. I wanted it to last.

He DID NOT DO OR SAY what I expected at all. I am worth being loved. I am worth him understanding and still wanting me. I am going to continue to reach for the stars.

Here goes:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
------------
Wow. How things change. Reason, a season or a lifetime. I wish he was a lifetime, alas I guess it was a reason? I have learned so much from him.

I was dishonest with him and now it is time to tell the truth because though I will lose him and he will never be mine again, it is better he knows than that he does not know. I have been touting for years how I do not lie and how it is not ok to lie and yet the one thing I always lie about myself and have lied about is my age. It is unfair and hypocritical. Nightmares since last night, and to think how I cringed every time we discussed it or it came up in conversation.

My friend D says if its love it will be love regardless of age, age is truly nothing but a number and everything can be worked out if we really want to, but I know he isn’t going to want to be with me after I tell him. She says if he leaves because he knows my age then he wasn’t really going to stay anyway and would have found a reason to go eventually. Then there is his little 16 year old waiting for him at the end of his tunnel, hmmm? I am sure she will look that much better to him now. We were one another’s rebound I guess and now its time for me to fess up and decide where to go from here. I am so fucking hurt, but I guess I knew that going in didn’t I? I tried not to get involved, not to give in, and then once I did I tried so hard to make it all good, and all alright to tell myself that when I told him, it would all be ok, but it won’t. It isn’t. Rationalizing, that it didn’t matter yet because he was in RI and not here yet, right? Well now after I tell him, he is NEVER coming back to CA. Not for me, at least. I have lost him and his trust for good.

The thing I talked about with my surrogate parents and that thing I can’t get my head around this age thing is that if it wasn’t him, it will be/would have been someone else. My pool of candidates is in a diff age range. I mean realistically there is Chris in SD, Vince, Jon, Joey, Alex, Carlos, Sid, my roommates, I mean the list goes on and on. I only know younger guys and girls! All the girls I know and are close to are younger than me also. Every single one of them is in their early 20’s. Everyone I talk to is younger than me by like 10-17 years. Why is this and why am I am attracted to younger guys and is this really such a bad thing? I have great passion, great knowledge and great love. I am sensual, sexual and generally want to be free to do as I please. I do not have the hang-ups or conditions that older people seem to have. I don’t have traditional views of marriage and children and I like to have fun. I love music, video games and dancing. Wtf? Of course I am going to attract younger guys and they me. I guess just happen to think younger and be into things that younger people are into, always. Immature and all that….

Guys my age or older.. hmm. I don’t like their bellies, their missing hair and their haughty male privilege attitudes. I have been dating younger guys my whole life, I have been hanging out with girls and guys younger than me forever! Truth is, though I will be mourning us and the loss of him, experience tells me I will probably at some point meet another guy the same age, have those flittering butterflies and be running through the streets naked and making out on top of a monument somewhere and he will want me
too. Let’s take a look back in time shall we?

35 - 20
32 - 22
30 - 20
27 - 21
25 - 19
21 - 18
16 - 14

Idk what to say. I am young at heart and I do not and have never looked or felt my own age. Though this has been great it’s also a curse of sorts. Well, I’m going to tell him and get over losing him already. Its better now than later.

coping skills

I don’t know what to do about this situation. What I want and what I am going to get, I feel are two different things, I knew this when it started and I didn’t want to see it. Now it is there in plain sight. Why can I not leave this boy alone? I tried yesterday pretty unsuccessfully and today broke once. I need my fucking book back. Why do I get addicted to people and try to obsess about them? I need to put my focus elsewhere. On myself and allow this kid to be a distraction at best. Operative word there is kid. I am asking for an adult relationship and qualities from a kid who is still growing. I was attracted to him initially for the innocence, romance and kindness and later sex, but it has turned sour. Yeah he looks like a man and can have sex and pretend he is a man, but he really just isn’t. Truly, how can I ask or ever expect anything of him? He is still growing and determining what he wants! He doesn’t know what the fuck he wants. He just knows he wants it to be fun. He just has some 2 year promise to a girl who is 16.. 16 years old.

It’s one thing to have a LDR and it be difficult, but know where it’s going and feel solid about it and work together for a common goal, its another to both be unsure about one another and try to have one. I can’t be sure with him, because he isn’t sure. I need to get where I feel sure with myself again and lean on the one and only that I ever have. God and myself. I am going through a tough time right now with my own personal shit and need to figure my own shit out, once again I am in THAT place. I feel I may forever be here. Another thing I have noticed is I am making the same mistakes with this one that I made with the other one. Him feeling guilty for things he has not even done due to my many insinuating questions and statements. Him feeling he cant do anything to make me happy..etc.

Then there is the game we play together..once again throwing us and our relationship into situations we would not yet encounter in real life until much later on.

So much can happen in one month. Gone are the 16 texts per day,
calls in the morning just because, calls to say I love you just because, strong undeniable desire to come to CA and see me at ANY cost, late night conversations about absolutely everything and nothing… /sigh.

I am constantly surprised by the amount of things that can occur in such a short period of time, particularly the nature of the men I choose’s feelings. They fucking come and go and are completely unreliable. Oh you ‘love’ me? That’s a nice feeling. Oh your mad at me? That’s a sucky feeling. Oh you feel depressed that’s a sucky feeling. Oh your excited! Great that’s a nice feeling. Oh your feeling horny? That’s a nice feeling…oh your feeling abandoned? That’s a sucky feeling. Oh you feel like I don’t love you anymore? That sucks.. oh you are feeling complete and happy? That’s a great feeling. All in all, they are just that..feelings.

