    Hi! Happy Independance Day to all! I guess I am writing today because it is an Independence Day of a different kind for me. I am choosing my own way to spend this independence holiday. Just 2 years ago after or on this holiday I/we became sick with this illness. July 4th-7th through each Morgellons filled passing year this week has often been difficult for me emotionally since that crazy day when my life changed in 2014. Over the last month I have been treating my Babesia with my meds from LLMD, and using silver and certain herbs. The protocol meds timing, diet, and my desire to improve has really given me a discipline that others now seem to admire. New moon and full moon are not generally easy times for me and yesterday I had another bout of Lyme paralysis and my fiancee had to feed me for the first time, not in the sexy way. How humbling a moment, but those are the kind of days I am so grateful for his sense of humor and God (through Proverbs) leading me to choose a kind, sacrificial, sweet man like him. Today when I woke up and was able to breathe (I have Babesia and some days I cannot) I took a deep breath and decided I will use what faculties are available to me to the most of my ability because with Lyme and 8 coinfections, I really do not know what tomorrow will look like, I cannot take moments for granted, and I keenly am aware more than ever that I can try to think my self to invincibility but my bodies' truth says I am not promised tomorrow! I am so grateful for so many things so I will just write with gratitude here. Today, I am grateful for Mel, Peter and thier site as well as the first information shared which got me to this point. The lasting loving friendships I have made online that have continued even when they left or they went off the protocol. I am extremely grateful for my LLMD who diagnosed me with Morgellons coinfection without me saying anything, and when I was even trying to hide it (doesn't think I'm "delusional" at all), listens to me about the diet connection to my symptom diary and is working with me on a 3 pronged protocol to rid me of my Morgellons, but also my many other co-infections 1 by 1 for as long as my body can handle herxes and grateful my that Medicaid will help me pay for some meds, however temporary. That Dr. is also willing to think outside the box for when I cant afford something or where herbs can step in and help. I am so grateful and love that I still have my fiancee and he chooses to still love me and care for me and to try to help me on my way back to health and keeps me grounded in love and reminding me of God's promises when I forget. I love that we are provided for by God with food, (for the protocol diet) and clothing to wear, if nothing else. I love that God is thus far protecting my liver, kidneys, my gut and heart from these little monsters who want to take over those areas. I am grateful for my Facebook friends who pray for me and also share knowledge and information with one another in such a loving and non-condescending way. I am grateful that we have a place to lay our heads and I have a bath here that I can detox in, however temporary. I am grateful that I have free access to use the FIR sauna and get free essential oils massages. I am grateful that I have inspired others to eat as I do as well as some have decided to join me on this diet journey to health. I am grateful that my mind is still intact and though I cannot write or text some days, I can still speak and use my mind cohesively and my voice. Today I danced and I sang songs of praise. My singing voice has been taken away by this condition, but my legs still work TODAY! So.... I danced as I have not danced in quite some time. Really just letting it all go and crying with joy and gratitude that I can still move for today. It was wonderful just praising God and dancing using my legs. His Word says "make noise of joy unto the Lord and sing songs of praise". I have taken it literally today and did so and was able, unlike so many bed ridden days I was able to dance for more than 1 hour as well as eve take a walk outside in the sunny New York/'nice weather we're having" for my vitamin D today. It's a day of food, drinking, freedom, play, celebrating for most Americans, and I've never even lit a firework, but I guesss there is a first time for everything. I will eat my own protocol food proudly. It is a day for no fear in the battle and ours really has already been won. Thank you Jesus! I see today that I am God's firework (if I will choose to be) and I plan to fly far up there, be bright and as big as I can (even from a bed) for His glory. Praying for all those still suffering today-not out there celebrating the holiday, may you find comfort, strength and faith to go on in this unknown journey. |
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
God's firework
Monday, June 27, 2016
5 mins and PRESTO: It's Pesto! (Paleo style)
Delicious! I never would've thought that I might like a Paleo pesto but due to my diet restrictions, I've had to find a recipe and this is it. This is IT! It's so gooooood 😍
Almond Basil Pesto
1 1/2 cups of fresh basil leaves, washed (you can add a little fresh parsley)
1 clove of garlic
1/2 cup of activated* almonds
*(activated means that these have been soaked for more than twelve hours or overnight in half cup of water. I used distilled water or you can also use purified water.)
1/4 cup of cold pressed extra virgin olive oil (use the best quality olive oil that you can find)
2 tablespoons of freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon Himalayan salt
Food processor or blender: Add all ingredients and blend until well mixed. You may have to scrape down the sides and blend more than once.
Remember: Have the self control to limit your spoonfuls! 💪🏻 1 cup is about 500 cals. I do 1 tbsp, it's delicious and you don't need more than that for salads or veggies or veggie pastas.
Also, for anyone that cares here's a little bit more about why activated almonds are also good for you.
http://www.easypeasyorganic.com/2011/01/ready-set-activate-activated-almonds.html?m=1
Monday, June 20, 2016
Sometimes I hate leaving the house
I hate leaving my house. I should not have gone food shopping today. Why one clueless person after another may ask? Why would you? Well, get out you will never understand til you have this.
Having Lyme and co-infections makes EVERYTHING impossible, including the anxiety that comes upon me when in a supermarket or store of any kind.
Never gets old or better, or easier -->the feeling of being different, feeling of being left out, and feeling freaking alienated by the dietary and physical confines of this sickness.
I have growing disgust and severe hate for this body simply for the fact that I cannot freaking injest anything resembling foods I enjoyed; like a normal person.
Other Lymies Morgies, and other raw foodists etc may console themselves say that these people eating these things are all really sick and dying - they say that they are in a delusion of commerce, but the truth is THEY aren't sick.
They aren't. They hold jobs, they aren't tired all the time, they aren't in pain daily, nor are they having things crawling on them and biting them at night, they have no open itchy sores, or trouble breathing, they don't have twitching skin or random paralysis and can carry on with life (unlike me whose life as I knew it has completely halted).
It's quite obvious that these HUGE amounts of people eating bread, cookies, chips, cakes AND all kinds of fruit are NOT sick. So why am I? I was one of these people and then one day, I suddenly, wasn't!! I ate these things! Why do I have to suffer this way?!
After 2 years with this, watching people eat their freaking food, buying their food that I know I can't eat, hearing about food commercials on the radio, watching commercials of food of tv and Internet, billboards of food as I drive the streets, disgusts me and makes me sick to my stomach and I want to vomit on the queue counter. It makes it all seem so pointless. No matter what I do, I'm sick. I can't tolerate any food. They aren't. Right now, I hate them AND me.
Food shopping- this is exactly why I freaking hate leaving my house.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Freemasonry - my beginnings
Wow.. this was a very interesting read. I am glad I had my generational curses excorcised and that I gave my life to Christ and continue to do my best to keep after Him. This explains a lot about why certain members of my family isn't really "around" or here for me right now in my time suffering. If they gave me (or children) up as a sacrifice in exchange for whatever (I have no idea what level they all are by now, then any guilt at seeing those children actually suffering what they pledged would cause them to naturally stay away) There was a lot of secrecy in my family, now I see why. Sadly, they see my loving God as their evil enemy.
http://www.bibleprobe.com/freemasonry.htm
In long ceremonies with the Holy Spirit, I have done all of the following:
Cut the noose, protected the throat, renounced the Jezebel spirit and more...!
If you want to do this too please see the following link.
I renounce every position held in the lodge by any of my ancestors, including 'Tyler", "Master", "Worshipful Master" or any other. I renounce the calling of any man 'Master' for Jesus Christ is my only master and Lord, and He forbids anyone else having that title. I renounce the entrapping of others into Masonry, and observing the helplessness of others during the rituals. I renounce the effects of Masonry passed on to me through any female ancestor who felt distrusted and rejected by her husband as he entered and attended any lodge and refused to tell her of his secret activities."
