I HAVE BEEN INTO MUSIC SINCE I WAS A WEE LITTLE BABY. MY FATHER IS A MUSICIAN AND PRODUCER. HE WAS BORN NOVEMBER 18TH, IN CUBA
DURING HIS YOUTH MY FATHER INHERITED MANY THINGS FROM HIS FATHER, MY GRANDFATHER. AMONG THESE WERE A CUTTING WIT, AN APPETITE FOR WOMEN AND THE GIFT OF MUSIC. OF ALL THESE THINGS ONLY THE GIFT OF MUSIC WOULD BE THE MOST PROMISING IN A LIFE. FOR IT WAS SOMETHING THAT HE WOULD ALSO PASS ON TO ME, HIS FIRST DAUGHTER. THAT GIFT WOULD TRULY BE THE BEST AND THE WORST THING HE EVER GAVE ME.
HIS ONE AND ONLY CONCERN ABOVE ALL ELSE WAS TO SEEK HIS OWN GRATIFICATION. MY FATHER WAS 17 WHEN HE MET MY MOTHER. SHE 20.
MY MOTHER WAS BORN ON SEPTEMBER 30TH, AND HAS BEEN THE "MOTHER" SO LONG I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT SHE WANTED TO DO WITH HER LIFE BESIDES BE MARRIED. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I'VE EVER SEEN HER. SO I CAN ONLY SAY SHE WAS VERY YOUNG, VERY BEAUTIFUL AND INSECURE. A VULNERABILITY THAT I WOULD TRY TO RID MYSELF OF FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I REMEMBER HOW CARING SHE WAS, AND THAT SHE LOVED MUSIC.
SHE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO DANCE, BUT, WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER SHE WAS NOT ABLE TO BECAUSE OF A DEBILITATING PROBLEM WITH A CLUB FOOT FROM BIRTH. SHE HAD SPENT A LARGE PART OF HER LIFE IN A WHEEL-CHAIR WATCHING OTHER CHILDREN PLAY, DANCE AND RUN.
SHE ALSO HAD A DEEP SENSE OF VENGEANCE TOWARDS OTHERS. SHE GREW UP WITH A HARD WORKING FATHER WHO DRANK, A DEVOTED MOTHER WITH CO-DEPENDENCE, AND HER RELIGIOUS GRANDMOTHER IN A IRISH/FRENCH FAMILY. HER HOME LIFE WAS ABUSIVE AND STABLE AS WELL AS DEMANDING WITH 3 SISTERS AND ONE BROTHER WHO DIED SHORTLY AFTER BIRTHING. MOTHER HAD BEEN IN LOVE WITH CHRIST MOST OF HER LIFE. HOWEVER, SHE HAD GOTTEN HER CASTS OFF AND HAD BEEN REJUVENATED JUST BEFORE SHE MET MY FATHER. SHE MET MY FATHER AT A DISCO (THOSE WERE THE TIMES) AND THEY FELL IN LOVE SHORTLY AFTER. THEY WERE TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS BEFORE THE MISTAKE HAPPENED (ME). SINCE THE AGE OF 1, BORN FIERY IN MARCH, I HAVE BEEN YELLING. I HAVE LOVED MUSIC BASICALLY SINCE THE DAY I HEARD IT, WHICH COINCIDENTALLY WAS A COUPLE DAYS AFTER BEING BORN DAD HAVING PUT "HEADPHONES" ON ME. I WAS A VERY LOUD LITTLE GIRL, BUT INTELLIGENT AND I LEARNED TWO LANGUAGES FAIRLY QUICKLY.
I HAD MANY MAKE BELIEVE FRIENDS AND WAS QUITE ADORED. I WOULD BE IN A MAKE-BELIEVE WORLD LONG AFTER PUBERTY. MY MOTHER IMMERSED ME IN THE BEATLES, DISCO AND DOO WOP. I THEN STARTED PRETENDING I WAS DIANA ROSS, BARBARA STRIESAND, DONNA SUMMER OR WHOEVER WAS THE "IT" SINGER OF THE MOMENT AND "PERFORMING" FOR FAMILY MEMBERS. LIVING WITH MY GRANDPARENTS WAS ROUGH FOR MOM, AS THEY HAD HOPED I WOULD BE A BOY AND CARRY ON THE FAMILY MUSIC TRADITION. THEY DRESSED ME AS A BOY.