Someone once told me true love isn’t a feeling, it’s a verb. It’s an action. It’s doing. Sometimes even when you aren’t feeling it, its doing for someone even when you aren’t “feeling” it (love or loving). I don’t know if that’s the case with me or with the people I choose. I think the last 2 guys have been highly feelings guys seemingly sensitive, but are overall pleaser types, which makes them selfish because they are not pleasing from a healthy giving place, they are pleasing so they can feel better about themselves and get what they want place. (See people pleasing link here)

And me? Well I I think I am def not like other women, this is to my detriment as well as my blessing. Women everywhere seem to get married and have kids and work menial jobs and laugh and seem happy consistently. Me? I can’t keep a man or a job or a laugh going for very long it seems. But unlike most, I’m not in denial of my choices or my life, instead I am acutely aware of my fucking failures and shortcomings. I have little to no coping skills and probably should see a therapist at this point. For today, I am going to go out and do my own thing, off the computer and one with nature. I am going to reconnect with myself and focus on that.

Other interesting tidbits I read today..
10 profiles of people who relate in harmful ways
A profile is a brief description of someone or something.
1. The People Pleaser –a person who constantly seeks the approval of others. A people pleaser will do almost anything to be liked including harmful behaviors such as smoking/drinking or engaging in sexual activities. The people pleaser sabotages their chances to have healthful relationship by not demanding respect from others.
A people pleaser
A. knows how to receive acts of kindness from others.
B. is comfortable accepting gifts of time or support from other.
C. learns to rely on other to meet his/her needs
D. is often too insecure to demand respect.

Enabler
2. The Enabler- a person who supports the harmful behaviors of others. The enabler may contribute to other persons harmful behavior by overlooking it and covering up for the other person. The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when they don’t expect others to behave in responsible ways.

Clinger
3. The clinger- a person who is needy and dependent. The clinger feels empty inside and constantly turns to others to feel better. No amount of attention can keep the clinger fulfilled and the clinger can be demanding of others. The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space.

Fixer
4. The fixer- a person who tries to fix other peoples problems. The fixers quick to give advice and identify possible solutions. By fixing other peoples problem the fixer avoid their own feeling and problems. The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people don’t want others to solve their problems and take over a situation.

Distancer
5. The distancer- a person who is emotionally unavailable to others. The distancer may have been hurt in the past and keeps others from getting too close so they won’t get hurt again. The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement.

Controller
6. The controller- person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering. The controller seeks power and may tell others what to do. The controller may monopolize a boyfriend or girlfriends time. The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting interests or opinions of others. And people may be fearful of a controller.

Center
7. The center- a person who is self centered. The center will do most of the talking and not show much interest in what you have to say. The center wants to do what they want and isn't concerned what others want or how they feel. The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored.

Abuser
8. The abuser- a person who is abusive. The abuser may constantly put down others, threaten, begin fights, act violently and force someone to have sex. The abuser may follow acts of abuse with gentleness but the abuse usually returns. An abuser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others.

Liar
9. The liar- a person who doesn’t tell the truth. The liar may lie to make himself look good, to impress or to manipulate others. Their relationships are based on lies and may be very shallow. They lack connection or commitment cause of the liars actions. The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response they want

Promise Breaker
10. The promise breaker- a person who is not reliable. Will make plans with another person and be a “no show”. May agree to change annoying behavior but doesn’t do it. The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word causing others to doubt their sincerity and commitment.

Involvement in Harmful Relationship
People who are involved in Harmful Relationship
• Promise breaker and a people pleaser.
• A controller and an enabler.
• A clinger and a distancer.
• An a person that try to changing one’s profile to fit different relationship.

How Harmful relationships affect Health status
It Affect Mental-Emotional Health
Anxiety and stress
Feeling of guilt and/or rejection
Lack of self-confidence
Negative self-esteem
Physical health
Family-social health
headaches
lack of nurturing,
supportive connections
stomachaches
failure to develop appropriate social skills
sleeplessness
injuries from abuse

A people pleaser may accommodate to the promise breaker’s behavior. A controller is more likely to be with an enabler. You definitely should end a harmful relationship when the other person threatens your health or safety.

Some ways to deal with harmful relationships include
A identifying changes in behavior that must occur
B having a discussion with the other person in which you identify your feelings, concerns and expectations
C recognizing when you must end harmful relationships rather than work to change it
D all the above

Principles of Constructive Conflict:
1) More vs. less information
Conflict is viewed as an opportunity to talk out the dilemma. Whereas, in bad relationships, one partner withdraws from the
conversation or withholds verbal input.

2) Flexible vs. rigid
In good relationships, both individuals approach the problems as a compromise. The individuals focus on problem solving, and the
maintenance of the relationship is placed above individuals desires, rather than looking at conflict as a win/lose situation.

3) Trust vs. mistrust
During the conflict there is open disclosure and you trust the other individual with your personal disclosures.

4) Friendly vs. hostile persuasion
Threats should never be used in conflict.Instead, when necessary, try to gently persuade the other individual to your point of
view.

5) Responsibility vs. blame
In constructive conflict, the speaker takes responsibility for his/her feelings, thoughts, and behaviours, rather than placing blame on
others.

6) Contained vs. spreading boundaries
The current argument should never drift to previous problems, focus only on the current problem at hand.

7) Resolution vs. repetition
In constructive conflict, the conflicts are resolved and both individuals attempt to learn from the experience to prevent similar
arguments in the future.


Interesting shit.. damn, I love to read, dont I? I should fuckin study psychology. :P