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the First or Entered Apprentice degree, especially their effects on the throat and tongue. I renounce the Hoodwink, the blindfold, and its effects, on emotions and eyes, including all confusion, fear of the dark, fear of the light, and fear of sudden noises. I renounce the secret word BOAZ and all it means. I renounce the mixing and mingling of truth and error and the blasphemy of this degree of Masonry. I renounce the noose around the neck, the fear of choking and also every spirit causing asthma, hay fever, emphysema or any other breathing difficulty. I renounce the compass point, sword or spear held against the breast, the fear of death by stabbing pain and the fear of heart attack from this degree. In the name of Jesus Christ I now pray for healing of... (The throat, vocal cords, nasal passages, sinus, bronchial tubes etc.) And for healing of the speech area, and the release of the Word of God to me and through me and my family.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the second or Fellow Craft degree of Masonry, especially the curses on the heart and chest. I renounce the secret words JACHIN and SHIBBOLETH and all that these mean. I cut off emotional hardness, apathy, indifference, unbelief, and deep anger from my family and me. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray for the healing of the chest/lung/heart area and also for the healing of my emotions, and ask to be made sensitive to the Holy Spirit of God.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the third or Master Mason degree, especially the curses on the stomach and womb area. I renounce the secret words MAIIA BONE, MACHABE-N, MACHBINNA and TUBAL CAIN, and all that they mean. I renounce the Spirit of Death from the blows to the head enacted as ritual murder, the fear of death, false martyrdom, fear of violent gang attack, assault or rape; and the helplessness of this degree. I renounce the falling into the coffin or stretcher involved in the ritual of murder. I renounce the false resurrection of this degree, because only Jesus Christ is the Resurrection and the Life! I also renounce the blasphemous kissing of the Bible on a Witchcraft oath. I cut off all spirits of death, witchcraft and deception and in the name of Jesus Christ I pray for the healing of the stomach, gall bladder, womb, liver and any other organs of my body affected by Masonry. I ask for a release of compassion and understanding for my family and me.
I renounce and forsake the oaths taken and The curses involved in the Holy Royal Arch Degree of Masonry, especially the oath regarding the removal of the head from the body and the exposing of the brains to the hot sun. I renounce the Mark Lodge, and the mark in the form of squares and angles, which marks the person for life. I also reject the jewel or talisman that may have been made from this mark sign and worn at lodge meetings. I renounce the false secret name of God, JAHBULON, and the password, AMMI RUHAMAH and all they mean. I renounce the false communion or Eucharist taken in this degree, and all the mockery, skepticism and unbelief about the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary. I cut off all these curses and their effects on my family and me in the name of Jesus Christ, and I pray for healing of the brain, the mind etc.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the eighteenth degree of Masonry, the Most Wise Sovereign Knight of the Pelican and the Eagle and Sovereign Prince Rose Croix of Heredom. I renounce and reject the Pelican witchcraft spirit, as well as the occult influence of the Rosicrucians and the Kabbala in this degree. I renounce the claim that the death of Jesus Christ was a 'dire calamity', and also the deliberate mockery and twisting of the Christian doctrine of the Atonement. I renounce the blasphemy and rejection of the deity of Jesus Christ and the secret words IGNE NATURA RENOVATUR INTEGRA and its burning. I renounce the mockery of the communion taken in this degree, including a biscuit, salt and white wine.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the thirtieth degree of Masonry, the Grand Knight Kadosh and Knight of the Black and White Eagle. I renounce the password, 'STIBIUM ALKABAR', and all it means.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the thirty-first degree of Masonry, the Grand Inspector Inquisitor Commander. I renounce all the gods and goddesses of Egypt which are honored in this degree, including Anubis with the ram's head, Osiris the Sun god, Isis the sister and wife of 0siris and also the moon goddess. I renounce the Soul of Cheres, the false symbol of immortality, the Chamber of the dead and the false teaching of reincarnation.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the thirty-second degree of Masonry, the Sublime Prince of the Royal Secret. I renounce masonry's false trinitarian deity AUM, and its parts, Brahma the creator, Vishnu the preserver and Shiva the destroyer. I renounce the deity of AHURA-MAZDA, the claimed spirit or source of all light, and the worship with fire, which are an abomination to God, and also the drinking from a human skull in many Rites.
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the York Rite of Freemasonry, including Mark Master, Past Master, Most Excellent Master, Royal Master, Select Master, Super Excellent Master, the Orders of the Red Cross, the Knights of Malta, and the Knights Templar degrees. I renounce the secret words of JOPPA, KEB RAIOTH, and MAHER-SHALAL-HASH-BAZ. I renounce the vows taken on a human skull, the crossed swords, and the curse and death wish of Judas of having the head cut off and placed on top of a church spire. I renounce the unholy communion and especially of drinking from a human skull in many Rites.
In the name of Jesus Christ I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the supreme Thirty-Third Degree of Freemasonry, the Grand Sovereign Inspector General. I renounce the secret passwords, DEMOLAY-HIRAM ABIFF, FREDERICK OF PRUSSIA, MICHA, MACHA, BEALIM, and ADONAI and all they mean. I renounce all of the obligations of every Masonic degree, and all penalties invoked. I renounce and utterly forsake The Great Architect Of The Universe, who is revealed in the this degree as Lucifer, and his false claim to be the universal fatherhood of God. I renounce the cable-tow around the neck. I renounce the death wish that the wine drunk from a human skull should turn to poison and the skeleton whose cold arms are invited if the oath of this degree is violated. I renounce the three infamous assassins of their grand master, law, property and religion, and the greed and witchcraft involved in the attempt to manipulate and control the rest of mankind. In the name of God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I renounce and break the curses involved in the idolatry, blasphemy, secrecy and deception of Freemasonry at every level, and I appropriate the Blood of Jesus Christ to cleanse all the consequences of these from my life. I now revoke all previous consent given by any of my ancestors or myself to be deceived.
I renounce all the other oaths taken in the rituals of every other degree and the curses involved. I renounce all other lodges and secret societies such as Prince Hall Freemasonry, Mormonism, The Order of Amaranth, Oddfellows, Buffaloes, Druids, Foresters, Orange, Elks, Moose and Eagles Lodges, the Ku Klux Klan, The Grange, the Woodmen of the World, Riders of the Red Robe, the Knights of Pythias, the Mystic Order of the Veiled Prophets of the Enchanted Realm, the women's Orders of the Eastern Star and of the White Shrine of Jerusalem, the girls' order of the Daughters of the Eastern Star, the International Orders of Job's Daughters and of the Rainbow, the boys' Order of De Molay and their effects on me and all my family.
I renounce the ancient pagan teaching and symbolism of the First Tracing Board, the Second Tracing Board and the Third Tracing Board used in the ritual of the Blue Lodge. I renounce the pagan ritual of the 'Point within a Circle' with all its bondages and phallus worship. I renounce the occult mysticism of the black and white mosaic checkered floor with the tessellated boarder and five-pointed blazing star. I renounce the symbol 'G' and it's veiled pagan symbolism and bondages. I renounce and utterly forsake the Great Architect Of The Universe, who is revealed in the higher degrees as Lucifer, and his false claim to be the universal fatherhood of God. I also renounce the false claim that Lucifer is the Morning Star and Shining One and I declare that Jesus Christ is the Bright and Morning Star of Revelation 22:16.
I renounce the All-Seeing Third Eye of Freemasonry or Horus in the forehead and its pagan and occult symbolism. I renounce all false communions taken, all mockery of the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary, all unbelief, confusion and depression and all worship of Lucifer as God. I renounce and forsake the lie of Freemasonry that man is not sinful, but merely imperfect and so can redeem himself through good works. I rejoice that the Bible states that I cannot do a single thing to earn my salvation, but that I can only be saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ and what He accomplished on the Cross of Calvary.
I renounce all fear of insanity, anguish, death wishes, suicide and death in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ conquered death, and He alone holds the keys of death and hell, and I rejoice that He holds my life in His hands now. He came to give me life abundantly and eternally, and I believe His promises.
I renounce all anger, hatred, murderous thoughts, revenge, retaliation, spiritual apathy, false religion, all unbelief, especially unbelief in the Holy Bible as God's Word, and all compromise of God's Word. I renounce all spiritual searching into false religions and all striving to please God, I rest in the knowledge that I have found my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and that He has found me.
I will burn all objects in my possession, which connect me with all lodges and or cultic organizations, including Masonry, Witchcraft and Mormonism and all regalia, aprons, books of rituals, rings and other jewelry. I renounce the effects of these or other objects of Masonry, such as the compass, the square, the noose or the blindfold, have had on me or my family, in Jesus Name
All participants should now be invited to sincerely carry out the following:
(1) Symbolically remove the blindfold (hoodwink) and give it to the Lord for disposal.