FOR THEM AND ME, THE WORSE WAS YET TO COME. IT WAS LESS THAN A YEAR AFTER I WAS BORN THAT MY FATHERS EYES FOR OTHER WOMEN STARTED TO GLOW BRIGHTLY OR SO MY MOTHER FELT. MY MOTHER STARTED SEEING OTHERS AND THEY SPENT LESS AND LESS TIME TOGETHER. I STARTED WITH A CONVICTION THAT I NEEDED ATTENTION. BUT MY PARENTS WERE GENERALLY TOO BUSY ARGUING OR SPENDING TIME "APART". ONE DAY, BATTA BING, BATTA BANG, BATTA BOOM! SHE HAD MET SOMEONE.
Mom's new boyfriend, BORN JULY 19th, was a "jock", who grew up in CA. He MOVED WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS TEENS FOR A BETTER JOB TO NJ, RAISED IN A violent household with a absent alcoholic father, controlling mother, and a little brother he constantly competed with. Already partying ILLEGALLY in nightclubs, smoking weed and drinking HEAVILY, he met my mom (introduced by mutual friends of my real father).
Mom's new boyfriend, BORN JULY 19th, was a "jock", who grew up in CA. He MOVED WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS TEENS FOR A BETTER JOB TO NJ, RAISED IN A violent household with a absent alcoholic father, controlling mother, and a little brother he constantly competed with. Already partying ILLEGALLY in nightclubs, smoking weed and drinking HEAVILY, he met my mom (introduced by mutual friends of my real father).
He joined the military at age 19 to make something better for himself and asked mom to come with.
SOON, MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED AND I WAS THRUST INTO THE HANDS OF THE MILITARY, (AND MY NEW STEPFATHER). SHE MARRIED THAT FREAK! HE WAS CONTROLLING, ADDICTED AND HAD QUITE A CHIP ON THE SHOULDER. I HATED HIM. (I GUESS I SHOULD INTERJECT HERE AND SAY THIS IS TURNING INTO QUITE A LITTLE "NOVEL") HE WENT INTO THE ARMY AND MY MOTHER AND I WITH HIM. SO OFF WE WENT TO EUROPE WHERE I SPENT MY YOUNG LIFE IN CITY AFTER CITY, BASE AFTER BASE IN FRANKFURT,BARCELONA PARIS AMSTERDAM
SOON, MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED AND I WAS THRUST INTO THE HANDS OF THE MILITARY, (AND MY NEW STEPFATHER). SHE MARRIED THAT FREAK! HE WAS CONTROLLING, ADDICTED AND HAD QUITE A CHIP ON THE SHOULDER. I HATED HIM. (I GUESS I SHOULD INTERJECT HERE AND SAY THIS IS TURNING INTO QUITE A LITTLE "NOVEL") HE WENT INTO THE ARMY AND MY MOTHER AND I WITH HIM. SO OFF WE WENT TO EUROPE WHERE I SPENT MY YOUNG LIFE IN CITY AFTER CITY, BASE AFTER BASE IN FRANKFURT,
In the military my Stepdad learned to shoot guns, smoke cigarettes, withstand gases, torture and have the will of the platoon – will over his own fears and his own mind. Duty, Honor, Country. This was something that though he did not master and would lead to problems in his own family, he tried to teach to us.
A commanding, RIGID father, he ordered US around like soldierS. We were his little brood, his little army. Him being the General and not letting us forget for a second that we were only and ever would be privates.
THE MILITARY EFFORT in our home WAS GROWING STRONG AND DECIDED TO LET OUT THAT STRENGTH ON AN UNSUSPECTING MOTHER AND DAUGHTER, ADDICTIONS GREW, ANGER AND RESENTMENT PEAKED AND THEN THE M-80'S LET LOOSE AND BROKEN NOSES, “ACCIDENTS”, AND MANY BRUISES FOLLOWED DAILY.. LET'S JUST SAY WE WERE STRUCK AND UNAWARE OF THE DANGEROUS YEARS THAT LAY AHEAD OF US.
More tomorrow...
More tomorrow...