(2) In the same way, symbolically remove the veil of mourning.
(3) Symbolically cut and remove the noose from around the neck, gather it up with the cable-tow running down the body and give it all to the Lord for His disposal.
(4) Renounce the false Freemasonry marriage covenant, removing from the 4thfinger of the right hand the ring of this false marriage covenant, giving it to the Lord to dispose of it.
(5) Symbolically remove the chains and bondages of Freemasonry from your body.
(6) Symbolically remove all Freemasonry regalia and armour, especially the Apron.
(7) Repent of and seek forgiveness for having walked on all unholy ground, including Freemasonry lodges and temples, including any Mormon or other occult/Masonic organizations.
(8) Symbolically remove the ball and chain from the ankles.
(9) Proclaim that "Satan and his demons no longer have any legal rights to mislead and manipulate me because I have repented and proclaim Jesus as my Lord, my Saviour and my only source of Truth."
Holy Spirit, I ask that you show me anything else which I need to do or to pray so that I and my family may be totally free from the consequences of the sins of Masonry, Witchcraft, Mormonism and Paganism.
Now dear Father God. I ask humbly for the blood of Jesus Christ, your Son, to cleanse me from all these sins I have confessed and renounced, to cleanse my spirit, my soul, my mind, my emotions and every part of my body which has been affected by these sins. In Jesus' name.
I renounce every evil spirit associated with Masonry, Witchcraft and all other sins. I command in The name of Jesus Christ for Satan and every evil spirit to be bound and to leave me now, touching or harming no-one, and go to the place appointed for you by the Lord Jesus, never to return to me or my family. I call on the name of the Lord Jesus to be delivered of these spirits, in accordance with the many promises of the Bible. I ask to be delivered of every spirit of sickness. Infirmity, curse, affliction, addiction, disease or allergy associated with these sins I have confessed and renounced. I surrender to God's Holy Spirit and to no other spirit all the places in my life where these sins have been. I ask you, Lord, to baptize me in your Holy Spirit now according to the promises in your Word. I take to myself the whole armour of God in accordance with Ephesians Chapter Six and rejoice in its protection as Jesus surrounds me and fills me with His Holy Spirit. I enthrone you, Lord Jesus, in my heart, for you are my Lord and my Saviour, the source of eternal life. Thank you, Father God, for your mercy, your forgiveness and your love, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
NOTE:
Christians should pray for Masons without judging them. Bring their sins to God in an attitude of love, petitioning the Father for His mercy, binding in the name of Jesus Christ the spirits of deception, antichrist, witchcraft and death. Most men have no perception of the spiritual deception they have entered.
Please remember that 'We do not wrestle against flesh and blood (your loved ones) but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places,' (Ephesians 6:12)
(The preceding prayer is taken from 'Unmasking Freemasonry - Removing the Hoodwink' by Selwyn Stevens. (ISBN 09583417-3-7) published by Jubilee Publishers. PO Box 36-044, Wellington 6330, New Zealand. Copying of this prayer is both permitted and encouraged provided reference is made to where it comes from.)
1st Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the First or Entered Apprentice degree, especially their effects on the throat and tongue. I renounce the Hoodwink, the blindfold, and its effects, on emotions and eyes, including all confusion, fear of the dark, fear of the light, and fear of sudden noises. I renounce the secret word BOAZ and all it means. I renounce the mixing and mingling of truth and error and the blasphemy of this degree of Masonry. I renounce the noose around the neck, the fear of choking and also every spirit causing asthma, hay fever, emphysema or any other breathing difficulty. I renounce the compass point, sword or spear held against the breast, the fear of death by stabbing pain and the fear of heart attack from this degree. In the name of Jesus Christ I now pray for healing of... (The throat, vocal cords, nasal passages, sinus, bronchial tubes etc.) And for healing of the speech area, and the release of the Word of God to me and through me and my family.
2nd Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the second or Fellow Craft degree of Masonry, especially the curses on the heart and chest. I renounce the secret words JACHIN and SHIBBOLETH and all that these mean. I cut off emotional hardness, apathy, indifference, unbelief, and deep anger from my family and me. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray for the healing of the chest/lung/heart area and also for the healing of my emotions, and ask to be made sensitive to the Holy Spirit of God.
3rd Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the third or Master Mason degree, especially the curses on the stomach and womb area. I renounce the secret words MAIIA BONE, MACHABE-N, MACHBINNA and TUBAL CAIN, and all that they mean. I renounce the Spirit of Death from the blows to the head enacted as ritual murder, the fear of death, false martyrdom, fear of violent gang attack, assault or rape; and the helplessness of this degree. I renounce the falling into the coffin or stretcher involved in the ritual of murder. I renounce the false resurrection of this degree, because only Jesus Christ is the Resurrection and the Life! I also renounce the blasphemous kissing of the Bible on a Witchcraft oath. I cut off all spirits of death, witchcraft and deception and in the name of Jesus Christ I pray for the healing of the stomach, gall bladder, womb, liver and any other organs of my body affected by Masonry. I ask for a release of compassion and understanding for my family and me.
Holy Royal Arch Degree
I renounce and forsake the oaths taken and The curses involved in the Holy Royal Arch Degree of Masonry, especially the oath regarding the removal of the head from the body and the exposing of the brains to the hot sun. I renounce the Mark Lodge, and the mark in the form of squares and angles, which marks the person for life. I also reject the jewel or talisman that may have been made from this mark sign and worn at lodge meetings. I renounce the false secret name of God, JAHBULON, and the password, AMMI RUHAMAH and all they mean. I renounce the false communion or Eucharist taken in this degree, and all the mockery, skepticism and unbelief about the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary. I cut off all these curses and their effects on my family and me in the name of Jesus Christ, and I pray for healing of the brain, the mind etc.
18th Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the eighteenth degree of Masonry, the Most Wise Sovereign Knight of the Pelican and the Eagle and Sovereign Prince Rose Croix of Heredom. I renounce and reject the Pelican witchcraft spirit, as well as the occult influence of the Rosicrucians and the Kabbala in this degree. I renounce the claim that the death of Jesus Christ was a 'dire calamity', and also the deliberate mockery and twisting of the Christian doctrine of the Atonement. I renounce the blasphemy and rejection of the deity of Jesus Christ and the secret words IGNE NATURA RENOVATUR INTEGRA and its burning. I renounce the mockery of the communion taken in this degree, including a biscuit, salt and white wine.
30th Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the thirtieth degree of Masonry, the Grand Knight Kadosh and Knight of the Black and White Eagle. I renounce the password, 'STIBIUM ALKABAR', and all it means.
31st Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the thirty-first degree of Masonry, the Grand Inspector Inquisitor Commander. I renounce all the gods and goddesses of Egypt which are honored in this degree, including Anubis with the ram's head, Osiris the Sun god, Isis the sister and wife of 0siris and also the moon goddess. I renounce the Soul of Cheres, the false symbol of immortality, the Chamber of the dead and the false teaching of reincarnation.
32nd Degree
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the thirty-second degree of Masonry, the Sublime Prince of the Royal Secret. I renounce masonry's false trinitarian deity AUM, and its parts, Brahma the creator, Vishnu the preserver and Shiva the destroyer. I renounce the deity of AHURA-MAZDA, the claimed spirit or source of all light, and the worship with fire, which are an abomination to God, and also the drinking from a human skull in many Rites.
York Rite
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the York Rite of Freemasonry, including Mark Master, Past Master, Most Excellent Master, Royal Master, Select Master, Super Excellent Master, the Orders of the Red Cross, the Knights of Malta, and the Knights Templar degrees. I renounce the secret words of JOPPA, KEB RAIOTH, and MAHER-SHALAL-HASH-BAZ. I renounce the vows taken on a human skull, the crossed swords, and the curse and death wish of Judas of having the head cut off and placed on top of a church spire. I renounce the unholy communion and especially of drinking from a human skull in many Rites.
Shriners (America only - doesn't apply in other countries)
I renounce the oaths taken and the curses and penalties involved in the Ancient Arabic Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine. I renounce the piercing of the eyeballs with a three-edged blade, the flaying of the feet, the madness, and the worship of the false god Allah as the god of our fathers. I renounce the hoodwink, the mock hanging, the mock beheading, the mock drinking & the blood of the victim, the mock dog urinating on the initiate, and the offering of urine as a commemoration.
33rd & Supreme Degree
In the name of Jesus Christ I renounce the oaths taken and the curses involved in the supreme Thirty-Third Degree of Freemasonry, the Grand Sovereign Inspector General. I renounce the secret passwords, DEMOLAY-HIRAM ABIFF, FREDERICK OF PRUSSIA, MICHA, MACHA, BEALIM, and ADONAI and all they mean. I renounce all of the obligations of every Masonic degree, and all penalties invoked. I renounce and utterly forsake The Great Architect Of The Universe, who is revealed in the this degree as Lucifer, and his false claim to be the universal fatherhood of God. I renounce the cable-tow around the neck. I renounce the death wish that the wine drunk from a human skull should turn to poison and the skeleton whose cold arms are invited if the oath of this degree is violated. I renounce the three infamous assassins of their grand master, law, property and religion, and the greed and witchcraft involved in the attempt to manipulate and control the rest of mankind. In the name of God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I renounce and break the curses involved in the idolatry, blasphemy, secrecy and deception of Freemasonry at every level, and I appropriate the Blood of Jesus Christ to cleanse all the consequences of these from my life. I now revoke all previous consent given by any of my ancestors or myself to be deceived.
All other degrees
I renounce all the other oaths taken in the rituals of every other degree and the curses involved. I renounce all other lodges and secret societies such as Prince Hall Freemasonry, Mormonism, The Order of Amaranth, Oddfellows, Buffaloes, Druids, Foresters, Orange, Elks, Moose and Eagles Lodges, the Ku Klux Klan, The Grange, the Woodmen of the World, Riders of the Red Robe, the Knights of Pythias, the Mystic Order of the Veiled Prophets of the Enchanted Realm, the women's Orders of the Eastern Star and of the White Shrine of Jerusalem, the girls' order of the Daughters of the Eastern Star, the International Orders of Job's Daughters and of the Rainbow, the boys' Order of De Molay and their effects on me and all my family.
I renounce the ancient pagan teaching and symbolism of the First Tracing Board, the Second Tracing Board and the Third Tracing Board used in the ritual of the Blue Lodge. I renounce the pagan ritual of the 'Point within a Circle' with all its bondages and phallus worship. I renounce the occult mysticism of the black and white mosaic checkered floor with the tessellated boarder and five-pointed blazing star. I renounce the symbol 'G' and it's veiled pagan symbolism and bondages. I renounce and utterly forsake the Great Architect Of The Universe, who is revealed in the higher degrees as Lucifer, and his false claim to be the universal fatherhood of God. I also renounce the false claim that Lucifer is the Morning Star and Shining One and I declare that Jesus Christ is the Bright and Morning Star of Revelation 22:16.
I renounce the All-Seeing Third Eye of Freemasonry or Horus in the forehead and its pagan and occult symbolism. I renounce all false communions taken, all mockery of the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary, all unbelief, confusion and depression and all worship of Lucifer as God. I renounce and forsake the lie of Freemasonry that man is not sinful, but merely imperfect and so can redeem himself through good works. I rejoice that the Bible states that I cannot do a single thing to earn my salvation, but that I can only be saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ and what He accomplished on the Cross of Calvary.
I renounce all fear of insanity, anguish, death wishes, suicide and death in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ conquered death, and He alone holds the keys of death and hell, and I rejoice that He holds my life in His hands now. He came to give me life abundantly and eternally, and I believe His promises.
I renounce all anger, hatred, murderous thoughts, revenge, retaliation, spiritual apathy, false religion, all unbelief, especially unbelief in the Holy Bible as God's Word, and all compromise of God's Word. I renounce all spiritual searching into false religions and all striving to please God, I rest in the knowledge that I have found my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and that He has found me.
I will burn all objects in my possession, which connect me with all lodges and or cultic organizations, including Masonry, Witchcraft and Mormonism and all regalia, aprons, books of rituals, rings and other jewelry. I renounce the effects of these or other objects of Masonry, such as the compass, the square, the noose or the blindfold, have had on me or my family, in Jesus Name
All participants should now be invited to sincerely carry out the following:
(2) In the same way, symbolically remove the veil of mourning.
(4) Renounce the false Freemasonry marriage covenant, removing from the 4thfinger of the right hand the ring of this false marriage covenant, giving it to the Lord to dispose of it.
(5) Symbolically remove the chains and bondages of Freemasonry from your body.
(6) Symbolically remove all Freemasonry regalia and armour, especially the Apron.
(7) Repent of and seek forgiveness for having walked on all unholy ground, including Freemasonry lodges and temples, including any Mormon or other occult/Masonic organizations.
(8) Symbolically remove the ball and chain from the ankles.
Holy Spirit, I ask that you show me anything else which I need to do or to pray so that I and my family may be totally free from the consequences of the sins of Masonry, Witchcraft, Mormonism and Paganism.
(Pause, while listening to God, and pray as the Holy Spirit leads you.)
I renounce every evil spirit associated with Masonry, Witchcraft and all other sins. I command in The name of Jesus Christ for Satan and every evil spirit to be bound and to leave me now, touching or harming no-one, and go to the place appointed for you by the Lord Jesus, never to return to me or my family. I call on the name of the Lord Jesus to be delivered of these spirits, in accordance with the many promises of the Bible. I ask to be delivered of every spirit of sickness. Infirmity, curse, affliction, addiction, disease or allergy associated with these sins I have confessed and renounced. I surrender to God's Holy Spirit and to no other spirit all the places in my life where these sins have been. I ask you, Lord, to baptize me in your Holy Spirit now according to the promises in your Word. I take to myself the whole armour of God in accordance with Ephesians Chapter Six and rejoice in its protection as Jesus surrounds me and fills me with His Holy Spirit. I enthrone you, Lord Jesus, in my heart, for you are my Lord and my Saviour, the source of eternal life. Thank you, Father God, for your mercy, your forgiveness and your love, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
NOTE:
Christians should pray for Masons without judging them. Bring their sins to God in an attitude of love, petitioning the Father for His mercy, binding in the name of Jesus Christ the spirits of deception, antichrist, witchcraft and death. Most men have no perception of the spiritual deception they have entered.
Please remember that 'We do not wrestle against flesh and blood (your loved ones) but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places,' (Ephesians 6:12)
This is a spiritual battle and should be treated accordingly.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
5 ways to get over a "cheater"/cheating boyfriend:
-Change your number
-Don't talk to him again ever, knowing YOU are/were the better person in the relationship.
-Grieve privately - be with therapist, friends, family -do NOT grieve to HIM.
-Know that you are/he is now "sloppy seconds" & he WILL cheat again.
-When you are ready, go slow and find a righteous, faithful, honest, kind man to be happy with - this finding happiness and true love really is the best revenge
Sunday, June 5, 2016
This day in 2015
I decided to look in the bag for any that I could still salvage/have or save and dry off
(good spinach wilts when other spinach that are rotten are in there wet with them), and use in the smoothie or a salad.
As I was looking through the bag throwing out the wilted and rotten ones and trying hard to find the good ones, The Lord spoke to me and He said "this is how it will be at the end of the age. You are seeking the good ones. You are seeking the worthy ones, and so do I."
"You paid a high price for these spinach and so did I. I paid a very high price too. Higher than this as I gave my one and only Son."
"(my name), my child, do you see how if you look hard through the whole bag you can see the good green ones? They stand out. You notice how you want to just get it over with and get the ones that are good and are ready to give up?" I WAS getting impatient, because finding perfect spinach leaves in a bag of rotting ones is slow and tedious work.
God said, "I have more patience. I do not want ANY to be thrown away." "This goodness and differences is how apparent the differences will be at the end of the age."
It was so weird an experience but it was awesome to be with Him while just making a smoothie. :).
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
3 Song Faves A Day
A song in this playlist today has me dancing. It is nice to be able to let go of fears and frustrations with illness and just dance. :) Oh, how I used to love to engage in the dance!
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Mug Cake Is AMAZING
Wow! Why did I not get into the mug cake phenomenon until now?! When I would see pictures of mug cakes floating around on Pinterest I always thought, "Seriously? Come on! Yuck! How could a cake be made in the microwave and actually taste gooood?"
Well, I am here to tell you mug cake works! It IS a mini cake and works to satisfy ANY sweet craving instantly and in a small way. Not only does it work, it works for me!
Being sick, .. No. Having been sick and recovering (fighting back!) from my illness; eating a gluten free, sugar free, fruit free, and dairy free diet is VERY HARD and this modification** for cake is --well, it is incredible. It’s brilliant. #gamechanger It’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, and I would know, I used to be able to eat bread.
I think I may gain 5 pounds this month from this method of making cake. I will be posting some of my lil Mug Cakes so far. At 6 ingredients, 2-3 mins prep and usually a 1.5-2 min cook time, you could likely try one right now... but stay tuned! 💪🏻
*My modifications are stevia, xylitol or manuka honey for the sweeteners - only these, not erythritol, which is a corn sugar. *Coconut or almond flour for the flours *Homemade almond or coconut milk for the milks. *Flax eggs or eggs for the egg.
Here is a video of my broadcast on Younow making mug cakes for ignorant almond flour cooking viewers. :)
Here is a video of my broadcast on Younow making mug cakes for ignorant almond flour cooking viewers. :)
And then there is a little joy moment. A 2 minute mug cake, easy peasy, easy does it one day at a time to make us smile on those hard days. Just don't put the silverware in the fridge or look for the almond milk in the cupboard like me. 😛
Here is the first mug recipe. An 8 oz or 10 oz mug works fine for me.
Avocado Brownie Mug Cake
Ingredients:
4 1/2 tbsp flour (coconut or almond)
4 tbsp xylitol or stevia to taste
1/8 tsp baking powder
(Corn free, alcohol free)
2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tbsp mashed avocado (a little less than half a medium avocado)
3 tbsp fat almond or coconut milk
Directions:
Mash avocado very well/smooth
Mix all ingredients into an oversized mug with a small whisk until smooth.
Cook for about 1 1/2 minutes in microwave until cake is cooked. (Cook may times vary on microwave strength)
Let cake cool in mug before eating.
3 Song Faves A Day
This day is filled with hope and joy and energy!! Mental and let's try to see how far we can also physically go today!
(copy and paste into browser - listen while we take a moment to focus on this picture =)
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr0yKcklrVpf_PSlW__5QEz_0wjoPRnci
(copy and paste into browser - listen while we take a moment to focus on this picture =)
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr0yKcklrVpf_PSlW__5QEz_0wjoPRnci
Friday, May 13, 2016
3 Song Faves A Day
Here are my 3 favorite songs for today. Play them and listen with hope and I hope they bring a smile. Copy and paste this one into your browser. (link is wonky)
Here I will take a moment to prepare for getting well. Every journey begins with small steps.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr0yKcklrVpf_PSlW__5QEz_0wjoPRnci
Here I will take a moment to prepare for getting well. Every journey begins with small steps.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr0yKcklrVpf_PSlW__5QEz_0wjoPRnci
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Are There Lessons in My Suffering? - My 4 Questions
This week I began a very introspective study and reading the Word like I often do in these crazy symptom filled times of pain and frustration. In this self-study I was asked 4 odd questions, and I decided to answer them as honestly as I could. What I found there has been astonishing, eye opening and perspective changing in hopefully a permanent way. As usual, with my "revelations" I decided to share them here and to hopefully someday maybe benefit someone else.
Here are the questions (I dare anyone to ask them to yourself and share them with me) :P
1) How does this situation I'm in help me to understand more about Christ?
2) How can/ could God be using this situation to produce fruit in me?
3) What character qualities can God develop in me through this situation?
4) Is this situation/(how could this be) God's loving discipline to correct me or to change me to the right path?
Then I meditated each day, in prayer, in reflection, in the Word.. to try to find a possible answer because I fought these questions initially. This is what was shown to me.
1) In what freaking possible way could this absolutely terrible situation be helping me to understand more about Christ?! What do I even really know about Christ?! Romans 8:22, 1 Peter 2:19, Isaiah 53:4, Galatians 4:19, 1 Peter 4:12, Romans 8:18
Christ was obedient to the Father even to death on the cross. He was given by the Father as a sacrifice for sins he did not commit. He too could have said as I often do to the Father "hey, this isn't fair" "why is this happening to ME?" "If you loved me why aren’t you keeping me from this pain/suffering?" He too cried out to the Father day and night as I do, Christ too was in constant prayer as I am, He was the Son of God and YET, yet he too was made to suffer tremendously for my/our many sins. Comparing my suffering to his suffering still there is no match. He knew who he was to the Father, he had confidence in his son ship and trusted in the Father. In suffering, he gave glory to the Father and still thanked and praised Him. This is what is also desired I believe of me. The suffering that Christ endured, I am getting a smaller taste of: extreme physical pain, being ridiculed, feeling sad and depressed often, feeling alone, being mocked, being misunderstood, and more.
Looking at it that way, I could, see this as a trial by affliction, my fulfillment into son ship of the kingdom. I could see it as a loving correction or discipline of learning and refinement from the Father. I could use Christs’ example resisting sin and temptation by the enemy, even unto the shedding of his blood. I could cling to the Father as Christ did, in his desperate hours of suffering, fear and pain; instead of getting so mad at Him. Christ trusted in the Father to his death. It’s not like he was down and that’s what he wanted, it’s what he did not want! He pretty much said “I don’t want to do this, I REALLY don't want to do this, but, your will over mine”. "Your will be done Father". Christ then offered peace and joy knowing what was ahead. Promising us/ME, his believers, that this "must happen for all prophecy to be fulfilled" and to "be glad" as he has "overcome even death" and that He is the way to everlasting life. For peace to be with me/us (not doubt, not anger, not confusion) because he is risen. Luke 24:36-43. Christ didn't mourn his flesh body as much as I mourn my old body and old food. He seemed to know and believe that better was ahead.
2) How I think God could possibly be using this to produce fruit in me maybe by using this situation/illness is to teach me self-control (a fruit of the spirit), to teach me patience (a fruit of the spirit), to learn what it means to truly trust in Him when everything is really falling apart and no end is in sight, to learn to submit to Him/His will, to believe in the promises, to learn how to have strength IN the trial, to learn to have more faith in Him and in myself, to be able to discern, decipher, and withstand the darts/lies that the enemy tells me, to learn to draw closer to Him, to see that I must stop trying to do everything on my own strength /my own way, to learn to cling to his Word, to help me to conquer my feelings of worthlessness, and to see his love for me during this illness. The “situation” for me is: my illness, the poverty that we have suffered because of it, insane food restrictions, not being able to support myself, feeling worthless, alone, afraid, angry because of this illness, the depression and mood swings that chronic illness causes and intense mourning. Constant state of mourning. The loss of my body, the loss of my home/my things, the loss of my dreams, the loss of my previous freedoms with food, the loss of my income, the loss of and separation from others.
3) As angry as I am at this situation, I believe one of the character qualities I see God developing is patience, as well as faith - believing in the trial. Though I wish this could have been done another way - I too, humbly submit to His will. I see that everything related to chronic illness requires freaking patience. I'm not sure what other character qualities as of yet - I don’t like my new PTSD qualities and my frustrations with others. I don’t like my irritability or fits of anger.
I must have patience. An increase somehow in patience. Patience and trust in God, patience with my bf who does his best and patience with the world - slow to have tests and a cure and solid understanding and even belief in the existence of this illness I have. I must have patience waiting for the meds to work, trying different methods to see what will kill these things, to continue to try when its hopeless and patience with myself when I fail at perfectly doing this journey (as if that was possible). I must have patience as I am constantly misjudged, misunderstood, lied about, have my health concerns invalidated, called names, as I am questioned for my choices, and as I am the entire time suffering greatly physically - but silently. This illness is inside me and affects all parts of my body, but stealthy where no one can "see" I’m sick.
I must strive for more patience as I constantly must forgo food I love and miss and desire and watch others eat, as I feel left out, as I miss out on events of friends/family, miss out on things I really want to do, and what I want to be is not who I am now or yet even physically possible. I must be patient as I watch my body deteriorate, my previous abilities wane, and my semblance of my previous life set out to pretty much die a cold hard death.
I must have patience as I attempt to rebuild another life in THIS new sick body - rebuild what I can as much as I can to health and patience to learn to let go of any expectations of wellness or thinking too much of unknown things. I must have patience as I try to remain positive with every set back, relapse in health and increasing and worsening symptoms. I must remain patient constantly looking for the thread of hope in the day. Though I definitely don’t like it, or even understand - I bow to His Sovereignty as I learn patience (and who knows what else?) in this pain and suffering.
4) Is this situation God's discipline or a correcting of my path? Pain -1 Pet. 4:12-13, Hebrews 5:7-8, Romans 8:22, Job 30:17, 33:19, Lamentations 3:19, Isaiah 53:3-4, Psalm 38:3, Psalm 12:5, Prov. 20:30
How could this situation possibly be a loving discipline/teaching? I think this situation could be a teaching on how to have compassion for future others I may meet, how to go to God, how to be strong, how to be gentle (through watching bf's caring, self-sacrifice and kindness), how to be consistent, how to have self-control, how to pray in earnest, how to be selfless while practicing self care, how to practice faith actively when there is no reason to try or evidence of "results" to cling to, how to be forgiving of others who insult me, lie about me, call me names, misunderstand me / my situation, don't believe me, misjudge me and mistreat me, how to trust Him. What it means to choose to believe. To choose to have faith. To choose to see the blessing.
How could this situation be His correction of my path? Prov 15:5, Job 5:17, 33:19, Prov 29:!9, Deut. 8:5, 2 Tim 2:25, 2 Tim 3:16
Well, what path was I on? Where was I? I started answering this with lists. I love lists. If I had not fallen ill... I would be:
I would still be working in the stressful Finance industry in Bev Hills by now making a bit more “comfortable” $60k. SO and I were spending a lot of time apart, he at Sketchers’, me at work and school, music practice and at that time we rarely ever made time for each other. I often felt uncared for, and unloved and we weren’t talking so it’s very likely my temptation at work might have grown stronger, and I might have been tempted by lusting after my coworker and left SO for an unbeliever. I might have been so focused on school, music and success that I'd stubbornly have “forged ahead” rebelliously without thinking of God. I might have gotten successful strides in music and fallen away to the cares and riches of this world. I might have fallen victim to a false teaching at my or another church. I could have fallen into sin with an unbeliever, later gotten sad about falling away and committed suicide. I might have spent my money foolishly or become a false Christian. Attending church (or not) engaging in ministry, singing "worship songs" but have/made no real time to spend with God or learning and applying his Word or speaking to others about how knowing Him has caused amazing changes in my life and helping or caring for others.
I would have likely also had my bodybuilding as an idol - instead of prayer and being in the Word, I was much stronger than I am now, working out often and so exercise research, measurements and progress photos would have replaced my time with Him. I probably would have definitely been more preoccupied with food macros and perfect quantities, instead of fellow-shipping with believers and service to Him. I could have likely continued to be abused by my boss and manager rationalizing as I used to that "I'm on my hustle to get this music out there/can't stop the grind til I’m where I want to be / I can sleep when I’m dead" continuing solely "just doing it for the money, then I'm out!” Dangerously further reinforcing my false early childhood beliefs of what I am worth, where my security comes from and what I "need" to be "happy".
If I hadn’t fallen ill, I know that I would have still falsely believed that I needed my clothes, my bed, a dresser, family, my large walk in closet, a nice car, nice furniture, accessible parking, bags of accessories and makeup, a kitchen, friends, a comfortable large apartment, 100's of pairs of shoes, belts and purses, shampoo and moisturizers, hair dyes, CD’s, DVD’s, pictures, and many more objects that I've lost and realized I don't actually NEED anything - I desired them.
If I hadn’t fallen ill, I would not have ever learned that when Jesus says "don’t worry about your clothes or what you will eat", that "the Father will provide" he means exactly that. I always heard it, but I would not have learned how true that actually is! If I had not gotten ill, I would still think that I need to look good all the time, be sexy, measure up to be loved, that how it looks are most important, that music industry idolatry and celebrity status is desirable to achieve, I would have continued to think/believe falsely without question (as I am questioning now) that I needed to be accepted, respected and loved by the world and that without the security of money - there is nothing else left really.
If I had not gotten sick, I likely never would have questioned my songs or whether my desired "godly message" was even correct/or biblical. Being well and healthy, I most definitely would have continued to strive for and trying for success and with every failure or let down inwardly, never showing it, I would have felt worse about myself and possibly even lost my view of my salvation.
I might have become more tolerant over time of sinful songs at my job (we were listening 8 hours a day/5 days a week) and began singing them or also began a low grade alcohol addiction by attending our many co-worker bonding "happy hours" which often turned to drunken debauchery, selfies and attention seeking.
It's highly likely that the more money I made, differing environments and my connections with wealthier people it might have eventually somewhat influenced me to spend in the wrong way or see others differently. I might have become a miser with my large amounts of money, hoarding it all for "the rainy day" and not sharing it, eating lavishly and growing in disdain over time and possibly having less compassion for those less fortunate than me.
Without a doubt, if I had not gotten ill, I DEFINITELY would have finished my damned last class left to my Associates degree and then on to my Bachelor's degree! I likely would have taken a Philosophy class which could have served to make me question God's existence and truths and trade my truth/experience with the Almighty for questions and assumptions in the face of new “information”/worldly ”wisdom”. I would have likely moved closer to my school Pepperdine or San Diego, and left my best friends I’ve ever known behind. I would have constantly been meeting new people and still had a laser like focus on getting A's no matter what, keeping my 4.0 and being perfect. Studying constantly, overworking myself, and driving forward ruthlessly toward a perceived "success" which was constantly shapeshifting.
If I had not gotten ill, and very likely influenced daily by being in school with people younger than me, I would likely have started getting depressed/worried about my "aging" and started striving for relevance and chasing youth/beauty; instead of godliness and humility. I might have also continued comparing myself to other women/people and began chasing more material possessions instead of keeping my eyes focused and fixed on the perfecter of my faith - who said" do not worry about your life, your heavenly Father knows what you need before you even ask Him. Seek FIRST the kingdom."
These are just some of my "paths" I could have been on (knowing myself, my goals at the time and the way I used to think) had my path, my whole LIFE really, NOT come to a COMPLETE HALT and changed direction by getting this illness.
Hbu?
Here are the questions (I dare anyone to ask them to yourself and share them with me) :P
1) How does this situation I'm in help me to understand more about Christ?
2) How can/ could God be using this situation to produce fruit in me?
3) What character qualities can God develop in me through this situation?
4) Is this situation/(how could this be) God's loving discipline to correct me or to change me to the right path?
Then I meditated each day, in prayer, in reflection, in the Word.. to try to find a possible answer because I fought these questions initially. This is what was shown to me.
1) In what freaking possible way could this absolutely terrible situation be helping me to understand more about Christ?! What do I even really know about Christ?! Romans 8:22, 1 Peter 2:19, Isaiah 53:4, Galatians 4:19, 1 Peter 4:12, Romans 8:18
Christ was obedient to the Father even to death on the cross. He was given by the Father as a sacrifice for sins he did not commit. He too could have said as I often do to the Father "hey, this isn't fair" "why is this happening to ME?" "If you loved me why aren’t you keeping me from this pain/suffering?" He too cried out to the Father day and night as I do, Christ too was in constant prayer as I am, He was the Son of God and YET, yet he too was made to suffer tremendously for my/our many sins. Comparing my suffering to his suffering still there is no match. He knew who he was to the Father, he had confidence in his son ship and trusted in the Father. In suffering, he gave glory to the Father and still thanked and praised Him. This is what is also desired I believe of me. The suffering that Christ endured, I am getting a smaller taste of: extreme physical pain, being ridiculed, feeling sad and depressed often, feeling alone, being mocked, being misunderstood, and more.
Looking at it that way, I could, see this as a trial by affliction, my fulfillment into son ship of the kingdom. I could see it as a loving correction or discipline of learning and refinement from the Father. I could use Christs’ example resisting sin and temptation by the enemy, even unto the shedding of his blood. I could cling to the Father as Christ did, in his desperate hours of suffering, fear and pain; instead of getting so mad at Him. Christ trusted in the Father to his death. It’s not like he was down and that’s what he wanted, it’s what he did not want! He pretty much said “I don’t want to do this, I REALLY don't want to do this, but, your will over mine”. "Your will be done Father". Christ then offered peace and joy knowing what was ahead. Promising us/ME, his believers, that this "must happen for all prophecy to be fulfilled" and to "be glad" as he has "overcome even death" and that He is the way to everlasting life. For peace to be with me/us (not doubt, not anger, not confusion) because he is risen. Luke 24:36-43. Christ didn't mourn his flesh body as much as I mourn my old body and old food. He seemed to know and believe that better was ahead.
2) How I think God could possibly be using this to produce fruit in me maybe by using this situation/illness is to teach me self-control (a fruit of the spirit), to teach me patience (a fruit of the spirit), to learn what it means to truly trust in Him when everything is really falling apart and no end is in sight, to learn to submit to Him/His will, to believe in the promises, to learn how to have strength IN the trial, to learn to have more faith in Him and in myself, to be able to discern, decipher, and withstand the darts/lies that the enemy tells me, to learn to draw closer to Him, to see that I must stop trying to do everything on my own strength /my own way, to learn to cling to his Word, to help me to conquer my feelings of worthlessness, and to see his love for me during this illness. The “situation” for me is: my illness, the poverty that we have suffered because of it, insane food restrictions, not being able to support myself, feeling worthless, alone, afraid, angry because of this illness, the depression and mood swings that chronic illness causes and intense mourning. Constant state of mourning. The loss of my body, the loss of my home/my things, the loss of my dreams, the loss of my previous freedoms with food, the loss of my income, the loss of and separation from others.
3) As angry as I am at this situation, I believe one of the character qualities I see God developing is patience, as well as faith - believing in the trial. Though I wish this could have been done another way - I too, humbly submit to His will. I see that everything related to chronic illness requires freaking patience. I'm not sure what other character qualities as of yet - I don’t like my new PTSD qualities and my frustrations with others. I don’t like my irritability or fits of anger.
I must have patience. An increase somehow in patience. Patience and trust in God, patience with my bf who does his best and patience with the world - slow to have tests and a cure and solid understanding and even belief in the existence of this illness I have. I must have patience waiting for the meds to work, trying different methods to see what will kill these things, to continue to try when its hopeless and patience with myself when I fail at perfectly doing this journey (as if that was possible). I must have patience as I am constantly misjudged, misunderstood, lied about, have my health concerns invalidated, called names, as I am questioned for my choices, and as I am the entire time suffering greatly physically - but silently. This illness is inside me and affects all parts of my body, but stealthy where no one can "see" I’m sick.
I must strive for more patience as I constantly must forgo food I love and miss and desire and watch others eat, as I feel left out, as I miss out on events of friends/family, miss out on things I really want to do, and what I want to be is not who I am now or yet even physically possible. I must be patient as I watch my body deteriorate, my previous abilities wane, and my semblance of my previous life set out to pretty much die a cold hard death.
I must have patience as I attempt to rebuild another life in THIS new sick body - rebuild what I can as much as I can to health and patience to learn to let go of any expectations of wellness or thinking too much of unknown things. I must have patience as I try to remain positive with every set back, relapse in health and increasing and worsening symptoms. I must remain patient constantly looking for the thread of hope in the day. Though I definitely don’t like it, or even understand - I bow to His Sovereignty as I learn patience (and who knows what else?) in this pain and suffering.
4) Is this situation God's discipline or a correcting of my path? Pain -1 Pet. 4:12-13, Hebrews 5:7-8, Romans 8:22, Job 30:17, 33:19, Lamentations 3:19, Isaiah 53:3-4, Psalm 38:3, Psalm 12:5, Prov. 20:30
How could this situation possibly be a loving discipline/teaching? I think this situation could be a teaching on how to have compassion for future others I may meet, how to go to God, how to be strong, how to be gentle (through watching bf's caring, self-sacrifice and kindness), how to be consistent, how to have self-control, how to pray in earnest, how to be selfless while practicing self care, how to practice faith actively when there is no reason to try or evidence of "results" to cling to, how to be forgiving of others who insult me, lie about me, call me names, misunderstand me / my situation, don't believe me, misjudge me and mistreat me, how to trust Him. What it means to choose to believe. To choose to have faith. To choose to see the blessing.
How could this situation be His correction of my path? Prov 15:5, Job 5:17, 33:19, Prov 29:!9, Deut. 8:5, 2 Tim 2:25, 2 Tim 3:16
Well, what path was I on? Where was I? I started answering this with lists. I love lists. If I had not fallen ill... I would be:
I would still be working in the stressful Finance industry in Bev Hills by now making a bit more “comfortable” $60k. SO and I were spending a lot of time apart, he at Sketchers’, me at work and school, music practice and at that time we rarely ever made time for each other. I often felt uncared for, and unloved and we weren’t talking so it’s very likely my temptation at work might have grown stronger, and I might have been tempted by lusting after my coworker and left SO for an unbeliever. I might have been so focused on school, music and success that I'd stubbornly have “forged ahead” rebelliously without thinking of God. I might have gotten successful strides in music and fallen away to the cares and riches of this world. I might have fallen victim to a false teaching at my or another church. I could have fallen into sin with an unbeliever, later gotten sad about falling away and committed suicide. I might have spent my money foolishly or become a false Christian. Attending church (or not) engaging in ministry, singing "worship songs" but have/made no real time to spend with God or learning and applying his Word or speaking to others about how knowing Him has caused amazing changes in my life and helping or caring for others.
I would have likely also had my bodybuilding as an idol - instead of prayer and being in the Word, I was much stronger than I am now, working out often and so exercise research, measurements and progress photos would have replaced my time with Him. I probably would have definitely been more preoccupied with food macros and perfect quantities, instead of fellow-shipping with believers and service to Him. I could have likely continued to be abused by my boss and manager rationalizing as I used to that "I'm on my hustle to get this music out there/can't stop the grind til I’m where I want to be / I can sleep when I’m dead" continuing solely "just doing it for the money, then I'm out!” Dangerously further reinforcing my false early childhood beliefs of what I am worth, where my security comes from and what I "need" to be "happy".
If I hadn’t fallen ill, I know that I would have still falsely believed that I needed my clothes, my bed, a dresser, family, my large walk in closet, a nice car, nice furniture, accessible parking, bags of accessories and makeup, a kitchen, friends, a comfortable large apartment, 100's of pairs of shoes, belts and purses, shampoo and moisturizers, hair dyes, CD’s, DVD’s, pictures, and many more objects that I've lost and realized I don't actually NEED anything - I desired them.
If I hadn’t fallen ill, I would not have ever learned that when Jesus says "don’t worry about your clothes or what you will eat", that "the Father will provide" he means exactly that. I always heard it, but I would not have learned how true that actually is! If I had not gotten ill, I would still think that I need to look good all the time, be sexy, measure up to be loved, that how it looks are most important, that music industry idolatry and celebrity status is desirable to achieve, I would have continued to think/believe falsely without question (as I am questioning now) that I needed to be accepted, respected and loved by the world and that without the security of money - there is nothing else left really.
If I had not gotten sick, I likely never would have questioned my songs or whether my desired "godly message" was even correct/or biblical. Being well and healthy, I most definitely would have continued to strive for and trying for success and with every failure or let down inwardly, never showing it, I would have felt worse about myself and possibly even lost my view of my salvation.
I might have become more tolerant over time of sinful songs at my job (we were listening 8 hours a day/5 days a week) and began singing them or also began a low grade alcohol addiction by attending our many co-worker bonding "happy hours" which often turned to drunken debauchery, selfies and attention seeking.
It's highly likely that the more money I made, differing environments and my connections with wealthier people it might have eventually somewhat influenced me to spend in the wrong way or see others differently. I might have become a miser with my large amounts of money, hoarding it all for "the rainy day" and not sharing it, eating lavishly and growing in disdain over time and possibly having less compassion for those less fortunate than me.
Without a doubt, if I had not gotten ill, I DEFINITELY would have finished my damned last class left to my Associates degree and then on to my Bachelor's degree! I likely would have taken a Philosophy class which could have served to make me question God's existence and truths and trade my truth/experience with the Almighty for questions and assumptions in the face of new “information”/worldly ”wisdom”. I would have likely moved closer to my school Pepperdine or San Diego, and left my best friends I’ve ever known behind. I would have constantly been meeting new people and still had a laser like focus on getting A's no matter what, keeping my 4.0 and being perfect. Studying constantly, overworking myself, and driving forward ruthlessly toward a perceived "success" which was constantly shapeshifting.
If I had not gotten ill, and very likely influenced daily by being in school with people younger than me, I would likely have started getting depressed/worried about my "aging" and started striving for relevance and chasing youth/beauty; instead of godliness and humility. I might have also continued comparing myself to other women/people and began chasing more material possessions instead of keeping my eyes focused and fixed on the perfecter of my faith - who said" do not worry about your life, your heavenly Father knows what you need before you even ask Him. Seek FIRST the kingdom."
These are just some of my "paths" I could have been on (knowing myself, my goals at the time and the way I used to think) had my path, my whole LIFE really, NOT come to a COMPLETE HALT and changed direction by getting this illness.
Hbu?
Friday, May 6, 2016
"Treatment" is decades away - survive the very best way you can - What Morgellons Feels Like
Medically speaking, that is. For those suffering from Morgellons
coinfection, I want you to know that I do believe you. Even though no one else
may understand. You are not alone. You are not crazy, there are very real
processes happening to your body that are simply unexplainable right now.
You take charge of your healing and find what will work for you, your
body. With that in mind, I hope this link helps you.
Also, I have written a How It Feels meme for the Morgellons
Coinfection. A description for normal people of what our life is like living
with this illness . :) Did I cover everything?
How
it feels to have MORGELLONS
Imagine day and night being surrounded by thousands & thousands
of hungry red fire-ants you cannot get away from.
Then, imagine these fire-ants intermittently biting at you whenever you
are relaxed, sleeping or stop moving.
Then, imagine being blind and you feel stings, hard pinching/stuck w/ a
needle in multiple places, simultaneously (from a scorpion) you rationally try
to look for "something", but cannot "see". Then, imagine
that worms/snakes (or any insect you fear) are crawling through your body hair,
ears, nose, eyes, and face - day AND night.
Then, imagine breaking out ("pimples" look like mosquito
bites) anywhere on your body with a intense feeling of the worst case of
chicken pox/jock itch, so intense that it does not allow you to focus on
anything/anyone then, imagine, this intense itch comes on anywhere at any time,
but you cannot scratch under any circumstances!
Then, imagine having gaping oozing holes open up randomly on your once
beautiful taut unbroken, umpimpled, skin that is extremely painful and when you
try desperately to go get medical answers and help - you are told you did it to
yourself or it's not real or you are accused of being a meth addict; though you
have never done meth in your life.
Then, imagine that you are randomly being poked at by a child's finger
FROM THE INSIDE of your skin.
Next, imagine, as you try to get help daily watching your body
& cognition deteriorate; you were just quick witted and active you now
can barely add or move & your hair has changed to gray overnight thanks to these invisible things taking not only minerals u need but starving ur body of melanin and messing with your hormones.
Then, imagine losing a parent, or loved one; the intense sadness and
fear that you never have experienced anything like this in your life to compare
this to, and you cry daily for the loss/confusion of not only your lifestyle,
your mind, your money, career, relationships, but your actual body and as night
comes you begin to dread what you will feel.
Now, put all that together imagine that you go to bed tonight feeling
"normal" and comfortable in your skin and wake up tomorrow in the
body above.
Put all that together imagining once more that you experience these
things daily mostly in silence, and for YEARS with NO financial help, and in
shame, feeling constant loss, grief & sadness, no one understands nor
would believe you and you learn by current scientific research available that
there is NO CURE..
That's sort of what it feels like having Morgellons.
PS - If you really want to jump in my shoes, also now imagine that you
have Lyme Disease and it's many added co-infections on top of this one.
No Going Back - Never Be The Same
5/05/16
(Me) 2016 A.D.
I remember the days when I used to walk freely
I remember the days that I enjoyed living in my skin
I remember the days of clarity and intelligence
the days of passion I miss
I remember the days I didn't have sores and crawling worms
I remember the days I could dance, jump, run and sing
I remember the days I had no food restrictions and could eat anything
the days of breath I miss
I remember the days when I used to sleep soundly
I remember the days I could love without a care
I remember the days I would stay up late nights
the days of freedom I miss
Where is that woman now? What happened to her?
She is a barely recognizable shell of her former self
She has been replaced by a frail and sick old woman
who is longing for her death and time to finally come.
Days that are left behind cannot be pondered on for too long
as it is the hard days ahead are all that remain
Though it was just 2 years ago everything has changed
and there is no going back. She will never be the same.
Am I living the life of Job? Surely! Though for some reason it feels so. I am acutely aware of everything single thing Job describes in such a personal way.
-------------------------------------------
(Job) Book of Job 1900 to 1700 BC
(Me) 2016 A.D.
I remember the days when I used to walk freely
I remember the days that I enjoyed living in my skin
I remember the days of clarity and intelligence
the days of passion I miss
I remember the days I didn't have sores and crawling worms
I remember the days I could dance, jump, run and sing
I remember the days I had no food restrictions and could eat anything
the days of breath I miss
I remember the days when I used to sleep soundly
I remember the days I could love without a care
I remember the days I would stay up late nights
the days of freedom I miss
Where is that woman now? What happened to her?
She is a barely recognizable shell of her former self
She has been replaced by a frail and sick old woman
who is longing for her death and time to finally come.
Days that are left behind cannot be pondered on for too long
as it is the hard days ahead are all that remain
Though it was just 2 years ago everything has changed
and there is no going back. She will never be the same.
Am I living the life of Job? Surely! Though for some reason it feels so. I am acutely aware of everything single thing Job describes in such a personal way.
-------------------------------------------
(Job) Book of Job 1900 to 1700 BC
Like a slave longing for the evening shadows,
or a hired laborer waiting to be paid,
3so I have been allotted months of futility,
and nights of misery have been assigned to me.
4When I lie down I think, ‘How long before I get up?’
The night drags on, and I toss and turn until dawn.
5My body is clothed with worms and scabs,
my skin is broken and festering.
6“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle,
and they come to an end without hope.
7Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath;
my eyes will never see happiness again.
8The eye that now sees me will see me no longer;
you will look for me, but I will be no more.
9As a cloud vanishes and is gone,
so one who goes down to the grave does not return.
Therefore I will not keep silent;
I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
12Am I the sea, or the monster of the deep,
that you put me under guard?
13When I think my bed will comfort me
and my couch will ease my complaint,
14even then you frighten me with dreams
and terrify me with visions,
15so that I prefer strangling and death,
rather than this body of mine.
16I despise my life; I would not live forever.
Let me alone; my days have no meaning.
16“And now my life ebbs away;
days of suffering grip me.
17Night pierces my bones;
my gnawing pains never rest.
he binds me like the neck of my garment.
19He throws me into the mud,
and I am reduced to dust and ashes.
Chapter 19
20“I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer;
I stand up, but you merely look at me.
21You turn on me ruthlessly;
with the might of your hand you attack me.
22You snatch me up and drive me before the wind;
you toss me about in the storm.
23I know you will bring me down to death,
to the place appointed for all the living.
24“Surely no one lays a hand on a broken man
when he cries for help in his distress.
25Have I not wept for those in trouble?
Has not my soul grieved for the poor?
26Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came darkness.
27The churning inside me never stops;
days of suffering confront me.
28I go about blackened, but not by the sun;
I stand up in the assembly and cry for help.
29I have become a brother of jackals,
a companion of owls.
30My skin grows black and peels;
my body burns with fever.
31My lyre is tuned to mourning,
and my pipe to the sound of wailing.
Lyme Symptoms
Bartonella Symptoms
Babesia Symptoms
Mycoplasma Symptoms
Morgellons Symptoms
AIDS Symptoms (lest anyone forget! another disease that was at one time unexplained, accused falsely, had no cure)
God is at work in me through this illness until my end. He is, in pain, teaching me patience (a fruit of the spirit). I am going to die soon, I can feel it. Though I am mocked, misjudged, misunderstood and disrespected with my illness by others. I feel it. I cannot explain it, but for the first time in my life I can actually FEEL death.
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